“They’re ready to move Skye, as soon as she’s given the go ahead to leave. How’s she doing?”
“She’s OK. She’s getting there.”
“You let her see Theo Blane. You shouldn’t have done that.”
“It was my call, Phil. And I think it would’ve been more detrimental to her if I hadn’t let her see him. I think they both needed some kind of closure.”
“And what about you, huh?”
I look at him out the corner of my eye as I walk into my office. “What about me?”
“Do you need some kind of closure, too?”
I lean back against my desk, gripping the edge tight as I hold his gaze. “I needed to say goodbye.”
“OK. And have you done that now?”
I just look at him. He doesn’t understand, and it doesn’t matter anyway. She’s going soon. Too soon. But there isn’t anything I can do about that.
“Where are they sending her?”
“Canada. Vancouver. Got a house already set up for her, a new passport, papers, everything she needs.”
“Right, well, I’d better get her checked over one more time, then. Let her talk to one of the doctors. He can decide if she’s fit enough to leave.”
“We should be moving her ASAP. For her own safety.”
“I know.”
“So stop stalling. And start preparing her to go.”
He turns to go, but then he stops and turns back to face me.
“And you should go home. Get some sleep. You look like shit.”
I watch him walk away, down the corridor, and I go over to the mirror in the corner of my office and I stare at my reflection. He’s right. I look like crap.
I grab my jacket and head out of the building, jump into my car and drive the short distance home. And just stepping out of that place, getting away from the claustrophobia and the atmosphere – I can already feel my head begin to clear.
Pulling my car into the driveway I realize I probably should’ve stopped to get some food in first, I’ve got no idea what I have in the house that’s even close to edible, but I’m not all that hungry anyway. Besides, I’ve got something I need to do. Food can wait. This can’t.
Skye
They’re sending me to a small town on the outskirts of Vancouver. A new country. A new life. A new start. And I’m relieved, in a way, that they came through for me. That I’m being given that new life they promised me, but I’m also scared. I have to do this completely on my own, and whilst once upon a time that wouldn’t have bothered me, everything that’s happened here, it’s changed me. It got under my skin, and it changed me.
“I’ll be traveling with you, Skye. To Canada. I’ll help you get settled in, make sure you understand everything we’ve told you. And please, believe me when we tell you you’re going to be OK.”
I look at the female marshal who’s been sitting here on my bed for the past half an hour briefing me about everything that’s going to happen in the next few days. And although I’ve listened, I’m not sure how much of it has actually gone in; how much I’ve actually processed. Except the fact I’m being moved to another country. And that I’m never going to see Gabriel again.
“I’ll leave you alone now. Let you get some rest.”
The woman with the gentle voice and the kind eyes gets up off the bed and heads for the door and I watch as she leaves. They’re all treating me with kid gloves right now, after learning what Cole Rockwell did to me. They’re all treating me as though I’m made of glass, like I could break at any second, and those first few hours after they found me, yeah – I did actually feel that fragile. I thought I’d never be able to function properly again, never get over what that twisted, sick freak did to me. And maybe I’m not exactly over it yet, but I’m learning to deal with it; to not let it take over and paralyze me.
I lie back and close my eyes, and all I can hear is my heart beating and the faint sound of chatter outside in the corridors. And I see his face and I breathe in deep and I know that the thing I have to forget isn’t what everyone thinks it is. It isn’t what Cole Rockwell did to me. I will forget that, in time. I need to forget him now. Gabriel. Because if I don’t; if I can’t, then I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to move on.
And I have to move on.
There really is no other choice this time.
Chapter Twenty-One
Gabriel
“You can’t be serious, Gabe.”
“I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
“This is fucking crazy!”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion, Phil. I’m just telling you what I’m about to do.”
“Can you even…? I mean…”
“I’ve spent the last twelve hours sorting this out, talking to people, trying to make it work, trying to see if it’s even possible for this to happen. I’ve been making sure that what I did – that it didn’t jeopardize everything we’ve achieved here. I want this to happen, Phil. I need it to happen. And that’s all that matters.”
“Do you know how idealistic you sound right now?”
“I’ve spent too many years of my life letting this job take over, everything. It’s time to take a step back. Seeing what happened to Skye – how that turned out for her, that was the trigger. That was the catalyst. But, in reality, I think it all started when Erin left. Making her go, finally getting her to face up to what we were never gonna have, that was me waking up, giving myself permission to start doing something for me. And I’m going for what I want now, Phil. No matter what.”
“Jesus. You are fucking serious, aren’t you?”
“Where’s Skye?”
“Where do you think she is? She’s as good as in prison here… Listen, Gabriel. You know they’re due to move her in the next couple of days, right?”
“I know.”
“And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Are any of us ever sure what we’re doing?”
I don’t wait for an answer, because that was very much a rhetorical question. I head off down the corridor to Skye’s room, stopping only for the briefest of seconds outside, resting my forehead against the door and closing my eyes, taking a deep breath before I push it open and walk inside.
She’s sitting on the couch watching a cookery show, and at first she doesn’t shift her eyes from the screen. Not until I speak.
“Skye?”
Her head twists to look at me, and her expression is one of surprise and – I don’t know. Relief? “What are you doing here, Gabriel? I thought…” She shakes her head, her expression changing to one verging on anger, almost. “This isn’t fair.” She turns her attention back to the TV. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I’d told her we wouldn’t be seeing each other again. We couldn’t, see each other again. And at the time I’d meant that. But things, circumstances, they can change in the blink of an eye.
“I need to talk to you, Skye.”
“I thought we’d said all we needed to say.” She still doesn’t shift her eyes from the TV screen.
“We had. But… something’s happened. Things’ve changed.”
She finally turns away from the screen and looks at me, but her expression is one of mistrust now. “What things? What’s happened?”
“Can I sit down?”
“Knock yourself out.”
She’s pulled that barrier right back up again. It’s almost like she’s back to being that smart-mouthed woman she was when I first met her. But maybe that’s just her way of dealing with everything that’s happened; everything that’s about to happen. Or what she thinks is about to happen.
I sit down next to her on the couch and I pick up the remote and I flick off the TV.
“Hey! I was watching that!”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Official business? Because I thought the FBI was done with me now.”
“We are.”
“Then what are you doing here?” She frowns, and I don’t blame her f
or feeling confused.
“When I said I’d fallen in love with you, I meant that.”
“Jesus, Gabriel, please…”
“I’ve got another offer for you, Skye.”
She lets a good few beats go by before she says anything, all the time her eyes never leaving mine. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re still going to Canada, that’s not changing. That can’t change, but…” I drag a hand back through my hair and swallow down an uncharacteristic barrage of nerves. Because saying it out loud is actually going to sound really crazy. “I’ve been given a job, Skye. A new job, if I want it. In Vancouver.”
Her frown deepens, more confusion sweeping across her beautiful but still tired face, those demons she carries around with her now still very much present. “So? Gabriel, I don’t understand…”
“Do you love me, Skye? I mean, really love me?”
“I… Yes. I don’t know, I think so, but I… we can’t…”
“Be together?”
“We can’t be together,” she whispers, her eyes locked on mine, and there are tears slowly running down her cheeks and I reach out and brush them away with my thumb. “What’s happening, Gabriel? I’m confused, and this – you being here, I don’t understand…”
“Do you love me, Skye?”
She stares me down for a few, long beats, her expression never wavering, her eyes cold because she’s scared, I can see that. My appearance has unsettled her, but I need to know. I need to be sure.
“If there was a way we could be together, would you take it?”
The confusion in her eyes, it’s growing now. “I… Yes, but… Yes, Gabriel, I’d take it.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“I… What? How can you…? Gabriel, please, what’s happening?”
“I’m starting again, Skye. With you. If you want me to.”
“But… Shit! Gabriel, I don’t understand. I’m going into witness protection, changing my name, leaving everything I know behind…”
“And I’m willing to do that, too, if it means I can be with you. Because I’m fucking crazy in love with you, girl. Every messed up, beautiful inch of you, and the thought of us becoming two different people, starting a brand new life in a country that knows shit about either of us… You have no idea how much I want that.”
“But you…? I have nothing left here, Gabriel. I have nothing to lose, you were the only thing…” She looks down, her fingers absent mindedly fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “You were the only thing I cared about. Nothing else mattered.” She raises her gaze and stares right into my eyes. “But you aren’t anything like me. You don’t need to run, you have people here, a life…”
I shake my head and reach for her hand, taking it in mine and squeezing it tight. “No, Skye. I had a life. And sure, there are gonna be people I’ll miss, but none that matter enough to make me want to stay.”
“We don’t belong in each others’ worlds, Gabriel. Not really.”
“And those worlds are about to become non-existent, don’t you get that? Everything we once knew is about to be taken away and destroyed. The people we once were, they’re gonna be gone. And we have a chance to start over, make a brand new world of our own…”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“No, baby, it’s gonna be anything but easy. It’s gonna be hard and it’s gonna test us to our absolute limits, but it’s gonna be something we have control over. In the end. We take what they give us, and we make it work, for us.”
“You’re still making it sound so – I dunno. Idealistic?”
I look down at my hand holding hers, and I gently run my thumb over her knuckles. I don’t expect her to understand this straightaway, but she needs to. Soon. If it’s going to happen at all.
“The reality is probably gonna be brutal, Skye, so idealistic is the last thing I want this to sound. But I need you to know that you changed me. You made me see a lot of shit I hadn’t seen before, things I hadn’t realized, about myself… I’m burnt out here. This job, this life, it’s done. I’m done. What happened to you…” I look at her, and her expression – I can’t read it now. It’s like she’s gone blank, wiped all emotion away, and that’s a defensive thing, I understand that. This is messing with her head. It’s messing with mine. “I love you, Skye. It’s that simple.”
“But you… Gabriel, you can’t come back. If you come with me… you can’t come back. Can you?”
I shake my head and drop my gaze briefly again. “No. I can’t.”
“And you’re willing to take that risk? To lose everything…?”
My head shoots up and I feel almost angry that she’s saying this, calling us a risk. Even though it is, a risk. It’s the biggest risk I could ever think of taking.
“I’m not losing anything, Skye.”
“You are.”
I lean into her, and I kiss her, but she pulls back and that feels like a kick to my gut, man, it hurt.
“I can’t ask you to do this, Gabriel. It isn’t fair. And me, I’m not a good person. Have you forgotten why we were thrown together in the first place? I was heading to jail, that’s the kind of woman I am.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“It was my life. You don’t need me. You need to stay, here. You don’t need me.”
“Don’t tell me what I need, Skye. Don’t do that, because you have no idea. I need you…”
“No, you don’t. You really don’t.”
I let go of her hand and I stand up, I’m beyond frustrated now. Why the hell is she fighting this?
Because she’s living in the real world.
Am I really making it all sound too good to be true?
I look at her, and she’s switched the TV back on, she’s blanking me now.
“Skye?”
“You need to go, Gabriel.”
“Is that what you want?”
She doesn’t answer, she just keeps staring at the TV. “You need to go.”
“Is that what you want, Skye?”
She looks down, her fingers clutching the TV remote tightly. “I want all this shit to go away. That’s what I want. I want it all to have never happened.”
“Does that include us, huh? Do you wish we’d never happened?”
She finally looks at me, and her expression breaks my fucking heart. “In a way, yes. And there never really was a ‘we’, was there?”
“There could be. Now. We’ve been given a chance, and all you have to do is reach out and take it.”
She continues to look at me, her eyes never leaving mine, but she stays silent. And I don’t know what to feel. What does she want me to do? To say? To prove to her that I want to do this, no matter how crazy it might seem.
“What kind of job?” Her voice is quiet, almost a whisper, and her eyes are still fixed on mine.
“I’m leaving the FBI, let’s get that straight. This place has taken enough of my life. I’m doing something a little less stressful now. It’s a computing job they’ve given me…”
“They?”
“They’ve organized your new life, Skye. I asked them to organize mine, too.”
She’s having trouble getting her head around any of this, and I really don’t blame her. She thought she was never going to see me again; that she was heading off to Canada alone but she doesn’t have to do that. I don’t want her to do that. I want to be with her. Whatever it takes. And that’s the only thing I need her to understand right now.
“You’re leaving the FBI? Because of me?”
“Not just because of you, Skye. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and I guess you – you were the final kick up the ass I needed, huh?”
“You’re crazy,” she whispers, but there’s a hint of a smile playing at the corner of her mouth now, and it’s the first time I’ve seen her smile – a smile that reaches her eyes, anyway – since we brought her back from that shit hole Cole Rockwell took her to. “I don’t believe this. I don’t believe y
ou’re doing this.”
“I love you that much, Skye.”
“You’re still crazy.”
“I love you, that much.”
“And they’re letting you do this?”
“Took some sorting out, I can’t lie. Something like this has never happened before, not that I’m aware of, anyway, and the shit it could’ve caused – the repercussions it could have had…” I look down and rake a hand through my hair, and I take a long, deep breath. “I think, in a lot of people’s eyes, given the circumstances, it’s better if I’m well out of the way.”
I raise my gaze and I look at her.
“How much trouble could you be in, Gabriel?”
“A lot. If I stay. Everything we’ve worked for could turn to shit, if any of it got out. But it isn’t going to. I struck a deal of my own. One that works for everyone. One that makes sure those bastards still go down.”
“I can’t get my head around this…”
“I don’t think I’ve slept in days… But this can happen, Skye. If you want it to.”
She looks at me. Right at me. And I feel everything from relief to excitement to fear because, yeah, I’m scared. I put everything out there, to make this happen. And it could all have turned out very differently. It still might, turn out differently, if she rejects me. But if she doesn’t – if she wants this… if she wants me…
“I love you. That’s all I know. And I can’t let you go, not without a fight. So I was willing to try anything, to beg if I had to. But I wasn’t gonna watch you walk away, I wasn’t willing to do that.”
She gets up, and she walks over to the small window at the back of the room. “I’m scared, Gabriel.”
I go over to her, and I tentatively reach out to touch her hip and she doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t pull my hand away or give me any indication that she wants me to leave her alone.
“So am I, Skye.”
She leans back against me, and I slide an arm around her, resting my hand against her stomach.
“What if it all falls apart?” she whispers, her fingers sliding between mine and I squeeze her hand that little bit tighter.
“And what if it doesn’t?”
Bound (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 3) Page 22