Razorblade Kisses

by R. L. Griffin

  “Of course.” She grinned. “You know what? I bet that strong police officer will get one too.” She pointed at the officer standing off to the side of the bed.

  The officer nodded once and smiled, showing a dimple just to the left of his mouth. He looked familiar to Emery; she’d probably seen him around.

  “We can take blood, will that work?” the nurse asked.

  “Sure. Right, bud?”

  Lucas nodded hesitantly.

  “I’m sure Officer...”

  “Flemming,” the officer filled in, smiling at Lucas.

  “I’m sure Officer Flemming wouldn’t mind going first. I’m kinda scared myself,” Emery admitted, focusing her attention on Lucas.

  “Sure.” The officer moved farther into the room and quickly unbuttoned his shirt and took off the Kevlar vest he was wearing. He stood in a t-shirt that read Southland Brewery. It was sort of tight and hugged his biceps.

  “I’ve been there. Great beer,” she commented. She finally really looked at him and used every ounce of willpower for her face to not react to his.

  “A buddy of mine from college works there, so I hang out there a bunch,” the officer said, smiling at her. He walked toward the bed and sat in the chair so that the nurse could take blood. She’d gone to get what she needed, so they just sort of sat there awkwardly.

  He held out his hand. “I’m Tim.”

  “Emma Simpson,” she said, taking his hand in hers. It was strong and he had a firm grip. We made out a year ago at a dance club and then I ran from you like a crazy person. She assumed he didn’t recognize her. Emery was glad; she was mortified by her behavior. She went back to holding Lucas.

  Lucas signed that the policeman was staring at her and she laughed. Then he signed that he loved her. A tear rolled down her cheek; her heartbreak was on repeat for this kid. He was so sweet despite his circumstances. She squeezed him and whispered in his ear, “me too.”

  The nurse came back in the room and went over to Tim, looked at his veins, then wrapped a rubber strap around his muscular bicep and stuck a needle in his arm. He didn’t flinch at all.

  “See Lucas, nothing to it,” Emery said while stroking his shaggy brown hair.

  “Okay ma’am, you’re going to have to take your sweater off.” The nurse moved to her left side. Emery froze, then looked at Lucas and sighed.

  “Can we do my right arm?”

  Lucas held her right arm tightly and shook his head.

  The nurse looked at her expectantly.

  “Okay, okay. Lucas I’ve got to take my sweater off, all right?” Dread crept up her entire body like fire ants stinging her skin and spreading within seconds. She pulled her right arm from Lucas’s grip and tried to focus on the fact she was doing this for him; she wouldn’t do this for anyone else. She took off her thin green sweater, happy she’d pulled it on over her pajama top, which was a pink tank top that said brilliant across her boobs.

  She closed her eyes as the nurse wrapped the rubber strap around her left bicep and then remembered Lucas was there. She smiled and opened her eyes. Emery was used to the crescent scars that were scattered up and down her left arm; they’d actually faded over time and were just raised, puckered white skin now. She kept her eyes on the needle going into her arm and didn’t look at anyone’s face.

  Lucas signed, asking her where her scars came from. She shook her head. He asked again.

  “Pretty cool tattoos, right?” she lied and it tasted bitter in her mouth. She snuck a glance at the cop to see if he’d noticed the scars in the shape of her bite. She didn’t miss his eyes on them and then the floor.

  Lucas narrowed his eyes at Emery’s explanation and shook his head no. Emery wasn’t about to tell him those were her bite marks. There were over fifty marks where she’d bitten into the flesh of her arm to stop herself from screaming. The marks ran up and down her forearm and served as a constant reminder of him and what he did. But nobody needed to know that.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  A Little Somethin’ Somethin’

  Lucas’s hair fell over his eyes as he fell asleep, his face turned peaceful, and she crept out of the room. She’d stayed with Lucas as long as she could before she needed to get home to change for work and get a temporary order from the court to remove him from his home. He couldn’t continue to stay there if there was abuse.

  As she was trying to shut the door quietly she heard a conversation to her right that was hushed yells, if that was even possible. Their voices were so strained she was sure they would break. She glanced over and saw it was Officer Tim and a nurse. The nurse had her hand on Tim’s forearm. Emery quickly turned and started down the hall to the exit before they noticed her. She had her hands full and was trying to maneuver the files and her bag so that she could open the door. This was her first time with a kid in the hospital and she hadn’t known if she needed to bring her file or not, so she brought everything.

  “I’ll get it,” she heard from behind her.

  “Thanks.” Relief filled her and she turned to smile at her helper.

  Tim hadn’t put his uniform shirt back on and was standing in his t-shirt and black pants holding the door open for her.

  She walked outside and made her way to her car.

  “Emma,” he called from behind her.

  She kept walking like she hadn’t heard him. His steps echoed in the empty parking garage behind her and her anxiety spiked to a level she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Black spots filled her vision and she knew what would come next.

  “I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry,” she said curtly. “I need to shower and get to court to get the proper paperwork filled out for this.”

  He put a hand on her arm to slow her. “You were really amazing with him.”

  “Oh.” She was automatically calmer. It was an eerie and unsettling serene feeling that made her uncomfortable. “Thanks. I just know he must’ve been so scared.”

  “No, Emma. You were amazing. I’ve never seen a caseworker so…”

  “Amazing?” She laughed.

  “Yeah.” Tim ran a hand through his mussed hair. “Sorry, I’ve been on for fourteen hours so I’m a little out of it.”

  “And I made you give blood. Sorry about that.” Emery continued to walk to her car, hoping he’d turn around and go back inside.

  She stopped at her car and attempted to dig for her keys. Tim stepped close to her, so close she could almost feel him. What was wrong with her? She wanted to feel him.

  “Let me help,” he said.

  “Ugh, thanks.”

  He brushed her arm as he reached into her bag and dug around for keys. Finding them, he opened the car and then grabbed the files from her hands, setting them carefully on the passenger seat. She just stood there watching him. Startling, he turned around and faced her.

  “I thought I’d imagined you,” he said with a slow Southern drawl.

  Her lips turned up slightly. She could listen to him talk all night. Instead of answering him, she took in the chill bumps on his arms and his hard nipples and felt herself crumble. He was what she wanted and could never have.

  “Nope, you didn’t.” Emery stepped back and hurried over to her side of the car, opening the door to get in. Shutting the door, she started to shove her key in the ignition and realized she didn’t have it.

  The passenger door opened and Tim eased his tall frame into her car, moving the files to his lap. He smelled like soap and clean sweat; she imagined a cop would have to be sweaty if they arrested people beating on other people.

  “Did you make any arrests at the house?”

  “Yes, the boyfriend.” Tim reached over and put his left hand over her right, which was casually on the console. Her eyes snapped to his. This gesture was too familiar.

  “Emma, can I have your phone number?”

  She pulled her hand from under his. “What?”

  “Your phone number. I’d like to call you and ask you out on a date, when you’re not dressed in pajamas, ha
ve just given blood, and been traumatized by the circumstances that lead us to meet again.”

  No.

  Bad idea.

  “I don’t think…”

  “It’s just a number, Emma. You don’t have to answer if I call. Your cell has caller ID, right?”

  “But I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  “I’m pretty sure I got the right idea when you left me at that dance club after kissing me like your life depended on it. I’ve never been kissed like that before and I’m pretty sure I only want to kiss you from now on.”

  Emery’s eyes widened. “We’re not…we won’t be kissing.”

  “Why not?” His eyes sparked. “Tell me you don’t want to…”

  He was a cocky thing.

  She shook her head.

  “You keep staring at my lips, Emma. Your eyes give you away.”

  Tim was right, her eyes kept falling to his lips as she kept remembering how she’d lost herself in them for hours.

  “Well, I keep looking there because you have a little somethin’ somethin’ right there.” She pointed at his perfect lower lip.

  His lips curled slightly and he pulled the mirror from the car visor. “Nope, but good try. I’m pretty sure you just keep imagining where I would put these, if you let me.”

  Emery plucked the keys from his hands. “Good to see you again, Tim. I’ve got to get going.”

  “We’re not finished here, Ms. Simpson. Now I know where you work and your full name.”

  Shit.

  “Now I know your full name and where you work,” she countered. She didn’t even know why she’d said that.

  “That you do.” He got out of the car and shut the door, watching her car as she pulled out of the parking lot.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  You Can’t Save Them All

  Emery hurriedly showered and put her suit on so she could go to court if necessary. She sped the entire way to her office. Steve would know what she needed to do. She knew she needed to talk to legal and get them to file whatever they needed to file in juvenile court now, while Lucas was still in the hospital. Steve had answered his phone at six am and was waiting for her when she got to the office.

  “What do I do?” She didn’t even offer a polite greeting.

  “We’ll file for a temporary order removing him from the home—the judge will grant that—and we’ll have to place Lucas in a foster home while we sort everything out.”

  “We have to get him out of there permanently, Steve. These people…” Her voice broke.

  Steve patted her shoulder awkwardly. “I understand. Let’s get the ball rolling.”

  Emery fluttered around the office all day doing everything Steve told her to do. She understood that a temporary order had been granted, but the mother had put up a hell of a fight this morning and Steve told Emery it was only a matter of time before the kid was back with the mother.

  “I’m going to the hospital to tell Lucas. I’ll be back,” Emery said, gathering her things.

  “Emma, you have an afternoon of appointments.” Steve ran a hand through his hair. He sat at the lone plastic chair next to her desk. “Listen, I know this must be hard for you. It’s your first time. It gets easier. This is the job. You can’t just look at one kid. You have a hundred kids to protect.”

  “One hundred and four.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “One hundred and four kids,” Emery said. “I have one hundred and four kids to protect.”

  “Yeah, well.” Steve got up and stood over her desk. He looked at her for a few seconds before heading into his office.

  Emery sighed. Yes, she wanted to save all of her kids, but she was driven to save this one kid who’d stolen her heart with his superheroes, humility, and sly wit. She sighed when she looked at her calendar. She was expected to conduct a home visit with a family that had just gotten their child back from foster care. The goal of the agency was to provide services so that parents could get their children back, but Emery cringed at the memory of Lucas’s face. Some parents didn’t deserve to have their children.

  It felt like she blinked her eyes and the day was over. She was overcome with exhaustion as she drove to the hospital. The stress of the day and the lack of any sleep the night before finally got to her and made her lids heavy in anticipation of her bed. Just one more stop and then she could collapse.

  Her heels clicked on the linoleum as she walked the route to Lucas’s room. When she opened the door, it was empty. Anxiety in the form of pins and needles all over her skin told her she’d lost him. None of his things were in the room. It looked abandoned. Her body involuntarily sagged against the wall, the last two days’ events taking their toll.

  A pretty nurse approached her. “Can I help you?”

  “I’m looking for Lucas Lord,” Emery answered.

  “He’s not here.”

  Emery gestured toward the bed. “I see that.”

  The nurse eyed her suspiciously.

  “Listen, I’m his DFCS caseworker,” she said, fatigue seeping into each word. “I was coming to tell him about what happened today. Do you know who he left with?”

  “Ma’am, you know I can’t divulge patient information,” the nurse responded brusquely.

  “Fine.” Emery felt tears well up in her eyes, but she fought it. She wandered down the hall but turned back when she thought of something, quickly closing the distance between her and the nurse.

  “You know the cop that brought him in, right?”

  The nurse looked up from her paperwork. “Excuse me?”

  “The cop that brought Lucas in last night and hung around the room until I could get here. You know him.” Emery remembered seeing the nurse in a heated discussion with Tim when she left.

  “Yes, I know him.”

  “Can you give me his phone number so I can call and determine where Lucas is and who he left with?”

  The nurse squared her shoulders. “Do you have guardianship papers?”

  Emery didn’t have guardianship papers with her. “No, all I need is his number.”

  “I’m not giving his number to you,” she snapped.

  “Well, could you at least call or text him and let him know that I’m asking. He was very helpful with Lucas last night and I know he’ll care.”

  “He’s off,” the nurse responded. “He worked two twelves in a row. He’s sleeping.”

  “Please, just do it.” Emery refused to budge.

  The nurse begrudgingly texted, then stared at Emery for the minute they waited for his response.

  “He said to get your number and he’ll call you and give you all the information,” the nurse grumbled.

  Emery wrote the number down for the nurse and thanked her. As she walked toward her car, her cell phone rang.

  “Hello.”

  “Emma, this is Tim. Lucas’s mother picked him up from the hospital today.”

  Emery was completely stunned. “Well, can we arrest her?”

  “I’ve sent officers over to find out what’s going on, but there was no one home.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “She was able to discharge him from the hospital before the order was issued and now she’s not home with him,” Tim explained. “It doesn’t mean she’s hiding, it just means they aren’t home.”

  “Tim…” Horrible scenarios flashed through her mind.

  “I’m just telling you what I was told, Emma,” he said, his voice gentle.

  “This is bullshit!” she erupted.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Okay, well, thanks for letting me know. I really appreciate it.”

  “Emma, we’ll find him.”

  Emery hoped they would find him, but she didn’t think the mom was the real problem. It was the boyfriend who was the physical threat.

  “Emma? Have you eaten?”

  “Dinner?” The question took her off guard. She looked at her watch and realized it was 8:30.

  “At all?”


  She shook her head without answering him.

  “Can I take you to dinner?”

  Emma smiled weakly at his attempt. “Tim, I’m exhausted, Lucas isn’t here, and all I want to do is crawl in bed.”

  “Well, you have to eat. My grandmother made me dinner and I have fantastic leftovers.”

  Emery didn’t want to eat, she wanted to sleep. “No thank you, Tim.”

  “Please? I’ll just drop the food off and you can eat it by yourself.”

  “Tim…”

  “I’m a cop, you’re safe with me.”

  “Do you use that line with all women?” Emery opened the car door and slid into her seat, unable to keep the smile off her lips.

  “What?” He feigned horror. “No way.”

  Silence.

  “It’s fried catfish, collards, and cornbread,” he tempted her.

  “Shit, I can’t say no to that.” Her stomach growled just thinking about it.

  “So…”

  “So I’m at 315 Lorch, just text me when you get there.” She exited the parking lot and headed home.

  “Wow, I got your number and your address in the span of ten minutes, you must really want me.”

  “Never mind, then.” Emery laughed.

  “I’m kidding. One to go plate on the way. I’m only a few blocks from you anyway.”

  There was a comfortable silence as she took in the fact this guy was about to come to her apartment. No one had been there except Rachel and Derrick and she couldn’t help feeling like this was a really bad decision.

  “Okay, Emma. I’m headed your way. I’ll text you.”

  “Tim…”

  “Yes.”

  “Thank you,” Emery said into the phone and she meant it. She knew he was off and he didn’t have to get that information about Lucas for her. He didn’t have to bring her dinner.

  “You’re welcome, Emma Simpson.”

  Emma Simpson.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Strategery

  Emery had just taken off her suit jacket and kicked off her heels when her phone dinged with a text message. Her throbbing feet were a reminder why she never wore them to work.