Razorblade Kisses

by R. L. Griffin

  Emery lifted herself up and looked around for clock, but there wasn’t one. She heard whining coming from behind one of the closed doors. Looking back at Tim, she crept out of bed and opened the door. A black mass sped past her and down the stairs. Her eyes widened and she willed herself not to scream. Tim was still asleep.

  She pulled his shirt from the floor and over her head as she followed the path the unidentified thing went. Her legs were chilled as she walked through the main floor to the back door to let what turned out to be a black lab outside. If a dog could cross his legs, this dog’s would be crossed. Currently he was jumping up and down at the back door. She let him out, wondering why Tim had kept the dog locked up while she was there. She watched the dog do his business and walk directly back to the glass to be let in. She obliged. Immediately, the dog jumped on her, putting its powerful front paws on her chest and knocking her back on the hard floor.

  She found herself flat on her back after the unexpected push, the wind knocked out of her chest and the dog standing over her, pinning her down. This was not going as she thought it would. When she twisted to move out from under the dog, he flopped down on her chest and began licking her entire face. Emery moved her face from side to side to try to get relief from the licking, but that just made him lick more. Now he was licking her hair, his entire furry body on top of her. She was pinned down and could hardly breathe.

  “Rex!”

  The dog immediately stood up and ran to where Tim stood, naked, at the bottom of the stairs. The moonlight did wonderful things to the curves and ridges of his body.

  Emery tried to smooth her hair back and wiped dog slobber off her face with the sleeve of his shirt.

  “See why I had him in the bathroom? I’m still training him, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist you.” Tim scratched Rex’s head, clearly still half asleep.

  Emery rolled up to sit and Tim extended his hand to help her stand. When he did, Rex growled and stood between them.

  “Oh, and also he doesn’t really like anyone touching me.” Tim dropped her hand and patted Rex on the head. “Let me go put him back in the bathroom, and then you can come back up.”

  Emery admired his ass as he pulled Rex up the stairs. She sighed. At least when she’d let her mind evaporate, she’d had sex four times. From a straight up girl perspective, four incredible times. That should last for a while. She’d already reconciled the fact this was an exception to her solitary life, to allow him in for a night and let go of her fear of getting close to anyone. If he wanted to sleep with her after only one sort of date, he just wanted sex anyway. Based on that fact, she’d let herself be swept away with him.

  Looking around, she tried to remember where her phone was and saw it on counter. She hit the button to see what time it was. The phone read 4:34 am, but it wasn’t her phone because she saw about five messages from Stephanie, each one making it clear that she was worried because she hadn’t heard from him. Emery pressed the button and memorized the messages so it would fuel her tearing herself away from this person she didn’t know.

  Where are you

  I’m sorry

  You know I love you

  Please call me

  Now you’re pissing me off

  You’re going to throw us away

  Emery didn’t know who Stephanie was, but she guessed it was his girlfriend and she felt dirty. She wanted to shower, to get his scent off her. If she was wearing pants she would have fled. Shit, even if she just had on underwear she would’ve left at this point. She put down the phone and walked slowly upstairs.

  When she breached the doorway to Tim’s room, he looked up from where he was waiting for her, sitting on the bed. She ripped off his shirt and went about picking her pants, bra, and underwear off the floor.

  “Emma?” Tim rose to his feet and put his hands on her biceps. She didn’t know why, but that move alone eased some of the tension in her body. “Please stay. I want to have breakfast with you, in you.” He smirked.

  Emery looked at him, disgusted. “I’m leaving. Why don’t you call Stephanie and meet her for breakfast,” she spat at him and rushed from the room with her clothes in her hands. When she reached the kitchen, she grabbed her tank top and pulled it on at the same time she tried to shove her feet into the legs of her jeans. The underwear would have to wait.

  “Emma!” Tim was right behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “Please listen to me,” he pleaded, his voice calm and low.

  “No. I don’t sleep with men…ever…and now this. I don’t…” She pushed away from him and tucked her hair behind her ear furiously. “Well, at least you made this easy enough to walk away from,” she muttered and stomped into the kitchen to grab her sweater. “Where is my fucking bag?!” she yelled, throwing her hands in the air in frustration.

  Tim brought her purse over to her and held it out to her. “Stephanie is my ex-girlfriend who hasn’t been able to let go yet.” He smiled sadly. “I’m working on it.”

  Emery stopped and cocked her head to the side in contemplation, trying to decide whether she believed him. “The nurse.” She remembered the heated discussion in the hall and remembered thinking it was something personal.

  Tim nodded. “We haven’t been together in months, Emma. I don’t want you to leave here thinking I cheat on my girlfriend, because I don’t.”

  “Okay,” she acquiesced.

  “Okay?” His brows rose at how easy she’d conceded.

  “But what about the dance club?”

  “We weren’t together. We got back together a few weeks after that and then broke up again a few months later.”

  She put her bag down and let out a sigh.

  “Do you think I can help you take off your clothes so that we can go back to sleep?”

  She looked at him and realized he was still naked and now standing at attention. “Why?” she almost whispered, staring at his erection.

  Tim chuckled. “Well, I’ve been told it’s a biological reaction to things.”

  She slapped his arm and looked at his face, but didn’t get past his lips. He was licking them mercilessly.

  “Would you like something to drink, Emma? I’m thirsty.” He walked around her and poured two cups of water.

  They drank in silence as they consumed each other with their eyes.

  “So you thought I would be the kind of guy that would do that? Fuck you five times and then just go back to my girlfriend?”

  “Four,” she whispered.

  “What?” He looked at her with such intensity, Emery had to look away.

  “Four times,” she repeated.

  “Oh, I know that’s how many times we’ve already done it. I’m including the next one. I think it might be the best one.”

  And it was.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Beautiful Ruin

  Emery’s eyes opened as she felt the light tingles up and down her left forearm. Again, she was initially confused at the room in which she woke up, but then felt wet heat on her arm again and found Tim kissing every single scar on her arm. Tears sprang to her eyes and pieces of her exploded, scattering all over his room. Looking away from him, she tried to cry silently, but he must have noticed she was awake because he pulled her into him and held her.

  “Something hurt you,” he whispered.

  She was silent.

  He held her so tight; she hoped he could make all of the shards of her stick together.

  They stayed that way for several minutes, silent, before he kissed her.

  “I…”

  Tim kissed her swollen lips, stopping her from telling him what happened to her. He kissed away her tears, licked her cheeks, nipped at her ear and neck and sucked on her nipple until it pebbled beneath his tongue. He was insatiable and she was sore, but then he touched her and all of the pain she felt when she was awake fell away. The pain that tore at her heart and her brain dissipated at his touch too; the ache from their activities was worth it.

  Later that day, she stoo
d in her backyard and rubbed her hands over her face. The cold stung her hands in a good way. Her phone rang and she knew exactly who it was without looking.

  “Hey,” she answered, walking the edge of the yard.

  “Hey, bitch,” Rachel’s voice was high and enthusiastic.

  “Hey,” Emery repeated.

  “So what’s happenin’, hot stuff?”

  Emery smiled at the ‘80s movie reference. “So I ended up getting tricked into a date last night.”

  “Oh, you did?” Rachel’s voice took on a sing-song tone.

  “I did.”

  “With whom?”

  “The guy from the dance club, the cop.”

  “Oh shit,” Rachel whispered.

  “Pretty much.”

  “And…”

  “I’ve just been so lonely,” she commented.

  “Oh, Em, I’m so sorry.”

  “No, Rachel I let myself go last night with him. It was pure perfection…six times.”

  “SIX??!!”

  “Yes, I can’t even tell you how I’m standing right now. We only got about an hour of sleep, but it was so worth it. Then he took me to Goose feathers this morning for breakfast and coffee.”

  Silence.

  “I know this is bad,” Emery said as she made her way to the front of her duplex and walked up the stairs. She realized that she felt something with him she hadn’t felt with anyone, not even Noah or Rachel. It was a sense of peace without her even having to try, a familiar feeling of safety with him for no reason. She didn’t even know him but felt a warm, tingling sensation whenever she thought of him.

  “No,” Rachel said quickly, “it’s fine, you needed it. I’m sorry you’re so lonely, Em. If I could, I’d be there every weekend…”

  “He kissed my scars,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

  “What?”

  “He kissed my scars, Rach. On my arm. Every single one of them. He never asked me a word about it, just kissed each one. Then he wiped away my tears and held all my pieces together.”

  They were both quiet as they contemplated what she’d just said.

  “Em. Are you okay?”

  “I think so…”

  “Is he going to hurt you?”

  “Probably.”

  “Are you going to see him again?”

  “I don’t know how I can.”

  “Of course you can,” Rachel huffed.

  “How? How can I see him again when I feel like he could be my future, but I know I don’t have one?”

  “But you do have a future…”

  “Cut the shit, Rachel, you know what I mean. I can’t…I don’t have a future. You’re my family, you and Derrick. I can’t really do this again. I shattered after leaving Ashley, then again when I left Noah, and this guy…” Emery closed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair. “I think he’ll ruin me.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  Bewitched

  Although she was exhausted after her night with Tim, Emery was restless and couldn’t sleep, so she kept herself busy. She had walked down to River Street earlier, her favorite place to people watch. Sundays were the perfect day to do it. There were lots of people who were hungover, plus the after church crowd, and then tourists going from store to store looking for that perfect souvenir.

  The street was cobblestone and full of bars, shops, and restaurants. She grabbed a coffee and bought a bag of pralines. As soon as she sat down on the bench that overlooked the street, an involuntary moan slipped through her lips. Emery liked to watch them make, then cook, the sweet treats in the store—the smell alone could quench her sweet tooth—but she rarely bought any. She popped another piece of the praline in her mouth, the sugary goodness melting around the pecan.

  When she didn’t want to think about her life, she would watch people and pick out certain individuals, the ones that looked happy, and make up her own stories for them. She would create an entire story about each person’s expression. It could be that they’d just heard news about a new job, they’d just had the best sex of their lives, or they’d just gotten engaged.

  Her phone dinged just as she picked the perfect person for her game. The man’s face was frozen in a lopsided grin, and Emery was pretty sure it was due to the woman slightly trailing him with her hand supporting her lower back. The woman was his wife, of course, and she was pregnant with their first child. The man spent every night rubbing her feet and talking to her belly bump. It sounded perfect, something that would never happen for her. She sighed and looked at the text.

  You have bewitched me, Emma. I’m having a hard time (get it? HARD) focusing on work when I just want to be inside you again.

  His words were so brazen. So bold.

  She shook her head. Emery knew she’d made a mistake last night; she should’ve left after she gave Tim his plate. She was right to run from him at the dance club. When she was around him, she wasn’t quite herself and she couldn’t put her finger on why. He felt like a drug she couldn’t get enough of, like she wanted to smother herself in him, which was dangerous. It was a precarious situation, because she couldn’t have what she wanted so desperately. Last night she felt everything; a tingle traveled up her entire body every time he touched her and even now at the memory. The burning feeling of pure desire was so intense it actually hurt. His touch alone seemed to quiet her soul. His presence seemed like a balm to her constant ache for someone to touch her, for someone to accept her and be with her. Noah didn’t even set off that reaction in her. This guy was different. He’d forced his way into her life and now she needed to figure out how to walk away.

  Walk away from possible happiness. Leave behind his touch, which was so different than his cocky demeanor.

  Stop feeling.

  She needed to stop now, because if he touched her again, she’d be too far gone. Emery ignored his text, as hard as it was, because she could feel him inside her now.

  Ugh. Stop, stop, stop! She had to stop.

  Placing another piece of praline in her mouth, she saw a girl, around her age, holding a guy’s hand. They were talking and walking; she was animated and he was staring at her with heat in his eyes. The girl was causal, but moved with sensual ease. She was obviously comfortable with being sexual. Emery thought maybe Emma could be like that. Maybe in order to forget what she thought to be the start of something that could ruin her, she should date other men. Emery didn’t do that, she tried to stay away from everyone, but it was like not drinking water. When you’re parched and you finally get water, you guzzle an entire gallon and then you get sick. She was so lonely that when someone finally touched her she thought he was going to change her entire world. She thought that he would make her feel whole, like a fucking romance novel. That was impossible. Her life was definitely not a romance novel.

  A buzzing noise startled her. She looked up from her Kindle and walked over to the intercom.

  “Yes?”

  “Emma, thank God you’re okay.” His voice cracked through the speaker.

  Emery stepped back from the intercom, not really believing the voice she heard. After a few seconds, the buzzer sounded again.

  “Emma, let me in.”

  Shit.

  Emery opened the door and walked slowly down the stairs to find Tim standing at the door with his uniform on. Her stomach flipped in anticipation and she looked down to collect her thoughts. She began opening the door slowly, but Tim thrust it open hurriedly and pushed her back against the wall in the entrance hall. Her body sparked to life and she raised her eyes to his. He didn’t wait to devour her lips, then her neck. His nose was chilly from the night air and left a trail of cold on her face where it touched.

  “Emma, I—” he cut himself off by kissing her again. “We may need to go upstairs.”

  She laughed when she noticed the tent in the front of his black uniform pants. “Is everything okay? Did we have a date that I’m not aware of?” she asked sarcastically.

  “We have a date every night,” he a
nswered, walking up the stairs and leaving her staring at him, her mouth agape.

  “I—” she began.

  “Come on, Emma, don’t make me start without you.”

  She’d had a rough few weeks. The police still hadn’t found Lucas or his mother and had pretty much given up looking for them. Tim had promised her he was still looking, and that he’d continue to look. Fortunately, there were another one hundred and three kids on her caseload that needed her help, so she filled her time by staying busy, all the while wondering where Lucas was and if he was okay. She called his school every day to see if he was there.

  Although they had been spending as much time together as they could, Tim’s schedule was the opposite of hers. The first night he had off, Tim talked her into a night out. She never went out and a distraction sounded like a great idea, so she’d agreed to go to a concert.

  Tim’s hand grasped hers gently as he led her through a precarious opening amongst the bodies all moving in time with the beat. She hadn’t been to a concert since the one she went to with Noah. This was totally different—outdoors and country music as opposed to rock at the historically epic Ryman. Suddenly he veered left and she was pulled into what seemed like a maze of people standing, sitting, and lounging on grass. They approached a wide space mapped by a large quilt made of what looked like t-shirts.

  Tim dropped her hand and left her standing on the outside of the blanket. He embraced another man who looked vaguely familiar and Emery watched as they hugged and back slapped with huge grins. She couldn’t tell what they were saying, but she assumed these were Tim’s friends. She turned to look at the path they had taken in case she needed to escape, but it had been swallowed up with bodies.

  She felt a hand pull her backwards and she put a fake smile on her face. Tim pulled her into him and yelled into her ear. “This is Chris and his girlfriend, Katie. I’ve known them forever.”

  She smiled and waved at the couple. Katie was in a maxi dress with a cardigan and cowboy boots. She looked carefree and confident. Emery glanced down at her own long sleeves and was jealous. She wished she could be like Katie, who appeared to be without pain or fear that invaded everything.