Razorblade Kisses

by R. L. Griffin

  She was silent for a minute. Her thoughts and emotion on religion were complicated and she wasn’t sure she wanted to have this conversation.

  “Right,” she finally answered.

  “Spill it,” he said casually.

  “I just…I was raised Catholic and in the church on a regular basis, but I just don’t know what I believe anymore.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She shook her head.

  “I mean, if you don’t believe in God, what do you believe?” he pushed.

  Dropping her hand, she turned to face him. “I believe in myself. I believe in Rachel. I believe that if there is a God, I don’t know how he could allow things to happen that happen on this earth. I walk amongst evil every day and I believe that the monsters sometimes win.”

  His eyes showed his concern for her. “What happened to you?” he asked softly, his voice full of gravel and apprehension.

  She shook her head and let him pull her in for a hug, his chin resting on the top of her head.

  “After both of my parents died, I had a hard time believing that God would let this happen to them and to me, but after a while I needed to believe in something, Emma. You have to have faith in something.”

  They stayed that way, with his chin on her head, until the sun dropped into the ocean and Emery’s breath slowed. Then they walked along the shoreline hand in hand, not speaking. Tim stopped walking and pulled out his phone; pretty soon music started filtering through the quiet night.

  “Dance with me,” he insisted.

  She melted into his body and they swayed to the low beat of the music, so close she could feel his heartbeat. Her hair blew in the wind and a chill settled over her body.

  “You intrigue me, Emma Simpson,” Tim commented just above the sound of the crashing waves. His hands rubbed up and down her back, dipping to her ass and gripping it lightly. “It’s like I have a need that I can’t fully satisfy when you’re around unless I’m touching you, inside you. You and your secrets and light and contradictions.”

  She stepped back to respond, but he took her mouth with his. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, but one filled with hunger, one that she mirrored. He tore his mouth from hers and she wanted more, but he gazed into her eyes and then rubbed his thumbs over her bottom lip. One hand dropped to rub her breast, her body responding instantly, the buzzing morphing into a full on roar.

  “You and your no panties and kisses that set my soul on fire…” His hand drifted from her breast down under her dress.

  She was panting, her chest heaving. “Tim,” she barely moaned as her head fell back in bliss. He lifted her easily in his arms and kissed her. Her hands threaded through his hair and the world fell away.

  Emery felt the sand on her back as he laid her down. As he sat back on his knees, she heard the condom package tear. The stars in the sky sparkled, winking at her.

  She felt his weight on her.

  She felt his breath on her ear and he whispered, “I want to be inside you.”

  She felt the breeze as he lifted her dress to her hips.

  She felt her nipples getting so hard the fabric of her bra caused pain.

  She felt full.

  She felt everything.

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  Promises, Promises

  The light streaming into the window woke her up and she smiled as she reached across the bed and ran her hand over Tim’s back, then ass. He hadn’t been off in a while, but had come to her house at midnight last night, right after his shift, and they’d had sex immediately, her sitting on the counter. It was a first for her and she smiled at the memory of his eyes pinned to hers while he was inside of her.

  Tim stirred at her touch and pulled her into his arms. “I really like waking up with you touching me. You can be my alarm clock every day.” He kissed her shoulder without even opening his eyes.

  “I’m glad you came over last night.” A blush crept over her cheeks and down her neck.

  “Me too. You are such an animal.” He laughed, but still his eyes never opened. He rolled over and pulled her into his chest, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

  She kissed his neck, chest, and abdomen. Then lifted the covers and moved down his body. She looked up from where she was under the covers and smiled at him. He’d finally opened his eyes.

  After a little morning roll in the hay, Emery got up and made coffee. Hers was full of cream and sugar and she’d let him fix his own. He was still lying in bed.

  “Hey, come in here for a second,” he called from her bedroom.

  She leaned against the doorframe with her mug, her left foot coming up to rest on the inside of her right knee.

  “You look really young when you wake up in the morning.”

  Panic flashed through her body and her eyes widened at his statement.

  “Young and hot.” Tim laughed, sitting up in the bed. The sheet fell off his body, letting her see all of him. “Keep your eyes up here, please.”

  She giggled. “It’s really hard.”

  Then it was hard…

  “Ugh…up here.” He waved his hand in front of his dick and then pointed to his eyes. “Some young girl got attacked last night. Do you know self-defense? Do you own a gun?”

  “No, Dad,” she said, sarcasm dripping from her lips.

  He got out of bed and took her mug out of her hand, setting it on the desk. “Five minute lesson.”

  “You’re going to teach me something like that?” She pointed to his nakedness.

  “Oh, you bet. I’ll teach you a lot of things like this.” He laughed and turned her facing away from him.

  She could feel him behind her.

  “So when someone comes at you from behind, what do you do?”

  She looked over her shoulder at him. “What do you mean?”

  “No, you don’t give them a look that makes them want to bend you over right here,” he chided, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

  Emery struggled in his grip and then just ended up wiggling her hips into his erection.

  He laughed. “No, when someone grabs you from behind you drop to the ground, Em.”

  She faced him. “Really?”

  “Really. It’s unexpected. And then you run. You run like hell.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  “Now, when someone is attacking you from the front, what do you do?”

  His eyes and perfect face were distracting her. “I sort of want you to attack me right now,” she whispered.

  He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I’m headed for the shower before work and need you to show me your big shower room. I’m pretty sure you will get attacked there.”

  “Oh, good.” She licked his chest.

  “Yeah, stop doing that right now.”

  She bit his nipple.

  “I’m serious. I want to know you can defend yourself. What do you do?”

  Emery thought for a few seconds. “Knee them in the nuts?”

  Tim grinned. “Close.” He picked her hand and used his finger to touch the heel of her palm. “This and your elbow are the hardest places on your body. If you can use your elbow on someone, do; if not, use your hand and hit the bridge of their nose as hard as you can. Then knee them in the nuts.” He smiled. “Good lesson.” He clapped and walked toward the shower, leaving her staring at the most perfect ass she’d ever seen.

  After their trip to Tim’s grandparents a couple of weekends ago, Tim had asked Emery if he could take her somewhere else special. She was hoping no other family members were involved.

  “So, this is my second favorite place.” He spread his arms out like he was presenting Forsyth Park to her. “Welcome.”

  “It’s beautiful,” Emery agreed, lounging back on the blanket she’d brought. She’d spread out the blanket on the ground just past the café, where they could people watch and be near the gorgeous fountain. Rex’s tail hit her shins ferociously and he stared at her, looking ready to pounce.

  “So Emma, when did you move
here?”

  “October, two years ago.”

  “Why did you move?”

  Emery gazed into the fountain that stood a few yards from where they were sitting on the grass. “What is this, twenty questions?”

  “It’s me wanting to get to know you.” He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. “I know a lot of things about you, like where I need to touch you to get you to moan and what I need to do to make you scream my name and that you’re the most secretive person I’ve ever met. I know that I need more.”

  She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. Here we go. “There’s not much to know. I wanted to help kids. I moved here for a job to do that,” she lied. Lying is a funny thing. At first it was really hard, and then it became second nature. Vaguely, she wondered if he would ever believe a word out of her mouth again, after he found out the truth. She wouldn’t if she were him.

  “You’re hiding something,” he said as he took a sip of his coffee.

  Emery looked away from him, staring into the fountain.

  “Emma?” Tim reached out and touched her face with his fingertips.

  When she looked into his eyes, her resolve shook. His eyes told her that he knew she was hiding something, but he wanted her anyway. A few seconds passed as they consumed each other with their eyes.

  “Aren’t we all?” she answered.

  “Huh,” he said not breaking eye contact with her.

  Emery blinked at him. “Aren’t we all hiding something, Tim?”

  “Well, that’s quite deep for a coffee date.”

  “Is this a date? I didn’t know this was a date, damn it,” she joked.

  He put his hand on his heart. “You are a vile woman.”

  “I keep trying to tell you.” Emery allowed a smile to creep across her mouth.

  “You know it’s my job to read people.” Tim’s tone turned serious. “I’m actually quite good at it.”

  Emery concentrated on drinking the coffee he’d brought for them.

  “So I know there’s something you don’t want me to know.”

  She sighed.

  “I’m going to ask you questions, and I’d like you to answer honestly if you can. If not, tell me you don’t want to answer.”

  “Whatever, Tim, can’t we just enjoy each other?”

  “Oh, I’m enjoying myself.” He smirked as he ran a finger up her inner thigh. “So do you have a boyfriend?”

  “No,” she answered.

  “Wrong.” His fingers stilled dangerously close to an indecent area for public viewing.

  She cocked her head to the side.

  “You do have a boyfriend, Emma. He brought you coffee today and fucked you last night.”

  “Tim!” She slapped him on the arm.

  “So, when you left Nashville you just picked Savannah?”

  “Not really. It was kinda picked for me.” Truth.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I needed to get away from Nashville and my friend Rachel directed me to Savannah and here I am.”

  “Rachel, huh? She was the one at the dance club with you?”

  Emery nodded and sipped her coffee.

  “Why’d you have to leave?”

  “Tim…”

  “You don’t want to answer that?”

  Emery shook her head.

  “I can deal with that.” He shifted and lay on his back, staring up at that sky. “My parents were the kindest people I’ve ever been around,” he said, swiftly changing the subject.

  She ran her hand down his arm and he caught her hand.

  “I actually don’t remember if that’s true or not,” he admitted.

  She squeezed his hand.

  “It’s been so long with so many people talking to me about them, I can’t tell my own memories from what people say.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “My dad died when I was young too, but I feel like the opposite happened to me. No one talked about him. The memories are seared into my mind because I was afraid to lose them.”

  “Me too, but I’m glad we’ve found each other,” he said softly. “You understand the sense of loss I feel. I can see it in the crease in your brow and how it sometimes takes you a few seconds to figure out a response to a question. I can see it in your grimace when you think no one is watching and I see it in your focus on the concreteness of what you can do.” He ran his thumb over her knuckles.

  “I do know loss,” she agreed.

  “And pain,” he said.

  Silence.

  “And…”

  “Tim,” she urged him to stop. He knew her better than she wanted to admit and she’d told him nothing.

  “…regret,” he finished for her.

  A tear slid down her cheek before she pulled her hand from his and wiped it away.

  “Don’t cry, Emma. I don’t want you to cry again. I want to show you there are things that will allow you to live again. I want to be one of those things.”

  “I don’t think…” She stood up and left the thermos of coffee on the ground and ran toward her house, away from him. She needed to think. He was too close. She needed to be more careful.

  “Emma, don’t run from your boyfriend!” he called from behind her, his voice amused.

  Emery ran faster, but when she saw Rex’s nose in her periphery, she gave up. She didn’t feel like being tackled by the furry beast today. Tim’s touch was immediate and he pulled her to him gently by her neck. His lips crushed into her, his hands traveling down her sides. Rex moved in between them and buried his nose in her crotch.

  She yelped, jumping back.

  “He really likes you. I think he has good taste.” His thumb rubbed her knuckles again and her eyes snapped from Rex to Tim.

  “Why? Why me?”

  “Oh, Emma, you really don’t know, do you?”

  “Know what?”

  “Know that your soul shines through your eyes. You work tirelessly for kids that will never be able to pay you back. You want to repair their damage and make them whole again like no one did for you. And on top of that, you’re smoking hot and do that thing with your tongue.”

  Emery was stunned into silence.

  “Oh, I do love a challenge,” he whispered, “and you’ve proven to be one.”

  “This…this is too much.” Emery started walking toward her place. “You’re too much for me, Tim. It’s not a game. Even if it were a game, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want the prize if you won.”

  “Emma, let me date you. There’s no harm in that, is there?”

  “I think you know there is.” She smiled without meaning it.

  “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

  “I can’t promise you the same thing.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  Dancing with the Lies we Tell

  With her workload, the next Saturday morning came quickly, creeping through her blinds and tickling her eyelids. Emery yawned and stretched, feeling the familiar ache of missing him, but the him now was Tim, not Noah. It had been a week since Emery left Tim at the park with the promise that she would hurt him. He hadn’t called, texted, or stopped by. She’d been busy, but missed his arrogant comments and easy company. She wondered if she’d finally scared him off enough to be done with her. It’s probably for the best.

  She’d enjoyed the last few months, the teasing, touching, and feeling somewhat normal, but all that had to come to an end. At least she did it before he meant even more to her. Or was it already too late? His absence felt like a part of herself was missing already. A buzzing of emotions lay just beneath her surface when she was with him. Her heart felt bigger, fuller, stretched… She didn’t know what that meant, but she’d never felt it before.

  The last time he was over he’d left a shirt at her house; she’d been sleeping in it. Emery was afraid for her sanity. She hardly knew this guy and just wanted his nearness; she felt the absence of his smile and laugh when he wasn’t around.

  The silence in her apartment was shattered w
hen the buzzer sounded. She looked at it, puzzled.

  “Yes?” she asked, but only heard the door open. “What the hell?” She hadn’t let anyone in. The knocking on her door startled her and she froze. Hoping there wasn’t anything to be scared about, she leaned her eye to the peephole. She ran her hand through her hair in either frustration or relief, she wasn’t sure.

  Stepping back from the door, she opened it. Tim was standing there in his uniform with a bag of food in his hand. He gave her a lopsided smile and walked in without asking permission.

  Emery shut the door and leaned her forehead against it, then watched him walk around like he owned the place. She tried to rationalize why he was here and what she should say. When she turned around he was there, in her personal space, his eyes clouded over with desire.

  “I like that you’re wearing my shirt to sleep in, Emma,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. He lifted her off her feet and wrapped her legs around his waist.

  She moved her head away from him, looking into his eyes, and cocked her head to the side in confusion. He claimed her lips and slid his tongue into her mouth. Her body ignited at his touch.

  Tim kissed her jaw, then tugged her earlobe into his mouth and moaned. “Emma…what this week did to me…God, you wouldn’t believe.”

  They stared into each other’s eyes; hers full of longing and confusion, his of desire and determination.

  He sighed and started walking toward her room. “I’m going to fuck you and then take you to my favorite place on earth,” he growled as he threw her on the bed.

  Emery gawked at him as he tore off his uniform in record time. Indecision gripped her; she’d pushed him away and he came back. She’d kept her distance and he kept bringing her back to him. When she was with him, she felt a pull and a knowledge she wouldn’t say no to him. Ever.

  “Tim—”

  He cut her off by pulling her over to the edge of the bed by her ankles, then grabbing her shirt and ripping it over her head. “I need to touch you everywhere. I’m not…” He stared at her. “I can’t help myself.”

  He grabbed her panties and pulled them down her legs, throwing them in the same direction as his shirt. He buried his face between her legs and she jerked at the suddenness of it.