“What about our jobs?” Scott had interrupted her.
“You are?”
“Scott Perry, Head of Development. I’d like to know how secure our jobs are.”
“Mr. Perry. This business will merge with another of a similar nature. Whilst we try to ensure all members of staff retain their positions, I can’t guarantee you that will be the case for everyone. However…” She held up her hand to stop the immediately chatter.
“However, if we have a duplication of positions, in the first instance we offer relocation and retraining. We don’t walk in and put people out of jobs, if we can help it.”
“Who will run this new company?” Scott asked, disdain in his voice.
“We have CEOs running the day-to-day stuff, but I oversee all U.K. operations, Mr. Perry.”
“So no Mackenzie then?”
“Mr. Miller has many businesses to oversee, both here and abroad. As I said, I run all U.K. operations. I have alongside me a dedicated team of chief executives.”
“So you’ll appoint someone to take over from Jerry?”
“Yes, that person will report directly to me.”
“And who will that be?”
“That isn’t a decision to be announced yet.”
She then cut off the rest of Scott’s questions and informed us of the company we would be merging with. She handed out a brochure; although it was a company I wasn’t aware of, the brochure certainly made them look impressive.
“Are there any questions?” she asked.
I raised my hand. “Lauren,” she said.
“I’d just like to welcome you. I’m thrilled to be on board at this exciting time.”
“Arse licker,” I heard whispered loud enough to prompt a chuckle. I slunk back in my seat.
“Thank you, that was kind of you. I’ll be meeting with each of you individually, over a period of time. Mr. Miller has already formed an opinion on where he sees each of your positions within the new group. You’ll be notified of any changes the minute they happen.”
Chairs scraped against the wooden floor, and with grumbles, the guys left.
“Lauren, do you think I could have a moment?” Gabriella asked.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Jerry said, leaving and closing the door behind him.
Gabriella perched on the edge of the table. “I’ll come straight to the point.”
I held my breath, waiting for the tongue-lashing I thought I’d receive.
“I want you as CEO, as does Mackenzie.”
I wasn’t expecting that, at all. “I…I don’t understand.”
“We believe in placing as many capable women in positions they deserve. We both feel you have the potential to do the job.”
“But if we’re merging, isn’t there already a CEO?”
“Yes, someone wanting to leave. But he’s willing to hang on a while and assist you.”
“Have you spoken to Mackenzie about this?”
“Of course.”
“When?”
“We've been speaking for weeks about it. He’s had to fly to one of our projects in Scotland last night, otherwise he’d be here himself.”
“I think you should reconfirm that with him.”
“Did you guys have a falling out?”
“Yes.”
“I can assure you, Lauren, when Mackenzie makes a business decision, he doesn’t let personal issues interfere with that. I have no doubt he hasn’t changed his mind.”
“I’d just like you double check. I was going to tender my notice today.”
“Can I persuade you to wait?”
“I don’t know. I guess he’s told you. I’m going through a divorce; it’s going to get nasty. For that reason alone, I’m not sure I’m your best candidate. I don’t have the respect of my colleagues, and I most certainly won’t once they know what I’ve done.”
“Oh, Lauren.” She sighed. “No one needs to know anything. And you know what? You Brits really have an uptight attitude towards relationships sometimes.” She smiled as she spoke.
“It’s hard enough being a woman in a position of authority in this country. We don’t get treated the same, nor paid the same.”
“It's the same worldwide, Lauren, and it’s one thing Mackenzie is dedicated to eradicating within his organisation. I won’t accept your resignation today, not until you’ve had a chance to work out whatever happened between you two, and not before you’ve had a taste of what’s being offered. Give me a couple of months, at least. If you still wish to resign, then so be it.”
“He’s very much into empowering women, isn’t he?” I said, not for one minute meaning within his businesses.
“After what his wife did to him, yes.”
I looked at her. “And I guess you won’t tell me, will you?”
“No. It’s his story to tell. Ask him.”
I smiled at her. I very much doubted, other than at work, I’d see him again to be able to ask.
“Oh, and don’t forget, you promised my overbearing mother that you’d take her to The Ritz. She will hold you to that,” she said then laughed.
“I love your mother.”
“Until she’s your mother.”
We laughed as she collected her mug and we left the boardroom. She headed for Jerry’s office and I took the opposite direction to the stairs.
“Sucking up, huh?” I heard as I entered the stairwell.
“Yeah, something like that,” I said, not wanting to give Scott a dignified answer.
“I sent the divorces papers back. Sandra and I want to get married as soon as possible, so if you could rush it along.”
“That’s great news, Scott. I’m thrilled for you.”
Inside I died just a little more.
“Yeah, we have such a great time together, we should have done this years ago.”
“You should have. So what exciting things did you do this weekend?”
“Shopped for new furniture, I don’t want anything from the apartment. Did you manage to get out at all?”
“I did, I spent an amazing weekend, down on the Sussex Coast. Wasn’t looking at furniture though.” I leaned a little closer to him. “I was having the best sex I’ve ever had, so yeah, you should have left a long time ago. I can’t believe what I’ve been missing out on.”
I carried on walking down the stairs. I wouldn’t cry. I held my shoulders high and my back straight.
“Bitch,” he said and I laughed.
I returned to my office, collected my bags and left, telling Jenny that I had a meeting I’d totally forgotten about, to attend. She didn’t look up from her computer but waved anyway.
I took a taxi straight home.
I sat at my kitchen table and twisted my phone in my hands. I had to ask. I sent a text.
I know you’re in Scotland right now, but I have to ask this. Was she clean?
It was a half-hour before a reply came.
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I’d subject you to anything I hadn’t checked out first? Of course she was clean, I even paid for the fucking tests. I’m going to call in a half-hour, okay?
No, I can’t talk right now. I’m about to go into a meeting. I just needed to ask, I lied.
I switched off my phone, just in case, and then cried again. I grabbed a tissue from my bag and wiped my eyes, took a couple of headache tablets to stave off the raging one I could feel coming on, and stripped out of my clothes. In just my underwear, I climbed back into bed. It wasn’t that I needed sleep; I just wanted the comfort and warmth of the duvet to hold me.
****
I must have slept because I was jolted awake by a banging on my front door. I lay still; pretending I wasn’t in, and hoping whoever it was would go away. I sure needed to speak to someone about how easy it seemed to be to get through the main block door.
The banging persisted. Eventually I heard Jerry call out. I climbed from the bed and dragged on jeans and a t-shirt.
“Jesus, you look like shit,” he sa
id when I’d opened the apartment door.
“Thank you,” I replied, opening it wide to allow him in.
“What’s wrong, Lauren?”
“I feel like I look. Maybe I have a bug coming, I’ll be back in tomorrow, and I’ll catch up on anything I missed today.”
“I’m not worried about work, I’m concerned about you.”
“Honestly, I have a ton of shit to deal with, Scott and the divorce. I guess it’s just got me down today. I’m fine.”
He stared at me, not convinced. “Coffee?” I asked.
He took a seat at the kitchen table while I put the kettle on. I made two cups then joined him. I told him what I’d received from the solicitors, about the division of assets, and what Scott had said that morning.
“I guarantee he isn’t rushing to get married, he’s just trying to hurt you.”
“I know that, and he succeeded. And stupidly I told him a load of shit that I bet he’ll spread all around the office.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That I’d spent the weekend having wonderful sex.”
“Did you?”
I looked at him. “You did!” he said.
“Don’t for one minute think I’m going to tell you anything. Anyway, if I divide up my assets, because you can fucking bet all of a sudden he doesn’t have any, I don’t know if I can afford to stay here.”
“So move. It's all a bit…sterile,” he said.
“That may well be, but it’s my sterile. It was my money that fucking bought this.”
“You must be able to argue that?”
“No, because he paid bills, contributed, and what’s mine is half his.”
“I know he has a pension, I see his payslip,” he said.
“But how can you divide up a pension, something neither of us gets for another thirty years?”
“I don’t know, ask your solicitor.”
“I’ve emailed her. I just want it all over and done with, to be honest. I’m going to call an estate agent tomorrow and get it valued, then see where to go from there. Maybe it is time for a change.”
“That offer of joining me on a holiday is still open,” he said.
“I’d love to, but you know I can’t. I have to get down and see Mum at some point soon. And my boss isn’t overly generous with holiday leave,” I said with a wink.
“Since I’m not about to be the boss anymore, you never know what the terms of the new one will be.”
“Are you happy about selling out?”
“I was, now I’m not so sure, but I signed the contract so I don’t think there’s any backing out. I can’t turn down the money, it would be a risk to continue for another ten years, so I have to make myself happy.”
“I think you did the right thing.”
“I guess it’s time for changes all round,” he said.
I smiled and sipped on my coffee. “I told Mackenzie part of the deal was that he had to keep you employed,” Jerry said.
“I wish you hadn’t done that.”
I wanted to fucking thank Jerry, in a not so nice way. Did that mean I was only offered the position of CEO so a deal could be struck? That thought just about topped off my day.
“There were a few people I said I was concerned about, I wanted to make sure you all had jobs after I left. Anyway, I’ll be off. You know where I’ll be if you need me.”
I walked him to the apartment door. “Oh, how did you get through the main door?” I asked.
“Key code thingy is broken, the door’s open. Although, last time I came here, I just pressed a button, thinking it was your number, said, ‘it’s me’ and they opened the door.”
“Great. I’ll get on to someone tomorrow. So much for security.”
Jerry left and I washed up the two cups. I made myself a snack, not having much appetite and fired up my laptop. I opened my emails to check on what I’d missed. My fingers hovered over one from Mackenzie sent the previous day.
You know what infuriates me? You ignoring me. I’ve tried calling. I’ve texted. Your phone is switched off. I gave you an opportunity to experience something you said you wanted. And I fucking hate having to explain myself in an email. I do face-to-face, Lauren. If we have a problem, we sit and talk about it. I can’t begin to understand what’s going on because you’re not talking. I’m not going to apologise for that night, it was one of the best I’ve ever had. The ball is in your court now. You know where I am.
Mackenzie
The first emotion I experienced was anger. I bristled at his words. But then I reread. I hadn’t explained why I’d run because I wasn’t sure how. He’d left it open for me to contact him, but I guessed he’d also made it clear he wasn’t chasing after me. I didn’t want him to either. He was a man ten years older than me, a very worldly man, I imagined. I thought I was mature enough, but maybe my life had been more sheltered than I believed. I scrolled through the internal email contact list, hoping I’d see the addition of Gabriella. When I did I sent her a message.
Sorry for the message, but I wondered if you could let me know when Mackenzie is back?
She replied from her phone.
He arrived home this afternoon; I’ve just left him. He took an earlier flight, cancelled his last meeting. Are you okay?
I replied just letting her know I thought I’d caught a bug but everything was okay otherwise.
I rushed from the room and dragged a brush through my hair. I grabbed a jacket and my handbag then left the apartment. I flagged down a taxi and then froze when I was asked where I wanted to go.
“Oh, fuck, address! It’s a gated community on Hampstead Heath.”
“You want to check?”
“No, I can call when we get closer.”
I checked my watch, although only six o’clock I wondered if he’d be busy with dinner. Nearly an hour later the taxi crawled along the boundary road to the heath.
“There,” I said.
“That’s not the gated community, that’s further up,” the driver said.
“No, that’s it.” I opened my purse and took out some notes.
“You want me to wait? What if no one’s in?”
He had a good point. “If you can.”
I climbed from the taxi and walked to the intercom. I pressed the call button and held my breath. At first there was no answer, but as I was about to walk back to the taxi, I heard his voice.
“Hello?”
“It’s Lauren,” I said.
He didn’t reply but a few seconds later the gates started to swing open. I raised my hand to the driver, who pulled away. My heart beat frantically in my chest as I walked up the drive, more so when I saw him standing at the open front door. His brown hair was tousled; his white shirt was crumpled, as if he had just climbed from bed.
“Hi,” I said, as I walked up the steps to the front door.
He took a step aside and allowed me in. He didn’t speak as he led the way to the kitchen.
“Coffee?” he asked.
“That would be nice.”
He gestured with his hand to a stool at the breakfast bar, and I watched as he ran the other through his hair.
“I was sleeping, sorry,” he said.
“I should have called first, I can always come back another time.”
“You’re here now, no point leaving just to come back.”
At first I couldn’t put my finger on his tone of voice. It was only when he turned to me that I saw sadness in his face. I wouldn’t presume that was because of me though. He placed the two small cups on the bar and sat on the stool next to me. He stared and I took a deep breath.
“I thought I was mature enough to play the game with you. I guess I’m not. I understand now. I’ve led quite a sheltered life. What I want, as opposed to what I’m capable of dealing with, appears to be two very different things.”
At first he didn’t speak. I distracted myself from his stare by raising my cup to my lips.
“Bullshit,” he said, quietly.
“Bullshit?” I stood from my stool. “You blew my fucking mind, Mackenzie. I loved every second of that weekend, and then I got disgusted with myself for doing so. I got scared, I was confused.” My voice rose in frustration. “I felt on such a high, and then I crashed, my whole body fucking crashed. I did things so out of my comfort zone, so fucking far out of the stratosphere for me; I can’t comprehend how or why, I did it. For a while I didn’t recognise myself, do you have any idea how much of a mind fuck that is?”
“And now we have the truth. Sit your fucking ass back down and listen to me.”
I stood still.
“I said, sit down.” His voice was low, controlled. I sat.
“You asked me not to let you fall. I told you that you would, but not in the way you thought. You did not give me the opportunity to stand you back up, you ran instead. You proved your lack of trust in me.”
“I…” I hadn’t thought of it that way.
“You did a beautiful thing. Not for me, not for her, but for yourself. Didn’t you prove to yourself how courageous you are? Didn’t you prove to yourself how sensual and sexy you are? She wanted you; I wanted you. You made her come; you made me come. You, Lauren, you.”
I didn’t respond, I couldn’t.
“There was nothing disgusting about what we did; we were three consenting adults. And before you say you didn’t know it was coming, you could have said no. You didn’t. You were supposed to experience the high; you were supposed to crash after. I was there to fucking catch you.” His voice had risen. “I was there to kiss away the tears I knew would follow. But you didn’t allow that. Yes, you are immature, Lauren. You have led a sheltered life. But you have a choice. Grow up and live life, or stay exactly where you are.” He finished in a more gentle tone.
“So you did something that you expected me to cry over?”
“I expected embarrassment, I expected guilt, I didn’t expect you to run and then ignore me.”
“So if you expected those things, why do it?”
“Because I could have helped you through that. I could have shown you there was nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing to feel guilty for.”
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