by Lauren King
“Mr. Darcy, please; I am not blaming Mr. Bingley. You are his very good friend, so I do not want to hinder his aid to you. I applaud his kind and caring efforts. I am not bothered with your presence….though…I am… afraid that you are disturbed by my presence. I do not want to cause any problems for you, but I know seeing me with Georgiana all the time is not going to help you forget about…our situation. I am sorry.”
“Miss Elizabeth, you are causing me no problems, and positively, you are not disturbing me. I only wish I was the one you were seeing all the time, but I apologize for bringing that subject up again and being so forward. I have to face the fact that you do not wish to be anything more to me than a friend. I will have to accept that and not trouble you any longer. I am the one who is sorry if I have made our situation difficult for you to move on. I only wanted to understand your decision clearer because I would be glad to assist you in any way I can if there was something too trying for you to bear. I can help you with anything; I would not mind it. I will not abandon a…friend such as you.” Darcy expresses his wishes clearly and most forthrightly.
He truly wants to aid her in any way possible. Fortunately, it sounds like her situation does not involve her directly, but it must be something of great importance for her to feel such obligation to be in a position to have to turn down a courtship. Darcy is determined to help her. He will give her some time to think things over and to trust him more so she can confide in him. There is nothing else he can do. He wants to do much more, but he cannot force her confidence or her affections.
“You have nothing for which to apologize, sir. I thank you for your most kind words, Mr. Darcy. You do not know how much I appreciate it.” She could not be more sincere, but she realizes now that she will have to sever her friendship with Georgiana and Richard too because if she lets any of them know about her situation, then her fear of losing their respect will come true. She would rather not be thought of at all than to be thought of with abhorrence and censure.
They continue their walk in silence, and they catch up with the others so their silence is not too unbearable. She knows what she has to do now. She just has to do it, once and for all. She can already feel the strain on her poor little heart crying out for her not to sever all ties with her three friends – well, two friends and a suitor with whom she could have had a great future. All right, no more thoughts of a great future with Mr. Darcy! It will never be, and she is only torturing herself more by thinking of it!
At the Petite Pastry shop, they all enjoy their time together. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy do not converse but are always aware of each other. She actually feels a yearning for his voice and attention, and it just makes her feel even worse that she will never have it again. She feels self pity, but she will snap out of this – she must. All this back and forth about what to do with Mr. Darcy and the anxiety regarding Lydia’s problem is slowly crushing her.
When their outing is over, Elizabeth could feel her heart breaking, again; this will have to be the last time that she sees Mr. Darcy and Georgiana. She does not know what else to do. She is continually torn between her choices, and she feels such a heavy weight on her shoulders for her dismal future without the love of…Mr. Darcy. God, this is too awful to keep thinking about. They all convey their farewells at the pastry shop, and then Bingley escorts Jane and Elizabeth home while Darcy goes home with Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley. The last set of eyes that Elizabeth sees is Mr. Darcy’s. The last touch upon her hand is Mr. Darcy’s; he hands her into Mr. Bingley’s carriage. She holds back her tears when she sees Mr. Darcy’s sorrowful, beautiful, blue eyes. She must not cry in Mr. Bingley’s presence.
During Bingley’s visit with Jane, he is as jovial as ever. He can tell that Miss Elizabeth is not as cheerful as she lets on. He detected that her eyes were glistening at their separation with Darcy at the pastry shop, but she did not cry. Bingley feels badly for Darcy, and he wishes that he could do more to help him and Miss Elizabeth, but he does not know how. Even Darcy does not know the reason for her refusal of a courtship with him. Maybe Bingley could discreetly ask Miss Bennet. Miss Bennet also seems a little subdued today too. He hopes that she is still inclined towards him because he is not going to back down from pursuing her, at this point. He already got into an argument with Caroline a few days ago when she found out that he was paying Miss Bennet another visit.
Bingley could not believe how spiteful Caroline has become towards the Bennets. She pointed out all of the Bennets’ bad attributes, again, and she insisted that he not see Miss Bennet anymore so that she would not be affected by their association with uncouth people in trade. Bingley had to remind Caroline, again, that their money and their family came from trade, thus should be more tolerable. He told her that she does not have to constantly demean people from trade because if any of them finds out her roots, then they will have worse things to say about her for being presumptuous, pretentious, and fake. The people in the first circles will definitely learn about her roots and their dismissal will be worse; hence, she should not be so pompous. She will surely isolate herself from genuine good people, even if they are from trade.
Caroline was quiet for no more than a minute before she said that it was his duty as her brother to match her with the best gentleman possible. She was certain that if he associated with trades people out rightly, then she would be looked down upon. Mr. Bingley reminded Caroline again, that Mr. Bennet was a gentleman from a family of generations of gentlemen so that made Miss Bennet a gentlewoman no matter what anyone said. He reminded Caroline that Miss Bennet’s reputation was flawless, and she was well admired where ever she went; accordingly, Caroline should not besmirch her because he will not stand for it.
He told Caroline that he was tired of her meanness. He has seen other people’s reaction to her presence, and they have not all been good. Some of the people were only putting up a front when they greeted her politely; she just did not recognize it. He was telling her this because he did not want her deceived by their real intentions. Caroline did not react any differently after Bingley imparted this information to her. Bingley was disappointed, but he could not force her; she did not seem to be receptive to his opinions or to care about them.
“Miss Bennet, how long are you staying in town with Miss Elizabeth?” Bingley wants to escort Miss Bennet to the Allston’s Christmas Ball.
“I am staying until after the New Years, sir.” Jane hopes that Mr. Bingley does not want specifics. She has decided to let their association develop because she really likes Mr. Bingley. She wants to see if he truly cares enough for her to stand up to his family for her. If he does show her that much attention and care, then she will tolerate his family – namely Miss Bingley, and then she will tell him about her family problem. She understands that he still may withdraw his attentions after he finds out, but she is willing to take that risk.
“That is good. I have been invited to the Allston’s Christmas Ball on the 23rd, and I was wondering if I could have the honor of your first set and your supper set.”
“If I have been included in their invitation, then I will be glad to save you those sets, Mr. Bingley.” Jane responds nicely. She understands the significance of his request for two sets with her, especially the first set.
Bingley says affably. “I met your Uncle’s family for the first time at the Allston’s Ball in October. I sincerely hope that you have been included in their invitation.”
Jane smiles demurely. At this point, Elizabeth walks back into the drawing room with Athena and Mrs. Gardiner, thus Jane asks, “Aunt, is the ball that you have been invited to the Allston Christmas Ball?”
“Yes, it is; why, Jane?”
“Mr. Bingley was also invited to it.”
“Jane, you have also been included in that invitation. When Mrs. Harold Allston found out that we have another niece staying with us over the holidays, she was glad to include you. We can all see you there, Mr. Bingley.” Mrs. Gardiner says cheerily as she turns to Mr. Bingley.
> “Yes, I hope to see Mr. Gardiner and all you ladies there, Mrs. Gardiner. It will be very merry.” Bingley says gleefully. This happiness is what he wants for life – no troubles with rude family members, just happiness with his lovely Miss Bennet.
Then, Mrs. Gardiner turns to Elizabeth and asks, “Would that not be nice, Lizzy?” Mrs. Gardiner wants Elizabeth to come, but she has been hesitant about going, thus she hopes that with Jane going then it will encourage Elizabeth to attend also.
“Yes, that will be fun, Aunt.” Elizabeth responds calmly.
All Elizabeth can think about is Mr. Darcy. She wishes that she will be able to see Mr. Darcy there, but she does not know if Mr. Darcy circulates in that particular society. She does not think Mr. Harold Allston is considered in the first circles even though he is rather wealthy. Anyways….it would be just more torture to see Mr. Darcy enjoy his dances with another young lady. Elizabeth is happy for Jane, though. This means that Jane has decided to proceed with Mr. Bingley to see how strong his feelings are for her. She hopes that Jane and Mr. Bingley will progress into a permanent, understanding, loving relationship where her family’s current circumstance will not frighten him away.
After Mr. Bingley leaves, Elizabeth and Jane confide with each other about their current situation. Elizabeth tells Jane about her plan to sever all ties with Mr. Darcy, Georgiana, and Richard. Jane’s plan is to continue with Mr. Bingley and take the risk of his non-acceptance. She wants to know if he cares for her to the point of overcoming their family’s circumstance.
After more thought, Elizabeth tries to justify, “If Mr. Darcy cares for me enough and accepts our family problem without negativity towards me, then no one else needs to be made aware of Lydia’s circumstances, right? I will accept having to withhold the truth from everyone else; all I care about is that Mr. Darcy accepts it, understandingly. We just need to make sure Lydia’s situation is kept under control.” Elizabeth stops to ponder about her logic.
Elizabeth breathes heavily and then says, “There are several different scenarios, here. One, Mr. Darcy completely accepts our problem, and we progress into a great relationship. Two, he does not accept it; hence, there is no longer a relationship. Three, he accepts our problem at first but is burdened by it later in our relationship. By that time we may have been too far engaged into our relationship that he would feel obligated to stay with me even though he does not wish it. Then, he would feel resentment and trapped which would bring about his disapprobation which would devastate me. At that point, he may break off our relationship which would also unfavorably affect his reputation. Fourth, if I do not tell Mr. Darcy until I know he truly loves me, then that is also deceptive on my part, and I may lose him. Georgiana and his extended family, in general, could be negatively affected in the first, third, and fourth scenarios. No matter which scenario, I will be filled with shame that he knows our problem.” She sighs heavily.
“I am going around and around in my head, and I cannot seem to make a straight decision and stick with it, Jane. How can I make a good decision when I am forced to choose amongst horrible options?” Elizabeth sighs deeply and sorrowfully.
“I just want this entire problem with Lydia to go away, and I will be happy to be with Mr. Darcy even if we are poor. I care for him so much, Jane. I know I hurt him unfairly by keeping him in the dark about my reason for denying his courtship. Yet, when he spoke to me earlier, all he wanted was to help me get over any difficulties that I might be going through. He was so sweet with his kind offer.” Elizabeth’s eyes begin to glisten, but she holds her tears back.
“Oh, Lizzy…” Jane and Elizabeth hug each other for comfort. “I am so extremely sorry for us all.” Both sisters sniffle because of their precarious futures that could turn out to be even worse.
After some minutes of pure crying and silent thinking, Elizabeth says confidently, “I have come to a decision, Jane.”
“What is it, Lizzy?”
“I am going to let the next two weeks go by and on the 22nd if Mr. Darcy is still interested in a courtship with me, then I will tell him about our circumstance. I will take the risk that he will back away, and I will accept his disapprobation. If the result is negative, then I will sever all ties to him, Georgiana, and Richard, immediately. That will be it, Jane. I am scared of his disapproval and regret, but if I do not take the chance, then I will never know if he will accept this because he cares enough for me. I do not want to live with the regret of not giving him a chance.”
“Why the 22nd, Lizzy?”
“I declined his courtship on November 22nd. I want to give him some time in case he does want to move on. In which case, I will know that he did not care enough for me.”
“Like you said before; do what you think is best for you. Our situation is immensely difficult. I have decided that I will also tell Mr. Bingley on the day that he asks me to be in a courtship.”
Both sisters feel better now that they have made a more solid decision in regards to their future concerning love. There is not much more they can do to make it better. They must face the consequences, no matter what they are. Elizabeth has written to her Father, and he agrees that she could stay to help her Uncle with his accounting for his business in order to investigate his embezzlement problem. However, her Father wants to rethink about Elizabeth staying permanently in London to work for her Uncle. Her Father will write to her at a later date about that. As for Jane, she can also stay with Elizabeth until he decides further. Their Uncle has agreed for Elizabeth and Jane to stay with his family for the near future.
The next week finds Elizabeth busy with the continued auditing. She is glad to be busy all day so that she can avoid dwelling about Mr. Darcy. She thinks about him when she is in bed at night. Sometimes, she cries, and sometimes, she is just purely depressed. However, she looks forward to finding out once and for all if Mr. Darcy will be able to shoulder her family’s shameful circumstance. She hopes she is right in her decision; otherwise, she will lose three great friends.
December 9th, 1810
Dear Georgiana,
I hope this note finds you and your family in good health. I, very much, enjoyed our walk and tea time at Petite Pastry last week. If you are up to going shopping with me, Aunt Madeline, and Jane, then we would love to have you with us when we go to Mrs. Templeton’s this Saturday to get our dresses fitted for Christmas and New Years. We will pick you up at ten o’clock if you would like to come with us. Afterwards, we can have luncheon at my Aunt’s house. Please, join us; I would love for you to spend the morning and afternoon with us. God bless you and Mr. Darcy.
Your Friend Always,
Elizabeth Bennet
1673 Grace Church Street, Cheapside
Elizabeth receives Georgiana’s happy acceptance to go shopping and have luncheon with Elizabeth and her family this Saturday.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10th
Bingley calls upon Jane on Wednesday, and they have a joyous visit. Jane becomes even more certain that she would like to have a future with him. He speaks more confidently about getting an estate in the country and settling there. He asks Jane’s opinion about some of the different towns with different weathers throughout the year. They both seem to like similar things, and that makes Jane even more hopeful of their futures. Mr. Bingley wants to call upon Jane again on Friday; she happily agrees.
On Friday, Jane and Bingley have another enjoyable and satisfying visit; Jane is delighted. She feels that Mr. Bingley is stronger than she had originally thought. She hopes that will still be the case when it comes to his family being against her. She is optimistic that Mr. Bingley will not be disturbed by her circumstance, and they can keep it between the two of them. When Bingley leaves, he asks to call upon Jane this Sunday. She agrees to two o’clock.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13th
Saturday is here, and Elizabeth will see Mr. Darcy again. She is anxious to know if he still is inclined towards her. As she and Jane are shown into the drawing room of Darcy House to await Georgian
a, they are greeted by Mr. Darcy. All the courtesies are relayed, and Elizabeth can see that Mr. Darcy still looks saddened by their…lack of a courtship. She does not want to be cruel, but she is happy to see that sign; it makes her heart flutter to think that he still wants a connection with her.
Is Darcy imagining that Miss Elizabeth is actually happy to see him? She looks happy. Could this be true, or is he just imagining it because he has missed her so much these past three weeks. She smiles at him with her curtsy, and then she glances quickly at him after Jane greets Georgiana who just walked into the sitting room.
Gleefully, Georgiana states, “Jane, Elizabeth, I will be getting a dress fitted today too! My generous brother’s Christmas gift for me is a new gown, so I can wear to our Uncle’s family Christmas dinner at Matlock House. I am allowed to attend because there will be only family present. Will you both help me pick out a suitable style and fabrics?” Georgiana asks excitedly.
“Of course, Georgiana.” Elizabeth and Jane happily reply, simultaneously.
Georgiana turns to Darcy and asks, “Brother, Mrs. Annesley is feeling under the weather, so it turns out that she cannot accompany me. Will you have time to come with me today?” Georgiana asks warmly while she comes to stand next to her loving brother.
“I will be glad to if it will not disturb the ladies, Georgie.” Darcy says pleasantly while looking at his sister. He turns to look at Miss Elizabeth when Georgiana asks Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth about him coming along.
“Jane, Elizabeth, will you mind if William come with us? Do you think Mrs. Gardiner will mind?” Georgiana asks candidly.