My Beginning With Mr. Darcy [Book One]

by Lauren King

  Jane watches the couple walk away. “William did you recognize the young lady? Do you know if she is Mr. Morgan’s family member?” Jane asks with unease. Perhaps the young lady is simply a relative or a very close friend of the family. Jane tries to calm her thoughts. Who kisses a young lady’s hand – a husband, a fiancé, a suitor, a very good friend of the family, or a relative? Who is Mr. Morgan to this young lady? Mr. Morgan would not be this deceptive and try to openly court two young ladies at a time, would he? Apparently, she does not know Mr. Morgan sufficiently. She will see what he says when he calls upon her later today. She honestly hopes that there is no duplicity occurring in their relationship.

  “I did not recognize who the young lady was. I do not know all of Morgan’s relatives and friends, Jane.” Darcy answers straightforwardly and honestly.

  “All right, is everybody ready to go home?” Jane tries to tamp down her curiosity and her anxiety.

  Back at Darcy House, Elizabeth and Jane sit cozily in front of the fireplace in the sitting room where it is more relaxed. Georgiana writes a letter in her chambers, and Darcy has gone to check on Bingley at his home.

  “Lizzy, did you see how comfortable they were with each other?”

  “Well…yes.”

  “Are they a couple? He kissed her hand. Do you think she is a relative or is he her suitor? William would know if Mr. Morgan was married, right?” Jane displays her apprehension. She is usually forgiving and always gives others the benefit of the doubt but….Mr. Morgan kissed that young lady’s hand in public.

  “Yes, William would most likely know if Mr. Morgan was married – unless he was not invited to Mr. Morgan’s wedding. However, I do not think Mr. Morgan can hide his marriage.” Elizabeth tenderly pats Jane’s hand to support her. “But Jane, you should wait and speak to Mr. Morgan. Do not let your imagination run wild. I know it is easier said than done but do try. We do not know all the particulars, yet. She, very well, could be a close relative of his; that is all. Let us keep a clear head. From what you know of Mr. Morgan, do you think he could be…disloyal and deceptive?”

  “Oh, Lizzy; I did not think he could be from the way he spoke and how he acted towards me. Maybe he likes this young lady more than me. I will accept that; I will completely understand. I just thought that we were doing quite well in our courtship. Do gentlemen usually court more than one lady at a time?” Jane has also never been courted; therefore, she does not know for certain. It does not seem right for a gentleman or a lady to have multiple courtships, at once.

  “I do not think they are supposed to; it seems wrong to engage multiple young ladies’ feelings like that and then sever the courtship once the gentleman has decided to choose one young lady over the others.” Elizabeth shares her logical opinion. She would not tolerate that for herself.

  “Mr. Morgan did not seem bothered about anything in our courtship. I mean….I am sure he did not find Lydia’s situation agreeable but…he said he would be able to tolerate it if I had true feelings for him which I do and I told him so. However, I can understand that, maybe, this young lady has no such impediments, and he has decided on her instead of me.” Jane tries to interpret Mr. Morgan’s actions.

  “Oh, Jane; let us wait and see. He looks to be an upright gentleman; William knows him as such a person. William would not be good friends with a rake.” Elizabeth is anxious to find out the truth too.

  “Maybe William does not even know this side of Mr. Morgan. They do not see each other as much as he sees Mr. Bingley.” Jane does not want to admit that Mr. Morgan may have also tricked William.

  “Well, let us just wait and see. You are prepared, though, are you not?” Elizabeth tries to be encouraging and supportive, but she is also realistic.

  “Yes, I am. I will get through this.” Jane sighs heavily and sadly.

  Elizabeth tries to distract Jane with talks of her wedding trousseau and what she wonders will occur at their wedding breakfast. Both Elizabeth and Jane have attended a couple of wedding breakfasts in Meryton when two neighbors’ children got married last year. Elizabeth can imagine that a wedding breakfast of the first circles involving relations to an earl will be very different from anything in Meryton. Elizabeth hopes that her wedding gown will be fitting for someone as distinguished as William; she wants to look suitable. This is not to say that William will ever look down on her; nonetheless, she would like to look pretty and appropriate for William; she wants him to be proud of her just as she is of him.

  At luncheon, the four people talk more about Darcy’s and Elizabeth’s wedding. The underlying trepidation is Mr. Morgan, but no one touches that subject. Once Darcy escorts Elizabeth and Jane home, he and Georgiana are invited to stay for dinner and they happily accept.

  It is three o’clock and Mr. Morgan is on time with his call upon Jane. Jane, Elizabeth, and Darcy are seated in the drawing room talking about something funny that Elizabeth did when she was a little girl. They are laughing when Mr. Morgan is shown into the drawing room. As Morgan enters the drawing room, all greetings are conveyed. Jane, Elizabeth, and Darcy are eager to see what Morgan will say by way of explanation for his actions earlier today.

  Morgan is happy to see Miss Bennet’s pretty smiling face; she is so very pretty and good in every way. Their courtship is a delight.

  Jane speaks amiably but is inwardly anxious for the truth. She will not pounce on the subject that is bursting to be discussed. She will give him a chance to mention it. She will not be bothered if Mr. Morgan has female friends – friends; she simply wants to know that she is not being deceived. She has decided to let things go where they may. Perhaps, Mr. Morgan is here to discontinue their courtship; if that is the case, then she is prepared. She could not have done anything different to change the results of this courtship; everybody has their own feelings and reasons. She must understand and accept these types of situations in life.

  Elizabeth really hopes that there is an uncomplicated explanation about that young lady in the park. She does not want Jane hurt again.

  Darcy cannot believe that Morgan can be such a rake, can he? People change over the years, but he always thought that Morgan was on the up and up. He cannot imagine that he will remain friends with Morgan should it turn out that Morgan has betrayed his courtship with Jane in this particular manner. Darcy cannot condone such conduct from a friend. There are different ways Morgan could have handled his situation. Darcy just hopes that there is a simple explanation about that young lady and about him kissing her hand in public. Surely, Darcy would have heard if Morgan was married. However, if Morgan was married, then it would be worse. He would be a despicable rake of the highest order! Let it not be true.

  Elizabeth and Darcy excuse themselves to the far end of the drawing room. While Jane and Mr. Morgan talk, Elizabeth quietly asks William what he thinks is going on. Does he think that Mr. Morgan is courting both Jane and that young lady? Darcy suggests they speak in the garden so Morgan and Jane will not overhear their conversation.

  In the garden, Darcy quietly says, “There are some gentlemen who try to court multiple ladies at once – actually, they are not gentlemen if they do that, now are they?”

  Elizabeth eagerly nods in agreement.

  “If they entertain such activities, then it usually occurs in two different towns, so the risk of both ladies finding out is low. Especially in London, where the gentleman may run into people who know the two young ladies; he would not want to chance that. Morgan is well known in the courts; he knows many people in London. I have known him to be an upstanding gentleman, thus I do not think he would do this to Jane. Even though I do not associate with him as closely anymore, I do not think he could have changed that much. He is the one that usually retreats from courting a young lady if he feels that he is not first in her eyes or if she is too ambivalent. Therefore, I cannot imagine that he would pull this sort of stunt on a decent young lady or any lady, for that matter. However, I could be wrong, and he has changed because his current actions reveal
that he could be one of those gentlemen. What are Jane’s thoughts?”

  “Jane thinks that it could be as simple as him accidentally liking two young ladies at one time. He may have not deliberately set out to deceive anyone, but now it has progressed into a courtship with Jane and a…whatever-the-situation-is with the other young lady. From the hand kissing this morning, we think that he has decided for the other young lady. I think Jane is going let today’s visit dictate what will happen. She is prepared for the courtship to end. She does not want it to end, but she realizes that it may. I really hope that Mr. Morgan is not that type of gentleman.” Elizabeth sighs and then begins to contemplate deeper. “William?”

  “Yes, Lizzy?” Darcy holds Elizabeth’s hands in his. He loves their connection; it feels very natural for him to have her near him every day – all the time, if he could help it.

  “You know you can tell me anything at any time, right?” Elizabeth looks up with her head slightly bent to the side as if she is shy and is gauging William’s reaction.

  “Yes. What are you talking about, Lizzy?” Darcy asks suspiciously. Darcy knows that Elizabeth is sensitive to these subjects, and since she is a passionate person, everything affects her deeply. Consequently, he wants to nip any potential negativity regarding their relationship in the bud. He knows that she will reflect on this problem and wonder what she would do if this was to occur in their relationship; subsequently, she will worry about it.

  “I just want you to know that…if you should change your mind about us, then I will not make it difficult for you if you tell me before I find out. I do not want you to think that you are trapped in our relationship. I know that there will be repercussions for you since my Father has already signed the marriage settlement, but I will ask my Father not to enforce them. You will not lose anything.” Elizabeth sees William’s expression of shock and disbelief, but she persists so that she can give him the option. She recognizes that she is insecure about this particular subject, but she cannot help it. He is such an eligible bachelor, fit for young ladies from the most prominent families in England, yet he chose her. She merely wants him to be absolutely certain of his desire for their marriage. She has several impediments that could blight his reputation, yet he still wants her. She is a pessimist by nature; she always plans for the worst case scenario. Elizabeth loves William so much and to have to say all these things is heartbreaking, but she feels she must so he knows he has options.

  “Please, think very carefully about what you are getting into. I do not want you to be in a relationship that you could resent in the future. I would much rather face the consequences of society now than have you be indifferent to me and regret your decision after we are married. That will devastate me and affect our children, too; I do not want them to see and to live with unloving parents. I think it would be a hundred times worse for a man or for a lady to live in a bad marriage than not to be married at all.”

  Darcy sighs heavily and shakes his head in sadness and says, “Lizzy, you hurt my heart when you say these things to me.”

  “No! William, I am sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I would understand; that is all. I am sorry I hurt your feelings; that was not my intention, at all. Please, do not be upset with me.” Elizabeth says sincerely and regretfully. She knows these thoughts irritate him, thus she will try to control her insecurities.

  “Lizzy, how can you say these things to me, again? Do you still not know how much I love you?” Darcy says seriously but quietly to assure that no one else hears him.

  “I am sorry. I love you so much, and I would be desolated if you changed your mind about us, but I cannot standby to see you trapped into a future that you do not want. That is all I wanted you to know. I know that you would not have to face these problems that you are facing with my family had you been courting some young lady from the Ton. I can imagine how exasperating my family problems can be; therefore, the appeal of our relationship can wane and become burdensome. I do not ever want to be an encumbrance for anyone, at any time. My main concern is that you do not feel trapped in our relationship; consequently, I am willing to do whatever I can to prevent that or to alleviate it – even if it means that I suffer the loss of our love.” Elizabeth becomes depressed and worried. It is quite heartbreaking just to say these words out loud – much less, actually go through with the breakup. Her heart already wrenches just thinking about it.

  Darcy looks intensely into Elizabeth’s eyes before saying, “Lizzy, I want you to hear me clearly. I do not want you to have any more doubts about me.” Darcy sees Elizabeth’s innocent eyes stare back at him, but his voice and tone remain firm to emphasize the seriousness of his statements. He refuses for her to continue to doubt their relationship or doubt him. “I know exactly who you are and who I want for my wife. I know exactly what I am doing and what I want in my life. Everything points to you – no one else. You are who is on my mind and in my heart; that is exactly where I want you to be – forever. I am not changing my mind or having second thoughts. I am definitely not feeling trapped in any way, whatsoever, in regards to us. Do you understand all these points, Lizzy?” Darcy poses firmly and unflinchingly.

  Elizabeth nods gently while her innocent eyes start to shimmer.

  Darcy does not want her to cry, but he has to ensure his next point. He holds her upper arms and steps up closer to kiss her forehead to reassure her of his love. “I do understand that you would forgo your happiness for me because you love me, but…I want you to know that I will never let you sacrifice yourself for me – never. I just want your love, Lizzy. I love you so immensely that it hurts me to hear you doubt my love for you.”

  Instantly Elizabeth exclaims, “I do not doubt your love for me. I just…you are so good to me…I…just want you to know that you are not trapped with me and you can change your mind if you want. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. You know I would never hurt you, purposely. You have shown me again and again your true love for me, yet I am still fearful that you may want to change your mind. I was just worried that with my family’s problems that you may get tired of them and of me. I know you are not flippant, yet I am scared. It is ridiculous of me, but I cannot help these feelings. Nevertheless, I promise I will try not to think like that anymore. Will you forgive me for hurting your feelings? I love you so much; it is beyond what I can show you or tell you, right now.”

  Darcy gazes lovingly at Elizabeth while he says, “Dearest, there is nothing to forgive. I know your intentions were good; it was never meant to hurt me. I love you more than anything I can fathom. I cannot imagine living without you or without your love. My mind hurts if I think of that. My world would be dark and barren without you in it. Do not ever take your love from me.”

  “Never; I will never voluntarily stop loving you.” Elizabeth leans in and stands on her tip toes to kiss William’s lips quickly to express her affections for him.

  Darcy quickly grasps Elizabeth into his arms and kisses her fervently for a few seconds so she can physically feel how much he loves her and never doubt him again. Obviously, he cannot prolong this kiss; he has to release her before others come out here. God, the 31st cannot come fast enough. Why did he not stick with the 17th?

  “We understand each other better now, right? No more thinking that I want to alter my mind about us?” Darcy frowns in mock irritation. She is too considerate, too thoughtful, and too caring of him, but he will not allow her to surrender her happiness.

  “Yes, we understand each other better. And I know that you do not want to change your mind about us.” Elizabeth smiles affectionately while holding William’s hands. “I love you.”

  “I love you.” Darcy smiles back warmly, and then he caresses her cheek before sitting down on the back sitting bench.

  Elizabeth tells William that she will go look through the glass French doors into the drawing room to check on Jane. Jane seems to be having a regular conversation with Mr. Morgan – nothing too intense or sad from the looks of it. Elizabeth is impatient t
o hear what Jane has to say. She hopes that it will be good news. Sitting with Darcy again, she asks him about his visit with Mr. Bingley.

  “Obviously, he was very distraught. He said he loves Jane, and he hates himself for being stupid about their relationship. I asked him why he did not tell her that he loves her sooner or contact her sooner than New Year’s Eve. He said that he was just taking some time to think over everything and deal with his younger sister. The problems were overwhelming for him. He felt so obligated to his family that he lost sight of his own happiness. At that point, I did not want to keep pointing out what he did wrong, thus I just stayed and listened to him. It was like he was still in a trance that he lost Jane. He was quite angry with Miss Bingley. He will not tolerate her anymore. If that is the case, then the next young lady that will be with him will benefit from his strengthened personality and resolve. I will be glad for him; he cannot allow Miss Bingley to continue as usual.”

  “I completely agree with you. His changed ways are, unfortunately, too late to save his relationship with Jane, but it will be better for his future.” Elizabeth sighs heavily then says, “Now, there is this situation with Mr. Morgan. Poor, Jane.”

  Mr. Morgan visits for two hours before leaving. Jane is disappointed because Mr. Morgan did not mention anything about his visit with the young lady from this morning. As a matter of fact, he had said that he did not do much of anything this morning. He spoke to his parents about several things but not much anything else. He made it sound like he was not even out of his house today. Did they really see Mr. Morgan this morning? Was that him kissing that young lady’s hand?

  Jane wanted to be absolutely sure, so she said, “How nice it was for you to spend the whole morning with your parents today. They must have enjoyed all that uninterrupted time with you. I am sure they do not get that much time with you.” She does not like to resort to being manipulative, but perhaps, he just needs some motivation before talking about it.