Bikini Planet

by David Garnet

  “Because I’m in GalactiCop?”

  “That’s a bonus. They’ll kill you because you’re not a pirate. Compared to what Grawl will do to me, you’ll be the lucky one.”

  Kiru let go of Norton’s hand and stepped away. In the gloom, he saw her shrug her shoulders.

  “But I could be wrong,” she said.

  “They wouldn’t hurt us, you mean?”

  “No, I mean we could be the only ones on board. We weren’t captured with the pirates, so we might not be with them now.”

  Yow-YAW! Yee-YAW! Yow-YAW! Yee-YAW! Yow-YAW!

  “And the ship might not be about to go supernova,” added Kiru. “This could be a false alarm.” She turned away. “Goodbye, James, it was nice knowing you.”

  “Wait.”

  He caught up with her, their fingers interlocked, their icy lips briefly brushed together, and they continued their descent through the doomed ship.

  “Almost there,” said Kiru, as they rushed down to another level.

  Norton wondered how she could tell, but didn’t have the energy to ask.

  They turned another dark corner and Kiru stopped.

  Ahead of them, in the dim light, a handful of bulbous hatches sprouted from the bulkhead.

  “They all seem to be there,” said Kiru. “I thought we might have been too late, that the crew would have taken them all.”

  Norton’s theory was that this was a ghost ship, without even a skeleton crew.

  “Escape capsules,” Kiru continued. “Spacers call them ‘coffins.’ ”

  “I’ve already spent three hundred years in a coffin.”

  “You came out of it alive, James. And I want to get off this ship alive. You’re my good-luck charm.”

  “How do we get inside?” asked Norton.

  Kiru reached up, and a moment later one of the hatches swung open.

  “Told you,” she said.

  “Women and children first,” said Norton, and he cupped his hands for her to step into. “I hope you know how to drive one of these things.”

  “So do I,” she said, and she kissed his lips.

  As Kiru rose up to the capsule, he kissed her shoulder her breast, her hip, her knee, her ankle.

  YEE-YAW-YOW-YAW-YEE-YAW-YOW.

  “Now you.” Kiru reached down for him.

  Norton raised his arms, and their wrists and hands locked together. Then a hint of movement in the gloom caught his eye and he looked around.

  One of the shadow guards glided through the icy darkness, straight at him. It carried no weapon, but its arms were poised to haul him away from safety. If Norton fell, he’d also drag Kiru out of the capsule.

  “Let go!” Norton yelled.

  “No!” cried Kiru.

  He tore himself free, saw Kiru fall back into the lifeboat.

  As he began to drop, the spectre collided with him.

  But instead of a violent impact, instead of thudding against Norton’s body, the alien passed through him…

  Every atom of Norton’s body was drained of heat. His entire being was plunged into the abyss of absolute zero. His blood froze in his veins. His heart ceased to beat. His whole existence ended.

  He was dead. Totally dead. Not at rest, as he had been during suspended animation, but completely without a trace of vitality.

  The only thing Norton had left was his brain, his final thoughts, which were of Kiru.

  She was only a few yards from him, but the distance was a galaxy away. Since they met, this was the first time they had ever been apart.

  How long had he known her? Two or three hours? Five or six? Eight or nine? There was no way of telling. However long it had been, it wasn’t long enough. He wanted to be with her, stay with her, continue their association.

  He’d never felt this way. Not for three centuries. Not even then. Not like this.

  Wayne Norton was in love. But now it was too late.

  All was dark, all was over, all was silent.

  YOW! YAW! YEE! YAW! YOW! YAW! YEE! YAW! YOW!

  Except for the sound of the alarm—

  BAMABAMABAMABAMA!

  —the noise of the ship being ripped apart—

  “James! James! James!”

  —and Kiru calling his name, or what she thought was his name.

  He could hear.

  Which meant he was alive.

  He could feel the vibrations of the ship being destroyed.

  Wayne Norton had been reborn.

  !!!!!POWPOWABAMAPOWBAMMMMMM!!!!!

  But the spaceship was going through its death agonies.

  He was lying prone on the deck.

  His life had begun anew, but his future would be very brief.

  He had been in darkness, but now there was light.

  The light from the stars. Visible through the rips in the hull.

  Pulling himself to his feet, he took a final gasping breath as the last of the ship’s air was sucked out into the vacuum of space.

  The hatch to the lifeboat was still open. A fraction.

  Norton stretched up, but couldn’t reach. He jumped, slid one hand in through the gap, then the other.

  He was floating. Gravity was gone. Only his grip on the hatch prevented him from being sucked out into the infinite darkness.

  The hatch moved. Slightly. Then slightly more. Then more. More. And he slipped through, tumbling down. The hatch snapped shut.

  He closed his eyes in relief, and opened his mouth to greedily drink in the air.

  “Honey,” he breathed, “I’m home.”

  He opened his eyes.

  Saw someone.

  Not Kiru.

  He was in the wrong escape capsule.

  With Grawl.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  “James!” yelled Kiru. “James!”

  Then the hatch slammed shut, and she knew it wasn’t such a good idea to try to open it, not if she wanted to live.

  She sank down on to the floor and wondered if she wanted to.

  All was silent. The emergency siren could no longer be heard. The escape capsule must either have been ejected from the main ship, or the ship no longer existed—or perhaps both.

  It was warm inside the lifeboat, warm and light, but she’d willingly have spent the rest of her life in the cold and dark if she could have been with James.

  He had sacrificed himself for her, and now she was alone.

  Alone again, as she had been for almost all of her life.

  “And who are you?” enquired a voice.

  Kiru looked up quickly. There was a human standing at the far end of the capsule, or a figure that appeared to be human. If so, he seemed to be male; but because he was dressed, she couldn’t be certain. Within the confines of the capsule, he seemed even taller, broader, than he really was. His face was black, his hair was white, and he was wearing a dark outfit of loose trousers and long jacket.

  “Who are you?” said Kiru, as she stood up.

  The man smiled, looking her up and down, and said, “I asked first.”

  Kiru put her hands on her hips and tried to out-stare him. Without success. He kept studying her naked body.

  “I’m delighted you’re here,” he said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “To be joined by a lovely young thing such as yourself, that’s what I mean. What a pleasure.”

  “You’re not getting any pleasure from me!” said Kiru.

  The man held up both hands in a placatory gesture. “You misunderstand, my darling. When one gets to my age, one doesn’t bother about that kind of thing anymore. Which doesn’t mean one can’t appreciate the physical perfection of a nubile young beauty such as yourself.”

  As he spoke, he slowly moved toward her. Kiru glanced around for some kind of weapon, but there seemed to be nothing she could thump him with.

  The man followed her gaze, and he also studied the lifeboat. It was small, compact. All that could be seen of the interior was a short corridor, about three metres high, one metre wide. The floor a
nd sides were matte, metallic, and Kiru knew that below and behind them was all the survival gear and rations. The capsule was fully equipped for several people, but would be ideal as a single cabin.

  If she had been here alone, she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else suddenly coming in. Apart from James.

  “It ain’t much,” said the man, “but it’s going to be our home. I think we should get going.”

  “Going? Where?”

  “This is an escape pod, my sweetheart. So we escape.”

  “I’m not your sweetheart.”

  “Whatever you say, my love.”

  The man turned, making his way back to the end of the capsule. He raised one hand, rotated his wrist, pointed, and a screen appeared on the wall. Then he started waving his hands in front of it.

  Kiru hadn’t moved from the hatch. Although the capsule was larger than the spherical cell, that wasn’t saying much, and she wanted to keep as much distance between herself and the man as possible.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Don’t worry your pretty little head over that. This is man’s work.”

  Kiru felt a movement. The lifeboat was in motion. Slipping away from the convict ship. Away from James.

  But the ship no longer existed. Neither did James.

  She had to forget about him. It would be easy. He was just a man. She’d hardly known him. He was nobody to her. And now, he was nobody at all.

  Kiru didn’t believe anything James had told her, or not much of it. He might have been a policeman, but what kind of person became a cop? The kind of person who couldn’t be trusted. James couldn’t help telling lies. Three hundred years old? He probably wasn’t from Earth. He probably wasn’t even human. She was much better off without him.

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “I’m glad you agree,” said the man.

  Kiru realised she’d spoken aloud, trying to convince herself by vocalising her thoughts.

  “Women, bless them,” the man continued speaking, as he continued gesticulating in front of the screen, “just don’t have the reflexes and co-ordination to pilot a starship. As long as you know your place, my dear, we’ll get on fine.”

  “What is my place?”

  “In the galley.”

  “You mean I’ve got to row the lifeboat? Chained to an oar?”

  “The galley is the kitchen.”

  “Ah! I cook and clean for you?”

  “If only. It’s all compact food, flasheated in five seconds.”

  “Good.”

  “It’s not good. If we can cook and eat in ten minutes, how do we pass the rest of the time? This is going to be a long voyage, my precious.”

  “I’m not your precious. I’m not anyone’s precious. I’m not a love, not a dear, not a darling. My name is Kiru.”

  “Delighted to make your acquaintance, Kiru. Is that it? Just one name?”

  “We were too poor to afford more than one.”

  The man laughed.

  “What’s funny?” demanded Kiru. “It’s true.” It probably wasn’t true because she must once have had a family name—because once she had a family. “I’m from a poor planet. It’s called Earth.”

  “I know.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I couldn’t help noticing, Kiru, that you’re not wearing a slate. But you understand me, which means we’re from the same planet.”

  He had been gesturing at the control screen all the time. There was no longer any sense of movement, but Kiru knew the capsule was now speeding through space. Away from the debris of the convict craft. Away from James. Heading for…?

  She’d been about to ask their destination, but this was a more important question.

  “You’re from Earth?”

  The screen vanished and the man walked back from the far end of the lifeboat, which was only several long strides away. He stood in front of her, looking down, and nodded.

  Earth was just one of thousands and thousands of inhabited worlds, an average little planet with no distinguishing features—or even distinguished features. Since leaving her native planet, almost everyone Kiru had met claimed to be from Earth. The boss, Grawl, James, and now this man. But they were all men. They could all have been lying.

  Kiru had been very nervous at first, but now that the man was so close that she could look up his nose and see his nasal hairs needed a trim, he wasn’t so intimidating, and she was no longer scared. Even his nose hairs were white, as were his eyebrows and lashes.

  “Do you have a name?” she asked.

  “Plenty of them,” he said. “Unlike you.”

  “Do you have a name I can call you?” she asked.

  “Eliot Ness,” he said.

  There was something familiar about the man. Kiru had never seen him before, or at least not the way he looked now. But appearances could be changed, and no one was ever who they seemed to be.

  In retrospect, she knew how much the boss had altered during the voyage from Clink to Hideaway, although she was now unable to picture him in any of his guises. That must have been part of his masquerade, to block the memory of anyone who saw him. He might not have changed at all, but he had controlled Kiru’s perception of his appearance: He had never been an old man, but he had made her believe that he was.

  Despite his ability to transform himself, she felt sure Eliot Ness wasn’t the pirate boss.

  Neither was he Grawl. Because if he was, Kiru would have lost her mind by now. Literally. And Grawl would have claimed her body.

  She also knew that he wasn’t James. Because he would also have claimed her body, although in a much more pleasant and far less fatal way.

  James was outside the lifeboat when the hatch had closed, by which time Eliot Ness was already inside. James was gone, dead and gone, dead and gone and forgotten.

  “You should put something on,” said Eliot Ness.

  “I haven’t got any clothes,” Kiru told him. “I haven’t got anything. I was a prisoner on a convict ship. That was a convict ship we left, wasn’t it?”

  “Depends on your perspective.”

  “From where I was, there wasn’t much of a perspective. Were you locked up?”

  “Depends on your definition of ‘locked up.’ ”

  “If you weren’t a prisoner, you must have been working on the ship.”

  “Working? Me! You think I do manual labour?”

  “How should I know? Are you going to tell me what you were doing on board?”

  “You wouldn’t believe me.”

  She wondered how he knew.

  “As I told you, Kiru, we’re in this together. We’ve got to be friends.”

  She looked around again for a weapon.

  “Or at least not enemies,” Eliot Ness added. He stepped back, reached up to the bulkhead, and part of the wall slid away. Leaning inside, he took something out, threw it to her. “Not very flattering, but they’ll fit almost every known race in the galaxy.”

  Kiru unfolded what he’d given her. It felt warm to the touch but looked like a huge plastal bag.

  “Aren’t you going to put it on?” he asked.

  “Not with you watching.”

  “But you’re already naked.”

  “So?”

  Eliot Ness shrugged, then turned his back.

  Kiru couldn’t work out where to begin. There didn’t seem to be any sleeves or legs or neck. The garment clung to her as she examined it. When she tried to pull away, it moulded itself to her skin. She twisted to free herself but instead became more entangled. The thing slid up, around, over, and suddenly she was no longer naked.

  It was looser than a bodysuit, but even more comfortable, supporting her where she felt weak, warming her where she was cool. She was completely covered from toe to head, with only her face and hands exposed.

  “Um,” she said. “Um, um, um, um, ummmmmm.”

  “It’s called a symsuit,” said Eliot Ness, as he took out another and unbuttoned his jacket.

  “
You’re already dressed. Why do you need one?”

  “Because I prefer survival to annihilation. The suits will slow our metabolism and allow us to live longer.”

  Kiru didn’t want to turn her back on him, but neither did she want to watch him undress. As he took off his clothes, she looked away.

  “What are they made of?” she asked, running her fingers across the strange material. It had felt cold and hard at first; now it was warm and soft.

  “That’s like asking what are we made of.”

  “You mean they’re… alive?”

  “It’s better than wearing something dead. People used to do that, did you know? They wore dead animals. Leather and fur.”

  “This is some kind of animal ? Some kind of alien animal? Is it dangerous? Could it eat me?”

  “More like a plant than an animal. It won’t eat you, but you could eat it. They’re dormant until they come into contact with a living creature, then they start to interact, working symbiotically with your body.”

  Kiru glanced around. Eliot Ness was dressed in his own colourless symsuit. Only his face remained visible, his long white hair covered by the fabric. His hair wasn’t that colour because of his age. He was old, of course. Everyone was old to Kiru. But he wasn’t old old, really old, not the way the boss had pretended to be.

  “Shall we celebrate our survival by having something to eat?” he said. “With only two of us on board, we don’t have to ration ourselves. For a while.”

  “Now my chores begin, you mean?” said Kiru.

  “I’ll do it,” said Eliot Ness.

  In a very brief time, his whole manner toward her had changed. He must have been as surprised as Kiru was to find that there were two of them in the escape capsule, and the way he’d first spoken to her showed he had been as wary of her as she was of him.

  He found the food, flasheated two meals, made two seats and a table appear out of the walls, and they ate.

  “Don’t think of this as food,” he said. “It’s fuel to ensure our survival.”

  “Tastes fine to me.” The meal was far better than most of what she’d eaten during her life. “How do you know where everything is? How come you can pilot this ship? Where are we going?”