Suzette’s tears stopped with a hiccup so violent it hurt. Not daring to believe what she’d heard, she pulled herself out of Hawk’s embrace and stared at him. “What did you say?”
“I said I love you, too.”
She tried very hard to restrain herself, but it was impossible. She threw herself at him and burst into tears again. Hawk loved her. She’d thought knowing he loved her would make things easier, but now it was a thousand times harder. Here was more happiness than she’d dared dream about. All she had to do was reach out and grab it. “Are you sure?” Men never fell in love as quickly as women. They practically had to be hit over the head before they’d admit to such a weakness.
His answer was to take her in his arms and kiss her with so much fervor she couldn’t possibly doubt him. Moments later, she emerged from his embrace breathless and as limp as a rag doll. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
There were a thousand reasons. She hadn’t wanted to admit the truth to herself. If she didn’t love him, it wouldn’t hurt to leave. If she didn’t love him, she could smile as she sang and danced for other men. If she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t miss being in his arms, seeing his smile, being able to reach out and touch him. If she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t have to dream about making love to him until her bones melted and her senses became so acutely attuned to his presence, they blocked out the world around them.
“I was afraid it would hurt too much,” she admitted.
“I thought women believed happiness was worth the pain.”
“Do you believe it’s worth it?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before.”
Suzette’s heart soared. He didn’t say he’d never been in love like this. He said he’d never been in love at all. Maybe it was selfish to cherish that confession so much, but she couldn’t help herself. She didn’t know what tomorrow or the next day would bring, but she had tonight. She would forget Tombstone, forget Quebec, forget—
Dusky Lady blew hard through her nostrils. Then she grunted. Suzette turned to see the mare circling, her movements awkward.
“She’s looking for a place to lie down,” Hawk said. “She’s getting ready to have her foal.”
Josie and Zeke stood in the tiny hallway that led to the two bedrooms, neither willing to go just yet, neither quite meeting the other’s gaze. Things had gone so well this evening, Zeke had considered trying to clear the air between them. He wasn’t about to confess undying love to Josie, but he was willing to admit a nearly overpowering lust to himself. This woman was just too beautiful for words, but her beauty wasn’t what attracted him most. It was her vulnerability. Josie didn’t know it and probably wouldn’t admit it if she did, but she was a very lonely and unhappy woman. It wasn’t simply that she’d closed men out of her life. She’d also closed down her spirit and her heart. Life had cleaved her in two, leaving her perpetually in search of her other half. Only Josie denied that she had another half. Zeke knew she wasn’t complete just as she was, but he didn’t know if he was the person to tell her so.
“Do you think you can remember how to sleep in a bed?” Josie asked Zeke. “With Hawk and Suzette watching Dusky Lady, you don’t have to sleep under the stars.”
Zeke had been mulling over ways to tell Josie he was going to sleep outside. Now she’d just punctured his only possible excuse. He resented Josie’s implication that something was wrong with him because he didn’t share her views about the virtues of spending one’s whole life inside some building. It was just that two men found it easier not to mess with all the trouble that came with living in a house. “I haven’t always lived like an animal.”
“I meant that as a joke,” Josie said.
Zeke couldn’t picture a Josie who made jokes. In his mind she was a quick-tempered woman who distrusted men and had no problem letting them know she wanted nothing to do with them.
“Sorry. I’m not used to sharing a house with an unmarried female.”
“I make you nervous?”
She seemed surprised. Where had she been for the last week? Couldn’t she tell she drove him out of his mind? “Look, let’s just go to bed, okay? Every time we talk, you end up angry at me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t treat you very fairly at first.”
He was beginning to wonder if Josie was in her right mind. The Josie he knew didn’t apologize or give a damn about fairness. She only wanted what she wanted, and to hell with the rest of the world. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Why do you ask?”
Hell, she was leaving soon. No point in mincing words now. “For the first few days I was afraid to turn my back for fear you might stick a knife in it. Now you’re nice most of the time, but you keep looking at me like I’m a rattlesnake about to strike. I keep waiting for you to reach for a gun.”
Josie dropped her gaze. “I misjudged you. You’re a very nice man who’s done nothing to earn my distrust, and everything to earn my gratitude.”
Zeke was certain there was a great big qualification coming that would rock him off his heels. She actually looked like she was sorry. He had to get a grip on himself, and quick. A churning in his gut urged him to take her into his arms and kiss her until they both forgot about that terrible beginning.
“You keep talking like this, and I’m going to think you actually like me.” He didn’t know why he said that. It was an open invitation for her to plunge a knife into his heart.
“I do. I like you very much.”
This couldn’t be happening. Maybe he was just dreaming they were standing in the hall having this absolutely out-of-the-blue conversation.
“I’m sure you know you’re a handsome man with impressive strength and skills. I’m not sure you know you’re also kind, patient, and thoughtful. It was wrong of me to prejudge you.”
Okay, if she didn’t stop talking, he was going to kiss her even if it meant she’d shoot him the minute he released her. They hadn’t been drinking, and they hadn’t eaten any bad meat. This had to be real. “What made you change your mind?” How could he have missed something that important?
“The way you protected me from Gardner when he tried to kidnap me.”
“Anybody would have done that.”
“He could have shot you.”
“Hell, I’ve been shot so many times I’ve lost count.”
“Nobody’s ever tried to protect me before.”
He didn’t know what kind of men she’d been around all her life.
“Suzette told me I was wrong about you, but I wouldn’t believe her. I didn’t want to believe her.”
“Why?” It was crazy to want to believe everybody was out to hurt you. It must have made her very unhappy. She certainly looked miserable now, as if she would rather be anywhere else in the world than here talking to him. Her gaze kept shifting away from him, then coming back, only to shift away again. If he was as kind and thoughtful as she said, he’d let her go to bed. It was obviously torture for her to think of a reply that wouldn’t hurt his feelings.
“If I believed her, I’d have to admit I liked you. And if I admitted that, I’d have to admit I liked you far more than I wanted to.”
“You like me!”
“I just said I did.”
“A lot?” The words came out unbidden. He wasn’t sure he had any thoughts in his head, just feelings, desires, and desperate hope.
She dropped her gaze. “Yes.”
He thought his heart would stop beating. No, it was beating so fast he felt light-headed. First he couldn’t breathe. Then he was breathing so rapidly he could hear it. “I don’t believe you.”
She looked up at him. “What can I do to prove it?”
He clamped his lips together to keep the answers stacked up like a logjam from pouring out. He reached out and gripped her hands. She resisted at first, then slowly allowed him to draw her closer. “You could let me kiss you. I’ve been wanting to do that ever since I saw you.”
&nb
sp; He felt her tense, saw the fear in her eyes, but she didn’t pull away. He brought her closer, slipped his arms around her waist. She was nothing like the angry and defiant young woman he’d met days ago. Now she appeared uncertain, vulnerable, frightened. In that moment he knew he could hurt her very much.
“I don’t want to do anything to frighten you.”
“You’re not.”
The terror in her eyes showed she didn’t believe her own words. She had opened herself to a man for the first time, and she was afraid. Zeke pulled her to him. She stayed rigid for a moment before relaxing and slipping her arms around his waist. He told himself he could be happy if he could just hold her like this for the rest of the night, but he knew this wasn’t nearly enough. Having come this far, it was impossible to stop, unthinkable to pull back.
“Look up at me,” he said.
She was slow to respond. When she did, he could see the uncertainty in her gaze. “I’m going to kiss you. If you want me to stop, just tell me.”
She didn’t move; her gaze didn’t waver. Taking his courage in his hands, Zeke lowered his head and kissed her. He knew immediately she’d never been kissed before. It seemed incredible, but she didn’t know what to do. She simply stood there letting him kiss her, waiting for him to tell her what to do next.
“You have to help,” he said softly. “It’s not as much fun if I do all the work.”
Chapter Nineteen
Josie felt as though her body were frozen, locked in place, unable to move. She didn’t know if she wanted Zeke to kiss her, but she hadn’t been able to tell him to stop. Fear of what this could lead to stampeded through her brain like a runaway steer. She might have pulled back at the last minute if it hadn’t felt so wonderful to be in his arms. That was what had disarmed her, had enabled her to slip past the panic long enough to lean against him and put her arms around him. She’d never touched any man or allowed a man to touch her this way. She’d always been certain she didn’t want it, would hate it, that it would lead to pain. Then Zeke kissed her, and it was wonderful.
Josie had never felt like this before. Not that she could have said how she felt. It was crazy, as it every part of her was trying to overdose on sensations at once. She was in an uproar, unable to move, to think, to react. She just was.
“Sorry. I didn’t know you’d dislike it that much.”
She could barely think, but she could feel Zeke pull away. “I don’t dislike it,” she managed to say.
“Why didn’t you kiss me back?”
How could she explain that she didn’t know what to expect, that her reaction had been so overpowering she’d been unable to do anything but stand like a statue? “I didn’t know what to do.”
“You’ve never been kissed before, have you?”
She shook her head.
She didn’t understand Zeke’s smile.
“How ironic. Average-looking girls get kissed every day. Even the ugly ones manage it from time to time. Yet the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen has never once been kissed. Want to try again?”
She nodded. How could he ask that question when she was holding his arms in a viselike grip?
“I’m not going to do all the work.”
He didn’t understand that she was still so overcome she had virtually no control over her mind or her body. Surely he could tell by the fact that she hadn’t let go of him, by the way she looked at him, that she wanted him to kiss her again. When she tightened her grip on his arms and pulled him closer, Zeke bent down and kissed her again.
She could hardly believe this big, rough man’s lips could be so soft, his kiss so gentle. She could feel the strength in the arms holding her, the power in the thighs pressed against her, but his kiss was as soft as a spring breeze. There was nothing here to fear, nothing to hurt her. No threat. Only an invitation. She moved her mouth against his lips. The response was so immediate, so powerful, it momentarily frightened her. Then she understood it was a sign he wanted her, not that he intended to force her to do anything against her will.
Her confidence restored and her need of him increasing with dizzying rapidity, she rose on her toes to kiss him harder, to pull him against her. It wasn’t something she thought about. It just happened. So did the desire to have him do more than just kiss her lips. She wanted to experience all of him. She wanted to—
The sound of the door opening caused Zeke to break the kiss and step back. She stood there unable to move, feeling as if part of her body had been snatched away. Suzette had entered the house and was looking from Josie to Zeke. Her expression of stunned surprise said she knew what she’d interrupted. Her flushed cheeks said she was embarrassed but glad.
“Dusky Lady is having her foal,” Suzette said to Zeke.
“Is she down yet?”
“Yes.”
Josie felt she was dreaming or in some sort of trance. One moment she was in Zeke’s arms, being kissed, awakening parts of herself she’d closed off and sealed up years ago. The next she was standing here, too stunned to move, while Zeke and Suzette discussed Dusky Lady’s foaling. Her world had been shaken up, turned upside down, and spilled out in disorder and confusion, and they were acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
“Hawk said to bring something to clean the foal,” Suzette said.
“Come with us,” Zeke said to Josie. It was a request, not a command.
After what she’d just experienced, Josie couldn’t imagine anything less appealing than kneeling in the dirt while being confronted with the blood and gore of birth. Yet she didn’t hesitate to head to the kitchen and collect several cloths. She was certain she had taken leave of her senses, that her body was being directed by external forces, but it was like being back on the farm again. Patterns of activity learned and established long ago took over.
The mare was on the ground when they arrived. “Her labor has started,” Hawk said. “It won’t take long.”
Zeke moved to the mare’s head to calm her while Hawk prepared for the delivery of the foal. Suzette held a lantern aloft, and Josie stood ready with the towels. It was an odd gathering in the open desert under the light of the moon, odd because so many humans had gathered to assist in an event that mares had been handling alone for millions of years. Yet, despite the number of times it had been repeated, the miracle of birth never failed to work its magic, to raise spirits and instill hope.
Josie felt she, too, had been given the promise of new life—but did she have the courage to accept it? For years she’d been mortally afraid of what Zeke offered. She was comfortable in her life. She understood its challenges and its limitations. Did she dare consider exchanging the familiar for something so new and dangerous, something she couldn’t yet understand?
“It’s coming,” Hawk said.
Josie looked down to see two small hooves protruding from the mare. They had torn through a milky-colored sack that was still stuck to the foal’s hocks. The mare’s body heaved, and the foal’s head appeared between her hooves.
“It’s going to be an easy birth,” Hawk said.
Josie didn’t have the same feeling for the mares the others had, but she instantly bonded with the beautifully delicate head of the foal. Even though she’d seen the birth of new life many times before, it stirred something deep within her.
The mare gave another push, and the foal’s shoulders and hips were free of the womb. Taking hold of the foal, Hawk pulled its hind legs free.
“It’s a filly,” he said.
“She’s beautiful,” Suzette added, her voice filled with awe.
When Dusky Lady didn’t immediately get to her feet, Hawk reached for one of the cloths Josie held.
“I can do it.” Josie knelt down by the foal, which stared up at her with huge, trusting brown eyes. After she made sure the foal’s nostrils were clear, she began to rub its body to encourage circulation.
“She’s perfect, absolutely beautiful,” Suzette said, “but she’s so small.”
“That’s b
ecause, as you predicted, she’s a twin,” Hawk said.
“How do you know?” Josie asked.
“From the size of her belly.” Hawk rubbed Dusky Lady’s distended abdomen. “You can tell she’s got one more in there.” He picked up the filly and moved her so she wouldn’t be in the way of the second birth.
Josie removed all remnants of the birth sack but continued to rub the filly dry with the soft cloth. She was awed by the tiny, delicate bones of her legs, by the beauty of her head, the symmetry of her body, but it was the filly’s eyes that mesmerized her. It was almost as though the filly thought Josie was her mother and had immediately bonded with her. Josie felt as if this were her horse, that there was a connection between them.
“The other one is coming,” Hawk warned.
The second birth was faster than the first. Hawk had hardly announced that the birth had begun when a second filly, identical to the first, slipped free of her mother’s womb. Suzette picked up a cloth and started to clean the foal and rub her dry. As soon as she’d rid herself of the afterbirth, the mare lunged to her feet with a whinny of what was certainly pride as well as triumph. She immediately started licking the second foal.
“We can leave them to their mother now,” Hawk said.
The two women turned to him in unison. “They’re not even standing yet,” Suzette pointed out.
“Can she take care of two foals?” Josie asked.
“She’s not a new mother,” Hawk said. “Twins are unusual, but a healthy mare can take care of them.”
“But they’re so small,” Suzette said. “We can’t leave them out here.”
“A coyote might try to kill them.” Josie couldn’t turn her back on the trust in those big brown eyes.
“Dusky Lady is more than a match for any coyote.”
“They hunt in pairs, sometimes in packs,” Josie said. “She couldn’t defend both fillies if that happened.”
Hawk looked at Zeke. “What do you think we ought to do?”
Zeke looked at Josie, who was now sitting on the ground with the foal’s head in her lap. “That’s up to Josie and Suzette.”
The Mavericks Page 26