Falling

by L C Smith

“Can you shake out your sleeve, please?”

  Megan smiles sweetly and shakes on the end of her sleeve. Nothing happens, and she goes to sit down like she is hard done by then the tiniest pink cell phone drops out the bottom of her jersey. She freezes on the spot staring at it.

  Without a word, Miss Lep pulls out the bottom draw filled to the top with cell phones she has confiscated. And she's just the substitute. Most people don't bother getting them back, they just buy a new one, so she keeps them all.

  Megan grimly drops hers to the top of the pile, and the lesson continues. After just one minute my phones starts to ring, I groan internally, I can’t turn it off, I can’t answer it. I don’t have a real body in here, I can’t physically pick up a phone. I can poke my eyes with my fingers, but I can’t pick up the stupid phone.

  Miss Lep stops speaking, and starts looking around. “Does someone else have one they want to give up?” Everyone looks blankly back, no one else can hear anything.

  She turns back to the board, then goes to the door and looks out. My phone rings on and on. Stop calling me. I reach down toward my pocket, even though I know I can’t do anything about it. On and on it rings. I feel around franticly. What if it's Keller, and I missed it because I jumped someone? Someone I didn’t even want to, someone who is going to get me in bucket loads of trouble.

  “Someone has their phone almost on silent. I want to know who it is. Megan do you have another phone?”

  “No. I swear, that was my only phone.” She pouts to verify it.

  Finally it stops and she looks around. “Whoever it was, turn it off while you are in class. Have a little self-control, you have just over an hour until you go home. Your boyfriends and holiday plans can all wait until after school like everyone else's.”

  Everyone nods their head back.

  For the first time, I hope it wasn't Keller calling me. It probably wasn’t anyway, he knows I would be in class. Unless. I swallow thickly. Unless he is breaking up to my voice mail. I need something to slump against.

  The bell finally rings, and I haven't heard a word that has been spoken in the last twenty minutes. I turn to run out of the room, but just as I push my foot out to take a step I pull myself back in. I can't just walk out of someone. I wasn't here for the whole lesson.

  Miss Lep gathers her things into her giant bag, as the class empties instantly. She wanders back and forward between the filling cabinet and her bag sitting on her desk.

  Come on. Hurry up. People have lives to live.

  She finally leaves the room after locking the door; but stops at the next one. “I feel like I just bash my head against a brick wall with that class. And Reid South of all students skipped class. Apparently she's having boyfriend troubles, so reports the faithful Megan. Funny though, caught her with her cell phone out in class …” She keeps droning on and on to Mr. Cole.

  What does she mean, “of all people”? What, like I am the only one who can't have a day off because I suck so much? Doesn't she know that I just don't care about English that much, I am doing my best to force my brain to care as much as I already do.

  She tears herself away from Mr Cole and ambles down the hall.

  “Miss Cutter. I wouldn't.” She eyes up Macy, who's just put her phone up to her ear. “I'm happy to take it with me.”

  “Sorry.” Macy stuffs it into her bag and moves out of Miss Lep's all-seeing cell phone gaze.

  Finally she reaches the door to leave the building, just as she pushes on the squeaky swing door, I push myself at her back with as much momentum as I can build up in so tight a space, and I throw myself out of her. I hit the ground softly while she continues outside and I duck down below the window line so she can’t see me.

  I run as well as I can crouching down under the windows, until I reach the lockers, then sprint across the length of the campus to get to Human Biology. I slide into my seat just as Mr. Spencer enters. He sees me. “Ah, Reid. You are wanted at the admin office.” He raises his eye brow at me. “Something about you being truant?”

  “Okay.” I grab my bag and head for the door.

  I walk through to the main entrance. Mrs. Snouse is sitting behind the desk, why is it always Mrs Snouse? “Reid. Good. I need to speak with you.”

  “Yes, Mr. Spencer sent me down.” She looks surprised, like she expected that I was coming from somewhere else. “Oh, right. Well. You were marked as truant last class. Something to do with a boy I have been informed.”

  “Nothing like that. I was just feeling a bit sick. So I went to lie down in my room.”

  “You know the dorms are out of bounds while you are at school. You should have come straight to see the nurse.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I just needed to lie down. But I had to get to biology because we have an assignment due today.”

  “You were still truant, so you will have sweeping duty this afternoon to make up for it. If you are sick and get a note from the nurse, it can be deferred until you are feeling better.

  “No, today will be fine.” I would rather get it over and done with.

  “Do you want me for anything else, or can I go back to class?”

  “No, please go back.” She turns her back to me and goes back to playing with a stack of papers, my signal to leave. I walk quickly back toward class ripping my phone out of my pocket on the way. All the teachers should be in their classes, so I shouldn't get caught. I quickly check my missed calls register and kick at the ground. It was from Keller. I look around checking for any late teachers, I press the call button just as Miss Lep walks in the door at the far end of the corridor.

  I hit the end button just as I hear Keller say, “Reid, Hi. Are you ...”

  Crap, crap, crap. I so should have taken an extra sweeping duty for talking to him. I walk quicker to get to the door of the biology lab before Miss Lep sees me. It’s okay, I tell myself, it’s just over half an hour and I can call him back. But my subconscious doesn’t want to hear my fake optimism; I just hang up on Keller. I want to lock myself in a dark cupboard and scream.

  “Reid,” Miss Lep calls out, but I step into the biology lab pretending that I can't hear her. My phone starts ringing just as I get to my seat and I hit the off button. This day sucks massively.

  Mr Spencer raises his eyebrows at me, “Sorry Sir. It's off now.”

  “Good to know.” He just smiles.

  Miss Lep puts her head in. “Mr Spencer,” she says, looking around the room. “Is Reid South here?”

  “She is.” He points to me. “Working hard.” He smiles. I don't know why she's asking, she can see me sitting here.

  “I hope to see you in class tomorrow, Reid.” She holds her eyebrows up high, so it looks like her eyes are balancing on the rims of her eye sockets.

  “Of course,” I mumble, looking remorseful. Remorseful that she interrupted my conversation with Keller.

  * * *

  The second the bell rings and I run through the corridor back to my locker, grab all the books I need for homework tonight and sprint across to my room. I shut the door, lean on it and pull out my phone. I dial Keller's number waiting for him to get to his phone, looking at my watch again. I’ve got five minutes to get down for sweeping duty.

  “Keller, it’s Reid. Sorry I hung up on you. I was in class and already in trouble. Anyway, sorry, call me when you can. Bye.”

  I hold onto the phone sitting on the edge of my bed staring at it, willing it to ring for three out of the five minutes I have left.

  Sara walks in and looks at me. She doesn't say a word and walks right back out again. Nice.

  Scrubbing at my face with my fingertips, I throw my uniform on the floor, pull on my jeans and an old hoody, and drag my feet down to collect my broom from an eager Mrs. Snouse.

  “Getting ready for your future employment, Reid?” Megan asks watching me sweep. I ignore her. I know she's talking to me. I can hear her just above my music, but I keep pretending she's not there.

  * * *

  Two hours late
r, and Sara is still missing. I sit at our usual table in the dining hall watching for her, but she never shows up.

  I sit alone for thirty minutes.

  I push away from the table. I'm going to bed.

  “Reid South,” Sara says before I have the door open. I throw it open the rest of the way. “This is a help taskforce.”

  I stand frozen in the doorway. “I don't know what to say.” I really don’t know what to say.

  “You need to have a night of awesomeness. No Keller, no sad faces, just us. And our good friends.”

  I start laughing. “I'm sorry. I still don't know what to say.” First I probably need to come out of the doorway.

  “Meet good friend one.” She moves to the side and her desk is revealed. “Chocolate.”

  “Wow, that's a lot of chocolate.” I say stunned.

  “Just in case you felt like dark.” She holds up a really expensive bar of dark chocolate.

  “Because I'm bitter?” I throw in cheerfully.

  She nods. “Or with nuts.”

  I close the door behind me. “That one's easy. I’ve definitely gone nuts. So I need any more help with that.”

  “Smooth milk, to lighten your mood,” she says like a doctor diagnosing a patient.

  “Peanut butter.” She pauses. “No, I've got nothing for that, it's just good.”

  I laugh properly for the first time in days. “I'll start with, it's just good.”

  She throws me a packet and I tear it open.

  “Various kinds of crappy foods for our list-making exercise.” She lifts a cloth covering the next section.

  “Oh, oh, oh. That's my favourite. I love those potato chips.”

  “Yes, I know,” she says in a sombre voice, holding her hands together like she's running a self-help seminar. “There are also your second and third choices available.”

  “Twinkies!” I dive for them shouting. “I don't care if they are horrible. They are awesome.”

  “Who said Twinkies?” Hannah asks, walking through the door with about half of yellow house.

  “Oh my goodness, what are you wearing?” Peanut-butter-filled chocolate spits out of my mouth.

  They file in. Fluffy slippers waddle past, thick flannelette pyjamas, robes, wide hair bands holding their hair back.

  “We are the search and rescue team.” Hannah answers seriously.

  “Right.” I'm more confused.

  “We are trying to figure out where Reid went,” She continues.

  I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

  “Have we started compiling the list?” Juliette asks in an official tone.

  “Just about to begin.” Sara states, hands behind her back.

  At her word everyone piles onto my bed. Sara pulls out an extendible pointer. “Katy, would you start?”

  “Certainly.” She sits behind my desk where someone has set up a projector attached to Sara's laptop. The first slide pops up.

  ‘The best looking guys we know.’ Flashes on the wall.

  “Huh?” I laugh out.

  “Food.” Sara announces throwing bags around the room to cheers.

  “Tyler Smith.” Sara uses her massive pointer. “Quite nice,” she comments appreciatively.

  “He's awful,” I call out.

  “Okay, next then. Ben O'Connel.”

  Someone whistles when his picture pops up.

  “Where did you get these from?” Have they been following them around all afternoon stealing photos? The photos look like they have been taken outside of their school.

  “We have our sources.” Katy nods from behind her desk officially.

  “Any comments?” Sara asks.

  “He used to date Megan,” Alex says looking sad.

  “We’ll move straight past him then,” Sara says trying to keep her official tone going. “Colin Tait?”

  “Dreamy. Completely dreamy.” Alex calls out.

  “Sounds like you should be asking him out,” I reply.

  “Only if you're sure,” she says quickly. “Do your slides come with phone numbers, too?”

  “Not for you sweetheart,” Katy says. Everyone erupts with laughter.

  “We'll find it,” I say to Alex, patting her head.

  “Fletcher Cass?” Every one of us call out and Katy whistles.

  “Are there any objections?” Sara asks. We all look at each other. “That seems unanimous. Fletcher Cass is lovely. Reid, should we send out a search party for him?”

  “We'll see who's next. Anyone starting with a K?”

  “Definitely no Ks.” Sara says, looking at Katy.

  Without waiting a second Katy stands up. “Time for the second stage to begin.”

  The lights die and a disco ball begins turning. Speakers turn up, and everyone cheers as a song starts. A disco ball. How did I not notice that hanging from my ceiling?

  “You guys rock.” I grab Sara while she's dancing with everyone else.

  “Sorry you guys broke up. You should have told me.” For a second it looks like she is going to say something else, but then the light changes as the ball turns, and I can't see her and she doesn't continue.

  “Sorry.” I mumble, but she's gone before she hears me. She melts into the others, calling over the music and laughing with Laura.

  I perk up my face. This is so beyond anything. I want to feel it, but I miss Keller. And everything they are doing to stop me thinking about him seems to make me more focused on him. I shake my head, that barely makes sense to me.

  Right. Get into it. I roll my shoulders like I'm getting ready to swim. I push myself into the middle of the swaying group singing at the top of my voice. My arms up in the air as I move to the music and lose myself in the moment.

  “Oh yeah,” Macy calls and someone ups the volume and we all sing to the words moving around each other.

  The song finishes and we collapse into a heap on my bed.

  “Thanks you guys,” I say.

  “We're not finished with you yet,” Sara says insulted.

  “Oh?”

  The next song begins building on the stereo, and we are all back on our feet.

  * * *

  At eight o’clock Mr. Nash knocks on the door, “all right, girls, that's enough for tonight. It's time for homework then bed. Wind it up.” That makes sense. I’d wondered why Mrs. Snouse didn't come and shut us down just after the music went on.

  “Thanks everyone,” I call, standing in the doorway watching everyone file out, Sara with her arm across my shoulder. Megan lifts one eyebrow at me, but moves past silently on her way to the prep room.

  We follow the last one out and Sara slips her arm through mine as we walk. “Feel better?” She asks.

  “Yeah, that was great. Thank you. You’re really the best.”

  “So when did it all go down? When did he ...” She flicks her head back and forth not wanting to say the words out loud.

  “He didn't. We had bit of a thing on Friday night, and it got all weird. Then out of nowhere Hayden, his ex-girlfriend, showed up. She wasn't supposed to be back until the weekend like everyone else.”

  “Didn't you say that Megan knew her?”

  I stop, my arms out like I am trying to balance myself. “No. That's too low, even for her.” I stare at Sara, I hadn't even put the two in the same universe.

  “I doubt it,” Sara counters. “If she can't have him, then why should you?” She tugs on my arm when it's clear that I'm not going to move on my own.

  “It makes sense why she's been so smug all week. She keeps being rejected by him, so I figured she was just putting it on. But this makes a lot of sense.” My head swirls, surely even Megan couldn't get this low. Surely. I walk into the prep room, Sara's arm still through mine, searching for Megan's face.

  She looks up and virtually points her finger in my direction laughing.

  “Told you,” Sara whispers. My face snaps to hers. I don't know what to say. Everything in my head has been erased and emptiness is left in its place.
/>
  I grab Sara’s arm just as she is about to sit down. “Did anyone else see Keller come here the other day when I was out? Or was it just her?”

  She looks over at Megan, “I didn’t see him.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I can’t stand it anymore. I have been thinking about it all night. It’s the only thing I could think about in class all day.

  We round the corner to double back to the library the next afternoon. I haven’t been able to think about anything else since last night at prep. I tried to ditch Accounting but I got caught on my way out. I said I dropped my calculator out the window, otherwise I would have ended up with sweeping duty again. And I need to see him.

  I circle my shoulders loosening away the nervousness that has settled in my stomach. I'm going to tell Keller if he doesn't want me to do this jumping thing, then I just won't. I’m not sure how to make it stop, but I’ll figure out how to make the pull go away. We can just ignore it. We can never talk about it. Just pretend it doesn't exist. Then we can go back to how it was before everything became awful.

  I know last night was supposed to be about forgetting Keller, but I can't. He's Keller. No one can forget him.

  I blow my breath out coming down the steps off the bus. My stomach flips as I look in the window of his store, but I can't see him. I push the door open anyway. His dad is standing behind the counter, and the look on John's face spells out clearly he's not here. I back straight out the door. I will go hide in the library for a while, but I'm not quick enough.

  “Reid, wait. He's not here. He'll be in later though. Come back in an hour.” Something in his voice stops me, and I turn around. Hayden comes out from the stock room holding up a box. She recognises me straight away, but doesn’t stop, she goes to the counter, placing the box on top she looks me up and down and smiles.

  “Tell him to have a good break. I'm heading away early. I thought I would just stop in and tell him before I left. But he looks too busy with Hayden to care where I’ve gone.” She doesn’t say anything, just stays there with that horrible smirk on her face like she’s won something.

  Tears burn in my eyes and I shove the door out of my way and run down the street, dodging into the entrance of the library purposefully brushing past a person coming out the door, leaning sharply into them, I fall into his body without anyone seeing me.