by Jamie Shane
Delightfully, the process of developing a true personal practice is not something that can be proscribed. It is an intimate relationship as sacred as the one you have with a lover, a relationship that is intensely individual. When it comes to developing this relationship the best I can do is tell you this: pay attention to it. Nurture it. Take time every day to explore something about it and learn what it means for you.
Your personal practice—that which happens outside of class—can be anything from a few moments of insightful reflection to a full, sweaty hour of pretzel twisting. Hopefully, it will end up being both. There is no one answer. The very best thing you can do when creating this relationship is to let it come. Without expectation, let it come to you as it wants. In this way it will be pure. It will represent your personal connection to the godforce. If you have been studying yoga in any manifestation, you must trust that you have the necessary foundation.
Just sit still and get quiet. Then listen. Let your body flow with whatever movements rise up. Let yourself meditate if that is what the day requires. Breathe, and let this breath lead you where you need to go. You already have the answers you need. You just have to uncover them.
And if all that arises from a simple inquiry about tight hips, then God bless. Ask away.
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As you can possibly well imagine, I am most often asked about relaxation. As a yoga instructor, it is immediately assumed that I know some secret, that I have been initiated into a relaxation cult and that there is some magic incantation somewhere, known only to the tribe of yogi.
While I would love to say that this is all true, the plain fact of the matter is that there is no magic ‘trick’ to bring about relaxation. Like practically everything else in life, relaxation is something that one makes time for, and something that one must dedicate attention to. It is an outlook, an attitude. A choice.
True, lasting relaxation is not about having time to sit in front of the TV with a beer, or lugging yourself down to the beach, or wandering through the mall. These things, while somewhat satisfying, are mere distractions from the path of enduring relaxation. Walking this path is a practice, an effort, an awareness of being. Relaxation is a state of grace and balance. A place from which all things can flow. It is peace of heart.
That is probably not what you were expecting to hear. You may have expected me to just come up here and say, do this, do that and ye shall be relaxed. Wooga-booga, shanthi, shanthi; I make thee stress free. Would that it were that easy. If it were, I’d be very rich and you all would walk out of here with lasting, eternal bliss. But, alas….
There are no absolute answers. Each body is unique. Each spirit is unique. Every day is different. But having an awareness of that is one step to finding peace. Letting go of perfection and connecting to what is, is another. Taking the time to look for things like awareness and connection in your life is the foundation on which a peaceful outlook is built.
It is work. But it is glorious, valuable, good work that inspires rather than drains, refreshes rather than tires, relaxes rather than stresses.
There are, of course, things that we do in yoga that help that process along. There is a reason that yoga has been continually practiced for over 5000 years. The postures and philosophy are a broad, well traveled road to lasting peace and connection. We do have practices that can bring about an instant state of calm. Certain breaths and postures can cool the mind immediately, dismissing stress like a noisome mosquito.
These exercises can inspire peace, stop time, and cure insomnia.
But as we move through them, I want you to remember the importance of the depth behind the practice. This primary understanding: you must always connect to the exercise, to fully understand what you are doing, why you do it, and how it makes you feel. To merely do something because I tell you it will help you relax is foolish. I could just as easily tell you that a martini will do the trick, or a valium. The point here is to always cultivate self- awareness. To fully inhabit your space and know what it going on within it.
Once this is cultivated, a light is turned on and life is lived illuminated. You can more clearly see things that cause stress, recognize when you are moving into stress, understand that you have the power to release it. But if you don’t know how to do that, if you live life disconnected, if you wander through your days with your mind three steps ahead of you, you create space for things to move in and hide. Things like stress, sickness, apathy. Presence is your strongest weapon in the battle for peace.
Many of us rush along, assuming that certain things will just work on their own, like a clock. Our bodies, our hearts, our breath. These things are rarely thought about unless they speak up, until they start to protest and our awareness is drawn to them. Some people will live their entire lives without knowing what it means to really flex the body, to get the heart singing, or to fill the soul with air. Somewhere within, we know the value of these things. But, oh how easily they are forgotten. How sadly they are ignored. And what a price many of us ultimately pay for not attending to them.
In that vein, before we move on, I need for you all to understand what it means to breathe. I need you to feel the value of true, eternal breath.
Take a deep breath and sigh it out. Just let it go. Inhale. Sigh. Where did that breath go in the body? I’d lay odds that it went directly into your chest. Do it again, and pay attention. Where did the breath go? How did it make you feel?
Breathing into the chest is an old and bad habit most of us learned from who knows where. It is a half breath, a fight-or-flight response gone awry and turned into habit. To truly breathe, one must employ the entire system. The breathing mechanism actually begins in the belly, low down. Completely relax the tummy, letting go of the natural “suck it in” that most of us do without even thinking about it. As you inhale allow the belly to grow full and round, like a balloon until it is so full that you feel the breath spill over into the ribcage and the chest. Slowly, taking to time to experience the fullness of the belly, to find the full circumference of the ribcage and the small spaces between the ribs. Discover room beneath the breastbone and between the chest muscles. Fill it all up, luxuriously slow. Take your time and breathe.
Good. Now, how did that breath make you feel? How was it different from the one before? Knowing how to breathe allows us to work with the breath, modifying it, directing it, creating a tool to promote health and abolish stress.
The first breath ‘tool’ is called Alternate nostril breathing. It is a fantastic remedy to stress, and an excellent way to crush insomnia. It is used to balance out the nervous system, to open up the “nadis” or energy channels that traverse the body like a giant power grid. This system is critically attached to the spine in that without the spine there is no connection or communication throughout the body. Your spine is a nexus of energy and nerves. It is the primary channel that connects us to heaven and earth, and your powerhouse of vitality. Your spine is your very best friend and the single part of your body you should honour and exercise above all else. Keeping the spine, and all of its connections healthy, is fundamental to fully exploring peace and longevity.
Visualize the spine as a brilliant conduit of energy, from the tail to the third eye point, or the point between the eyebrows and behind the forehead. This third eye point is the place in which we explore the mind, connecting it not only to the body, but to the greater identity. Twisted around this conduit are two other channels, representing masculine and feminine energies, not unlike a DNA helix. From the tail they twine around and around, terminating at the nose, directly beneath the third eye. By alternating the breath between nostrils, we can bring balance to these forces, clear out any garbage hiding out in the core system and bring calmness to the mind.
To begin, bring the first two fingers of the right hand up against the third-eye point, or the space just above the space between your brows. Set the thumb against the right nostril and the ring finger up against the left. Once you have exhaled through a nostril, you will i
nhale through the same nostril before switching and moving on. Easy, now, block off the right nostril and inhale left. Switch, blocking the left nostril and releasing the right to exhale slowly through the right. Inhale right, switch, exhale left. Inhale left, switch, exhale right. Do this for about three minutes.
Take a moment now to listen to what has happened in your body. Notice the differences between this moment and before you started. Feel the quality of your breath, be aware of what it does to your body and mind, hear the spirit sighing its thanks.
For, yes, while this is a practical exercise, with roots in physical understanding, it is also an exercise in self-awareness. It is you, stepping back from life to be with yourself for just a moment. For this time you have dedicated yourself to your own body, to your own mind, and to your own peace. Noting else mattered and your attention was rooted, grounded, still. You were connected to the simple flow of breath and everything else drifted away.
That is how you beat stress. By simply putting it away. Begin to make choices that put you at the center of your life. And while that may sound selfish, it is absolutely not. For if you are not healthy, if you are not present—fully present and aware—what good are you? This exercise took three minutes. The sky did not fall, the earth did not tremble from your absence. But you, you moved into yourself, you paid full attention to yourself and your care and took one step closer to heaven. Now you can share that peace with someone you know. Or better yet, with someone you don’t know. Being here, being connected and aware leaves stress out in the cold.
Remember this feeling. Set it as a bookmark. When you start to spin out, pull yourself back to this place. Take a breath. Take two, take three. There is always time if you believe it to be so.
Now, sometimes you won’t be in a place where you feel comfortable with the Alternate nostril breath. Granted, it would be a little hard to perform in the car, with a kid on the hip, or on a sales floor. But that doesn’t mean that you have to accept stress simply because your hands are busy.
Moving into a 1:4 breath will give you similar benefits. On a purely physical level, this breath keeps more oxygen in the body for a longer period of time. The understanding being that the more oxygen in the system, the richer the blood. The richer the blood, the greater its ability to nourish. Nourish the body, the brain, the mind, and yes, even the spirit.
This is, quite simply, a complete breath performed in the ratio of one to four. One long count to inhale, four long counts to exhale. Go ahead, close the eyes and give it a try.
This is great if you need to be innocuous, or if you want to breathe privately in a public place. This 1:4 breath forces you to focus, to be still, to move into primary awareness. Where are you? What are you doing? How do you feel? The mind quiets and you can see clearly that which brings you stress. You can look it in the eye and disengage. Even if you have to return to the stressful situation, you don’t have to accept the stress of it.
Your breath is a weapon and an ally the likes of which you have never known.
All you have to do is tap it.
So, here you came to learn how to relax and all I’ve told you to do is breathe. Heard that before? As I said, there is no magic ingredient or incantation. It all boils down to breath and intent. It all boils down to awareness. It can be as serious a practice as you need it to be, or as irreverent.
Much of the stressors in our lives are those we put upon ourselves. Our market-driven, social belief is that we are all supposed to be Cinderella and the fairy godmother combined, and many of us have agreed to cram our feet into her little glass slippers. We then march around town, doing everything we can to be perfect and productive, stoutly ignoring the fact that those shoes don’t fit. Stress in life comes from ignoring that which is true to ourselves, that which is organic and natural and feminine. I say, step-sisters unite! Kick off those blister-causing slippers and be free!
Getting rid of them can be so simple as to be ridiculous. Just as letting go of that which does not serve you or your highest purpose is within the realm of possibility.
We live in the great “melting pot” , when we should live in a beautiful mosaic. That which is unique is quickly melted down and stripped of its precious individuality. Our modern ideals are of those of freedom and liberty and individuality—as long as they fit in the pot. As long as they don’t rock the boat. When did we come to accept that?
Look around, this is our life. This is what we have chosen to accept.
What immense stress that alone puts on our lives! But living in awareness can combat that. We do not have to live consumed by what we ought to be doing, how we ought to appear, what we ought to think and believe. Most of us just stoutly swim along in the rushing river of American living, just trying to keep our heads above water, never thinking that we have the power to swim ourselves to shore. That we have the ability to make the change.
That is painfully and utterly ludicrous. There is no “ought”. There is no judgement but that which we accept and own. You can refuse the stress of this as easily as you accept it. You are welcome to sit on the river bank and watch the drowning rats rush by. You are free to call out words of encouragement to them as I do to you right now.
It is time to find our own way. To live a life of deep breaths, worthy moments & great humour. Life is, by its very nature, absurd. It is, in my experience, more like an existential episode of Hee-Haw than it is Sense and Sensibility. So, hell, lets roll with it. Lets laugh at it loudly and with as much vulgarity as we can possibly muster.
The singular best method to beating stress is to step back and take a clear look. And then, give it a good laugh. A rollicking, outrageous, inappropriate hoot. I guarantee you, there is a measure of the ridiculous in everything. You can find something to laugh at. Because joy is your right. It is a basic human drive. One that we often forget in the face of “proper living”. So let’s just go ahead and get rid of that habit right now. Smash those glass shoes with the hammer of frivolity.
It is within your human rights to find joy wherever you can. To sing at the top of your lungs. Dance like an African tribal woman on the front lawn. Go barefoot to work. Wear loud clothes and boisterous jewelry.
One of my favourite ways to relax is in the car, oddly enough. I’ll put in an old CD from my younger days and sing like I am Paul Simon, or Dave Matthews. I’ll roll all the windows down and turn the music up to the point where I can’t hear myself. That’s right. I’m the girl playing the steering wheel bongos and strumming the stick shift guitar. I’ll share my Paul Simon with the whole wide world, mouth wide open, fingers jammin’, body bouncin’. Havin’ me a good old time.
And you want to know what? Most people see me and smile. And I say, “pooh!” to those who don’t.
Develop the ability to let go. To get over it. To be yourself completely.
Or, better yet. Go home and put on some funky music, kick off your shoes and grab a wooden spoon. Roll the neck a few times, shake out the legs and let ‘er rip. Dance like there is no tomorrow. Dance like you are calling down the rain. Dance like your ancestors souls depend upon it. There are no mirrors. There is no mating ritual at play. No one is watching. Shake that booty and boogie down with as much freedom as you have within you. Think its silly?
That’s the point.
Relaxation isn’t a task. Its an expression. A natural state of grace. Relaxation is about being an organic being, free of the modern restraints we strap around our-Selves. Stress is its exact opposite and absolutely controllable without fancy medicines or complicated practices. Feeling “stressed out” is a result of your choices and yours alone. All those things you “have to do” , you chose to do. All of the ideologies or images you follow, you chose to follow. The question becomes, did you make these choices out of awareness, or habit?
Only you can break that mold. Only you can abolish bad habits and find new ones. You are a resourceful, generous, creative, amazing, fantastically original creature with infinite possibility and choice. Find that whi
ch does not serve you and I guarantee you will find the majority of the stressors in your life. Don’t be afraid to let them go, even if it seems scary. For it is only by cleaning out the old that we make room for the new.
Be bold. Be brave. Be yourself. Take a long, deep breath and rest. Don’t be afraid to do less, want less, need less. Simplify. There is nothing wrong with caring for yourself and seeing to your own needs. There is nothing wrong with walking while others around you race.
For the truth of the matter is: we are all only tiny, minute pieces of an infinite whole. You do not hold up the sky or spin the world on its axis. All of your material importance is but dust in the cosmos. I find peace in that, and no small measure of humour.
When you finally make that transition, from personal all-importance to universal connection, you have begun the journey to a life more relaxed. But don’t just take my word for it. See it and believe it. Breathe it in and laugh. A joyful and peaceful life does not belong exclusively to the tribe of yogi. It is a gift of god to the tribe of man.
Blessings & Namaste.
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Practice yoga.
That is my final answer.
Oh, wait, what was the question?
Practice yoga. Because in that way there is at least an hour and a half everyday that is absolutely yours. Sorry. Practicing yoga. Unavailable for comment at this time. Yoga is you time. Practicing yoga recharges the batteries of the soul and refreshes the furnace of the body so that you are then able to help others. With it in your day there is always enough you to go around.
Practice yoga. Because yoga is the only act I know that makes time for itself. At the computer, on the phone, in line at the grocery store, yoga finds its way into your life. It allows you to sense when it is time to slow down, breathe or stretch. It shows you when to stand up or when to let it ride. Yoga moves in and makes itself at home, redecorates the spirit house and throws an endless calmness party. Yoga integrates itself seamlessly.