by Lena Skye
My emotions were pretty conflicted for the first few days because I wasn’t sure about how I felt. Talking to my friends didn’t help make the situation any better. They referred to Joshua as a rebound and didn’t think that I was making a sound decision. I got where they were coming from but all it did was upset me.
I mean is Joshua really a rebound? It’s been over a year since I’ve been with Kenneth, and so I would hardly classify him as someone that I’m using to get over my ex. But I will say that he is making it easier for me to move on with my life. He’s showing me what I’ve been missing. I haven’t had someone as sweet and as caring as him since my first boyfriend in high school.
I’ve brought all of these points up to Patrice and Jasmine but they said that my rebound has been delayed. They believe that even though I’ve been single for a year I haven’t really let go of Kenneth. They have a point about my holding on to Kenneth, but seeing him with Amelia made it all too real for me. I couldn’t sit and pine over him while he was dating one of my ex best friends.
*
Wine was once again my friend for the night. Joshua was going to come over but he got caught up with work. I miss him but I understand that work has to be a priority. He and I have been slacking a little because of our budding relationship and we decided that we have to refocus. We can enjoy each other and still maintain productivity, sex doesn’t pay the bills unfortunately.
It was time for me to take my wine party to the bedroom. I wanted to veg out in front of the television and fall asleep while watching some episodes of Breaking Bad. I danced my way to my room with my bottle and glass in hand. It had been a while since I drank alone and was happy, it felt good. As I put my bottle and glass on my nightstand I heard my door buzz. I wasn’t sure who would show up at my house without calling because that usually doesn’t happen.
I looked out my window and saw Kenneth’s car outside of my apartment. I completely panicked on the inside. What in the hell could he possibly want? He probably left something here that he wanted; he was good for dropping by at weird times and asking for his shit. Wait until he figures out that I threw all of his stuff away after I saw him with Amelia. I did it during my depressive drunken three day binge. It didn’t do much to make me feel better, and it actually made me feel worse. Now, I felt like it was the greatest thing to do because I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when I told him that his Armani watch was smashed and in the garbage, I didn’t even pawn it.
I slipped on shorts over my panties, and decided that my tank and shorts were enough. I buzzed him in and opened my door. He walked into my apartment and he had an odd look on his face.
“Hey Nikki.”
“Hi Kenneth, is something wrong?”
“No nothing is wrong; I just wanted to know if I could talk to you. Is now an okay time?”
“Now is as good of a time than any,” I responded.
He blew out a gust of breath, “Can we have a seat? This is pretty important.”
“Ummm okay,” I said and went to take a seat on the couch; he sat next to me and turned his body towards me. He looked deeply into my eyes and opened his mouth to speak and closed it again before words came out. “Tell me what’s going on, you’re not a shy man, so spit it out.”
“How are things going with you and Josh?”
I smiled at the mention of Joshua’s name, “We’re good, he’s treating me really well. Please don’t tell me that you’re here to tell me some bad news about him. Did he do something that I won’t like? If he did, please don’t tell me, I don’t think that I could take it coming from you.”
“It’s nothing like that; he’s not doing anything wrong that I know of. But believe me, if he was I would be the first to tell you.”
“That’s funny,” I retorted, “You would tell me if he was doing me wrong but you never once mentioned when you were stepping out on me. What a huge double standard there.”
“I didn’t come here to argue, I came here to…”
“What?”
“I came here to say that I’ve been seeing your pictures up on Facebook with Josh and your statuses. I’ve tried to not look at them but I can’t help it, they keep popping up in my damned news feed. It’s like every time I log in, your faces are plastered everywhere.”
“Seriously? Then delete me as a friend, it’s as simple as that. I’m not going to stop posting because it makes you feel uncomfortable. How do you think that I feel seeing you and Amelia’s photos on your account? I’m not bitching and whining about it.”
He had a lot of balls to come to my place and speak to me the way that he was. He was trying to talk to me about a social media account. Men can be so incredibly ridiculous.
He sighed, “No that’s not how I meant it to come across at all. It’s just that everyone is talking about how happy you are with my best friend. I don’t know how to take it.”
“You gave us your blessing; I came to you respectfully and gave you a chance to say no. You decided to be macho man and act like it wasn’t a big deal. I asked you and you said that you didn’t care. So I really don’t understand where all of this is coming from.”
“Look, I know what I said before, believe me I do. I’m sorry that I acted like such an asshole about it. I honestly didn’t know how to respond to what you were asking of me. I didn’t feel like it would be fair to tell you that you couldn’t date Josh when I’m dating Amelia.”
“Well, you’re right about that. It wouldn’t be fair and it would be hugely hypocritical. That’s why I’m glad that you did the right thing. But now it seems like you’re trying to take it back. It’s too late, I’m already dating him. You don’t get to break us up and still date Amelia. Am I supposed to just be alone while I sit back and watch you and her betray my trust?”
“That’s what I’m trying to say. I want the both of us to try again. I made a huge mistake letting you go and I figured that you wouldn’t want me back after my last fuck up so I moved on. Baby, I’m so sorry. I love you.”
He rocked my world off of its axis with his admission. He said the words that I’ve been longing to hear him say for over a year. Tears pricked at the back of my eyes and I blinked them away. I wanted to believe his words but my gut was telling me that it was all lies, yet again. He’s lied to me time and time again and this time I wasn’t going to fall for it, especially now that I have someone special in my life.
“Where is this coming from Kenneth? You treated me like shit and now you want me back. You only want to try again because you see that I’m happy, and not only am I happy, but I’m happy with your best friend. Karma is a bitch, and now you know how it feels,” I stood up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. I needed to get some space away from him. I had to fight the urge to take him back.
I leaned against the counter and placed my hands over my eyes. I was trying to block out all of the thoughts that were racing through my head. He followed me into the kitchen and stood directly in front of me. We were silent for a while until he spoke, “I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be. But you can’t tell me that you don’t miss me. I know that you love me, and love just doesn’t go away,” he said in a soft tone.
I shook my head as if it would make his voice go away. This is what he does to me, he comes over and talks his way right back into my life. I felt my resolve softening and he could sense it, he took one step forward and caressed my face. I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes, I missed his touch.
“See, we belong together,” he said, “You miss me just as much as I miss you,” he leaned in to kiss me. I opened my eyes and saw his face coming closer to mines. I quickly stepped to the side; I couldn’t allow this to happen.
“No! You don’t get to interrupt my life with your bullshit. You had your chance to be with me and you decided that you wanted to be with someone else. You always choose other women over me and you think that I’m just supposed to be here waiting for you.”
“It’s not like that…”
&
nbsp; “Listen to me; listen to me for once in your life. I’m with Joshua and he has been nothing but good to me. I’m not about to ruin what we have to be your damned concubine. He actually respects me and would never put me through the things that you have. So you need to just leave,” I said as I walked towards the door. I had to do this quickly before he talked his way back into my life.
“Okay, I’ll respect your wishes for now. Just know that if he ever does anything to hurt you, I’ll knock his ass out,” he joined me at the door that I opened for him. “I’ll see you around, and I meant everything I said,”. He leaned in to kiss me on the lips and I turned my face so that he kissed my cheek instead.
“Goodbye Kenneth,” I said sternly as he walked out of the door.
I headed back to my room to pour myself another glass of wine. A much bigger one then the last. Where in the hell did he get off pulling a stunt like that? I silently patted myself on the back for my behavior even though I wish that I didn’t let him touch me. I’m sure that Joshua wouldn’t have liked that all, but I did the absolute best that I could, considering the circumstances. I picked up my phone and texted and Patrice and Jasmine.
To: Patrice, Jasmine
From: Nicole
We have to have lunch or dinner tomorrow, no exceptions. I need to talk A.S.A.P., Kenneth just left my house.
Nicole – The Trendsetter
I didn’t have any doubt that my friends would come through for me. They always did because that’s how we operated. It felt good knowing that I would see my friends the following day. That means that I would have to cancel on Joshua the following day but he should understand. I hadn’t been spending a lot of time with them and so a meeting was long overdue.
*
“He said what?” Jasmine asked in horror.
“His white ass has a lot of nerve,” Patrice added.
Moments like this are exactly why I love the both of my friends so much. They don’t blindly agree with me on everything but when we do agree, we do it in style. I told them the story up until the point in the kitchen. I was nervous about disclosing the details regarding our intimate moment. I know that they would scold me as if they were my parents. So I decided to bask in the glory of our mutual disgust for Kenneth for a moment.
“I know right!” I responded. “I was too through when he said that he wanted to try again with me. He knows the only reason he wants to try again is because I’m screwing his best friend,” I laughed.
“So what happened after that?” Jasmine asked, “Spill the beans girl.”
I took a deep breath and apprehensively told them the rest of the story. I cringed at what I knew was coming next.
“Girl, you have to slow your roll with him. Don’t allow him to mess up what you have with Joshua,” Jasmine said, sending her curly hair bouncing as she shook her head and finger at the same time.
“Wait, you said that you didn’t even want me to be with him. Now you don’t want me to mess up with I have?”
“Well considering the alternative, hell yeah,” Jasmine said.
“She’s right girl,” Patrice said after she took a sip of her drink. We were back at our favorite Asian restaurant. “At least Joshua treats you right, and you like him too. Regardless of how we feel about it, you’re getting treated well and that’s more important than anything. I think you and Josh are just right for eachother.”
Again, I was not sure what Patrice meant by her “just right for each other” comment but I am probably reading too much into it.
“So don’t allow Ken’s triflin’ ass to swoop in and fuck up your life again,” Jasmine said, “We don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”
“Being hurt is a part of any relationship,” I responded. I didn’t know why I was taking up for Kenneth especially since my friends were right about the entire situation. I know that I did the right thing but I couldn’t stop thinking about Kenneth since he left my place. I was a mixture of anger and confusion.
When he was close to me, he felt very familiar. I had forgotten how it felt to be in his presence. When he’s around an intense calm settles over me, and I just know that things are going to be okay. His cocky disposition puts me at ease even though it can be annoying. He walks around as if he has everything handled and he usually does. For a split second I wanted to give in to him and throw caution to the wind.
“You’re both right, I’m going to stay with Joshua and put Kenneth out of my head. He had his chance to be with me and he blew it. I’m happy and I’m looking forward to seeing where my relationship with Josh goes.”
“Good! Let’s make a toast,” Jasmine said as she lifted her sake, “Here’s to new beginnings and to leaving the past in the past.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Patrice and I said at the same time. All of us laughed as we clinked glasses and drank.
My phone had vibrated quite a few times during my dinner and I picked it up to check it. I had several mixed text messages. Two of them were from Joshua and one of them was from Kenneth.
To: Nicole
From: Joshua
Call me when you get this. I’m trying to be okay with you canceling our plans tonight but it’s not sitting well with me.
His text bothered me a little bit but I thought it was cute that he missed me so much. I went on to read the next one.
To: Nicole
From: Joshua
Did you read my text? I hope you’re okay and not mad at me about what I said earlier. I’m sorry, I’m tripping and I just really miss you. Have a great time with “your girls”.
That one made me smile even brighter; he obviously saw that he was acting a little sporadic. I decided that I would call him on my way home and invite him over. He was probably testy because he needed some of my good lovin’. I then went on to read Kenneth’s text message.
To: Nicole
From: Kenneth
I meant everything that I said to you last night. I miss you. I hope you change your mind.
I looked up at my friends and gave them a fake smile as I poured myself another sake shot and brought the glass to lips.
*
Joshua was at my apartment by the time that I arrived. He sounded like he was on his way out of the door as soon as I suggested that he come over to my place. I needed to be close to him and relieve some of the tension that had been caused by Kenneth’s text message. His text message was a bit surreal and I didn’t tell my friends that I received a message from him. I could only imagine the things that would come out of their mouths. Jasmine probably would have snatched my phone and texted him something pretty derogatory. Granted, he may have deserved it but I didn’t want to be mean to him.
Even though I made the decision to stay with Joshua, I like that the fact that Kenneth wants me back. It’s been making me feel a lot better. He didn’t appreciate me when he had me and so he deserves to grovel for a bit. I know that it may not be smart to ignore it because it may get worse. He’s not used to having to ask for forgiveness more than once from me. I’m usually putty in his hands, but not this time. Definitely, not this time.
Sitting on my couch next to Joshua is just what the doctor ordered for me tonight. I laid my head on his shoulder and inhaled his woodsy scent. He has become my escape in the short time that we’ve been together. It’s like he’s my vacation from the world and I really love that about him. Not many people can say that they are a living and breathing oasis.
“So you were really missing me tonight huh?” I tease as I snuggled into his side.
“Of course I was missing you, can you blame me? I was a little salty when you canceled on me tonight because I was looking forward to seeing you.”
“Yeah, I thought that you were about to go off on me,” I grinned.
“I wouldn’t go off on you; I was just letting you know how I felt. I know I was tripping though,” he said as he kissed the top of my head.
“Well I have a theory as to why you were so testy tonight,” I said in a low tone.
; “Please share it with me because I’m dying to know.”
“I think you are just horny and the thought of not being able to get any tonight drove you over the edge. You made a great recovery though, so I will have to applaud on that.”
My comment drew out a deep laugh from him. He went silent for a bit and that lead me to think that my theory may have been correct. Luckily for him, I was horny all day. So I was looking forward to messing up my sheets with him tonight.
“You may have a point; I was a little horny when I sent you that text message. All I could think about were those wonderful twin peaks that I wouldn’t get the opportunity to see,” he said as he caressed my breast through my blouse.
“Well, you’re here now and I’m just as horny as you are. But first I want to help relieve some of that tension that you’ve been building up,” I said as I unzipped his pants.
“Don’t allow me to stop you, because I have a hunch that I’m going to love where this is going.”