Sweet Cheeks (Heartbreaker)

by J. Dorothy

  Readying my smile, I get out of the car and smooth over my pink silk dress. I'm finally losing my baby weight. And no it wasn't easy like those celebrity moms, I still have bit of a tummy, but I'm proud of it. It reminds me I carried my gorgeous baby all those months, and to be honest I don't really care if I don't go back to my perfect shape.

  Perfect is for losers. I'm rocking imperfect from now on.

  That thought makes me smile wider, and I open the passenger door to get out the cake. I haven't shown Bailey and Cam yet, but I hope they love it. It's Cam's favorite, Chocolate chip, and Bailey's favorite, chocolate cheesecake. I've fashioned them into two joining hearts. It's my first real go at professional cake decorating, but with a little help from Mrs Winters, it looks pretty good.

  There are a mountain of cars here, and this is my first time out since the incident. I'm a little on edge, but I've already seen most of the guests, who came to visit after Felicity was born. Bailey wanted to throw me a post baby shower, but I politely declined and she understood why. And yeah, I know, unreal to think that Jennifer Jaimeson didn't want the spotlight, and a party in her honor. The old version would have been all up in that action, but not this new improved version. Note the improved. Yep despite the obvious imperfections I'm much happier being who I've become over these past months. And I have my mess of a life to thank for that.

  Ironic, I know.

  My wedge heels click on the wooden front steps and I smile my way through the people milling on the front porch, some I know, some are unfamiliar.

  I make my way to the kitchen to find Cam's mom in the middle of all the catering. I offered to help, but she said she wanted to hire people, so everyone could relax and have a good time.

  “Hi, Elise,” I say and put the cake on the counter top.

  “Oh, hi darling. Oooh, can I take a sneak peak?” She doesn't wait for an answer as she lifts the cloth off the cake and bends to take a look. “Oh, my. That is so beautiful. You really are talented. You should branch out your business.”

  I chuckle. “Not sure if I'm quite ready for that yet, but we'll see.”

  She smiles and kisses my cheek. “How is my beautiful baby girl doing?”

  I love the way she acts like a surrogate grandma, just like Bailey's dad acts like a surrogate grandfather. With my mom and dad not really taking an interest, it's been so nice to have those two doting adoptive grandparents around.

  “She's just that. Beautiful as always. I miss her. Maybe I should ring Mrs Henderson, see how she's going?”

  Elise pats my shoulder as I frown a little, beginning to worry. “Oh, darling, she'll be just fine, and Mrs Henderson will ring you if she needs you. Why don't you go and get a drink, there is some nice punch, and I think Bailey and Cam are out back with most of the other guests.”

  I give her a small smile and decide I'll give it another ten minutes before I call. I want to find Bailey and Cam to tell them about Jason. They deserve to know. It's been nerve wracking for all of us and I want the nightmare to be over for them as well.

  Pushing my way through the many well wishers, I make my way to the back porch and look out across the freshly mown fields. Wow, Elise has gone all out. There are fairy lights in the trees, and the tables are dressed in white cloths with red bows and red roses as decoration. There must be at least one hundred people here. I spy Bailey and Cam from the steps, they are surrounded by family and friends and look so happy. I'm glad to see Bailey wearing the dress I picked out for her. It's a sapphire colored halter neck, swing dress, that falls to mid thigh and she's actually wearing heels. Wow, I bet that won't last long, she already looks like she's shifting from foot to foot, and Cam is holding on to her for dear life.

  I giggle. She's still a clumsy ass.

  Then I feel a presence behind me and a shiver makes its way down my spine. I feel him before I even see him. It has to be him. I inhale and his familiar cologne invades every sense. Oh god. I didn't think he'd be here. I was really hoping he wouldn't be. I don't know if I can do this.

  “Jen?”

  I have to face him, but I don't want to. I close my eyes and swallow, then I paint on the fake smile and turn around.

  It's him alright.

  Him. And her.

  Oh shit.

  I wasn't ready to tackle that heartache tonight. Seeing him is bad enough, but not when the skanky towel hoe clenched to his arm. Damn. I don't know how long my smile is going to last. The old Jen is desperate to claw her way out, and claw at the smug expression on the witch's face.

  She's skinny. Skinny in a: she needs to eat a few thousand burgers, kind of way. Her brown hair is all styled tonight, not the tangled mess last time I saw her. And her big green eyes, are glaring at me. Okay, I can do this. I've been through far worse and survived. I can do this. Piece of cake.

  My heart is pounding and my hands are sweating. I don't know what to say, and I don't want to look at Tanning. He reads me too well, and tonight I need to be a closed book.

  So I give him a quick glance. “Oh, hi Tanning,” I say casually, and pull out my cell, like I've just got a text I need to read.

  I'm hoping they take that as the hint to move on, to mingle with more worthy guests. But they aren't moving, though the skanky one seems to want to, she's fidgeting and I glance up to see her looking around.

  Good, take Tanning and go, I want to say, but I don't. I just grin at my cell then put it back in my purse, like it's all natural and I'm not affected by seeing him again.

  “How have you been?” he asks, like I'm an old friend he hasn't seen in a while.

  Oh, god, how to answer that question.

  Well apart from the one good thing in my life, Felicity. I've missed you like crazy and not seeing you has nearly killed me. And now seeing you with this, this ... witch of a woman, is making me want to die inside.

  “Good, and you.”

  “How's Felicity?”

  Oh, okay, more pleasantries. I can handle pretentious conversation.

  “She's really good.”

  “I'm glad.”

  Yeah, I'm glad too, Tanning. So glad, I could scream right now! Time to get the hell out of here.

  “I, ah, need to find Bailey and Cam. I'll um ... catch up with you later.”

  I won't. I'm leaving as soon as the cake's cut. I don't wait for his reply. I turn quickly and make my way through the crowd to where Bailey and Cam are standing talking to Bennett and Gerry.

  I tap Cam's shoulder. “Hey.”

  He turns and smiles at me. “Hey, yourself. Don't you look smoking.”

  I chuckle at that remark and scrunch up my nose. Once upon a time I would have run a mile to hear Cam say that to me, now it sounds weird.

  “You, um ... look pretty nice yourself.”

  He's dressed in casual beige pants and a white linen shirt, and as usual he looks gorgeous with little effort. But I couldn't begin to think of Cam that way ever again.

  Bailey finishes talking to Bennett and he looks my way and winks. Well that's new. He usually ignores me. I give him a small smile back. He is scorching hot after all, you'd have to be dead not to smile at him, regardless of how he treats you.

  Bailey hooks her arm around Cam's back, still toppling on her heels.

  “Bales, maybe you should put some flats on,” I advise.

  She grins and rolls her eyes. “Thank god. I wanted to wait till you got here, to show you I tried. I'll just take them off and go barefoot.”

  “No!” Cam, Bennett and I all yell at her at the same time.

  She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at all three of us. We all burst out laughing at the same time, as she continues to scowl.

  It feels so good to share a joke with friends.

  I stop laughing and decide it's now or never to tell her and Cam about Jason. Her foot fashion disaster will be a good excuse.

  “Come on, I'll go with you and find some shoes to match. Elise has heaps of pairs.” I look to Cam who is raising his eyes at me. I shrug. �
�I only borrowed them occasionally.”

  He shakes his head and I continue, “You come too. I need to speak to you both anyway.”

  This seems to pique Bailey's interest as she tilts her head and gives me a small nod. Cam grabs her and lifts her into his arms, then carries her into the house amidst whistles and cat calls from the guests, making me laugh again, as Bailey turns crimson and covers her hands over her eyes.

  When we reach the porch he puts her down on unsteady feet and I grab her and Cam's hands leading them inside and down the hall to Elise's room. When we get there, Bailey takes a seat on the bed and Cam sits next to her and reaches down to un-strap her heels.

  “I told you not to wear them,” he complains and rubs her feet.

  Bailey rolls her eyes, and looks to me. “So, what's up?”

  I'm still standing, but I take a seat on the chair next to the bed, clenching my hands in my lap. “Travis called me today with some news.”

  Both Bailey and Cam's eyes widen and I can see the concern in their expression. The worry is never far away, even in frivolous moments.

  “What did he say? What's happened?” Cam asks softly and moves to hold Bailey tight to him.

  “It's finally over.”

  “Have they sentenced him?” Bailey asks.

  ”Not exactly ...” I pause, not sure how to say it.

  I guess there's only one way.

  “Jason he's um ... Jason's dead,” I blurt out.

  Silence echoes, as Bailey and Cam sit there dumbfounded. A bit like how I reacted, and I decide to give them some time to process.

  At least that's my intention, when the door flies open and Tanning is standing there, his hands on his hips. And I'm guessing from the black look he's giving me, he must have just heard our whole conversation.

  Oh holy, freaking shit. Here we go again!

  THiRTY-SiX

  _________________________

  Tanning crosses his arms and looks at me with that intense stare of his, and my whole body start shaking. I have no words. I can't speak.

  Cam stands and walks over to Tanning. “Hey man, didn't know you were coming tonight. How about we go get some beers. Jen's just helping Bailey choose some new shoes.” He lets out a fake laugh. “They'll probably be a while.”

  Tanning flicks his gaze to Cam and shakes his head. “I'm not going anywhere, till someone tells me what's going on.”

  I glance down at my clenched hands, I'm wringing them so tight, my knuckles are going white.

  Cam shrugs. “Nothing's going on. Come on let's go.”

  “I heard everything. Now someone better spill.” And he looks back to me.

  Bailey stands and joins Cam at the door. She tugs on Tanning's shirt to get his attention. “It's not our story to tell, Tanning. Now I think you better leave well enough alone.”

  I breathe out a long breath. I'm grateful Bailey is trying to help, but maybe it is time. Maybe I should tell Tanning. But if he knows ... what will he think of me? I lied to him, I broke what we had. And anyway, I don't know why he's even interested, I mean he's hooked up with his old girlfriend again. He's moved on. He doesn't need to get involved in my dramas anymore. He's off the hook.

  Why can't he just let it go?

  Tanning grimaces at Bailey and I'm expecting him to give in. To take the safe option and leave. Then he says, “Can I have a minute alone with Jen? I promise, I just want to talk to her.”

  Oh, no. I don't want to be alone with Tanning. It hurts to be near him. I can't have my heart broken anymore. And it’s breaking every second I watch him drift further and further away from me.

  Bailey and Cam both turn to me with questioning looks. They'll stay if I ask, but there is another question in their eyes, like they want to give Tanning this chance to clear the air between us. I mean they are both our friends and we will probably run into each other from time to time. I can understand their dilemma.

  I quickly decide I can do this. I can be strong. They have been really good friends to me. I need to return the favor.

  I give a small nod, but my stomach's churning, and I feel like I want to be sick. Neither of them is moving, so I decide to be more convincing.

  “It's okay,” I whisper and give them a smile.

  “We'll wait for you in the kitchen,” Bailey says, and Cam gives me one last long look, before they both walk out and shut the door, leaving Tanning and I alone for the first time in over a month.

  The air is already thick with tension. Tanning and I create tension. That's our M.O. This time it's not sexual, its nervous tension, and I'm desperate to get some fresh air. To breathe again. But I hold on to whatever strength is keeping me in this room and pray I've done the right thing by agreeing to this.

  Tanning stands and keeps watching me. I hate it when he does that. He's trying to figure me out. Trying to put the puzzle pieces together. And where I'm concerned I'm only a three year old puzzle with the fewest pieces. He can put me together in mere minutes, just like he can pull me apart.

  I swallow and decide to say something. I can't bear the silence any longer. “So you're back with your girlfriend ... congratulations,” I spit out.

  Shit! That came out more like an insult. Not quite what I was going for.

  Tanning narrows his eyes. “You're doing it again. I thought we got past that.”

  I roll my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  “You're diverting, or trying to. It won't work. Not this time.”

  I cross my arms over my twisting gut and squeeze myself tight. “Is that right?”

  “Yeah that's right.” He glances at the ceiling and sighs, before continuing, “Look, if there's anything you want to tell me. I'm here. I'm ready to listen. I mean, I really want to listen.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek and lick the dry insides of my mouth. I am trying to divert, he's right, as usual.

  “Why?” I say so softly, I'm not sure he hears me.

  Then he moves like lightening, and he's on his knees in front of me and he grabs hold of my hands. His face is at the same level as my own, and I feel the tears start to leak down my cheek. I can't do this, god, my heart is thumping so hard and my breathing is labored. Then he reaches up and wipes the tears away, as more run down my face, and I'm in his arms so quick. Oh god, I need his arms around me. I've needed that for so long. I cry into his black shirt and hold onto him so tight. He hugs me back and holds on just as tight, stroking my hair.

  We must stay like this for a while, until the tears finally stop and I get a grip on reality. I shouldn't be doing this. He's with someone else. He's only trying to be a good friend. I can't make his life any more difficult. So I let my grip slacken, and I manage to wrench my head away from the comfort of his gorgeous chest.

  I must look a sight. My eyes feel puffy and sore, and heaven knows how my mascara must have run. Tanning doesn't seem to mind though, as he keeps scanning my face and stroking my hair.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  I give a ragged breath before spluttering, “Yeah. I am ... or I will be.”

  “Jen, I know I said I wouldn't ask. But ... it's really killing me not knowing what's going on. I really hate seeing you this upset. I um ... I still care about you.”

  Wow, okay. Care. Well that packs a punch. He cares. Well of course he does, he's Tanning. It's in his nature to care. He cares about everyone, not only me. I'm nothing special.

  I nod, in a weak effort to tell him I get it.

  He tilts my chin to look into his eyes, but I can't. So I shut my eyes tight. I'm afraid. Afraid, he'll see that I don't just care. He'll see that I love him. I know it's written like thick black ink all over my messed up face. I can't hide it any longer.

  He lets out a sigh, and his soft minty breath fans across my cheek sending a shiver down my spine. “Jen, she's not my girlfriend. I'm not back with her. She wanted to come with me tonight. And well, I thought you'd be here with Travis, and I didn't want to face that alone. I can't bear to see you with him. When
I saw you leave with Bailey and Cam, I followed. I had to see you, to ask about him.” He pauses and sighs again. “So are you? Are you with him?” His words sound desperate, like its killing him to ask, and his grip tightens on my chin.

  Now I really can't breathe. My eyelids flutter open, almost of their own accord, and his beautiful face is so close, looking at me so intensely. I give the smallest shake of my head. Then his lips crush onto mine and I'm lost in his scent and taste and everything Tanning, as he pulls me to him and deepens the kiss. We are both desperate as we struggle to get closer to each other. All I can think of is being with Tanning and being as close to him as possible, in the quickest possible time, completing forgetting where I am. I'm completely lost in him.

  There's the sound of a door creaking somewhere, and a far off voice, saying something, but it's only when Tanning pulls his lips from mine the fog begins to clear from my lust filled brain, and I hear who it is.

  “Jesus, what the hell are you doing, Tanning?” a female voice hisses, followed by the door slamming.

  Oh, great! It's the witch of an ex girlfriend.

  Tanning is breathing heavy, then he kisses my forehead. “Just stay here. Don't move. I'll go and talk to her. I owe her that.”

  I give him a small nod, and he kisses my lips softly once more, before he turns and walks towards the door, giving me one last lingering look, like he's afraid I'm going to run. But I couldn't move even if I wanted to. My legs are like jelly and my breath is racing.

  So she's not his girlfriend.

  He was worried about seeing me with Travis.

  He cares about me.

  He kissed me, and he wants me to wait for him.

  Oh god, do I dare hope that Tanning and I can work?

  Oh I so want to believe that. But I know we won't work, if I'm not honest with him. There’s one helluva gigantic elephant in the room, and I know I have to tell Tanning about Jason if we’re ever going to move forward. He deserves an explanation.