The Rejection (Luna of the Pack Series)

by S. J. Hayslett

  I'm not sure what it is about my words, but Thorne finally softens towards me and I can feel the bond opening back up to me. It was no longer a one-sided deal between us. "You can't shut me out like that again." I whisper when he brings me closer into his arms. But the warmth I feel isn't from his arms around me, cocooning me to his very hard body. The warmth comes from the bond wrapping back around me, like a man who found water after walking through the desert. I can feel his love for me again, a feeling I never want to go without again. "We'll never be able to fix things, if we don't know what's broken."

  "I know, I'm sorry." Thorne drops to his knees and looks up at me from beneath his eyelashes. "Can you and nugget forgive me?" I gasp as the only thing I can do is nod while my voice was a little hussy and wanted nothing more than for Thorne to lift my skirt and kiss me. He was already down there. So needless to say, I couldn't trust my voice, at all. And for a second, I thought Thorne was going to do just that when instead his arms brought me closer to him so that he could lift the hem of my shirt to uncover the swell in my body and lay a kiss there.

  There were so many thoughts that swam through my mind. Such a sweet, and simple chaste kiss, and yet so many emotions were attached. Love, security, adoration. Who knew so much could be said with just a peck.

  I bend over as much as I can and lay a similar peck on his forehead. I'm about to say more to him but Jackson comes crashing out of the surrounding woods and heads straight for us.

  "There was a rogue, right over there," he points to a spot that had a clear vantage point of us. My heart starts racing at the implication that had it not been for Thorne, I could have been subject to a rogue attack. Who knows how long he was even there for. "But that's not all. The strangest thing is, he looked like the former beta of Willowhaven."

  "Wait, Julien? That's not possible. Why would Julien go rogue?"

  "I'm just telling you what I saw. I smelled him on my run, and when I came upon him, he growled at me and shifted into his wolf. I chased him away, though I was trying to catch him. But I was too stunned to see him there. That second or two of hesitancy cost me. Cost us. I'm sorry. Alpha."

  "It's okay Jack. I wouldn't expect to see Julien here either." Thorne turns to look at me. "You need to call your brother."

  I do.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  No one ever really needed to tell me the moment my mother died. I just kind of felt it, like the air suddenly became harder to breathe. Or the sun didn't shine as bright for a slight moment. I had walked through the pack house, Natasha was beside me, cracking jokes. I was only half paying attention to her when father came out of their shared bedroom. One look at my father's crying stature, a sight I've never once seen before, and my body went completely numb.

  Everyone was talking around me, but for all I knew, they were in an underground wind tunnel, they sounded so far away. I just couldn't get the image of my father breaking down to mourn my mother. I never saw him smile again.

  I could feel people and time moving all around me as I stood in the middle of the hallway. There was no registering any of the information that my senses wanted me to know. Touch, smell, hearing, nothing mattered, but for those tears.

  Numb.

  This was the second time in my life that I felt numb.

  Complications.

  Natasha lost the baby.

  The grief of losing the baby caused Julien to go rogue.

  I replay the conversation with Lincoln before I dropped the phone.

  "Julien was helping Natasha down the stairs at their house when the breaking of the bond caught Julien off guard. He jerked his hand from Natasha mid-step and she took a tumble. They tried to save the baby, but she was hemorrhaging too fast, that the doctors made a choice. It was touch and go for a while, Kai. He kept muttering 'She broke it. She really broke the bond.'"

  "How's Natasha feeling?" It's a dumb question but I ask it anyway. I recall the way she was so happy announcing the baby. Sure, some of her happiness had to do with rubbing it in my face. But there was excitement that sparkled behind her eyes and now her eyes were no longer shining. No matter how much I despised her actions being one half of the team that tore out my heart, I would never have wished that anguish on her.

  "She's..." Linc's voice trails into the nothingness between us. Devastated, he doesn't even need to say it. "But, Julien, he took the news hard. The second he saw the doctor's face, he took off. A few seconds later, we could feel him ripping from the pack."

  "And you didn't think to tell me any of this right away?"

  I couldn't hear anything beyond Lincoln's way too late apology, though the fact that I also dropped the phone could have something to do with it. I barely register Thorne picking up my cellular device and wallow in pity and despair. I feel sorry for my one-time friend who just lost her baby. I then allow my mind to wander into depths unknown and bleak. How could I have been so selfish to mark Thorne in such a way that caused Natasha to lose everything she had. All the while I gained so much more than I lost.

  I should have just waited until both of the babies were born, and we could have avoided all of this turmoil. I let my insecurities over Vanessa get me into spiral of causing pain for people I once cared about. This was all my fault.

  "Hey, hey, hey. Easy Kai. This isn't your fault. These things happen." I flinch a little at Thorne's touch. I know he's meant to be comforting but there's nothing that he can say. He was there with me. He was just as guilty in this as I was. We did this together. "Baby listen to me. Look at me."

  I focus my dead eyes to his, I'm not even sure if the pain I see in them are mine or his. This bond is creating a mess within me. So much so, I can't even tell where my pain ends and his begins.

  "Kairi, you know births outside of true mated pairs are rare. At least when both mates are alive. And there was so much conflict between the three of you, that it's a wonder how she was pregnant in the first place. And we didn't do anything. We are not at fault for falling in love and expressing it the way wolves are meant to. Do you hear me? This isn't on us, and definitely not you."

  I can hear him, but it doesn't mean I'm listening.

  "Baby, what do you need?" Thorne asks me when I stand up from the couch in our room. I don't want to be around anyone right now. I make my way to the door silently though I can feel Thorne's heart aching for me. But I'm being selfish with my grieving and simply tell him...

  "Time and space," I dejectedly mutter before closing the door behind me. I lean against the door from the hallway and I quickly reach out to Thorne with the bond. 'I love you. And I don't mean to shut you out, but I just need to process this the only way I know how.' He seems more receptive to my mourning once I amend my feelings to him.

  My legs carry me to the spare bedroom across the hall. It's not even really set up as a spare bedroom anymore since Thorne had most of the furniture removed so that we can start setting up for a nursery. The only thing that remains is the full-size bed that was pushed in the corner. In retrospect this was probably the worst room for me to come to, if I had been of sound mind, I probably would have avoided it. While we were getting ready for our little one, Natasha and Julien would be burying theirs.

  More tears for the people I once cared for streamed down my face as I hit the bed. I can't even be bothered to pull the covers over me as I crawl into the soft mattress. With everything that's happened around me today, it doesn't take long for sleep to pull me under with its greedy hands.

  |||

  I exist dreamlessly, floating in an ether or nothing when a heavenly scent fills my nostrils and brings me closer and closer to consciousness. I can only focus on the beautiful scent of cinnamon, sugar, butter, and peaches.

  "Maggie?" I ask with a raspy voice before I even open my eyes. The other tantalizing scents of her famous to Willowhaven peach cobbler is effectively waking me up and calling me to the land of the living. I didn't even realize I slept so long except for the fact that the room was dark until someone who was not Maggie tur
ned the lights on.

  "Not quite. I'm Seraiah, Maggie's daughter." Seraiah held up a plate of a huge chunk of cobbler in front of me. "Alpha Thorne wanted someone to bring you some food, something substantial. But I remember my mom telling me once when you were sick, that her cobbler was the only thing you would eat."

  "Thank you." She hands me the plate, but even though I don't immediately pig into the sweet treat like I want to, I just hold the plate close to me. "I feel terrible that I haven't come to search for you since I've been here."

  "Pfft, don't be. It's not like we were ever in the same circles when I was back to Willowhaven?"

  "How are you doing here?" I ask. Maggie's parents were from Stoneforest and Seraiah went to visit them several years ago for summer break. Of course, she ended up finding her mate and staying in Stoneforest. But she was right, seeing that she was two years older than me, we never connected on a level outside of saying hi or bye when we saw each other.

  "Oh, we're doing great! Micah and I have three girls now. We're talking about trying for a boy. Do you know what you're having?" Seraiah asked while lifting a finger to my pregnant belly.

  "A boy. Just found out yesterday, actually." Gosh, I couldn't believe that was only yesterday. So much has happened since yesterday's doctor's appointment that it was hard to fathom that less than twenty-four hours had passed.

  "That's awesome! You and Alpha Thorne will be wonderful parents." Seraiah moves closer to the door like she's getting ready to leave. Which I don't blame her. I still don't feel up to company, but hopefully the still warm peach cobbler in my hand will lift my mood. "I gotta get going. I have some rugrats to tend to. Hopefully I'll see you around?" The corner of my mouth lifted for a brief second at the thought of Seraiah being nervous about seeing each other later. She's twenty and curious to hang with eighteen-year old me.

  "That would be great. And thank you again for the cobbler. Don't be surprised if I ask you to make some more." I chuckle as I finally start moving the fork to dig into the yummy goodness in my arms.

  "It's my pleasure," she smiles at me once but hesitates before leaving me alone in the room again. "Alpha Thorne didn't tell me everything that happened today, but he did tell me about your friend's miscarriage and how you think it's your fault. I just," she sighs and then makes her way back towards the bed. One of her hands smoothens back my hair that is probably a bird's nest at this point. I can see the struggle to find the words that Seraiah has, and I know it's not something that I want to hear at the moment.

  "I had one once, my first child. It was hard accepting that my little angel didn't make it. One day I was feeling him kicking me, and the next we couldn't find a heartbeat. It took some time also to come to the conclusion that it wasn't my fault, or Micah's, or anyone else's. It just wasn't my time yet. Just count and hold onto little victories of recovery. Like eating peach cobbler instead of dinner. If you ever need to talk, I'll listen." With another smile and a wave, Seraiah leaves me alone.

  'It's not my fault.' I take a bite of my cobbler after my affirmation.

  'It's not my fault.' Another bite.

  By the fourth bite, I'm repeating the words aloud and actually believing what I am saying. All the while I continue to enjoy the cobbler, more tears fall into my lap. Some part of me is thrilled that the tears didn't drop into my cobbler. But I am no longer crying for the pain that Natasha must be going through. I'm not even thinking about what Julien must be going through. I pushed Thorne away when he was only trying to help me.

  My bites into my dessert get bigger as my mantra has now turned to 'We are not at fault.' Huge arms circle me while I try to shovel the last buttery corner of my cobbler into my mouth. I barely manage it when the hands of my mate release the plate from my grip and set it aside at the foot of the bed. I find myself lifted in his arms and placed back in his lap so that I'm straddling him, our faces nearly touching before he tips my head into the crook of his neck.

  "Shhhhhh," Thorne coos in my ear. "I know you didn't mean to push me away. That's why I stayed at the door the rest of the day until just now."

  "You did what?" I practically screech. "Why?"

  "Because I understood you needed time and space, so I gave it to you. Even though I could hear you whimpering in your sleep. I wanted to hold you in my arms, to comfort you. But I needed to give you what you asked for. So, I got on the floor and uncomfortably waited until I needed you more than I needed to give you space."

  "No matter how much you push, I'll always keep coming for you, Kai." I treasure our bond, more than anyone can ever know. More than even the man that's holding my body captive to his. My lips crash to his. Desire rips through me for this man that I crave with my entire being. I don't need anything or anyone else but him in my life. I hurriedly unbutton his pants and release him from his boxers. Our tongues are still interlocked as I slide my panties to the side so that I can ease myself down onto his shaft.

  "Not here my little bunny," Thorne hisses when I start to move against him, but I pay him no mind. Here is as good a place as any, and I want him now. I smirk when that's his only hint of objection as he begins to rock into me, thrusting inside of me. My fleshy walls throb with need as Thorne moves in and out, hitting just the one spot inside me that only he has touched. Lovemaking with Thorne is a whole other experience than it was the one time with Julien. Julien was a rushed moment, though not quite sloppy. It definitely wasn't the slow and generous pace that Thorne picks up with me.

  I reach between us and find the little nub that feels like the key to my heat and with one tiny pinch, my body explodes into an array of color and light. Though we were quick, the passion between us made it feel so much longer.

  It took a little while to get over the few minutes we spared for each other, and before I was able to crawl out of his lap. When I finally released him from between my legs, there was an emptiness that ensued, but I pushed it away.

  "I can't believe we christened our kid's bedroom." I laugh at the man I've come to love when I realize that was why he said, 'not here.' "Baby?" I lift my face from resting on his shoulder so that I can look at him. His gruff tone suggests that whatever he's about to say will be serious or something I won't like. Probably both.

  "I may be a dick for bringing it up now. If you think I am, I apologize in advance. But in light of what happened with Julien and Natasha's baby, now I really don't want you to tell Julien that he has a son with you. Call me out for being jealous, insecure, or selfish, I don't care. But I will fight tooth and nail for you and our son, and I'll be damned if that pathetic excuse of a wolf will think he will have a claim on either of you."

  And what can I say to that? Tears silently roll down my face as I nod and agree with Thorne. There's no telling what Julien might do with the knowledge of his fatherhood status since he's gone rogue. Telling Julien that he's a father is no longer an option now.

  'Can we go to bed now?' I ask through our bond. I just need him to hold me. And just like Thorne knew to stay away from me for a spell, he knew I just needed the comfort of his arms around me as we slept together in our bed all night.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  "I became a table overnight," I whine as I'm lying on the floor of Thorne's office, in the only position that's comfortable to me right now, my back. And even that's an exaggeration, because there is never a comfortable position for me. Especially since my sciatic nerve is pinched, I constantly feel like this beautiful baby boy is trying to kill me. Currently, I'm balancing a plate and a mug on my very rounded belly. Why? For entertainment and self-pity purposes.

  "You're not a table, you're pregnant." Thorne lifts the dishes from their precarious position and gets down on the floor with me. "And you know Doc said there are better stretches to do when you're feeling back pain." My loving mate. I love him so much. Thorne picks up my left leg and starts massaging it so that the tingling sensation I felt earlier starts to dissipate. Finally, I'm starting to feel comfortable again.

  "I know, but then I wou
ldn't get a massage from my sexy alpha. How could I pass that up?" I ask smugly while trailing a finger down Thorne's muscular arm. Thorne gently places my leg back down on the floor and with his left and on my belly, and his right elbow supporting his weight, he leans down into me for a kiss. However, before our lips can connect, there's a knock at the door.

  Thorne growls, seductively at me, "We'll finish this later," then nips at my ear. "Come in." I want to get up from the floor, but Thorne starts the massage over again on my leg, completely unconcerned with whoever may walk through the door. His assistant, Mina, walks in the door, unfazed by our position on the floor. She's a funny girl, well woman actually. Her grandchildren are a little younger than I am, and she likes to think that she can keep up with this generation of wolves. And for the most part she's right, except when it comes to shifting. Her mate passed away a few years ago, and as a result, her wolf passed on as well. But Mina was strong enough to not let it break her as well. So while she could no longer shift, she is still very much alert and spry any other time it mattered.