Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2)

by Selene Chardou

  Afterwards, there was the removing of the condom, which he threw in the trash before he walked back to bed and slid his sweaty body next to mine. We kissed and caressed leisurely for a long time.

  “This doesn’t happen with every woman I bring home, Deirdre,” Drake said after a long silence. “I just want you to know that I love you very much. I held out as long as I could, but I’m glad we were able to make love. It wasn’t my best performance…I admit that much. I hope it will become even better and more satisfying for you next time.”

  I looked over at Drake and caressed his face. “What are you talking about? It was mind-blowing. Absolutely amazing. I love you too, and I know you’re the man for me. I’m a bit rusty at this too, so I can only hope I satisfied you as well, but that was everything I expected from you and more.”

  He leaned toward me and kissed my nose. “You mean you aren’t the least bit disappointed? I can look at you and know you aren’t used to bad sex. Colin may be a lot of things, but bad in bed certainly wasn’t one of them, I’m sure.”

  I don’t know why it pissed me off that he needed to bring up my ex, but it did. I stood and pulled on a terrycloth robe he had given to me.

  “You don’t have to constantly feel like you are in some sort of competition with Colin, you know. We don’t have to play the ‘who’s the better lover’ game either. It’s not like he’s some perfect guy and everyone else is inferior. He has his faults.”

  “Wait, sweetheart, that’s not what I—”

  I stalked out of the room and went straight to his bar, poured myself a stiff Belvedere vodka, and swallowed it in one gulp. Drake didn’t have the same problem with modesty I did and he walked into the bar without a stitch of clothing on his lean body.

  “You’re nude,” I replied, stating the obvious.

  “Fuck my being nude. Why do you always take such a defensive attitude every time that bastard is brought up? He must have really hurt you, because you have constructed this wall between you and everyone else and you won’t even let me in. How do you think that makes me feel?”

  “If I act that way when it comes to Colin, it’s because I never stopped loving the bastard, and part of me hates myself for it. You have no idea how frustrating that is. I would rather not feel anything for him, but the heart and the mind aren’t always in perfect alignment, are they?”

  Drake walked closer to me and poured himself a snifter of Hennessy XO Cognac, swallowing it in single gulp. “What the hell did he do to you, Deirdre? I won’t sleep until I know what is going on!”

  “Fine,” I whispered. I poured myself another shot of Belvedere and swallowed the smooth alcohol. “You want to know what secret keeps us tied together? Liam and Colin got high on Bath Salts and they murdered my father in a hit and run almost a year ago. The anniversary of my father’s death is the day before Thanksgiving.

  “I didn’t know about any of this when we got together, but after everything happened…our trip to Western Europe and the pregnancy, he told me the truth. I forgave him because I didn’t see any other option and we agreed we wouldn’t report it. It wouldn’t change anything and I didn’t want to see the father of my child in a prison cell.

  I took a deep breath. “Then everything just fell apart for me. One day I snapped and the implications of what he did finally sank in and I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to marry him and I also found out the child I was carrying wasn’t his. It was his brother Liam’s. We had a one night stand a few weeks before Colin and I got together and that was the last straw. I didn’t want to live a lie anymore so I just put my belongings in my car and I fled.”

  There it was. The truth in black and white. I no longer had any secrets from him and he could judge me strictly on what had I allowed to happen in the past. It wasn’t pretty but everything that I’d experienced made me the person I was that night and the bitterness I faced every day for a mistake I’d made when I was supposedly in love would haunt me for all the days of my life.”

  I walked back into Drake’s bedroom and laid down in the very bed we had recently made love in with absolutely no regrets. This was the path I had chosen and I didn’t have any intentions of going back to my former life. I would have to make do with what I had now and if Drake wasn’t what I truly wanted, going through what I did with Colin had made it infinitely easier for me to leave people behind and continue to move on with my life. I instinctively knew in my heart there was someone out there for me and if he wasn’t Drake, I would find him as sure as the sun rose and set every day.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I fell asleep wrapped in Drake’s arms. When I awoke in the middle of the night, I found him still awake, the light from his iPad illuminating the room in dim light. I sat up and the sheet fell to my waist, exposing my breasts. I leaned toward him and put my head on his chest. “What are you doing up so late? It’s three in the morning.”

  “After everything you told me, I tried to sleep but all I did was toss and turn. I Googled your father’s hit and run. The crime was horrific and those two should go to prison for the rest of their lives for what they have done.” He turned his iPad off and clicked on the lights.

  He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. “I would report the crime myself but they would know who told. I can’t afford to get myself into any trouble. I have enough shit floating out there about me already. My parents have already disowned me, and if they knew the truth, they would probably put a contract out on me. I would be worth much more to them dead than alive. I highly doubt they cancelled my life insurance policies.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, looking up into his eyes. “What could you possibly have done your family would be willing to have you murdered behind?”

  “Well, getting involved with the Shevchenko family wasn’t smart, that’s for damned sure,” he began. “At the time, I was desperate. I’d just come back to the States and couldn’t find a job to save my life. I was bartending at an upscale club, Escape. It’s on the beach here in La Jolla and very well known. It’s also owned by the Shevchenko family, though I didn’t know that at the time.

  “Mikayla came in with her posse one night—a bunch of rich brats and hangers-on she went to high school with at La Jolla Academy of Excellence. It’s a private school for the mega rich of San Diego County. Anyway, one of her friends saw me while she was ordering drinks and so began the story of our turbulent relationship.

  “I eventually found out who she was and why it was dangerous for me to be involved, but by that time I didn’t give a damn. She introduced me to her father and he loved me and my perfect, preppy white-boy look. He told me about the drug runs they had coming from Mexico and how they kept hemorrhaging product because everyone they sent looked like a criminal and how many shipments he was losing. He told me what I would have to do and also informed me I would make twenty percent of the street value of the product I was bringing in.

  “I was desperate to have financial freedom after being broke for so long so I signed a five year contract without seriously thinking about it. All I knew was I was a few months from my twenty-fifth birthday and I was broke. The money blinded me. When I was making runs once a month, it was a lot of money.

  “I usually went with a different woman every time. High class escorts from the service the Shevchenko mafia ran. The women were always classy and we looked like any other high-flying American couple on a day trip of shopping and dining. I was never once stopped and it came to the point where I was the only sure guy Shevchenko had to make the trips to Mexico.”

  Drake paused and studied my eyes, his pale aquamarine irises brilliant in the dim light. “After Mikayla and I broke up, the trips didn’t stop, and neither did my business dealings with the Shevchenko family. They knew I could be depended upon and because I know so much about them, I would never breathe a word of this to anyone…except you. The only reason why I am telling you this now is because you know how to keep a secret. I took you on one of these runs last month. It was disguise
d as a date, but while we were traveling around and visiting locations, the Mercedes was switched, the plates put back on the vehicle, and we drove through border patrol with a carload full of cocaine and heroin. It was enough to get us both multiple lifetime sentences in prison. For that I apologize. It wasn’t fair for me to put you in danger.

  “It was purely selfish on my part. I wanted to spend the day with you and I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t cancel the run because Mikayla’s brother would have murdered me himself. So I took you to all these beautiful sites in Ensenada and I hope you had a great time, but I didn’t take you on a romantic getaway. I had to pick up a shipment because I had no choice, Deirdre.”

  “Is the restaurant a front?” I asked.

  “No. That’s the ironic part. Every business the Shevchenko family has their hands in makes legitimate money. The establishments they own are only a front in that they allow the drug money to be laundered, but they all turn over a healthy profit. Rouge has been in the black since its second year in operation and that was three years ago. Escape makes the family tons of money. That’s not mentioning all the other ventures the family has.

  “I would be in good shape, financially speaking, just with what Kayla and I divide at Rouge. However, greed is always a factor and nothing exceeds like excess. I can’t get out of bed with the Shevchenko family until my contract ends and that won’t be for another year.”

  “I thought you only signed a five year contract? Where did the extra two years come from?”

  Drake kissed my brow. “It was tacked on because I ended my personal relationship with Mikayla. Her father had big plans for us, including a huge engagement party and an elaborate wedding. When we broke up, he was devastated. Even though it was Mikayla’s fault because she cheated, he still tacked on a couple more years because it meant I would have to be his lackey.

  “Believe me, if I wasn’t aware what the Shevchenko family does to people who try to run away, I would have just high-tailed it outta here. I don’t have any ties to this place and no family here. I didn’t see how I could get out alive without leaving the country. And even that wasn’t a guarantee I would keep my life. They have connections all over Western Europe, Canada, Central and South America, Australia, New Zealand…where would I have gone without having the threat of death hanging over my head and spending the rest of my life constantly looking over my shoulder?”

  I shook my head, staring into his eyes once again. “No wonder you thought I was on the run. I understand why you didn’t tell me. You couldn’t possibly gauge what my reaction would be. I’m glad I know now.”

  “All I’m doing is bringing the drugs into the country. I’m a goddamn mule for God’s sake. I don’t have anything to do with the distribution or selling of them. Not that I judge people who do drugs, but it’s not for me and I hate I am involved. Right now, I am so deep in the shit no one can save me. If I was still close to my family I would beg them to intervene on my behalf. No one is going to do that and…I don’t know. I just feel like the whole situation has spiraled beyond my control. You’re the only person who is keeping me going, Deirdre. Without you, I would be lost.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Drake was basically begging me not to break his heart, and if I did, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I loved him and I was in this too deep to back out now. I couldn’t simply walk away from him even if I wanted to. That’s what made the situation all too real for me.

  My hands went to his face and I looked deep into his eyes. “I love you, Drake O’Connell. I don’t know when it happened or why, but…I know you’re the one I’m supposed to be with. Nothing and no one will come between us, you got it?”

  He pulled me toward him and kissed my lips softly with just the right amount of passion that sent me over the edge of want and need. “I love you too, Deirdre. I want you to know that the only thing I fear right now is you and Colin making amends and you deciding your future is with him. I know it is an irrational worry but it could happen. You two have history, secrets, and a past. We’re nothing but two strangers who happened to meet because I happened to notice I had a hot new female neighbor.”

  “Well, if it makes you feel any better, Drew introduced Colin to me.” I breathed deeply and exhaled silently. “I am not going to lie to you. I still love Colin. My feelings haven’t disappeared overnight just because I changed locations. Yet a part of me also hates him. He and his brother murdered my father and they are going to get away with it. My sister Caitlyn is engaged to Liam, and she has told me point blank that she is not willing to see her future husband go to prison under any circumstances. She’ll end our relationship if I were to breathe a word about it.”

  “So in other words, you’re stuck at your sister’s mercy whether you want to be or not?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  Drake kissed me again and this time, he added his seductive tongue to the mix. I moaned into his mouth. As we parted, he said in soft voice, “Life never seems fair, does it?”

  I shrugged, and reached a hand under the covers to stroke his manhood, which was hard as a proverbial rock. “Well, we found each other, didn’t we?”

  “Very true,” he whispered seductively. He flipped me on my back and we spent the rest of the late night and early morning making love.

  ***

  Later that very day after Drake had ravished my body in every way he knew how, I stopped into the coffee shop. It was my afternoon to work. I made myself an Americano with double the amount of espresso shots. I was exhausted and drained. My vaginal area hurt but it was a good kind of pain. Finally, Drake and I had hit our stride as lovers. We knew how to please each other and the sex had been out of this world great.

  Smiling to myself, I sat at one of the available tables and opened my Sony VAIO Ultrabook laptop. I was halfway through looking at the profit margin for the current month when my iPhone rang.

  “Well, hello, Caitlyn,” I said in greeting after seeing her name on the screen. “I didn’t think I would be hearing from you so soon after our last conversation.” I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, failing miserably.

  “Liam and I are holding an engagement party this weekend coming up. I’m sure you received the invitation but I’m a bit perplexed why you haven’t sent us your RSVP yet.”

  “I wasn’t sure whether I was coming or not.”

  Caitlyn snorted. “You’re joking, right? I am your only sister. How many times do you think I plan to get married?”

  “That isn’t why I wasn’t sure about attending, Caitlyn,” I explained calmly. “I’m officially in a relationship with Drake and I don’t want there to be any complications between Colin and I. We had a fight yesterday. I can act civilly around him, and I am hoping he can do likewise.”

  “Jeez, you really only care about yourself, don’t you? Everything revolves around your comfort and your needs. This is a special day for me, Deidre. Yes, Colin will be here since he’s Liam’s only sibling. You two being apart shouldn’t have anything to do with whether or not you decide to come to our engagement party.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to be in the same room with two people who should be serving time in prison.”

  My sister sighed in exasperation. “Not this again. We’ve talked about this and my mind is made up. I will not allow anything to happen to either one of them…or you for the matter. In case you don’t realize, you could be considered an accessory to the crime since you’ve known about it for some time but when you were so in love with Colin, you weren’t willing to turn him in. Now that the relationship has soured, you just look like a vindictive bitch out for revenge. I would think your relationship with Drake would be perfectly satisfying you would no longer be so angry about something that can’t be changed.”

  “He knows,” I replied. “I told him. He wanted to place an anonymous call to the authorities and I talked him out of it.”

  Caitlyn laughed. “I doubt it. Liam did a background check on your new beau and we found
out some very interesting things about him. He’s been a drug mule for a mafia family for quite some time. All we have to do is place an anonymous call to border patrol the next time you two go down to Mexico and both of you will be in more trouble than you ever dreamed. This game can be played both ways, you know.

  “The simple fact of the matter is your boyfriend knows it too and that’s why we can trust him to keep his mouth shut. He isn’t exactly squeaky clean either. Don’t start throwing stones, sister dearest. Unfortunately for you, we all reside in glass houses.”

  I couldn’t deny this even if I wanted to, and I knew Liam was vindictive enough to do it. He had a heart like ice. He didn’t really care about anyone or anything more than he did himself. Even him marrying my sister was a power play. I highly doubted he was more than in lust with her and her blonde, virginal-looking beauty.

  “Yes, Drake and I will be at your engagement party this weekend. See you then. I have to go.”

  “Have a good afternoon.”

  “Goodbye, Caitlyn.”

  I slammed the iPhone down on the counter, cracking the screen, and I rolled my eyes. The phone rang again and through the crack, a picture of Drake showed up as Rihanna’s “Diamonds” began to play. That was my ringtone for him. Colin’s had been changed recently to “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. After last night, I would be changing it again to Adele’s chart topper, “Rolling in the Deep”, but only after I traded this piece of shit iPhone for a Samsung Galaxy Note.

  “Hey, honey,” I said. “How’s work?”

  “Okay. Mikayla isn’t here so the day is going by pretty quickly. Are you still stopping by after work?”

  “Of course. I have a proposition for you and it would be best discussed in person.”

  “It’s nothing…serious, is it?” Drake asked, sudden worry etching its way into his tone.