Dare to Want

by C. J. Welles

“I know. It’s just hard to look at us then and think of everything we’ve been through.”

  “Hey, everything we went through brought us to where we are today. We’re both strong people now,” Nathan replies as he places a kiss against my temple.

  I let out a content sigh as I wrap my arm as around his waist and hug him tight. “Do you remember that night?”

  “Yeah, that was the night Jace got three touchdowns. They had to win to make it into the finals.”

  I remove my arm from his waist as I take the picture from Nathan and place it back on the corkboard. “Everyone treated him like royalty for the rest of the year,” I say with a laugh.

  Nathan laughs as well. “And he hated it.”

  I lean up onto my tippy toes and kiss Nathan quickly before I pack my clothes away into my wardrobe and chuck my dirty ones into the laundry basket.

  “What are your plans now we’re home?” I ask Nathan who is lying on the bed with his arms behind his head looking sexy. His t-shirt has pulled up and I can see his snail trail that leads down until is boxer briefs.

  “Sleepin’ in every mornin’ for the next two weeks,” he answers.

  “Trust you to think of sleep first.” I toss my bag in the bottom of my wardrobe then climb on the bed and rest my legs on either side of Nathan’s hips. “What about you?” he asks as I bend forward and place a kiss on his lips.

  “I don’t know. I want to visit Casey for a little while and I want to spend as much time with Lexi as I can. It’s what I hate most about being away. She’s five now and growing so fast.”

  “She’s lucky to have a big sister like you,” he says as he wraps his arms around me. “Now enough talkin’.”

  I giggle into Nathan’s chest as he flips us over, so he’s lying on top of me, in between my legs. Even with my yoga pants, I can feel his hard erection behind his jeans, pressing against my sex.

  “You know, we’ve had sex in a bunch of hotel rooms, Bryson’s trailer, my parents’ house and the bar in New York.” He swipes his tongue across my lips before biting down on my lower lip. “But I’m yet to see you naked in your room.”

  He nips at my lip again before he slides down the bed, peeling my yoga pants off as he goes.

  “Jolene, are you here?” I push Nathan away from me and off the bed as I pull my clothes back into place.

  “Here, Mom,” I call out as I jump up and sit on the edge of my bed. Nathan hops up from the floor and stands near my wardrobe. I would say I feel like a teenager again, who is trying to hide the fact she had sex in her room. But well, I’ve never had sex in my bedroom. Ever.

  “God, it’s good to see you,” Mom excitedly says as she walks into my room. “It’s been too long since I've had you around for longer than forty-eight hours.”

  “It’s good to be home, Ma.”

  “Jolene, Jolene,” Lexi calls out and a broad smile forms on my face.

  “In here, Lexi.”

  Moments later, Lexi comes flying into the room with her blond ringlet hair bouncing around her shoulders. She throws herself at me, tackling me to the floor as she wraps her arms around my neck. “Are you staying for long? Please say yes,” she squeals into my ear.

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” She unwraps her arms from my neck and stands up.

  Nathan bends down and offers me his hand, helping me up from the floor. “Who are you?” Lexi asks. She stands there with her hands clasped in front of her and her blue eyes – similar to mine – focused on Nathan.

  “I’m Nathan.”

  “Are you my sister's friend?”

  “He’s my boyfriend, Lexi.”

  Lexi scrunches her nose up and sticks out her tongue. “Boyfriend? Eww. Boys have germs.” We burst out laughing, and Lexi frowns at us. “What is funny?

  “Boys don’t have germs,” mom answers.

  “They do. Quinn told me.”

  “Okay, Lex. How about we go make some pie while Jolene tells us all about her travels.”

  “Okay, Momma. Can we make blueberry?”

  Mom and Lexi walk out, and as soon as they’ve cleared the doorway, Nathan pulls me in for a deep kiss that I can feel down to my toes.

  “Now you have boy germs,” Nathan says with a laugh as he slaps me on the ass then walks out the door.

  “I can put up with boy germs if I get some loving from you,” I call out.

  I hear Nathan laugh as he makes his way to the kitchen with me following. “How can I help, girl?” he asks.

  When I reach them, Lexi is telling Nathan how to make blackberry pie and what he has to do next. First, she has him sifting flour then measuring the butter.

  “What’s your favorite berry?” Nathan asks Lexi as he removes the berries from the fridge, that Lexi asked him to get.

  “Raspberry. I eat them with cream. But mommy makes nice blackberry pie.”

  “Raspberries are my favorite as well. I love raspberry and white chocolate cake. But my favorite is raspberries in a bowl with ice cream and icing sugar shook on top.”

  “Mommy, can we have that?” Lexi asks with big wide eyes and a big smile.

  “Not tonight. There’s enough sugar in the pie for you, missy.”

  “Next time Nathan comes here?” She spins to Nathan. “You will visit again, please?”

  “Definitely.”

  Mom and I stand back and watch as Lexi teaches Nathan to make the berry pie. It’s cute watching a five-year-old show a twenty-five-year-old how to cook. I tell mom all about our travels for the last few weeks. She listens to every word I say. It’s one of the things I like best about mom, how she will listen to all our stories, no matter how big or small.

  ***

  Chapter 15

  Jolene

  “I RECEIVED A brief rundown on the phone for how you and Nathan made it back into each other’s lives,” Mom says the next morning at the breakfast table. “But are there any more details? Where did you see each other? Did you sort out your differences? I liked Nathan and often thought you two would become a couple, but then he was suddenly out of the picture.”

  “Everything is good between us,” I say around a mouthful of toast. “I bumped into Nathan when I was in Kansas City. I stayed out of his way for a while, but eventually, we talked through everything and here we are now.”

  “Well, I can agree that you are both happy. I haven’t seen you smile at anyone like you smile at Nathan.”

  “When is dad due to get home?” I ask as I stand up and put my plate in the sink. “I’m heading into town today and want to be here when he arrives.”

  “He called this morning and said he’d be home by dinner.”

  I look at the clock and notice that it’s already nine. “I better hurry then,” I call over my shoulder as I race to my bedroom and grab my purse. “I won’t be out long. I only want to get a new pair of boots that I’ve wanted for a while. Amanda messaged me last night and said they’re on sale in her store.”

  “That’s fine,” mom answers as I head back to the kitchen. “Can you run an errand for me, please? I’ve some letters that need sending.” She points to three letters

  “Sure.” I grab the letters from the sideboard and slip them into my purse.

  “Oh, and can you get some tomato paste and mushrooms.”

  “Can do. If you think of anything else, flick me a message and I'll get it.” I lean down and drop a kiss on mom’s forehead. “I’ll get going, so I can get home earlier.”

  I pause halfway down the hallway and say goodbye to Lexi who is lining all her teddies up on her bed. No doubt she’s playing school. She’s always the firm teacher who likes to put her students (teddies) in the naughty corner.

  Wouldn’t it be nice to be young again? Life is effortless when you’re a kid.

  *

  “YOU HAVE TO get these,” Amanda calls out from behind the counter. “They’d look hot on you.”

  “You only want me to buy extra, so you get the sales.”

  “Nope. Check them out. As
soon as I saw them, I thought of you.” She walks out from behind the counter and towards where I’m looking at jackets. “Well, a sale would also be great. Business has been quiet.”

  “Do you want me to place some an advertisement in one of the papers? Harold won't mind if I put one in this Saturday.”

  “No, I didn’t say it so that you’ll help me. I’m coming to you as a friend.”

  “And I’m offering to help as a good friend would.” I grab the boots from her hands and sit on the chair behind me. Kicking off my old boots, I put the new ones on, then stand up.

  “Hot, damn, they do look good.”

  “They look more than good. If I swung the opposite way, I’d have my sights on you.”

  “Amanda,” I say with a gasp.

  She lets out a laugh as she walks to a rack of jeans and straightens them up. “How're things with you and Nathan?”

  “How’d you know about us?”

  “Well, since you’re a shitty friend and didn’t tell me, I found out from Cindy who was talking to Katie yesterday. Katie said she was in Las Vegas last weekend and seen you both there. You and Nathan were holding hands, kissing and what-not else.”

  “I was going to tell you, it just never came up in conversation.”

  “I don’t care; it’s your business. You know I’d never hold a grudge against you over that. But, I will say if nothing is going on between you both, you want to clear it up. Once Katie knows something, the whole town does.”

  I groan as I take the boots off and put mine back on. “She’s always been like that. Katie will be one of these old ladies in a retirement home who sits in the dining room sharing the latest gossip.”

  “That’s true.” She takes the boots from my hands and goes to put them up on a shelf, but I grab them.

  “No way. They’re mine,” I say as I place them on the counter along with another set of boots, a denim jacket, and a bra.

  “To set it straight, yes Nathan and I are together.”

  Amanda lets out a girly squeal. “We have to catch up, so you can fill me in on everything. Please tell me you’ve at least had sex with him.”

  Amanda is one of the very few people who knew I hadn’t had sex apart from the one time with Nathan.

  My cheeks heat when I think of sex with Nathan. It was only just last night that we had sex in my car. After dinner last night, before I dropped him off at his house, Nathan told me to stop off on one of the tracks that leads to the west of the Millers property. As it was close to midnight, I knew no one would be out that way.

  “Too many times to count,” I mutter. I still blush when talking about sex even though Nathan and I have sex at least once a day, every day.

  I freeze

  Every day.

  We’ve had sex every day.

  I haven’t had my period since we’ve been sleeping together.

  I unlock my phone and open it up to my calendar. As I skim through the weeks, my heart thumps in my chest.

  Nine weeks.

  It’s been nine weeks since I last had my period.

  I go into the period tracker app and double check the dates, but it’s the same answer.

  “What’s wrong?” Amanda asks.

  “Ah, nothing. Though, I do have to go.” I walk out of her shop at a brisk pace, leaving my bags of shopping behind.

  Once in my car, I rest my head back onto the car seat and close my eyes.

  Could I be pregnant?

  We use condoms most of the time, but there has been a handful of times that we forgot. Being pregnant never crossed my mind though.

  What the hell am I going to do if I am?

  I still live at home with my parents - when I’m not traveling for work. Nathan and I have only been together for a few months. What if he doesn’t want this?

  My cell beeps, halting my train of thought.

  I look down, and it’s a message from mom asking if I can grab some raspberries as well.

  I numbly reply saying yes before I toss my cell onto the passenger seat. Then make my way to the next closest town where I purchase a pregnancy test before I get mom’s groceries and head home.

  *

  Nathan

  “HEY, BABE,” I say when the call connects. “Sorry I missed your calls.”

  “What are you up to?” she asks quietly.

  “Just sitting in Bryson’s den having a quick beer with Ryan and Ethan. I’ll be there soon.” As Jolene predicted, Bryson wasn’t there. Ryan was over at the Lewis’ ranch when I called him to help me and Ethan offered to come as well.

  “Oh, okay. I’ll see you then.”

  “Jolene, wait.” I stand up and move out of the room where I can talk to her without the noise from Ethan and Ryan in the background. “What’s wrong, babe? You sound upset.”

  “I’m not.”

  “I’m not convinced. I’m coming over now.”

  “I’m not at home.”

  “Where are you?” She’s quiet for a while, and I swear I hear her sob. “Jolene?”

  “I’m at the dam.”

  “Jace’s dam?” I ask as I’m already walking down the hall towards the front door.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” Hanging up, I grab my truck keys from the hook next to the door.

  I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but when I left her three hours ago, everything was fine.

  *

  “WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?” I ask ten minutes later as I sit on the grass beside Jolene. It may have taken a little less time to get here, but when Jolene calls me up sounding like she did, there is no way I’m not going to break speed limits to get to her faster.

  “Lots.”

  “Care to narrow it down?”

  “I need to tell you something.” Her voice is shaky and quiet.

  A pounding begins in my head, and I swear my heart rate slows down. “Good or bad?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Just tell me, please.”

  She digs into her pocket and pulls something out before dropping it into my lap. I look down, and my breath catches in my throat.

  “Is this… is this what I think it is?” I whisper when I see the positive reading on the pregnancy test. There’s no answer from Jolene, so I turn to face her. She nods her head but doesn’t say anything.

  “You’re pregnant?” I ask, to clear things up. Usually, people get excited when they find out they’re having a baby. Jolene looks like she’s got news that could ruin someone’s life.

  “Yes,” she whispers.

  “And you’re not happy?” I place the test on her thigh then stand up. “Jolene, you’re having our baby, but you don’t seem excited.”

  “Are you happy?” she asks, and I let out a displeased growl. “I mean? Is it too early? I don’t want you to feel trapped.”

  I drop to my knees in front of her. “One hundred percent happy, babe. I know we didn’t plan it, but it’s a good thing. I want to have children with you.”

  “You do? Where will we live?”

  “I have money saved up. I was going to look at buying a house in the next twelve months. It only means I'll do it earlier.”

  “And our jobs? I travel, and you travel with Bryson.”

  “We don’t have to. We can get jobs here in town. Dad’s always looking for another ranch hand. I can work some hours with him.”

  I hold Jolene’s face in my hands and lightly brush my lips along hers. “The only question is, are you happy?”

  She nods as a smile forms on her beautiful face. “I am.” She places her hand on her stomach. “It was unexpected, and I panicked.”

  Typical Jolene. Always worrying and planning. Not giving herself a chance to be happy for herself first. But it’s one of the things I love about her.

  ***

  Epilogue

  Jolene

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  SO MUCH HAS changed in the past three months. Nathan and I told our parents at the same time about us hav
ing a baby. I’m yet to come across two grown ladies squeal with excitement as much as our moms did. I’m now five months pregnant and as much as we both told them not to buy anything until we know what we’re having, they’ve both been buying enough stuff for six babies.

  Casey moved back to Madisonville two months ago. I have loved having her back here. I knew I missed her while she lived away, but I didn’t realize how much until I had her back. We catch up most days of the week, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Two weeks after we found out I was pregnant, Nathan talked to his parents about building a house on their ranch. He said he had looked at buying a house in town but couldn’t find anything to suit us.

  “Keep your eyes closed,” Nathan says as he helps me walk through a paddock. I know he’s leading us to where our house is getting built, I just don’t know where.

  The builders started our house three weeks ago. Nathan said the slab was finished yesterday, which is why we’re out here today. He wants me to finally see it. We both designed the house, so I know what it looks like, but nothing else.

  “We’re nearly there,” he says as his hold tightens around my waist. “Alright. Are you ready?” he says as we stop walking.

  When I open my eyes, tears begin to form. “This is it?” I ask in a whispered tone. “It’s… beautiful,” I say when I look at the area around us. It may not seem like anything yet, but I can imagine what it’ll be like finished.

  “I knew you’d like it,” Nathan says as he grabs my hand and begins walking towards the slab.

  “Like it? I love it.”

  In my head, I’m already picturing where we’ll put a swing set for our little boy. How there will be a tire swing hanging from the tree closest to our house. Nathan can build a tree house for our son at the entrance to the small wooded area.

  “It’s perfect,” I whisper.

  I turn around when two cars pull up behind us. Casey, Bryson, and Ryan get out of Bryson’s truck, and Casey starts running towards me.

  “Are you having a boy or girl?” she practically yells.

  “You’ll have to wait to find out.” We want to tell our moms first that they have a grandson on the way.