Long Road Home

by Stacey Lynn

  There was something about that statement, his willingness to do something good for kids he’d never met that pinched my heart. I wasn’t the only one who noticed because both Rebecca and Destiny were staring at him with soft eyes too.

  He was a good kid. It was a small thing, but it spoke volumes.

  “I’ll look into those,” Cooper said and set down his silverware. “Damn good dinner, Jordan. If I knew you could actually cook I would have stopped letting Rebecca feed you long before this.”

  “I don’t come for the food. I come for the pleasant company I always get from you idiots.”

  “Yeah,” Rebecca said, laughing. “The food in my fridge you always pilfer has nothing to do with it.”

  She was right. I wouldn’t admit it. I could cook, but with the restaurant at the resort and Rebecca, I had little need.

  “It really is very good,” Destiny said. “Thank you.”

  “Tillie gave me the recipe,” I said. “It was always your favorite meal with her.”

  And I knew that because I’d sat at the table in Tillie’s house for years with Destiny eating it.

  The table went silent at the admission, and I couldn’t take it back before anyone heard it. A quick sweep of everyone there told me I’d shoved my foot in my mouth, big time. Not because for once I was being a dick, but because I was admitting exactly how much I remembered over the years.

  “Anyway,” I said, shoving my plate away. “I figured a family dinner tonight should have included her.”

  “Thank you,” Destiny said, her eyes were wet with unshed tears. To my side, Rebecca sniffed, and I knew if I looked her eyes would be the same.

  Still, I didn’t break my gaze with Des. “Anytime.”

  I said it so softly I didn’t know if it reached her ears.

  Cooper cleared his throat and grabbed my attention. “How about us guys go take a swing around the course and we leave the chicks to the cleaning.”

  “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Rebecca asked snappily. “First you make me help finish cooking and then I have to clean?”

  “Thanks, sis.” I kissed the top of her head. “You’re the best.”

  “You’re the worst host in the world.”

  “Wasn’t planning on hosting you. This will teach you a lesson.” I stuck my tongue out at her, as juvenile as that could be and turned to Toby. “You ready to go?”

  “Mom?” he asked. And it occurred to me that while his mom’s eyes had gotten wet, Toby had gone silent. “I can help you.”

  See? Damn good kid.

  “No.” She grinned at him. “Go ahead. Go have fun. This will give Rebecca and I a chance to catch up, anyway.”

  Had to give her credit. She said that like she didn’t want to spit nails at the same time. Perhaps I wasn’t the only one trying.

  “Won’t be long.”

  Toby walked toward me, and I slapped my hand to his shoulder. “Come on, little man. Let’s do this.”

  Thirteen

  Destiny

  * * *

  Stabbing forks into the backs of my hands repeatedly seemed like a much more enjoyable way to pass the time than spending it with Rebecca, but then my son looked at me with concern. Jordan looked at me so hopeful and my brain must have short-circuited from the dinner he made and why he made it.

  It was the only reasonable explanation for how I ended up alone with Rebecca in the kitchen of Jordan’s house, a home that was large and impressive with a two-story foyer and gleaming wood floors, and everything about it screamed brand new and expensive. It was exactly the kind of house we’d dreamed of owning together someday and that thought had sent a punch to my stomach as soon I walked through it earlier.

  It was decorated in masculine grays, white woodwork, dark granite countertops that spoke of the elegance and cost factor involved in the place, but that wasn’t exactly a surprise. He had to have millions in his account from his baseball playing days. Plus, since Jordan had walked back into our lives, I’d looked into his resort.

  Truth be told, I’d looked into everything I could find about Jordan when I wasn’t meeting with lawyers and speaking to the realtor to waylay our leaving and selling plans.

  Maize Tholton had been surprised, to say the least, I wasn’t planning on taking off immediately. In her thirties, she was older than me, and while she’d been kind and professional, friendly had been outside her wheelhouse when it came to meeting me.

  I brushed it off like I did with every person I ran into in Carlton, intent on staying the course I’d promised Jordan, the course I knew Toby so desperately wanted.

  Rebecca had the ability to shatter all those shaky promises. She’d been cordial to me, mostly ignoring me in favor of getting Toby to open up. Cooper was the only person at the table who’d tried to pull me into conversation and I didn’t know if Jordan was content with watching, waiting to see if he’d need to step in or if he wanted to see how much moxie I was built with—which was little to none—but even he had been mostly a voyeur to Rebecca and Toby.

  That didn’t exactly mean I was gung-ho to be alone with her either.

  If I was a betting woman, I’d say she was thinking the same.

  I stayed in my chair until the golf cart drove past the kitchen bay windows, two grown men and one boy waving merrily at us as they passed. Once they were out of sight, I pushed off from my chair and began cleaning the dishes. I grabbed all the plates from the table and chose to ignore Rebecca who remained at the kitchen table, sipping a glass of white wine, eyes on the wall of windows, but it was clear her mind was a million miles away.

  It was when I was making a third trip from the table to the kitchen with handfuls of silverware when Rebecca finally moved.

  “I’ll rinse and load them,” she said. She still hadn’t looked at me.

  “Thank you.” I continued clearing the table, sliding plates and silverware onto the counter. The silence between us reached suffocating levels. There was only so much strained silence, which blared louder than the clanking of plates on granite, I could take.

  I’d made mistakes. A lot of them. Huge ones. Nasty, horrible mistakes that affected a hell of a lot of people. If I could go back and change that, I would. But I’d also altered my entire summer and my son’s life in order to begin taking steps to fix those mistakes.

  Plus, I wasn’t eighteen years old anymore. I was a grown woman with a child to protect and a backbone that somehow formed when I least expected it.

  “Why have you never liked me?” I asked and immediately choked on the question.

  Good God. That’s what I led with? My backbone needed help.

  Her back stiffened and something clattered in the sink.

  “I never had anything against you personally,” she said and flipped the faucet on. “It was thinking you weren’t good enough for Jordan that always pissed me off.”

  “What made me not good enough? The fact that my mom was a drug addict and took off instead of Molly McHomemaker like yours?”

  Her laugh was soft but tight, a warning that I was treading a thin line. Her parents had died. I should have had more care. Apparently my backbone also came with a bitch mode.

  “No, actually.” She smirked at me over her shoulder, scrubbing away at the lasagna dish with caked on cheese. “I always thought you weren’t made of much and if Jordan reached his dream of playing in the pros, I didn’t think you were the kind of woman who could stick with him. Turned out I was right.”

  Her shot hit a bullseye, right into my throat and prevented me from speaking.

  “Though Toby is really sweet and obviously smart, and I’d like to say he gets that from his dad, but it’s clearly your work.”

  It was a shallow compliment. The first I’d ever got from anyone in Jordan’s family outside of him. I took it like a gift and slipped it into my pocket. She’d spent an hour at dinner doting on Toby and that thrill of pride when I knew I was a good mom but someone else also recognized it s
hot a hot, bright fire to my heart.

  “I have photos of him. I made copies of everything I put in his baby book for Tillie to have too. If you want to look at them someday—”

  “Bring them to the farm when you come this weekend.”

  “I will.”

  It was a détente. Temporary at best, but I’d take it. She nodded and focused on the dishes. I worked around her, wiping off counters and the table, and found the drawer where placemats went. Impressive that Jordan had all the makings in his house of it being an actual home instead of a bachelor pad. He probably paid a designer. Maybe had a girl who helped him.

  I shoved that thought out of my mind.

  Over the week, I hadn’t spent a lot of time around him. Little moments here and there when he was with Toby. Enough to see the anger bubbling at the surface from our first few interactions were slowing sliding into something else. Something more refined and smooth, disappointment and sadness versus wanting to scream in my face.

  On my part, those soft looks he gave me, that gentle smile sent entirely unpleasant sensations through my body. They tightened my gut. They created a tremble beneath my waist at the tops of my thighs and a thrum of my pulse in my ears. They were the same intense physical reactions I had to him a decade ago that I’d treasured. Now, they terrified me with how good they felt.

  “Your mom was a drug addict, not you,” Rebecca said. Her voice was so quiet. It still sliced through the room like a bullet. “I know what people in town said about you, heck, my own mom didn’t hold much back when it came to you and your grandma. Your mom took off and abandoned you. That says nothing about you and all about her.”

  While she spoke, her eyes went to the window above the sink and stayed there. I was frozen at the kitchen table, afraid to move. It felt like she was working something out in her head and I didn’t even know if she realized I heard her.

  “You carried yourself differently then. Eyes always hopping like a jack rabbit ready to flee. Like you didn’t believe the good anyone did say, and I know there was some because Kelly at least tried to be nice to you, and Jordan was so damn in love with you when you left it destroyed him.”

  My knees buckled at her quiet words and the thought of me being able to do that to someone. It was a one-two punch I hadn’t seen coming.

  She turned then, and I settled my weight on the table, braced myself with my hand. Her weapons weren’t her fists but her words, and they were just as powerful if not more so.

  “To this day, I’ve still never seen someone like Jordan was that day he learned you’d taken off, Destiny. Ripped apart his room. Demolished the tack room in the barn so bad it took Dad and me weeks to get it put back together. He didn’t talk to anyone for days unless he was shouting for us to leave him the hell alone. It wasn’t until Ryan showed up one day we even realized what you’d done. He almost didn’t go to college, intent on being in town for whenever you returned.”

  He almost didn’t go? “What?”

  “God, that’s my point, Destiny. You never realized how much you meant to him. That’s why I never liked you. You didn’t see how damn awesome he not only was as a person but that he’d move the heavens for you if he could. That was what you walked away from. That was the guy you had, and I knew, I always knew you didn’t have it in you to see it.”

  Each of her barbs sliced through me until my throat felt skewered by her entire arsenal. My chin shook, and blood rushed through my system, heating every single one of my pores.

  “Don’t do it again,” she said. Her brown eyes hit mine and there was depth to them that made me catch my breath.

  “I—we—it’s not—”

  “I know it’s not. You’re not anything now. That doesn’t mean things might not change. I’m saying don’t do that to him again. Don’t destroy him. We’ve lived with enough and survived and I’m tired of my brother and I having to just survive and continue to pick ourselves up. Cooper’s given me everything I need, more than I could ever desire or dream of and it’s all I want for Jordan. Don’t ruin him again and you and I won’t have a problem.”

  I nodded. I felt my head bob as she was done talking but couldn’t remember thinking I should do it. I was stuck on don’t ruin him and if things change.

  That couldn’t happen, could it?

  I’d done too many wrong things.

  I didn’t even want him like that. Not anymore.

  And if I did, I would be the one being ruined by Jordan. He could never trust me again.

  But…what if. What if I could fix all my wrongs? What if I could repair and heal?

  What if I could give Toby the family he desperately needed, and the only one I’d ever wanted?

  I’d need a bigger backbone. A better one with strength and resilience and patience filled with hard work.

  Too bad you couldn’t pick those up at the local shopping mart.

  Fourteen

  Jordan

  * * *

  “Need anything to drink, Toby?”

  He was sitting in my movie room. I’d bought another Xbox so we could play video games together when we hung out here. His thumbs and fingers rapidly clicked on the black controller.

  “Toby?”

  “Huh?” He glanced at me and back to the large projection screen.

  “Drink?”

  “I’m good.”

  Damn. This kid got intense with an electronic device in his hand and an apoplectic game in front of him.

  “Right. I’m gonna go check on your mom. See what she’s doing.”

  He didn’t respond, and I wasn’t surprised.

  I took off out of the movie room upstairs and headed downstairs. I’d left Destiny in the kitchen when we took off to start the game, but when I reached it, she wasn’t there. Instead, she was on the patio out back, hands curled around the deck railing and eyes on the golf course. Dinner had been good if not awkward, but she’d loosened up slowly, mostly thanks to Cooper ensuring she was included. Rebecca had been fine, clearly head over heels infatuated with her nephew but when we returned from our short tour of the course, Destiny hadn’t been there.

  Physically, she was in the house. Mentally, she seemed like she’d already run back to Houston.

  I’d cornered Rebecca at one point and asked her what the hell she’d done. She’d smirked at me. I wasn’t mean. I was honest, and she needed it.

  She doesn’t need shit. Not from you and I warned you. I’d replied.

  Yeah, well, I’m not afraid of you. But I do love you, and I only gave her something to think about. That’s it.

  I’d thrown her another scowl and headed back to Cooper and Toby who were sprawled out on my massive sectional couch. It could fit an entire baseball team and they were already engrossed in the St. Louis Cardinals game.

  Whatever happened between the two women still had Destiny strung tight. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and headed outside.

  She turned as I opened the slider door and shut it behind me, already pulling my bottle of beer from my mouth.

  “What’d she say to you?” There was no point in pleasantries or stepping around the issues. We already had a mountain to scale in the short time she was here.

  “Nothing I didn’t deserve.” She turned back, eyes on the course then lifting to the sky and sighed. “She told me you almost didn’t leave for college.”

  That’s what this was about. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to go back there.

  “Des—”

  “She said when I left you were destroyed. And I’ve been sitting here thinking about everything Rebecca said, and wondering if I was always so selfish? All those years I tried to be nothing like my mother, but was I? I mean, is it my bones to abandon everyone I care about?”

  Okay, apparently we were doing this.

  I moved to her and wrapped my hand around her elbow pulling her so she was facing me at the railing. “Shut up.” She opened her mouth, but I didn’t let her speak. “Enough with the pity-party-for-one bullshit you’ve
always been so fond of. Whatever Rebecca said to you was probably utter crap meant to get under your skin and she’s good at that shit. And as for you being like your mom, you’re completely wrong. Your mom took off because all she saw and craved were drugs and whatever she needed to do to get them. You took off to give your kid a better life. Still wrong, but beneath that was the heart of a woman who’d do anything to protect her child, not leave him to the wolves.”

  “That’s nice of you to say—”

  “I’m not saying it to be nice, I’m saying it because it’s true.” Something dark had slid into her eyes, the color of doubt and disbelief. I hated when she got like that, so strung up on what people thought, she missed everything she really was. All the good shit that went past a body my teenage brain couldn’t stop thinking of.

  Despite everything she’d done, it still pissed me off she thought so little of herself. And I still had that ache inside of me to soothe it all away. She might have only been in town a week or two, but I’d already realized it was still my job to take care of her. She was still the only woman I’d ever loved in that desperate soul clinging for life and breath sort of way.

  I took a long swallow of my beer. All those years ago, the day I’d gone to her house to get her for a day in the fields where we’d take out one of the ATVs, pack a lunch. She’d be wearing her tiny bikini under denim cut-offs and a tank top and we’d spend hours, touching each other. Memorizing the sounds we made when I’d get her off by the creek with my hands, other parts of me in the grass hidden from view.

  It was the first time in my life Tillie had been cold to me.

  She left. And she ain’t coming back. Said to give you this.

  She handed me a note. Not even a pretty note with pretty stationery I knew Tillie had. It was a simple, ripped sheet of notebook paper and in her cursive writing two fucking sentences that would send me on a rampage.

  I’m sorry. You deserve better.

  “We need to hash this shit out to get past it, let’s do it.” That ball of anger and pain pulsed deep in my gut like the opening bass drum to a kickass rock song that grew in speed and strength with every breath.