All That Is Lost Between Us
Page 12
They sit, letting the rain soak them, with Georgia unaware of the other runners coming by and Danny waving them on, until Lily returns, jogging ahead of Mrs Sawyer. Together, Danny and the teacher hoist Georgia between them and help her walk the last few hundred metres towards the school. No one speaks, and Georgia only glances back when they have made it into the clearing. She squints at the dark shapes between the trees, trying to see if anyone is lurking, but there are so many places to hide that it’s impossible to tell.
13
CALLUM
Callum is having trouble slowing to Maddie’s listless pace as they head for the car park. There is no rush, and yet he is beginning to think they should hurry through this day. Everywhere he turns he feels threatened, as though a disaster he can’t discern is closing in on them.
‘Get Maddie away from here,’ Liam had whispered to Callum before he headed back into Sophia’s room. ‘I’ll phone you later.’
‘What are you thinking?’
‘That we need to find out who that woman is as fast as possible, and take a look at her car.’
Callum is trying to fill in the gaps left by the grainy photograph, racking his brains for anywhere he might have seen the woman before. It isn’t Danielle – how could it be, and why would it be? – and yet his unease at this strange development has brought her words back to mind.
This isn’t over yet.
He cannot go on like this, he needs to clear the air. As they walk, he whips out his phone and texts her. Can we talk? Please?
At the car, he opens the passenger door for Maddie, then goes around to his side. Maddie starts to speak as soon as he climbs in.
‘Dad thinks that woman is the one who hit Sophia, doesn’t he?’
‘I’m not sure.’ Callum reaches for his belt. ‘There could be an innocent explanation – but I’m struggling to make sense of it. If it was an accident and she drove away, she might be regretting it. I suppose she might want to know if Sophia is all right.’
‘This is giving me the creeps.’
Callum starts the ignition and then turns to her. Fear casts a pale shadow over her expression. ‘You didn’t recognise her at all?’
Maddie shakes her head, but he senses there’s something more she wants to say. He waits, leaving her the opening, but she doesn’t fill it. They stare at one another, until Callum decides he must have misread her, and gives in. ‘It’s okay, Maddie. Whoever she was, she’s gone now – and even if she did try to come back, the hospital security are on high alert. She won’t get past the front entrance.’
Maddie looks away, but not before Callum has seen her bite her lip. ‘Your mum and dad will protect Sophia,’ he reassures her. ‘You come and rest up with us for a while.’
She doesn’t reply, but as soon as they begin to move she takes out her phone. Callum is used to this – Georgia does the exact same thing – but nevertheless he finds it irritating. Mind you, it means he doesn’t have to struggle for conversation. He loves his daughter and his nieces, but tete-a-tetes with teenage girls are not easy. He knows he’s guilty of avoiding difficult topics with Georgia – not that she’s even had a serious boyfriend yet, as far as he’s aware. It might be better if he’s kept in the dark on that score: when he thinks of any bloke putting their sweaty palms on his beautiful daughter, he feels unsteady.
Danielle is someone’s child too. Worse, he has met her father through mutual friends – John Rawlins, congenial, with a moustache thick enough to need combing. The kind of man who would blank you rather than fight you if he discovered your lechery with his daughter.
Amid the stress of the day, the events of the previous night keep replaying in bursts of horror. How could he have done such a thing? He has not only betrayed Anya – what about his children, his niece here, his brother? None of them will look at him the same way if they discover what he’s done. Which is understandable, given that he’s having trouble meeting his own eyes in the mirror.
Whenever he retraces the steps that pulled him into this predicament with Danielle, he always ends up thinking about Mike McCallister. It had been about a month after Hugh’s accident when the man turned up at the rescue unit for the first time. When Callum saw him, he had come forward with a smile to shake his hand. ‘Mike, how are you? How’s Hugh?’ But to his surprise, Mike had ignored his outstretched palm. ‘I need to talk to you,’ he had said urgently.
‘Okay,’ Callum replied uncertainly, caught off-guard. ‘Come into the office.’
As soon as they were inside, Mike had laid out a map of the area as though Callum had never seen such a thing, even though the walls surrounding them were filled with detailed ordnance survey prints. On McCallister’s map uneven rings had been scrawled around the area Hugh had fallen. ‘I think someone could have got to Hugh this way,’ Mike had said to Callum. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t know that route down.’ He had looked Mike straight in the eye. ‘I thought you were an expert on the area. If we’d reached him sooner, with the right first aid his injuries might not have been so long-lasting.’
He had waited impassively for a response, his glasses perched on his nose as though he were merely asking for an explanation of the geography of the area and not – if Callum was reading this correctly – implying that there was negligence on Callum’s part resulting in the ongoing trauma of a young boy.
‘I’m so sorry, Mike,’ he had said, collecting up the map himself, and guiding Mike to the door. ‘We did everything we could at the time.’
‘That’s the thing,’ Mike had replied, as Callum showed him out, ‘in hindsight I’m not sure you did.’
Callum had tried to dismiss him as a guilt-stricken father. He had heard that Hugh was still not walking, and faced months of rehabilitation. Of course Mike was upset. However, Callum couldn’t help but get the maps out himself and take another look. There was a possible way down to the place Hugh had fallen, and Callum had found himself walking up there the following week and taking that route. It took fifteen minutes to locate the spot after a steep scramble. Could he have tried to reach Hugh himself? Should he have left the others to haul Mike off the ledge? Callum had been distracted by Mike’s predicament – had that stopped him thinking clearly about the boy?
He told no one at first. Until Mike McCallister turned up again a few days later, with another chart, demanding to know why the edge of the crag held no warning markers, as there were on other Lakeland paths. Callum had a quicker answer this time, and directed him towards the Lakes Authority, but once Mike left he had sat in his office, staring at the walls, going over everything again, angry with himself for feeling needled.
That night, Danielle had come in from the kit room.
‘Was that Mike McCallister?’
Callum couldn’t stop studying the maps on the wall. He was still thinking through the rescue, and the implications of a second visit from Mike McCallister. He had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last.
‘Yes. Yes, it was.’
‘So, what did he want?’ she had asked, propping herself against the desk.
‘He’s replaying the rescue. He wants to know that we did everything we could. It’s understandable.’ He didn’t want to tell her that he had been worried enough to re-walk the route. That Mike’s comments about another way down had left him rattled.
‘Don’t let him get to you. You did everything you could at the time. You always do.’ Her hand came to rest on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze.
He had looked up, found her eyes, and there had been a protracted pause where they stayed that way, hands connected, before she moved and jumped off the desk.
‘Tell me what he said,’ she asked, inspecting the map of Bowfell.
‘He thinks I could have reached Hugh, maybe had a chance to do first aid so he didn’t move around with his injuries – although even then I’m not sure we would have made much difference.’ Callum outlined the route on the map with his finger. ‘He might be right. It takes fifteen minutes. The chopper took thirty.
’
‘The chopper took thirty from the first radio call,’ Danielle said. ‘You know exactly where Hugh was now, but you didn’t then. Mike was distressed and needed rescuing himself. Would you take your eyes off one casualty to climb down to find the other? You had a responsibility to both of them. You didn’t know Hugh’s condition. You did the right thing.’
They went over it a couple more times. ‘We’ve checked the facts now, so don’t give yourself a hard time, Cal,’ Danielle had said as she left the room. He had watched her leave, grateful for her words, appreciating her slim silhouette and those tight-fitting jeans she wore.
That night he had gone home feeling hugely comforted by a woman he barely knew and got into bed next to his softly snoring wife. It had been the beginning of the bond between him and Danielle – he began to talk to her more, and he found that once he got stuff off his chest with her he no longer needed to talk to Anya.
During the course of last year, he realises now, staring grimly through the windscreen, he has completely shut his wife out. He remembers the way he had spoken to Anya last night, shaking her awake to confront her. He had been angry with her because it was easier than acknowledging the fury he felt towards himself. He spent all his spare time helping people in dire straits, but when his own family needed him, he hadn’t been there.
‘Will Zac be home when we get there?’ Maddie asks, interrupting his thoughts. At least ten minutes have passed since they set off, but his niece is still busy texting next to him as she speaks.
‘I should imagine so, once school’s finished,’ Callum says. He’s not really listening. His penitent thoughts about Anya have led him back a few hours. He’s trying and failing to push away the last flickering, taunting image of Danielle. He’s trying not to hear the threat in those final words. This isn’t over yet, Callum.
‘He hasn’t been answering his phone today.’ Maddie is cutting into his worries again. She sounds put out.
‘He went to school, Maddie,’ he says, struggling to hide his impatience. ‘You’re not allowed your phones there, are you?’
She doesn’t seem to notice his tone. ‘No, but he usually texts.’ She shrugs. ‘Not that it matters.’
Callum doesn’t think he believes her, but then again he has lost track of the kids’ relationships. Only a few years ago they had been such simple little souls, with their energetic rough-and-tumble, and their enthusiasm for one another. All their childhood hurts were deeply felt in the moment and yet were easily overcome. Now, any conversation he overhears seems so serious, so intense. God he misses those innocent, gone-forever kids.
When they pull up, they hear Arthur before they get out of the car. Maddie hurries up to the front door and unlocks it, and Callum trails her through the house. There is a bowl of half-finished soggy cereal sitting on a small table in front of the television, and a movie still whirring in the DVD player. No one has been home since they first rushed away after the news of the accident.
When Maddie opens the back door she is almost flattened by Arthur. The big chocolate labrador jumps up and paws her arms, leaning in to lick her enthusiastically while whimpering, his tail whipping furiously back and forth.
‘Get down, Arthur.’ Maddie pushes him away, screwing up her face despite her smile.
Arthur races over to Callum and gives him the same enthusiastic greeting. ‘Okay, okay,’ Callum laughs, fending him off repeatedly. ‘Enough slobber, you can come with us.’ He turns to Maddie. ‘Do you want to get anything else?’
She heads towards the stairs. ‘I’ll just throw some things into a bag.’
While he waits, Callum goes over to the cupboard, finds the dog food and puts a scoop down for Arthur, who sets about it as though he hasn’t eaten in a week. By the time he’s finished, Maddie is back downstairs. Callum grabs the packet of food. ‘I’ll bring this. Can you get his lead?’
When they reach the door, Arthur is already waiting. He races off down the pathway and hares past the car towards his regular walking route, ignoring Callum and Maddie’s shouts until he has had a good sniff around the flowerbeds of a few neighbouring gardens. When Callum corners him he trots nonchalantly back to the car and scrabbles into the back seat next to Maddie. ‘Sit. Down,’ she says firmly as he tries to give her face a good clean with his long pink tongue. As Callum starts the engine, Arthur lies on the seat and rests his head on his paws, apparently unaware that his sizeable rump has wedged Maddie against the opposite door.
‘At least we’re not going far,’ Callum says with a smile, but Maddie is lost in thought, staring out the window while stroking Arthur’s fur.
They have just turned off the main road and begun the steep climb towards Fellmere when Callum’s phone announces he has a message. He knows he should pull over to read it, but he doesn’t want to draw Maddie’s attention. He eases the handset out of his pocket and tries to surreptitiously view the screen.
‘What’s happened?’ comes her voice from the back seat. ‘Is it Dad?’
‘No, it’s just the office.’ Thank god his bosses allow him such flexibility with his hours. Usually it’s so he can attend rescues, but today they have been just as understanding about the family’s situation. It’s a relief, because there is no way he would be able to concentrate at work.
He wonders if Danielle has got his text. If she has read it, what is she thinking? What will he do if she doesn’t respond? Is he ever going to get her out of his mind?
‘Do you have to go in to work?’
‘Not right now. They just can’t locate some files. Let’s get home first, and when you’re settled in I’ll give them a call.’
She doesn’t reply, and when he turns around to check on her she has gone back to her phone. Arthur lies immobile next to her, his eyes closed.
Callum is freshly aware of the phone sitting mute on the passenger seat. He finds himself willing it to make a noise. He’d rather read a hate-filled diatribe than suffer the uncertainty of silence right now.
Neither of them speaks again until they reach the house. However, as Callum is parking on the driveway Maddie asks in a small voice, ‘Uncle Cal, will Sophia really be okay?’
He turns to find her studying his face.
‘Of course.’
‘Why do you look so worried?’
He tries out a reassuring smile. ‘It’s okay, I was thinking about something else. Sophia will be fine, I’m sure of it.’
‘But she’s been asleep for such a long time.’
‘That’s normal with the amount of sedatives and painkillers they gave her.’
‘I’m worried I won’t know what to say to her when she wakes up. I want to help her, but every time I look at her leg and that big bruise on her face, I just start crying.’
Callum remembers Georgia’s elbow this morning and nods.
‘How do you do it on the rescues, Uncle Cal? How do you stay calm when you see all this horrible stuff?’
Callum thinks of Mike McCallister and feels anything but calm. ‘Well, it’s always difficult to see anyone in pain. I guess I just talk to them the way I’d want someone to talk to me if I was in shock or injured – which is gently, with lots of encouragement. That’s how I’d want people to talk to you if you got stuck up there.’
To his surprise, Maddie leans over and gives him an awkward hug. ‘Thank you, you’ve made me feel lots better,’ she says before she climbs out of the car.
Callum allows himself a smile as he follows her. Of all the people he’s talked to today, it feels like Maddie is the first person he has actually reached. Buoyed by her gesture, he checks his phone. Still no reply. But maybe there’s a chink of hope left for him, after all.
14
ANYA
I get a call from the sports hall to tell me that Georgia has had some kind of episode while running, and would I get up there straightaway. I don’t hesitate, breaking into a run as I fly through the corridors and up the hill. Sadly my fitness is gravely lacking in comparison to my daughter’s
and I have to slow down towards the top. By the time I reach Mrs Sawyer I can hardly speak.
‘Where is she?’ I gasp.
‘Lily is helping her in the shower.’
‘I’ll take her home. I knew it was a bad idea for her to come in today.’
I am so agitated I can’t stand still. My head is throbbing; my face burns. It’s fortunate for Callum that he isn’t here right now. If he were, I would give him what for. Perhaps if he had backed me up we could have avoided this.
Mrs Sawyer has children of a similar age. ‘Sometimes there’s not much you can do to stop them,’ she says kindly. I attempt a grateful smile, but only manage a grimace.
I take a few deep breaths to calm myself, and head into the girls’ change rooms. Lily is waiting outside a shower cubicle. As soon as she sees me she hands Georgia’s towel over and grabs her clothes, making a discreet exit into another area.
I can hear the shower running. ‘Georgia,’ I say, with all the gentleness I can muster. ‘I’ve come to take you home.’
Georgia’s hand appears around the curtain. ‘Can you hand me the towel?’
I press the thick cloth into her hands and wait. The shower stops, and nothing happens for a minute or so, then Georgia opens the curtain with the towel wrapped around her. Her face is blotchy and red, though she won’t lift it to look at me.
‘Oh, Georgie.’ I pull her against me, oblivious as to whether she is still wet. She begins to sob against my shirt, and at such a despairing sound it is all I can do not to break down with her. ‘Let’s get you out of here,’ I say, and lead her over to her clothes. ‘These are yours, yes? Come on, once we’re in the car you can tell me exactly what you want to do. It can be anything you like. I could take you home, or to the hospital to see Sophia? I can wrap you up on the sofa or leave you alone in your room. I’m here, Georgie, so let me help you, okay?’