by L. S. Wood
It burns your throat, your eyes, and nostrils.
I am sorry, Ann, that I get pretty carried away with it all. Remember, Ann, 0800 hours Friday morning. I will see you then, good day.”
Commander Anderson did not say another word. He did an immediate about face, and hurriedly walked from the front porch toward his awaiting ride. He left Ann standing there alone on the front piazza of the farmhouse, wondering what her next step in life would or had to be. Would she join her fellow crew of astronaut friends in this last and final mission to save her other stranded friends in space, or would she stay on the farm with her immediate family, her mother, her father, the girls, and Ben, and not give a damn about the success of this new last mission into space and its outcome.
By Friday morning, Commander Anderson’s flight crew was almost complete with the exception of his lost friend Lieutenant Charles and navigator, Captain Ann Mitchell. Captain Morris told the commander he was not ready for space flight quite yet, but the Colonel knew he was, and he would certainly be there for him.
Commander Anderson had been very busy rounding up his new and old crew. On Friday morning at approximately 0600 hours, Commander Anderson found himself sipping a cup of coffee at his desk in his main office. He was awake half the night going over the new changes taking place on the next shuttle for its first flight into outer space. The same as he had when they had outfitted the Twitchel for another flight into the new unknown with all its new mechanical changes.
What could they possibly do different to make things a little more convenient for the crew of this new bird this time? What about the safety of the many cosmonauts that they would eventually have to bring back home with them to Earth in this very altered shuttle on this mission?
He knew Ann would just show up or send a message. He didn’t quite know what to expect of her this time, but time was running out for her decision as 0800 hours was soon approaching. He knew it would be a very difficult decision for her to make between family and flight, as she was a dedicated astronaut right from the beginning and knew she would feel compelled to make the right choice in the end. This mission would not be as safe as the other missions had been without her being well groomed navigator she was in making all the right decisions that he knew she would. She was the best of the best when it came to navigating any type of space vehicle into orbit, or back out of its orbit, and back to Earth. It would surely make this mission one hell of a lot easier with her onboard than without her there with them.
Ann had waved goodbye to Commander Anderson, as his chauffeur drove him away down the road from the farm. She hurriedly returned to the kitchen almost at a dead run to clean up from the family’s breakfast dishes that were still all spread out all over the kitchen table. She sent her very concerned looking mother packing into her sewing room to do her darning after she had already started to pick up after everyone went to do their chores.
Out of the kitchen doorway, her mother went being shooed away by her daughter. She went looking back at her daughter with surprise, the one who usually didn’t like doing the job of cleaning up the kitchen all by her lonesome. She usually liked to talk about everything to her, but today she was on a mission of her own.
Her mother knew she wanted to be left in solitude to do her thinking in the quiet of her work. Ann wanted to be alone in the kitchen without anyone around, especially her mother. She knew her mother was especially sharp on how to read right through everything that was bothering her. Ann wanted to be alone to think and sort things out things while she cleaned up, and Ann needed time to think over what Commander Anderson had just said to her in his own sort of pleading way or just plain right out request of her to go along with him. He had not been direct in demanding her services, but he sure as hell pleaded in a hurtful sobering way that she had never seen him act before. He had treated her with kid gloves on trying his damnedest to try to guide her in her right decision making way at the time to get her to go with him. It suddenly began to work on her deeply troubled subconscious making her want to go with him in the worst possible way, but she had her reservations about the mission this time for what Scavonivich had done to her on the last one. Her wild emotions were bothersome and got the best of her. She then broke down and cried while holding the last dish in the dishcloth held tight in her shaking hands. Her mixed emotions felt like a runaway locomotive running wildly down a steep mountainside out of control. She had made a promise to her entire family, especially Amber and Sarah. her precious two little children she adored so much, that she would never ever in a million years leave them ever again for any reason. She wept like a lost little child who had just fallen off of her bicycle and had badly skinned both knees, and there was no one around to help her up off the ground or to take care of her extreme pain.
Ben came in from the living room and seeing her crying, put his loving arms snuggly around her midsection for comfort and self-assurance. He bent down stretching his neck around hers, and doing so gave her a big kiss on her cheek, and said, “I love you, honey.”
“What do I do, Ben? Have I not done enough for those people up there already? Why does it feel like I have the whole damn weight of the universe, the entire whole world on my scrawny little shoulders, Ben? Especially the fate of those poor souls still left up there in orbit. I have a family of my own down here, and yet I feel like I am letting down my other family up there. My family needs me here, and their families need them home again, too. Some of them have not seen their loved ones in over two years and some over three years or better now. What the hell am I supposed to do?”
Ann turned in his arms with tears streaming down her cheeks and crying profusely. She looked like one hell of a mess of mixed up emotions to Ben, as he pulled her closer to him, and held her tight in his arms, as she whispered in his ear crying. “What am I supposed to do, Ben? What am I supposed to do?”
After a few moments in complete silence and hugging, he pushed her slightly away from him. He wanted to look deep down into the sole of her body through her eyes trying to give her as much comfort from his own eyes, when Amber and Sarah came rushing into the kitchen full of energy. They were full of great joy for the new day was bright and sunny outside, and Ann had promised them a picnic up in the apple orchard later on that day. “Ok girls, your mom needs time to be alone.
“We will go out back and see what Grandpa and Grandma are up to out there. I see they are about to go blueberry picking, and I think we can help them, what do you think?”
The kids just glanced over at their mom whilst Ben led them by the hand out the back door to be with their grandparents.
He left Ann to continue contemplating what to do next by herself, and hoped it would be the right choice, no matter what the decision was.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
The Choice of No Return
Ann returned to her wife and motherly duties after leaving the kitchen without a word about the rescue mission to anyone the remainder of the day. The only talk taking place was about the farm, the children, and the way things were going on around the town and out in the countryside.
“You know, Ben, old man Colby top the hill lost another one of his milking cows up in his back forty field yesterday. If the poor old boy loses any more head of cattle, he will be out of the farming business for good. He has already lost twenty head or so since that damn thing in the sky came to Earth. Poor old boy lost his only good tractor, too. The diesel engine seized up tighter than a bootjack on him. Happened the same day he lost his prize-milking cow too. You would have thought he would have known to have put some more engine oil into that diesel engine crankcase of his once in a while, wouldn’t you, Ben? Those danged engine bearings will not last long without some sort of lubricant on them you know. He must be downright lost without any power from his tractor’s PTO to run his milking compressors and cooling tanks. Can we spare the extra old pickup truck out back for a couple of days or so till he gets his tractor rig repair
ed or can get himself another one to replace the one that just seized up?”
“Sure thing, Pops, sure we can. We can do that for Fred. He has been a right good neighbor of yours for a good long many years, now hasn’t he? After supper, we can bring old man Colby the old pickup truck up to him.”
“Better to check the level of the oil sump first though; I would not want old Fred to seize up another engine, especially one of ours. We can jack it up, and put a v-belt on a rear rim to help him run his air compressor and refrigerant equipment.”
“Much obliged, Ben! I sure do appreciate your loyalty, Mac, as a good friend, neighbor, and all that, you know. I do not know for sure just how I would have kept up with all my milking without the aid of the air-operated milking machines. That damn compressor sure does come in right handy when it comes time for milking all those cows and keeping their milk all good and cold. I should get my tractor back good as new by the weekend if I have any luck. Sam says he has all the right parts in stock from another job that he never started on in his workshop. He said the poor old gent from over Littleton, New Hampshire way was going to do the job for went by way of that damn beast in the sky. Frightening, is it not? One never knows when or where that damn beast thing in the air will attack you next and take your life out from under you or your animals. I kind of wish that beast had taken everything I got including myself and the wife, then I would not have to worry about anything anymore. I am just getting too darn old to keep up the way I should be doing things around here, especially without the help of a young lad like your son-in-law, Ben, there around here to help keep us going. The misses can hardly move anymore these days with all of her arthritis and her ailing bones and all the rest the pain stuff she is suffering from. Thanks again guys!”
“You would do the same for us, Fred, and you have. Good neighbors are good neighbors, so you can call us somewhat even. Consider this as a partial payback for all the help you and your misses have given us over the years, long before Ben here came along to help.” “Thanks again!”
Ann sat with her mother and the two children in the living room while her father and Ben went up to the Colby farm to deliver and set up the spare diesel-powered pickup truck for him. Her mother was sitting on the couch with the girls reading the Bible to them, whilst Ann sat darning some holes in the kids’ socks and repairing a pair of jeans for Ben. Clothing had become harder and harder to come by these days. Everything made from cloth was being mended once again and not discarded as old rags as they many times did in the past. Everyone was becoming more frugal with clothing, food, and other necessities of everyday living.
“The tattered sleeve on Ben’s shirt there, sure was easier to mend using the old electric sewing machine, wasn’t it, Ann?” Ann’s mother asked her, as Ann put the threaded needle back through the separated cloth of the sleeve pulling it out again to mend the tear he had put in his work shirt while fixing and repairing a neighbor’s hay rake.
Ann did not smile, nod her head, or even acknowledge that her mother had even spoken to her; she just continued to re-stitch the hole she was working on. In fact, she didn’t even hear a word her loving mother was saying to her. She was lost in another world of confusion all by her lonesome. She was trying desperately to conclude on what to do about this supposedly last mission of mercy she was damn well betwixt and between about. The little stubborn yelling voice in her head was screaming at her. It was telling her it was her soul and duty to go along and try to help her needy fellow astronauts aloft. While another little soft voice in her subconscious mind was wrapping her up with guilt and shame if she was to leave her children and Ben behind again, especially after having promised each one of them she would never leave them or could never leave them, never again.
“Now take that no good for nothing electric stitching machine over yonder there in the corner. We got rid of the old treadle sewing machine. Traded it in for this here electric one, and now look at it. The useless thing just sits over there in the corner good for nothing and taking up space. Wish I had never traded that old treadle-sewing unit in for this one. We sure could use it now, couldn’t you, dear?”
Ann just kept right on sewing, still not hearing a single word her mother was saying to her while trying very hard to make conversation. She turned back to the children and opened the Bible to another page and passage from the book of golden rules. She knew her daughter was in deep thought about another mission, and sure hoped she would use her head this time. She might lose Ben, and worse than that, they might lose her for good this time.
Subconsciously, Ann must have heard her mother talking. Her mind drifted, thinking about the inconveniences the massive amounts in neutrons caused the people around the globe. All the electrical conveniences of modern day living she had grown up with had vanished in a matter of seconds. Everything she had taken for granted was gone. They hadn’t gone anywhere to speak of, but had all become useless pieces of junk in everyone’s home no one could use unless they lived a couple of stories beneath the surface of the ground where the neutrons wouldn’t or couldn’t attack the power of the appliances.
Many of the earth’s inhabitants were now becoming cave dwellers, just to have the conveniences the new old world ways of life they had grown up with and were so accustomed to having before the big blast, and the invasion of neutrons took away around world.
There was absolutely nothing, nothing at all for the trapped crew on the International Space Station to come back home to, that would better them for coming back, other than sustaining a life of cruelty for their being. Maybe it would have been better to have let them all fade away into oblivion from the lack of oxygen, than introduce them to this new way of life back here on Earth. The inhabitants of planet Earth had to adapt themselves to so many new ways of life and changes. Even Ann would have given it some very serious second thoughts about ending her own life and misery if it was not for her two little children. Everyone could have dealt well with the misery of her death if she had died in space, or could her children have coped well with it as she really didn’t know.
Ann’s timid mind was working at warp speed in overtime trying to come up with a good and levelheaded solution. She needed a quick answer to her overwhelming dilemma. Should she go with Colonel Anderson on his rescue mission to the space lab or not go with him and stay home with her family. She was becoming sick to her stomach again, the same way she had felt when she first became pregnant before her first child was born. It wasn’t a very pleasant feeling then, and this nerve-racking sick feeling sure as hell wasn’t a very pleasant feeling now, and it wasn’t going away by itself either. What in the hell was she to do? She felt her stomach coming up and ran as fast she could to the bathroom, and proceeded to vomit up what little evening meal she had forced down into the toilet bowl. She began shaking out of control with chills of mighty force all over her slender body. She developed an instant migraine headache, and felt like the size of Mount Washington. She was becoming dizzy with anxiety as she was so overly and desperately concerned in making the right decision for everyone involved except for herself. She wasn’t giving a single damn thought about herself of what was good for her, but what was good for everyone else in her life and their feelings. She had come back from outer space to a husband she did not know or understand any longer at that particular time in her life. He had changed drastically from being a kind caring lovely man he once was before the big bang, to this very scared hard cored almost not caring individual. His mind had been slowly stimulated from the mental hardship and strain he had endured while she was gone. It was as if he had just returned home from the combat of war suffering from shell shock and living with constant depression. She was having a difficult time with that, and was trying desperately hard to adjust to the fact he may never change back into his good old happy self ever again. He was beginning to come around from it finally which was a good sign to her. Her two little girls had also become very distant from her being their mother, and th
ey, too, had not accepted her for who she was when she first returned from space to them, especially on the second time back from the last mercy mission she had gone on. It had taken them all this while to re-accept her as their mother all over again. What in the hell would happen to her family if she were to go on a third mission? Just one more damn mercy mission and then what, what would happen to Colonel Anderson and his crew if she did not go? Ann was beginning to wonder what in the hell was life all about or would be for her in the future.
She stayed held up in the hallway bathroom at the toilet bowl with dry heaves until Ben got back with her father from the Colby farm. Ben then helped her to get up and into her bed. He thought she had eaten something that did not quite agree with her, and he was right about something. She had eaten something that did not quite agree with her in a different way, as she had ingested something into her mind that was making her sick and not by her mouth. She could not digest everything she had taken into her overly burdened mind, and it was not digesting anything there, and it made her sick as if she were suffering from a bad case of the flu or ptomaine poisoning of some sort.