Not Pretending Anymore

by Ward, Penelope

  Declan flashed his dazzling smile and extended his hand. “Good to meet you, Emma. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.”

  “You’re not at all. Molly and I just finished catching up. I was on vacation the last two weeks.” She gave me the stink eye. “It’s amazing how much you can miss in just fourteen days.”

  “I bet.” Declan motioned to my almost-empty glass. “I’m going to order a drink. Is that your usual pinot?”

  “It is.”

  He pointed to Emma. “What can I get you, Emma?”

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

  Declan grinned. “Of course I do. Rule number one: make sure you keep the friends of the woman you’re crushing on liquored up and happy.”

  Emma laughed. “I like that rule. I’ll take a vodka cranberry. Thank you.”

  While Declan spoke to the bartender, Emma whispered to me, “Umm…is there something you forgot to mention?”

  Emma was a good friend, but I didn’t think this was the time or place to explain the truth about my relationship with Declan. Plus, I was a little embarrassed that I’d resorted to these childish games. “It’s…new. We’re keeping things casual and just having fun.”

  “Fun, huh?”

  I nodded.

  Emma brought her drink to her lips and spoke. “Well, you know who doesn’t look like he’s having fun at this moment?”

  “Who?”

  Her eyes shifted to look over my shoulder. “Dr. Dandy. And he’s heading this way.”

  CHAPTER 12

  * * *

  Declan

  Well, that certainly didn’t take long.

  By the time I turned around, with the drinks I’d ordered in my hands, Dr. Dickface had already walked over ready to piss on Molly like she was a fire hydrant. God, I didn’t like this guy.

  “It’s Declan, right?” he said as I approached.

  I passed Emma her drink and gave Will my hand. Shaking extra firmly, I smiled. “It is. How you doing, Bill?”

  He frowned. “It’s Will.”

  “Will…right, okay. Sorry about that.” I shifted to Molly and held her glass of wine out to her. “Here you go, babe.”

  Molly’s eyes widened. She looked like she might shit her pants. So while I wanted to put my free hand on her ass in front of this guy, I refrained for her sake.

  The four of us stared at each other as I sipped my drink. Well, this is uncomfortable.

  “So, Declan, are you from the downtown area?”

  “I live on the west side.”

  “Ah…Molly’s side of town.”

  My eyes slanted to meet Molly’s. “Yeah. We live very close.”

  “Is that how you two met?”

  Good ol’ Will was definitely nosy, wasn’t he?

  “Actually, yes.” I looked at Molly. “I’ll probably embarrass her if I tell the story, won’t I, Mollz?”

  Molly’s eyes flared yet wider. “Maybe you shouldn’t tell it, Declan.”

  I couldn’t resist. “I was on the L on my way home one night. Molly here was sitting across from me reading a book. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. The corners of her lips kept twitching as she read, like she really wanted to smile. Like a dumbass, I let her get off the train without trying to talk to her. But that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. So the next day I took the train at the same time, hoping to run into her again. She wasn’t on it—and not the next day or the day after that, either. Then, one night a week later, I was walking to my train at a totally different time. On my way, I passed a bookstore, and the book she’d been reading happened to be in the window, so I went in to pick it up. The clerk told me the second book in the series had just come in, so I grabbed a copy of that, too. When I got on my train twenty minutes later, there she was.” I looked at Molly adoringly. “I sat next to her, gave her book two, and asked her out for drinks.”

  Emma had dreamy hearts in her eyes. “That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

  I winked at Molly. “I’m just glad she didn’t think I was a stalker.”

  I had to sip my drink to keep myself from cracking up at the look on Dr. Dick’s face. I’d heard the term green with envy before, but I’d never actually seen it on another human being. His skin looked a little sallow.

  Some guy walked over. “Hey, Will. Do you have a minute? Mark and I are thinking about doing a stint volunteering with Doctors Without Borders. We wanted to get your take on which area we should go to since you’ve volunteered a few times before.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  I’d been feeling pretty smug about myself the last few minutes, but hearing that Dr. Dick volunteered his time took some of the wind out of my sail. The closest I’d come to helping save lives was the time I’d yelled, “Watch out” when a baseball was flying toward my sister’s head. How the hell could I compete with that shit? Better yet, why was I feeling like I had to? Maybe I was getting myself a little too into character.

  After Will walked away, Emma excused herself to go to the ladies’ room, which gave Molly and me some alone time.

  “You saw me on the train and fell madly in love?” She chuckled. “Could you lay it on any thicker, Romeo?”

  I shrugged. “Hey. I’m a helpless romantic. You’re a very lucky girl.”

  Molly sighed. “We haven’t had a chance to catch up lately, but things with Will didn’t go exactly as I’d hoped on our date.”

  “What happened?”

  “Well, it’s my own fault, really. I’d stressed how you and I were in a non-committed relationship, so Will took that to mean I was into doing casual.”

  My heart sped up. “You mean he wants to be fuck buddies?”

  She shrugged. “He didn’t say that point-blank. But he told me he’d never asked me out before because he didn’t think I was the type of woman to do a casual relationship. Basically, he decided to ask me out once he found out I was open to that type of thing. But the problem is, I’m really not a casual dater. The thought of being with someone who might also be sleeping with other women, especially Will, doesn’t appeal to me at all. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a man to propose marriage or anything, but once I have feelings for someone, I’ve only ever been monogamous.”

  My palms were sweaty. “So you two are…”

  “No, we didn’t have sex on our first date.”

  I felt a giant wave of relief. “I’m sorry, Moll. What are you going to do? Will you tell him how you feel?”

  “I’m not sure I’ll actually need to say anything since he hasn’t asked me out a second time. I don’t think he’s interested in casually dating me, much less anything more.”

  Was she blind? I shook my head. “Oh, he’s interested, alright. The dude practically had smoke puffing from his nose when he saw me standing next to you.”

  “I don’t know about that…”

  “Trust me, Moll. I know.”

  Molly bit down on her lip. “I guess only time will tell.”

  Yeah, but I’d bet my last dime it was going to come sooner rather than later. There was no way that guy wasn’t going to try to lock her down. He felt threatened.

  I sucked back the remnants of my drink in one gulp, feeling like I needed a few more to take the edge off. “You want another wine?”

  “I usually limit myself to two when I go out. But since you’re here with me, and I won’t be traveling home in the dark by myself, sure. Why not?”

  After I got us another round, Emma came back from the ladies’ room. Molly introduced me to a few more of her friends, and we had some laughs. But throughout the evening, I caught Dr. Dick with his eyes on Molly at least a dozen times. At one point, he was talking to her co-worker Daisy. The woman was blatantly flirting with him, making as much body contact as she could and tossing her blond hair around. Molly looked over and saw it, too, and my heart clenched at the disappointment on her face. So I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. Apparently, Mr. Casual didn’t like that too much, because within a
few minutes he was again by our side.

  “I’m going to head out,” he said. “Do you have a minute, Molly?”

  I had to give him credit; the guy had balls walking up and asking her to talk in private when I had my arm around her shoulder.

  Molly looked over at me. I had the strongest urge to squeeze her closer and tell the jerk to take a hike, but instead I let her decide how to handle things.

  “Umm…sure. Excuse me for a minute, will you, Declan?”

  My heart sank. “Yeah…of course.” Reluctantly, I let go of her.

  The two of them spent about fifteen minutes talking in the corner alone. During that time, I had two more drinks. Even though I talked with some of her co-workers, my eyes never wandered too far from Molly.

  When she came back, she had a smile on her face. My smile wilted.

  “So that was an interesting turn of events…” she said.

  “What happened?”

  “Will admitted that he was jealous seeing us together. He asked me to have dinner tomorrow night to talk.”

  What a dick.

  Yes, the plan had been to use jealousy to make our crushes notice that they might lose their chance. But something about this guy made me think it was less about losing his chance with Molly and more about winning a competition. But Molly seemed happy, so I didn’t want to piss on her parade.

  “That’s great.” I looked around and didn’t see Dr. Dick. “Is he gone?”

  “Yeah. He has an early morning tomorrow, so he left.”

  “You don’t have to work tomorrow, right?”

  “Nope. I’m off for three glorious days.”

  I’d had a fair amount of drinks already, but I suddenly had the urge to get shitfaced. “What do you say we have a celebratory shot?”

  “Oh boy… I’m sort of a lightweight.”

  I winked. “That’s okay. I’m strong. I can carry your ass.”

  ***

  “Do you have any rattoos?”

  I dropped the key to our apartment on the floor a second time as we stood in front of the door. “Rattoos?”

  Molly drunk snorted. “You said rattoos!”

  I laughed. “I’m just repeating what you said. You said rattoos.”

  “I didn’t say rattoos. I said rattoos.” She hiccupped. “Oh my God! I did say rattoos. Why can’t I say rattoos?”

  I scooped the key off the floor and squinted as I tried for the third time to get it in the lock. “Got it!” I pushed the door open to let Molly walk inside ahead of me.

  In the doorway, she turned to face me. Her mouth overexaggerated every syllable as she slowly formed each sound. “Tat-tooo. Do you have any tat-toos?”

  “Ah. Tattoos. Yes, I do. But I don’t have any rattoos yet.”

  Molly kicked off her shoes just inside the front door and went straight to the kitchen. “What do you have in here today? I’m starving.”

  “I think there’s some leftover penne alla vodka.”

  She ripped open the refrigerator door and grabbed the Tupperware. “Let’s eat it cold.”

  I chuckled and plucked the container from her hands. “How about I heat it up for us. It’ll only take five minutes.”

  Molly pouted. “That’s four-and-a-half minutes too long.”

  I dumped the pasta into a small pot and turned on the stove. We’d both had way too much to drink, but Molly was leaning on the kitchen counter, and it looked like she might need it to keep herself upright.

  “Why don’t you go get comfy in the living room?”

  “I want to watch you cook. It’s sexy having a man make me food.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  I turned to look at her just as her elbow on the counter slipped and she almost toppled over. “Whoa there. Be careful.” I caught her waist and lifted her up onto the counter. “How about you sit up here then?”

  Molly grabbed the glass jar of pink M&Ms next to her. She pulled out a handful and popped some into her mouth before holding out her hand to me. “Want some?”

  “No, thanks. I can handle the five-minute wait.”

  She stuck her tongue out, which made me smile.

  “So, where is it?” she asked with her mouth full.

  “Where’s what?”

  “Your tat-too.”

  “Ah. It’s a secret. If you want to know, I’ll need to know something personal about you. A secret for a secret.”

  “Okay!” Her face lit up. “You go first.”

  “Alright. I actually have two tattoos: one on my left shoulder blade and the other on my side, on my rib cage.”

  “Oh wow. What are they?”

  I wagged a finger at her. “Not so fast, Miss Nosypants. That’s a second secret. You have to share a secret first.”

  Molly tapped her pointer finger to her lip. “Oh! I know! I have a tattoo, too!”

  My brows jumped. “You do?”

  She nodded. “I do.”

  “Where is it?”

  She grinned. “Not so fast, Mr. Nosypants. That’s a second secret. You’ll have to share a second secret first.”

  I smiled. “Nice. Okay. The tattoo on my back is a compass. Don’t ask why a compass, because I have no goddamn clue. I was eighteen when I got it and just liked it. The one on my ribs is a cross with the words Dimittas tua consilia—it’s Latin. It translates to Let go of your plans. I got it the night my sister became a nun. They had a nice ceremony the afternoon she took her vows. Before that, I couldn’t understand how someone could wake up one morning and just decide to become a nun. But the priest who officiated the ceremony talked a lot about how one of the biggest obstacles we have in life is overcoming our perceived plans for our future. He said if we can let go of our plans, we can do anything.” I shook my head. “It helped me figure out that not everyone’s plans in life need to be the same. I was so proud of Catherine that day. I wanted to honor her in some way.”

  “That’s beautiful.”

  “Thanks. But let’s get to the good shit.” I lifted my chin. “Where’s your tattoo?”

  She laughed. “It’s on my hip. It’s three small blackbirds. I got it after my grandmother died. We were really close, and she was a huge Beatles fan. ‘Blackbird’ was her favorite song. They played it at her wake. I knew all the words, but I never understood them until that afternoon. I got it a few days later.”

  “That’s really cool.”

  The sauce in the pot started to bubble, so I lowered the flame and stirred.

  “Can I see yours?” Molly asked.

  I set the spoon down on top of a paper towel next to the stove, making a mental note for the tenth time that I needed to pick her up one of those spoon-rest things, and turned around. “You can… But you know what that means? If I show you mine, you’ll have to show me yours.”

  Molly bit her bottom lip and debated that for a moment. The thought of her unzipping her pants and showing me her hip bone had my pulse speeding up. It was probably best we didn’t start undressing.

  Though, just as I accepted that wisdom, Molly said, “You go first.”

  Shit. Alright. Whatever you say…

  I unbuttoned my dress shirt and shrugged it off. Underneath, I had on a T-shirt, so I reached behind me and tugged it over my head. The tattoo on my rib cage wasn’t visible when my arm was down, so I lifted it and twisted my body so she could get a closer look.

  Unexpectedly, Molly reached out and ran her finger along my skin. She traced the cross with her nail, and my skin broke out in goose bumps.

  God, that felt good. I found myself wishing she would dig in a little deeper, maybe leave some marks.

  “It’s really beautiful, Declan.”

  “Uh…thanks.”

  Our eyes met, and if I didn’t know she was drunk, I would’ve thought she was turned on. Her lids were hooded, and the light blue of her eyes had darkened to almost all black pupils. When my eyes fell to her lips, I knew it was time to turn around. Showing her my left shoulder, I bent at the knees so she could get a look at th
e compass. I wasn’t sure if I was glad or disappointed that she didn’t trace that one. Her nails scraping my back might’ve been more than I could take.

  When I turned around, Molly’s eyes roamed over my chest. She spent a solid minute checking me out in complete silence. Then she reached for her jeans and started to undo her pants. For a half second, I’d forgotten she had to reciprocate and show me her tattoo. My sex-deprived brain got carried away and thought she was undressing for me.

  I swallowed hard when she pulled back the denim and showed me her creamy skin. Maybe it was the alcohol loosening my inhibitions, or maybe I just wasn’t strong enough to stop myself, but I reached out and did exactly what she’d done to me. I gently traced with my finger, outlining the three tiny birds. Her skin was so soft and warm, and I had the craziest urge to bury my hand down her pants and feel the rest of her soft and warm.

  Not good.

  I watched her face as I traced the skin. Molly’s eyes closed, and her jaw went slack.

  Fuck.

  She was gorgeous.

  Absolutely fucking gorgeous.

  And I wanted to kiss her more than anything.

  Just one little kiss…a little taste of her tongue.

  I knew it was dumb.

  I knew we were both drunk.

  I knew there was a distinct possibility that once I pressed my lips to hers, I’d never be able to stop.

  Not to mention…

  I had no shirt on.

  Her pants were wide open…

  My chest heaved up and down as I tried to talk myself out of doing anything other than putting my shirt back on and stuffing both our mouths full of food.

  But when Molly’s eyes fluttered open and dropped to stare at my lips, I knew I was about five seconds away from losing my battle. Her pink tongue peeked out and ran along her full bottom lip, wetting it.

  Fuck.

  I wanted her so goddamned badly.

  Molly’s eyes lifted to meet mine. Her voice was breathy. “Declan…”

  I took a step closer and put my hand on her hip. “Molly….”

  Her eyes lifted, but something caught her attention over my shoulder, and her eyes grew wide. “Oh my God, Declan—turn around! The paper towel caught on fire!”