Trials 03 Torres' Trial

by Terri Zavaleta

  "You---" Tom said, wagging a finger at her. "I owe you one!"

  "And I always collect," Torres purred, sliding her eyes at him

  in a sidelong glance.

  He loved when she did that. The effect was the same as if she'd

  stroked his cheek or kissed him in that special spot behind and below

  the ear. It sent hot chills up and down his spine. He'd never known

  there was such a thing as a hot chill--- until he'd kissed B'Elanna

  Torres.

  Malista joined them on the floor. "Well, what do you think?" She

  looked around the holodeck, enjoying the minute details that made the

  circus atmosphere seem so real. There were even animal sounds

  drifting softly through the tent walls as if there were animals in

  cages just outside.

  "Where's the cotton candy?" Tom whined.

  Torres elbowed him.

  "OW! Torres, if you don't quit trying to crack my ribs with your

  pointy little elbow, I'm going to start wearing armor!"

  Malista turned away from their cheerful banter and lost herself

  in studying the rigging. "I wonder if I could still do the high wire.

  I'm rusty."

  Torres and Paris exchanged looks. "Come on, Malista," Tom said

  cajolingly. "Where are the food vendors? That's half the fun of a

  circus. Peanuts, popcorn, cotton candy, corny dogs, candy apples---

  all that good stuff that you throw up after you get home!"

  "That's disgusting," Torres said, making a face.

  "You've obviously never really done a circus properly," Tom

  commented virtuously. "Eating yourself into a stupor on stuff your

  mom won't let you have at home is half the fun."

  Malista turned and smiled at the pair of them. "It's okay. I

  know it's time for dinner. Why don't you two go ahead?"

  "You want to come with us to the mess hall?"

  Her eyes suddenly frosted over. "No."

  "And I suppose Sandrine's is out?"

  "Yes."

  "You have to eat."

  "Tom, don't nag," she said tiredly. "I'll eat in my quarters. I

  still have plenty of replicator rations."

  "Malista---" Torres began.

  "No. B'Elanna, I don't want to talk about it," she shrugged,

  moving over to a bench next to the center ring to pick up her robe.

  "I want to know what happened," Paris stated. "And if it would

  do any good for me to go punch out Harry Kim." He didn't sound like

  he was joking.

  Torres put her hand on his arm. He looked down at her. She shook

  her head, her brown eyes convincing him he shouldn't push his 'little

  sister' right now. It was too soon.

  Malista slipped the dark green robe on over her tights and

  belted the waist. "Tom, B'Elanna, there is one thing I want to tell

  you," she said impassively. "What happened is between Harry and me. I

  don't want you to---interfere. I never wanted to come between you.

  You three have been friends since you all came aboard Voyager. I

  don't want my---anything to do with me to ruin that friendship."

  "That may not be your decision," Tom replied, his jaw taut, his

  posture stiff.

  Malista looked at him sharply. "You don't know what happened,

  Tom. Stay out of it. Harry is your friend. I'm your friend. I'm not

  asking you to take sides---I wouldn't do that to you---to either of

  you. I can't---I don't think I can be around Harry. Not yet. I'm

  going to stay out of his way. But you two---I can still see you. Just

  don't try to---fix things, okay? It will only make things---worse."

  She tried to hide the tears filling her eyes by retying the sash at

  her waist. "I think it's---we're beyond fixing. It just didn't work

  out."

  Tom and B'Elanna stepped forward and hugged her, one on each

  side. She put her arms around both of them. After a moment, she

  stepped back. "Thanks. Both of you. I'll be okay," she said,

  reassuring them. "Really. I will. You can tell Harry---no, on second

  thought, never mind. Well, B'Elanna," she said with false heartiness.

  "How do you like my exercise program?"

  Torres smiled at her. "I like it. We'll keep working on this and

  maybe you can teach me some tricks---and when the next talent show

  comes up---we'll surprise a few people." She picked up her own robe

  and put it on. Roaming the corridors in tights wasn't a good idea.

  Malista flinched at the word 'surprise'. "Well, I think I'll go

  take a shower and get something to eat."

  "Promise me you'll eat something. And get some rest. And---"

  Shadow covered his lips with her fingertip. "You're starting to

  nag again, Paris. You're my brother---not my mother!" She let her

  hand drop to her side.

  He tried to smile. "Okay. But you don't need to go back to

  hiding in your quarters. And if you need company---"

  "I know," she said gently, "and I promise that if I need

  anything, I'll tell you---one of you. Thank you. Now go have dinner!"

  After saving the program, she shooed them out the exit ahead of her.

  As soon as she disappeared around the bend of the corridor, Tom

  took B'Elanna into his arms, clinging to her as if to a lifeline. She

  wrapped her arms around him and tilted her head back. She'd never

  seen him wear such a---bleak expression. "What is it, Tom?"

  He shook his head, started to speak, then closed his mouth and

  shook his head again. He pulled her more tightly to him and rested

  his cheek upon the top of her head.

  "I'm worried about her, too," Torres offered. "And Harry."

  They could hear voices approaching and knew the moment of

  privacy was over. Tom stepped back from the hug but kept one arm

  around her as they turned and started for the mess hall. It seemed as

  if he couldn't bear to let her get out of his reach. B'Elanna felt a

  tingle of apprehension at the base of her neck. She had a bad feeling

  about this.

  The situation was bad enough with Malista and Harry no longer being

  on speaking terms---but what if Tom let himself be drawn in? Could

  they actually stay friends with both Harry and Malista? What kind of

  emotional damage was this doing to Tom? Being forced to choose? Was

  that all that was bothering him?

  She got the feeling there was more to it than that. Something to do

  with her or with them. Damn it! Why wouldn't he tell her what was

  wrong? She needed to talk to someone about this.

  ***********************

  It had been three days. Those involved in the ship's betting

  pool were confused. The lack of definitive evidence---or failing that

  a reliable source of gossip ---as to the cause of the unforeseen

  Kim/Shadow breakup meant that the odds on reconciliation or total

  failure of the relationship were almost impossible to calculate. That

  didn't, however, stop them from trying.

  Malista Shadow had three visitors on the second evening. Jenny

  and Megan Delaney and Susan Nicoletti came to call. They seemed

  subdued, as if visiting someone in mourning---which in a sense, they

  were. Malista invited them in, offered them refreshments, then

  waited for them to comment.

  With a typical lack of tact, Jenny Delaney burst out with, "I

  just can't believe you brok
e up with Harry Kim after all the trouble

  we went to! We helped you land him!"

  "He's not a fish," Shadow commented dryly. Her face was

  unreadable. She was very calm and in control.

  Jenny waved an impatient hand. "You know what I mean! What

  happened?"

  "Jenny!" Sue chided. "I told you not to ask that. It's none of

  our business."

  Shadow shook her head slightly. "It's all right, Susan. Let's

  sum it up by saying that Harry and I---we found we were mistaken

  about our feelings for each other. Let's leave it at that."

  Megan Delaney's mouth was ajar. "But you two seemed so---right

  together! You were such a cute couple!" Nicoletti elbowed her.

  Malista's mouth twisted in what could have been an attempt at a

  smile. "A couple of what?" It seemed to be an inside joke. Her

  friends didn't get it.

  "Well, if you want to date someone else---"Jenny began.

  "No! Thank you," Malista said quickly. "Jenny, I appreciate

  your---concern ---but I'm not interested."

  "Give her some time," Sue suggested. She'd known it was a bad

  idea to let the Delaneys visit Shadow this soon, but there'd been no

  way to stop them without hurting their feelings. They considered

  Malista their friend. They were trying the best way they knew to help

  her. It just wasn't the sort of help Shadow could or would accept---

  at least not this soon.

  Megan and Jenny exchanged glances. They got to their feet. "If

  we can help, let us know," they offered in unison. They often spoke

  in unison. It was some kind of side effect of being identical twins.

  Malista nodded, a slight smile twitching at her lips. "Thank

  you. I appreciate the offer. It's---comforting to have friends."

  The twins looked touched. They didn't have many women friends.

  Only two---Malista Shadow and Susan Nicoletti. Other women merely

  tolerated them. They were much too attractive and flirtatious to be

  popular with other women who saw them as a threat.

  Sue shepherded them out of Malista's cabin. She stopped in the

  doorway. "Are you okay?" she asked with a direct look that demanded

  an honest answer.

  "I will be," Shadow replied. "Do me a favor? Tell the rumor

  mill---it's not all Harry's fault. I---don't want him treated badly

  on my account."

  Nicoletti's eyes narrowed. "Whether he deserves it or not?"

  Shadow met her eyes with a blank look. "That's not what I said.

  Just tell them, please?"

  "Okay. I'll put out the word. I don't know how much people will

  pay attention. People tend to make up their own minds---especially if

  they don't have the facts," Sue commented. "Take care."

  Malista sighed and sank back into her chair, staring intently at

  nothing in particular. The last time she and Harry had---disagreed---

  at the beginning of their relationship, it had become common

  knowledge that he'd treated her badly. As a result, every woman

  aboard had taken out her anger on him. Malista didn't want a repeat

  of that. It was too disruptive to the functioning of the ship.

  After all, it wasn't Harry's fault that he was still in love with

  Libby. Malista had known going into the relationship that it probably

  wouldn't last. She'd tried to tell herself that this time---she

  wouldn't make any mistakes. She would be whatever Harry wanted her to

  be. Or she would try her best.

  She should have known she couldn't compete with Libby. Or at

  least, his memory of Libby. She was too---inadequate. Among other

  things. She was too tall. She was too shy. She had all kinds of

  emotional problems. She was inexperienced in the physical aspects of

  male/female relationships---except for having been a victim of rape--

  -which had left her traumatized and afraid of physical intimacy.

  Harry Kim was Starfleet. He was a genius in more than one area

  of interest. He was the Operations Officer with the responsibility

  for keeping all the ship's systems balanced and operating to top

  capacity. He'd proven himself to be a good officer and an invaluable

  asset to the ship's crew. He was a good man and had been a good

  friend to Tom Paris, when others hadn't given Tom a chance at all.

  She was a Maquis. A farm girl. An uneducated farm girl---no, a

  self-educated farm girl from a colony world. He'd gone to the

  Academy, one of the Federation's toughest and most demanding schools.

  She was a competent technician, but no genius---at anything. She'd

  taught herself most of what she knew through home schooling or

  reading for enjoyment. He played classical music on the clarinet and

  gave concerts. She couldn't master playing scales on any instrument.

  She could sing---but she wasn't trained, and her tastes ran more to

  show tunes. They had nothing in common.

  Well, two things. They both liked Tom and B'Elanna. And they

  enjoyed kissing each other. The physical side of the relationship had

  been moving ahead slowly. She enjoyed sharing kisses and hugs,

  touching him. But certain touches triggered flashbacks---something

  she hadn't told Harry, but he'd seemed to sense it when she tensed.

  He'd tried to get her to talk about it---but she just couldn't.

  Talking about it---made it seem so real. She had hoped that with

  time, but now---Would she ever be able to let another man touch her?

  If another man would ever want to?

  She still didn't understand exactly what had triggered Harry's

  outburst of jealousy. She must have done something, but she honestly

  couldn't think what it could be. She took that as a sign that she was

  even dumber than she'd thought. She didn't know what she might have

  done, but if Harry said she had---He was not the type to make things

  up. Maybe he---maybe it was a misunderstanding?

  No. Harry wouldn't have been that angry without reason. She'd

  known from the start that she didn't deserve a man like Harry. But he

  shouldn't have to suffer the censure of the others on the ship for

  correcting the mistake he'd made in getting involved with---someone

  like her. A total screwup. Everything she touched---how many more

  people were going to pay for getting close to her? Her three friends

  on Huldon III, Niko Dishon---

  Not Harry Kim. Not if she could do anything to prevent it.

  ***********************

  The messhall was crowded. Gamma Shift was having dinner while

  Alpha Shift was having breakfast. Most of the tables were full or

  overcrowded. Harry Kim was sitting alone. No one approached to share

  his table.

  He was becoming resigned to the fact that he had once again become a

  pariah. He sipped his coffee and tried to pretend it didn't matter.

  That he hadn't noticed. It wasn't that difficult to pretend. He'd

  learned from the best. He'd watched Tom Paris do it a thousand times

  since coming aboard Voyager as an observer.

  A sudden silence throughout the room caught his attention. He

  glanced up.

  Malista Shadow, tray in hand, was standing at his side.

  His good manners kicked in automatically. He got to his feet---

  then stood staring at her, not knowing what to expect. He couldn
't

  get his mouth to open to begin an apology.

  "Harry." Her demeanor gave no hint to what she was thinking. She

  spoke quietly, for his ears alone. "I wanted to tell you---it's okay.

  I think I understand."

  "Malista, I---" he began, stuttering to a stop as she shook her

  head.

  "I don't want anyone blaming you. I thought if I stopped to say

  hello, they'd get the message. And, by the way, please take my word

  for it, I'm not going to kill myself because of this---or for any

  other reason. Have a good day," she added casually, as if she hadn't

  just figuratively dropped a bomb on him. She strolled away and

  seated herself with Sue Nicoletti and a crowd from Engineering.

  The buzz of conversation in the messhall increased audibly.

  Harry sank into his chair. His face was blank---because his mind was

  blank. He literally was beyond thought.

  But Malista was correct. The ship's gossips spread the story of

  the messhall meeting between the two of them all over the ship in

  less than an hour. The lack of overt animosity between the two fueled

  the discussion of who had broken up with whom and for what reason.

  The gossips and the betting pool were stumped for the first time.

  There were multiple theories---but no evidence or substantive rumors

  to account for the split. And the participants weren't helping. They

  weren't talking---to each other or anyone else. Neither Harry or

  Malista had commented to anyone on the incident or about each other.

  The lack of invective made it hard to assess blame and consequences.

  The betting pool saw a sudden slump in activity. After a few days,

  with no accusing scenes or temper tantrums from either party, the

  gossips moved on to juicier subjects. Such as Freddie Bristow's

  latest target: Diane Russell, ship's librarian. Bets began to be

  laid on her receptivity to his attentions, Crewman Aron Dalby's

  reaction, and on how long Freddie would be allowed to live---if he

  didn't stop being such a nuisance.

  **********************

  Tom Paris had been increasingly---haunted was the best

  description B'Elanna could come up with---since Harry and Malista had

  gone their separate ways. Harry had been avoiding both of them while

  off duty. It was impossible to avoid them on duty, but it was

  possible to act professionally. They each went about their tasks,