The Boy and the Battleship

by Christopher Cummings

  A black biro was used to mark where each gun barrel was to be glued on. Next he made five circular mountings from balsa, each 4mm thick and 4cm in diameter. These were glued in position on the deck or superstructure of the model. By pushing pins down through the turrets and on into the mountings each turret was added to the model. The pins allowed the turrets to rotate and Graham spent a few minutes turning them and imagining the guns firing. It is going to be a good model, he thought.

  Kylie and Margaret arrived soon after that and he had to talk to them for a few minutes. Then his mother came home and she had the usual Friday collection of comics and chocolates. Reading kept Graham happy until tea time. Margaret said goodbye and rode off on her bike and the children were fussed at to have their baths and to get ready for Scouts and Guides.

  Scouts was fun. Best of all Max acted quite normal so Graham felt sure that Cindy had not been seen and that their secret was safe. But he did feel guilty about not thinking of Thelma more.

  That night, when he lay in his bed, Graham did try to fantasize about Thelma. It was easy enough to begin with. He made himself the hero—a naval officer on a gunboat up a crocodile infested river in Papua a hundred years earlier, tasked with rescuing a missionary and his lovely daughter (Thelma) from the cannibals. But once he had fought off the first wave of imaginary savages and was holding Thelma it all became difficult. Instead of her face his mind kept filling with images of Cindy.

  Try as he might he could not stop thinking about Cindy and he realized that he was smitten by her. Maybe I am in love with Cindy? he rationalized. The heated memories kept him awake far into the night and left him yearning urgently for more experiences with her.

  Because Cindy was away, Graham found Saturday a boring and very frustrating day. Thinking about Cindy just got him aroused and edgy. There were also chores: cleaning the bird cages, feeding the fish, moving the guinea pig cage, washing the dog, sweeping his room.

  Graham also worked on the gun barrels for his battleship model. He was not sure want size to make them and tried to visualize the guns on Max’s model. In the end he decided that making them 6cm long would be about right. In fact he found he had to make two of them slightly shorter. The guns of the centre turret (‘Q’ according to the British system of naming them from bow to stern as A, B, Q, X, Y) were just too long to fit into the available space. They needed about 2mm trimmed off them.

  To make the gun barrels he sliced a long length of 4mm x 4mm balsa. This was then cut into 6cm lengths with a craft knife. By carefully longitudinal slicing he shaved off the edges to make each one roughly octagonal. Having chosen the muzzle end of each piece Graham measured 2cm from the other end and then made a shallow cut right around that. He then carefully shaved in from the muzzle end to the shallow cut so that the front end of the gun barrel was slightly smaller than the back end. By gently rubbing with sandpaper he was then able to make the whole barrel round and also slightly tapered.

  The end result looked very good to him. The muzzle was made by pushing the end of a black ball point pen into the centre of that end. Feeling particularly pleased with the result Graham glued them on to the turrets using craft glue. To hold the ends of the barrels up while the glue dried he rested them on pencils.

  Seeing the battleship with its main armament complete gave Graham a real sense of achievement. This was almost immediately tempered by two breakages. When he tried to turn a turret, he pushed sideways against the gun barrels with a finger. The turret turned but in the process the gun barrels broke at the point where they were glued on.

  I need a better way of doing this, Graham thought. But he just glued them back on and resolved to always turn the turrets by gripping them, not by pushing at the guns.

  ***

  Sunday was another frustrating day. At church he had to put up with Margaret—and with his conscience. When the minister read about ‘Sinful desires of the flesh’ Graham again squirmed inside and felt very guilty. It also came to him that he was potentially harming Cindy by trying to persuade her to do sinful things. But just thinking about the sinful things gave him even stronger desires to do them!

  For a while he contemplated the whole moral issue of sex both before and after marriage. He knew that the church did not approve of people who were not married having sex but he was also aware that a lot of it went on. Adultery he understood and despised. That is not about sex, it is about the betrayal of trust, he thought. But he could also see that the more fanatical, fundamentalist ‘wowser’ religions did not take that view.

  If I do anything really serious with Cindy then I could be doomed to hell, Graham thought. And so would she.

  That was the theology, but somehow he did not believe it and did not want to. But it niggled at his conscience all the same, making him feel very anxious and uncomfortable. Then he decided that he would not really go to hell forever just because he was naughty with Cindy; or with any other girls.

  Surely God isn’t that cruel and unjust? he thought. Anyway, a few days of pleasure and excitement with Cindy are worth a few weeks or even months in hell as punishment!

  During the remainder of the day Graham stayed at home and either read or worked on his model battleship. After studying photos of the Iron Duke he added small sighting ports and range finders to the gun turrets and then added more bridge platforms and a main range finder to the superstructure. By the time these were done the model really did look like a battleship. Then there was the problem of the name. When he had started making the model Graham had the name Vanguard in mind. He had found that there was a Vanguard of the Dreadnought type in World War 1. But it had a different turret layout and when he read that it blew up at Scapa Flow in 1917, probably because of faulty cordite, he decided that he would call his new ship Iron Duke.

  But much of the day was taken up by fantasizing about Cindy and by planning where they could meet without danger of being disturbed. Once again it was a very aroused and frustrated boy who lay awake for hours in his bed, tortured by the urgent needs of his body and the conflicts with his conscience.

  But the physical desire won. Along with it was a deep fascination with the physiology of it all. Graham really wanted to know how girls were made and how their bodies worked but was too afraid and embarrassed to go to a library or to ask an adult. So lack of accurate knowledge also tormented him. He was dimly aware that his fevered imaginings were not quite right and that bothered him.

  Monday came at last and he hurried eagerly to school so as to make arrangements with Cindy. But the first girl he met was Thelma. He gave her a smile and she returned it with a faint movement of the lips. That was a double jolt. Do I love her? he wondered. He was conscious that she did not even seem to like him but he did not want to put that into words. And where did Cindy fit into all that?

  Graham became quickly aware that his physical urges were winning over his conscience and will power. His body seemed to take control and he became very aroused just thinking about Cindy. But he did not see her during the morning so school was more of a drag and boring torment than usual.

  All afternoon in class the impending tryst was all Graham could think about. He was aroused nearly all afternoon and was quite sore as a result. He also got into trouble from Old Wily for inattention. The teacher reminded Graham that he had to perform at the debate about the French on Wednesday. The prospect sent Graham into a lather of concern and he made an effort to learn some facts.

  It wasn’t until the end of the school day that he got a chance to speak to Cindy. By then he was in a real ferment of urgent desire and anxiety. As soon as the class was dismissed after the last lesson he hurried to the bike racks and that was where he saw her. The moment he did he started to get aroused again and he found his heart fluttering with anxiety. I wonder will she want to be with me? he thought. Plucking up his courage he began making his way through the throng towards her.

  As he did she looked around and saw him. Her face lit up in a smile and his fears evaporated.

 
; “Hi Cindy! Are we still meeting this afternoon?” he asked.

  “If you still want to,” Cindy replied.

  “I’d love to,” Graham admitted, his heart racing with excitement.

  “Do you want to do it?” Cindy asked.

  The bluntness of the question quite stunned Graham. All he could do was nod. Cindy gave an anxious smile then said, “Promise you won’t tell, not your brother or your mates.”

  Graham’s heart leapt. He nodded vigorously. “I won’t,” he replied. Blood began to surge in his veins as the implications of what she had said sank in. Then another worrying thought came to him and he stammered in anxious embarrassment: “What if there is someone home?”

  Her face dimpled into a mischievous grin. “I have thought about that. I will go home and change. You go home. If your brother or sister are home then stay inside at your desk. If they aren’t home then sit out on your front steps. I will walk past to check. If they aren’t home I will come in.”

  Graham nodded. He was now so excited and aroused his mouth had gone quiet dry and his throat felt constricted. Cindy took her bike and headed off and Graham went the other way. So aroused and excited was he that he ran almost all the way home. As he approached his house his heart was pounding in anticipation and fear. Oh! I hope no-body is home!

  But once he arrived home Graham found Kylie and Margaret there. That sent him into a tailspin of worry in case Cindy arrived. He tried to act nonchalant and wandered through to the kitchen to get some afternoon tea. While he was there he heard girl’s voices at the front. Cindy!

  In something of a flap Graham walked quickly back to the front door. Cindy was talking to Kylie and Margaret. As he appeared she looked at him and said, “Hi Graham. I just wondered if Maxy was here?”

  Graham swallowed. “No… No he isn’t. I think he said he was going to the bike shop.”

  “Oh I see. Thanks. Oh well, see you tomorrow,” she said. She turned and went down the steps leaving Graham in a quandary as to whether he should somehow sneak away and follow her to her house; or whether she actually meant tomorrow. In the end he decided it would look odd if he went out so he sat at his desk, pretending he was happy instead of being all frustrated and disappointed. In a real grump he set to work on the model battleship.

  After a while his mood lightened as he became absorbed in the problem of making some anti-aircraft guns. He was aware that the original Iron Duke was built before World War 1, when aircraft were not a problem, but one book he had looked at mentioned that she was still in service as a gunnery training ship and then as a decoy battleship, made up to look like a KGV-class. By then she did have AA guns so he went ahead and added six Bofors type guns to the superstructure. These were the same as the AA guns on his gunboats and they did not revolve but they still looked good. When they were in place he smiled. The model really looks like a battleship now! he thought. He admired it from several angles then went to have his bath.

  During that he thought about Cindy again and fantasized she was in there with him. That was both very enjoyable and very frustrating and he was quite short tempered during the evening. We need another place to meet, he thought. For quite a while he pondered this and at last came up with a solution. Through his mind flitted memories of him and Margaret playing naughty nude games the previous year in the swamp at Centennial Lakes and up in the Bamboo Patch on Edge Hill. Then he thought of other bits of bush closer to home.

  But would Cindy go along with it? That was the worry.

  The next day at school Graham went through the same anxieties and agonies of decision. Was it Thelma he loved; or Cindy? Was it love? Or was it lust? In class he studied Thelma and found he still worshipped her. She is so nice, so pretty, so pure, he thought.

  But his tormented body urgently wanted to be with Cindy so at lunch time he sought her out. When he found her she was with a group of girls but he caught her eye and she nodded and a few minutes later detached herself from the group and wandered over to where he was.

  As she approached, Graham smiled. “Hi Cindy! Do you still want to meet this afternoon?” he asked, his throat dry with fear and lust.

  To his dismay she shook her head. “Sorry, I have to go home. Mum has booked me in at the dentists and she is picking me up at 4 o’clock.”

  Graham’s hopes crashed and his whole body felt like it would burst with frustration. “Oh! When can we meet then?” he asked.

  “Have to be tomorrow,” Cindy replied.

  “OK,” Graham agreed, now feeling a desperate anxiety.

  “Yes, but not at your place,” Cindy replied.

  Graham nodded. “I agree. I’ve been thinking about that. What about the bush behind our Scout Den? There is a nice little clearing there.”

  Cindy looked doubtful but finally nodded. “Yes, all right. I will meet you there straight after school.”

  “I’ll meet you there then?”

  Cindy nodded. “OK, but bring something to lie on,” she replied.

  Graham smiled and felt his pulses race as desire surged. For the rest of the afternoon lessons he was so aroused he fidgeted continually and was unable to think straight.

  As soon as he was dismissed after last period Graham hurried out and made his way to the Scout Den. This was built amid a strip of bush land between the railway and a swampy drain. Along the edge of the drain were patches of thick scrub, clumps of trees and a thicket of tall grass. He walked into the front yard of the Scout Den and felt very conspicuous. There were several houses nearby and he knew he could be seen from them. Knowing he was planning something both immoral and illegal sent his heart rate shooting up his mouth went dry.

  Hoping to find a good place Graham went to the side of the building and poked around among the trees and long grass to find the best area. There were numerous tracks made by the Scouts and the local kids and he knew them all. But his memory had failed him and the place he thought best wasn’t as good as he had remembered. Through gaps in the long grass he could get glimpses of houses on both sides of the railway and swamp.

  “It will have to do,” he muttered as he returned to the side of the Scout Den.

  Only as he walked out to the street did Graham realize the full implications of what he wanted Cindy to do. It was scary adult stuff and against the law. But it was also enormously exciting and he felt a driving urge to do it. He knew he was frightened.

  Will I be game if she still wants to do it? he wondered. Will I do it?

  Chapter 17

  HEATED WORDS

  Graham walked home slowly, his emotions and mind in turmoil. Most of all he was gripped by the possibility of him and Cindy doing it. She asked me if I wanted to, he thought. But that bothered and frightened him and he kept wondering if he could. All the arguments and ideas he had heard swirled in his head. Deep anxieties like whether he could physically do it or whether he would fail at the crucial moment rose to gnaw at him. There were also the concepts of being a man, of being game, of being good enough. On top of that were all the right and wrong issues and religious theories.

  Added to them all was anxiety lest he somehow be found out and get into trouble. Fear and desire warred in him to make him very edgy. He found he was ashamed of himself and did not want to look his sister or mother in the eye and he burned with shame when he lied about where he had been, saying he had been at Roger’s. It was all very sobering and he knew he was glimpsing the hard realities of life. Thinking about it made him sad.

  To divert his thoughts he settled to working on his model battleship, even though half of his mind now derided the idea of toys and models and little kid stuff that was now behind him. This time he made the ship’s boats for his battleship. There were eight of these: two motor launches 5cm long, four lifeboats 4cm long and two smaller boats. They were made from 6mm thick balsa and were first cut out as rectangles. The ends were then cut roughly with a craft knife—a V at the bow and a smaller taper at the stern. He then curved and smoothed the balsa with his tiny rasp and with sandp
aper. A black biro was used to mark a waterline on each motor launch and then he coloured the area below the waterline with a black permanent felt pen. He knew that paint would have looked better but was impatient and was satisfied with the result.

  For the lifeboats he used the pen to make a scalloped line around the top about 1mm down from the top to represent the canvas cover and then used the pen to make little semi-circular loops all the way around to represent the ropes hung on the sides for survivors to cling to. They looked quite good. The two smallest boats he did not put covers on. Instead he used the pen to mark out seats. Thwarts are their proper name, he reminded himself. Next he coloured the spaces between them black. That looked good enough so he then glued the boats to small pieces of balsa on the sides of the superstructure above the secondary armament and on the aft superstructure.

  During the evening he forced himself to do some homework. Mostly this was preparation for the debate about the French which was to happen the next day. I wish I’d never got involved, he muttered, still wondering how he could take part without damaging his position in Thelma’s eyes.

  After he went to bed his mind and body stayed in turmoil over what he and Cindy had been doing and he had a lot of trouble dropping off to sleep. Even before he did he had wrestled with his conscience and decided that they should not do it. It is wrong. If Cindy is a virgin and I take that from her then she might live to bitterly regret it. She might meet a man who wants to marry a virgin and that could spoil everything. I don’t want to harm her like that, he reasoned.

  There were also the other fears: of making her pregnant and of all the problems of a baby; of parents finding out and of getting into trouble with the law and ending up in court or in a juvenile detention centre; or even of catching some horrible disease. He had enough knowledge to be aware of sexually transmitted diseases and HIV and AIDS and the images they conjured up made him shudder with revulsion.