by Brooks, Tori
He didn’t have a chance to talk to Macy as they packed up and started walking down the mountain again. That wasn’t entirely true. Dev didn’t try to find a private moment, he admitted to himself. He was too lost in his own thoughts, trying to untangle his feelings over Macy and what he perceived to be a change in their relationship. Or where his feelings for Lindsay fell in this mess.
Macy walked with Paige, with Imogen between them, trying to coax the vacant young woman into conversation. Brenda hung back with them a while, then moved up to walk with Dev and Bryan. Bryan welcomed her, Dev wasn’t so sure. He liked walking with Bryan, he was allowed to stew in his own turmoil. Brenda wasn’t likely to let that slide.
“So what’s the deal with Macy?” Brenda asked after a minute.
“Saw that coming,” Dev responded. “Why? What did she say?”
Brenda shook her head. “You know better than that.”
“What? You’re not going to tell because of some unspoken female bond?”
“No, Jess was witness to your conversation and, ah, other activity last night. You know he can’t keep a secret. Macy can, I think. At least she hasn’t said anything. And yet she repeatedly glances in your direction. Have you even talked today?”
“No. Not sure what to say.”
“Do you like her?”
“Yeah, but it’s comp –”
“Complicated. Dev, everything is complicated with you.” Brenda sighed.
“Give him a break, that’s just how he is.” Bryan hugged his wife close.
“Rub off on him, will you?” Brenda smiled at Bryan and looked back to Dev. “Look, I think you two would be good together. I liked Lindsay, you know that. She understood you, really understood you, but she was high maintenance. It wasn’t a big deal since you were fine with it. In a way it was a fair trade off. You need a partner, Dev, not just a lover. Someone who gets you like you really are, not how Kenny wants you to be. Macy’s smart. She’s not wowed by all the glitz and glamour. And I think she really sees you. You know?”
Dev nodded.
“Like Jess said, un-complicate it.”
“Bren, it’s –”
“Not that easy. I know, but it’s not as hard as you’re making it out to be. Just make a move.”
“I still love Lindsay.”
Brenda gave him a soft smile. It made Dev think of his mother and he looked away hastily. “I know,” she whispered. “You’ve hung onto her for a long time. It’s time to start letting go. Macy’s worth taking a chance on, I think you know that.”
He gave her a curt nod.
“Bren, hon, will you go keep Kenny in line?” Bryan asked.
“Kenny or Jess?” She laughed.
“Both.” Bryan kissed her, and she skipped ahead to join Kenny and Jess. Dev watched her go and fought the impulse to look back at Macy.
“Your opinion?” he asked Bryan after a while.
“I concur.”
“Anything to add?”
“Heard about last night obviously. How do you feel about that?”
“You hearing about it or the event itself?”
“Jess can’t keep a secret, that’s on you. It just strikes me as outside your comfort zone. Granted there are extenuating circumstances, but that didn’t fly with Lindsay before. Are you loosening up?”
“No,” Dev said firmly. “I won’t deny it was nice, but I can’t commit to her.”
“Can you expound on that?”
Dev hesitated. “If Lindsay called, Macy would be a non-issue.”
“Would she? You wouldn’t even hesitate?”
“No,” Dev caught himself. “Not yet.”
“But that’s changing.”
Dev hesitated again. Bryan was patient, always quietly waiting for Dev to put his thoughts together.
“I have to get to know her better. She could replace Lindsay. I didn’t think anyone could, but she might. Maybe.”
Bryan nodded. “Planning on telling her that?”
“I think I’ll start with dinner.”
“If you need me to lean on Kenny to stay off your back, let me know. We’re not far from the end of the trail. I imagine they’ll have trucks or something to take us to Moshi. If you want any time alone with her, now would be good.”
Dev took a deep breath.
“You’ll be fine. Macy’s a smart girl. She knows this is hard for you. I heard you two talking before about your heartbreaks. Go do it now, before you lose your nerve.”
“Right.” Dev nodded and spun on his heal. With Macy and her roommates walking toward him, it only took a couple of steps to close the gap.
“Borrowing her for a minute,” he explained to Paige as he looped his arm with Macy’s and walked back a few feet before turning her around and following at a discreet distance.
“You look like a man on a mission.” Macy looked at him. Was it curiosity or was she trying to hide a knowing look? He couldn’t tell and decided it didn’t really matter.
“Listen, about last night,” Dev started, then stopped when Macy groaned.
“If you say it was a mistake I may scream.”
“Um ...” he faltered. “I wasn’t going to. I’m not like – I mean I don’t usually do that, I –” Dev sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Listen, I prefer to know someone longer, a lot longer, and be in a serious relationship before going where we went last night.”
“Sex.”
“Yeah.”
“Just sex. Not a commitment. I’m not holding you to anything,” Macy reminded him.
“You mentioned that. That’s not how I work, Macy. I think you know that. I’d rather have the commitment. Well, not to say that it wasn’t nice, or inopportune, but ... Damn it, this isn’t going like I planned. Not that I really ... never mind.”
“I’ll forgive any implications that you didn’t enjoy the experience. No plans to repeat it?”
“No. How about dinner?”
“Dinner?”
“When we get back. You, me, a nice restaurant, no homework.”
“No homework?” She smiled, a laughing twinkle in her eye.
“Are you going to make this hard for me? Macy, I want to get to know you better.”
She smiled and nodded. “That’d be nice.”
“Good.” Dev breathed a sigh of relief.
Chapter Fourteen
The jeep ride to Moshi was uneventful, with the exception of the bumpy roads and dust kicked up by the vehicles that made Dev feel like he was traveling in a vengeful cloud. The convoy drove straight to Kilimanjaro Airport and they flew out to Dodoma, then were escorted to a hotel by Dodoma Airport. Macy and Dev sat together in the jeep and on the plane, in near constant contact by proximity, but not making any obvious moves to touch each other. When Macy saw an entire floor of the hotel was blocked off, with guards posted by the stairs and elevator, she gave up the pretext of casual contact with Dev and took his hand in a death grip.
“It’s fine. I told you how this was going to play out,” he whispered as he showed her to her room.
“Yeah, that’s nice. You’re staying,” she pulled him inside.
“Macy –”
“I know. You want commitment. It’s too soon. Sure.” She closed the door behind him, leaving Kenny’s snickers in the hall. “That new policy starts when we’re out of this situation. Meaning back home. Alive.”
Dev dropped his backpack and leaned against the desk.
“Listen, Dev,” Macy put her arms around him and laid her head against his chest. “I don’t want to push you into anything. I’m sorry if I – if last night I was a little demanding. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t feel safe with Paige or Imogen. The guards make it worse instead of better. I feel safe with you.”
She realized how that might sound and hastily amended her statement.
“It’s not just that I need a bodyguard. I need company. Your company.”
Dev looked at her a moment before his eyes softened and he pulled her close. Macy
breathed a sigh of relief, she won. Although she continued watching him until he officially conceded the point. Dev’s eyes flicked to the lone double bed along one side of the wall then across the room. She followed them to see him sizing up the camel-back sofa near the bathroom. No. He couldn’t possibly be considering it.
“All right, how about you take –”
“No. By your company I mean I’d like your actual presence. I don’t mean across the room. Will you just go with me on this?” Macy stamped her foot in irritation. Why did she have to find the only guys in the modern age who were chivalrous?
Dev cringed and pulled his foot out from under hers with a grimace. “If you’re going to make your point that way, fine.”
“Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ...” Macy apologized. Her eyes began tearing, again. Dev had his arms loosely around her, so gentle contact obviously wasn’t going to stop her from breaking down like it did so far today. He clearly saw that too and held her tighter. He even kissed her forehead.
“It’s fine. My toes will survive. One thing I want to be clear on though,” Dev paused, she assumed for her to acknowledge him.
“Okay,” she sniffled.
“Once we’re safely back in either the U.S. or an allied country, I’m going to stop humoring you on this. We’re dialing this back to dating and you can bunk with Imogen or Paige. Until then, I’ll get you through it, sweetheart. Okay?”
Macy nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
○ ○ ○
Macy just started to relax in his arms when a knock on the door made her jump. Dev could almost hear her eyes watering again.
“Scheiße,” he muttered under his breath as he turned toward the door.
“What?” Macy looked up at him.
“Nothing.” Dev faced the door. “What?” he called loud enough for whoever it was to hear his displeasure. Then he decided maybe that wasn’t such a great idea if it was one of their ‘hosts.’
“Dinner,” Kenny called back. “Come on.”
“Coming,” Dev answered. They hadn’t had time to change or clean up, but then again, it didn’t matter.
Macy stepped out of his arms, running her hands over her dusty ponytail.
“You’re just getting your hands dirty. Don’t bother,” Dev told her.
Macy stopped and looked at her hands, then headed for the small bathroom to wash. Dev followed and did the same.
Dinner was mostly a silent affair. Bryan hovered protectively near Brenda, and Paige clung to Kenny. Every time Dev looked at the slender blond sitting beside him, she looked ready to cry. Deciding that was disturbing, Dev watched Jess try to glean any sign of awareness from Imogen.
Jess was curiously tender with his broken toy, and Dev wasn’t sure what to think. Was it possible he liked her? Was it misplaced guilt? Boredom? With Jess it was difficult to tell.
Imogen could handle basic functions: feed herself, brush her own hair and teeth, and so on. Although her hands shook and she seemed dazed. Jess took on far more tasks than he actually needed to simply to care for her. Still, watching his friend gently coax small bites into Imogen, steadying a glass for her to drink from, and talking softly to her continually throughout dinner stirred something in Dev.
He looked back at Macy. She was pushing rice around on her plate. Dev wasn’t sure she’d eaten more than a couple of bites of anything. They had some meal substitute bars in their packs if she got hungry later. It didn’t matter.
What did matter was the persistent moisture in her eyes. She said she wanted his presence, and not across the room. So Macy still needed a more intimate relationship with him simply for his strength and comfort.
Watching her ponytail bob listlessly, Dev remembered the first time he met Macy. They were joined by a common disdain for their friends’ refusal to let them be single. Looking back, it was unconventional common ground, but they had other things. Macy was a serious college student. She struggled with her physics major more than Dev did with computers, and even had to repeat a couple of classes because of it. She didn’t take nearly as many credit hours per semester as he did, mostly because she wouldn’t be able to handle the homework. Macy also took classes that didn’t apply toward her major just because they were interesting or would help provide a more well-rounded education – something Dev never seriously considered.
Dev was starting his graduate work, but Macy was a year older and still struggling to finish her bachelor’s degree. All that didn’t matter to him in the slightest. Her determination was impressive.
He decided he would almost prefer she had another motive than just comfort for wanting to use his body. Maybe.
“Here,” Dev said taking her fork from her and setting it aside. He let his fingers intertwine with hers and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Standing, Dev pulled Macy to her feet and into his arms. He kissed her forehead and led her back to their room.
Once there, Dev saw she was still bravely trying to hold back tears. They were covered with dust from the hike and the drive back on dirt roads. The small military jeeps didn’t have air-conditioning and the flow of dusty air was a mixed blessing on their way back to Moshi.
Dev leaned down slightly to kiss Macy. Her lips didn’t immediately cooperate, and he assumed he took her by surprise. Holding her snugly in his arms, he gently teased her lips apart with his tongue. He explored her mouth with more forwardness when she slid her arms around his waist and leaned into him. Somewhere in Dev’s mind, the realization that he didn’t have to lean down as far to kiss Macy as he did with Lindsay came to mind. Also, that this seemed to be helping. And she knew how to kiss.
He slowly withdrew, keeping one arm around Macy but freeing the other for more important things. “It’s been a long, dusty trip. Let’s take a shower,” Dev suggested. He pulled the elastic band from her ponytail and let her hair fall back to her shoulders. Letting his thumbs hook in her belt loops, Dev pulled her closer.
“A shower?” Macy asked, her fingers climbing the front of his shirt and hesitating as she reached his chest. “Together?”
The touch of her fingertips on his chest was so light, Dev barely felt it through the shirt. If she wanted to feel his pecs, he’d let her. This was more or less her idea after all, he was just being supportive.
Taking a step back, Dev pulled his shirt and undershirt up over head his in one motion and tossed them on the floor. He moved back into Macy’s arms, slowly untucking her shirt instead of just letting his hands hang out uselessly at her waist.
“We’ll save hot water that way,” Dev answered. He kissed her again and was rewarded with not only Macy’s cooperation with the kiss, but she finished untucking her own shirt.
Macy broke away from the kiss this time, removing her shirt and tossing it over with Dev’s. She initiated the next kiss, even going so far as to do the lion’s share of the work involved. A delicate hand ran up Dev’s midline and found one nipple. She gently pinched it and Dev’s body responded instantly.
He didn’t plan on this being just a shower, but now the outcome was certain. Macy’s fingers slid back down Dev’s abdomen to unbuckle his belt. Too many clothes, he agreed.
Revving things up a notch, Dev reached around Macy and unfastened her bra. He trusted she wouldn’t mind, and leaned down to kiss the top of one firm breast. Her breathing quickened, but she didn’t protest. Because she wasn’t able to reach his pants any more, Macy let her hands rest on Dev’s shoulders. He got the impression she was interested in where this was going.
He let his lips glide down her silky skin to the pink nipple and let his tongue circle the hardened tip. Macy sucked in her breath, pushing her breast toward Dev. He took the whole areola into his mouth, sucking gently and caressing the nipple with his tongue.
Macy’s nails on his back were driving him to distraction. They needed to get this show underway. Dev slid one hand down to Macy’s belt and undertook the slow process of unfastening it one-handed. When he accomplished that, her jeans were the next goal and he mad
e short work of the task.
Her fingers were tangled in his hair, but didn’t stop Dev from returning to kiss her neck. It made it easier to undo the fastenings on his own pants, they were starting to bind.
“Let’s move this into the bathroom,” Dev whispered.
“You’re serious about the shower? Now?”
Dev smiled and kissed her again. “It’ll keep the sheets clean.”
“It’s also tiny.”
He straightened and looked over Macy’s shoulder at the bathroom. Dev was used to the big custom shower he had at home, or at least the bathtub-shower combinations the hotels on tour had. He didn’t remember noticing the shower in the bathroom adjoining their room.
Brow furrowed, he left Macy and went to go look at the shower in the bathroom. The reason he didn’t remember it was clearly because it wasn’t memorable, except in its exceptionally small size. Macy was right, the shower was barely big enough for one of them to turn in, let alone two of them to have a little recreation while getting wet.
Dev returned to where Macy stood with a smile on her face.
“Don’t look so smug. You win. It’s tiny.” He took Macy back into his arms and let his cheek glide along hers. “Now, where were we?”
“I think you were going to remove your pants,” she whispered and kissed his ear.
“Hmm, right,” Dev answered, nuzzling then kissing her neck. They were by the sofa, so he sat and pulled off his boots, then reached for Macy’s feet. She moved closer and he unlaced her boots for her, then slid them off. Standing, he slid out of his pants, then assisted Macy in doing the same, kissing her at the same time.
Unwilling to let go of her lips, Dev also enjoyed the feel of her breasts against his chest. He kept Macy pressed against him as he led her back to the bed. She followed his lead, sitting on the bed first, then laying back as he directed.
Relieving himself then Macy of their last articles of clothes, Dev carefully let her feel his weight covering her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. Closer was where Dev wanted to be.
He kissed her deeply, letting his tongue slide along hers and stimulate her further. Macy wriggled beneath him. Dev let his hands wander to her breasts, full and firm in his palms. A slender foot slid up his calf, then thigh, both encouraging Dev and opening Macy to him.