Daddy Says, I Do!

by Stacy Connelly

  “A dinosaur,” Timmy breathed out as he held up his hands for the toy.

  “Yeah, a dinosaur.” Sam had recovered enough from the earlier moment to grin down at his son, and their matching smiles, the pure delight on Sam’s face, made it easy for Kara to realize how his family had realized in a glance that Timmy was his son.

  “Isn’t it great? I got those, too.” He swept an arm at another stack of boxes—ones with pictures of different-colored cars and trucks, all decked out with racing stripes and decals emblazoned on the front. “They’re models. I loved putting them together as a kid, and your aunt told me that you like puzzles.”

  “And you liked cars.” He’d been trying all along to find a way to connect with Timmy, but this time, he’d sought out common ground. Something they would both enjoy. Their eyes met over the little boy’s head, his green gaze searching hers.

  “It’s great, Sam, really.”

  The room was a better mattress, a single dresser and cartoon-covered comforter away from being the perfect room for a little boy. The perfect room for Timmy.

  Sam’s brows lowered as if seeing through her too-bright enthusiasm but the ring of his cell phone interrupted, and he offered a quick apology. “It might be someone needing a tow.” But as soon as he answered the phone, Kara read the concern on his expression and knew this wasn’t anyone calling for roadside assistance.

  With a promise to be right there, he snapped the phone shut. After seeing that Timmy was still focused on the new toys, Sam led Kara into the hallway. “That was Hope. Jake’s taking Sophia to the emergency room. She fainted, and they’re worried about her and the baby. She’d been having some kind of contractions, but she’s still not due for months....”

  Contractions...early labor...a baby born too small to survive...

  Kara swallowed hard at Sam’s words. Shadows closed in around her, but she read the fear in his taut expression and pushed the memories from her past back into their dark corners.

  “Go, Sam. Be with your family.”

  Reaching out, she grasped his hands and gave a squeeze. He turned his wrists to lace his fingers through hers, his palm warm and rough against her cold, clammy skin. His throat worked in a rough swallow before he gruffly said, “You know, my sister’s always been the runt of the family, but she packs a mean punch. She’s tougher than she looks. She’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

  Determination filled his voice, refusing to accept anything other than a healthy, happy outcome, but he couldn’t promise that. Bitter experience had taught Kara all the wishing in the world couldn’t keep heartbreaking loss at bay. How many times had she prayed for her daughter to fight, to live, for the doctors to supply a miracle to keep Ella alive? How long had she waited for someone, anyone, to tell her everything would be okay?

  Those words had never come, and yet, somehow, hearing them from Sam all these years later soothed a small amount of the pain inside her. Blinking back tears, she repeated, “You should go, Sam.”

  “I don’t know how long...”

  “Timmy and I will wait for you here.” Worry clouded his gaze, and she echoed back to him. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

  Using their joined hands to pull her close, he lowered his head for a quick, hard kiss. Her last statement seemed to echo in the silence he left behind, and for the first time in a long time, Kara found herself praying the words would come true.

  Chapter Twelve

  Sam spotted his family instantly in the hospital’s small waiting room. Huddled together in one corner, their faces reflected his own fear and concern. A quick glance confirmed the entire Pirelli clan, along with Hope Daniels, was there. He didn’t see his brother-in-law in the group, which had to mean Jake was in the back with Sophia. Was that good news? Sam wondered. Or bad?

  “I got here as soon as I could. Have you heard anything? Is Sophia—are Sophia and the baby okay?”

  His mother reached up to give him a hug. The scent of warm vanilla surrounding her was as familiar as it was comforting. “We haven’t heard yet. The doctor promised to update us as soon as possible.” She looked at her husband and all three of her sons. Sam guessed that Nick and their dad had already tried storming the reception desk more than once.

  “We just want to know what’s going on,” his father said, his whole demeanor more serious and somber than Sam could recall seeing.

  “I know. We all do,” his mother said. “But we have to give the doctors a chance to do their jobs.”

  Sam wasn’t sure how much time passed as they took turns pacing the small waiting room. Every moment dragged by until ten minutes seemed like an hour, and yet trapped in that slow-motion world, he swore his parents aged a year. If someone didn’t tell them something soon—

  His mother’s gasp interrupted his thoughts. “Jake! How are they?”

  Sam turned in time to see his brother-in-law step into the waiting room. Jake dragged his hands over his face and whispered, “They’re okay. They’re going to be okay.”

  His family erupted into relieved cheers, but even as Sam absorbed the blow to his back from Nick, his eldest brother’s version of a hug, he focused on his brother-in-law. No doubt Jake had been a rock for Sophia, strong and steady for the both of them. For the three of them. But now, with the good news delivered, he looked ready to collapse.

  “Do they know what happened? The contractions—”

  Jake shook his head at his mother-in-law’s unfinished statement. “According to the doctors, the contractions are normal and not something to worry about.” His dark frown seemed to say he would decide what was worth worrying about when it came to his wife and baby.

  “But she fainted.” Even dressed in her usual bright, flowing clothes, Hope appeared pale and subdued. “There has to be some reason why.”

  “She’s suffering from hypotension—low blood pressure. That’s what caused the dizziness and the blurred vision she had right before she fainted. They’re giving her some IV fluids right now and want her to take it easy for a few days.”

  “She won’t have to lift a finger,” their mom vowed. She and the rest of the family immediately started working out a schedule for someone to be at Sophia’s side at all times, giving Jake the chance to slip away.

  Sam followed his brother-in-law over to the windowed wall overlooking the parking lot. “Are you okay, man?”

  Sam had never questioned Jake’s willingness to love Sophia’s child—a child not biologically his own—but if he had, the relieved tears in the other man’s eyes would have answered him.

  “I keep thinking about what could have happened if I hadn’t been there.” As a private detective, Jake could make his own hours, but he also had to make frequent trips out of town.

  “You were,” Sam argued. “That’s what counts. You were right here when Sophia and the baby needed you.”

  That’s what counts.

  As his mother pulled Jake into another hug, Sam’s own words echoed through his mind with a certainty he hadn’t felt in a long time. Being there for Timmy was what mattered most. His concerns hadn’t disappeared, but the desire to raise his son, to be at his side when the boy needed him, overrode those worries.

  Another slap on the back brought the waiting room back into focus as Drew said, “Good news, huh?”

  “The best.” And looking around at his whole family gathered in support of his sister, Sam knew this was the life he wanted to share with his son. Not a few weeks here and there. Not over spring break or summer vacation. He wanted a full-time future with Timmy.

  The idea settled into his chest comfortably. A perfect fit as if his heart had already accepted what his mind had struggled to believe. He and Timmy belonged together. Father and son...

  He could picture it so clearly, and yet in his heart, he knew the image was incomplete. Kara be
longed there, too. By Timmy’s side and maybe, if Sam were lucky enough to convince her, in his arms.

  * * *

  “This isn’t about you,” Kara whispered, using the mantra like a shield to keep memories of the past at bay.

  After Sam left, she’d turned her focus to Timmy, making a game out of raiding Sam’s refrigerator to see what they could find for dinner. The little boy had wanted to feast on the containers of cookies and ice cream they’d found in the freezer. Kara wasn’t surprised—she already knew father and son both had a sweet tooth. But she’d also found several man-sized meals in the freezer, compliments of Sam’s mother, she was sure.

  After she and Timmy shared a pot-roast dinner, they’d gone back to the toys, where Timmy had thoroughly examined each one before, not surprisingly, wanting to play with the dino-robot. Kara never would have thought keeping a smile on her face and the right amount of energy and excitement in her voice could be so draining, but by the little boy’s bedtime, she was exhausted. She was able to coax Timmy onto the futon, telling him that they were having a sleepover at Sam’s and fumbling through some kind of explanation when he asked where she’d be sleeping.

  But now, huddled in a corner of the couch, with Timmy finally asleep, Kara could no longer fight off the images of the past. Relentless memories forced their way around her like an angry mob, jostling her from side to side, ready to knock her down and trample her beneath the unrelenting pressure.

  The emergency room...doctors and nurses rushing in and out...the panic and fear clutching at her as she prayed for her little girl....

  Kara lowered her hand from the locket she wore around her neck to her stomach. Perfectly flat now all these years later, but she could still remember how big she’d felt during those last weeks, how excited to feel the life moving inside, how she’d wished for someone to share that joy with her...only to later realize it was better that she’d been on her own. Better that no one else had to suffer the loss.

  But Sophia wasn’t alone. She had a large, loving family and caring friends to support her....

  The same large, loving family Timmy would have if he stayed in Clearville.

  Caught up in her thoughts, Kara started at the sound of the lock turning. Sam was back. Jumping up from the couch, she met him before he’d taken more than a step over the threshold. “How’s Sophia? And the baby?”

  The smile he gave was all the answer she needed, but he added, “They’re going to be okay. The doctor’s keeping Sophia overnight just to make sure, but she and the baby are going to be fine.”

  The wave of relief that washed over her was so strong, and yet not quite strong enough to keep the old sorrow at bay. “That’s great, Sam. I’m so happy for your family.”

  She whispered the last words, barely able to get them past the lump in her throat, and Kara knew she had to leave before she broke down.

  Sam’s smile faded into a concerned frown as he ducked his head to get a better look at her face. “Kara, what’s wrong?”

  “I just—I should go.”

  His brows lowered. “Go? What about Timmy?”

  “He’s sound asleep. I’d—I’d hate to wake him. He can stay here tonight. With you. I’ll come back in the morning before he gets up.”

  “What if he has another nightmare? What if he needs you?”

  “He needs you, too, Sam. All you have to do is hold him, tell him everything’s going to be okay....”

  Reaching out, he brushed a strand of hair from her face. His fingertips grazed the dampness on her cheek and only then did Kara realize she was crying.

  She tried to slip away, but Sam wouldn’t let her go. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her tight and cradled her against his chest. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  His voice was a low, soothing murmur. She could feel the warmth of his body through his cotton shirt, hear the strong steady beat of his heart, and oh, how she wanted to believe every word he said.

  “Sam.”

  She tried to pull back far enough to meet his gaze only to give a soft gasp when her necklace caught on one of the buttons on his shirt. They both reached up to untangle the chain, their fingers brushing. Her heart skipped a beat at the simple touch and then slammed against her rib cage as she realized she’d left the locket open and Sam was staring at the picture inside.

  She felt the blood drain from her face. She snapped the locket closed, her hand fisted around the tiny gold oval, but it was too late. Too late to hide from the memories she tried so hard to keep locked away, not because she was ashamed, but because even after so many years the loss was still so hard to face.

  “Kara.” Cupping her cheek in his palm, Sam lifted her chin until she met his gaze. Questions and answers swirled in his green eyes, and she braced herself, but instead of asking, he simply said, “I’m so sorry.” Compassion and understanding filled his voice.

  He wrapped his hand around her closed fist until her fingers started to loosen. Until the past stopped being something to hide and protect and became something she was finally ready to share.

  Opening the locket between them, she gazed down at her baby girl’s face, so fragile, so small, nearly hidden beneath the tubes and wires hooked to the machines that had failed to keep her alive. “Her name was Ella Marie Starling. She was my daughter, and she lived for thirteen days, seven hours and twenty-two minutes.”

  Sam guided her back to the couch and sank down on the cushion beside her. “Do you want to tell me about her?”

  “It’s been so long,” she whispered.

  “Then maybe it’s time,” he said gently.

  “It was my sophomore year in college,” Kara began. Her second year in, and she’d been struggling. Her parents had been disappointed with a less than perfect grade in calculus. In every conversation, they expressed their disapproval of her major. Teaching elementary school wasn’t prestigious enough for her surgeon parents. At the time, Kara had held firm to her dream of teaching little kids, looking forward to the day when she could open their eyes to the worlds of reading and writing. But deep down, she was afraid she might eventually give in to her parents’ demands—and lose herself in the process.

  “I’d been working so hard, and yet it wasn’t enough. Nothing ever seemed to be enough, and one night a friend invited me to a party. I’m not sure who was more surprised when I said yes. That’s where I met Curtis. He was smart and funny and popular. I never thought he’d look twice at me, but he did.

  “I fell for Curtis hard. For the first time in my life, something meant more to me than school and study and preparing for my future.”

  “And then you got pregnant.”

  Kara nodded. “I actually thought everything would be okay. Curtis was only one semester away from graduating, so by the time the baby was born, he’d be working full-time. He already had a job lined up at a nearby investment firm. I still had two years to go, but I thought I could go to school part-time those first few years. After that, our baby would have been old enough for daycare or preschool, and I could start teaching. I thought it would all work out.

  “But Curtis didn’t want to have anything to do with marriage or fatherhood. This was his last year of college and he was set to have the time of his life. Part of me couldn’t even blame him for his reaction. That always-ready-for-a-party side of his personality was what attracted me in the first place. So how could I fault him for being who he was?”

  Kara was briefly aware of Sam tensing at her side, but all he said was, “What happened after that?”

  “I still thought things would work out okay. Going to school and taking care of a baby on my own wouldn’t be easy, but I thought with a little help I could do it.” The little help she’d expected from her parents had ended up being very little indeed.

  “I was studying for midterms when the first pains started. I was still mo
nths away from my due date, so I thought it had to be something else. Anything else. But then the contractions started and they didn’t stop. I was rushed to the hospital, but nothing they tried worked....” Kara released a shuddering breath. “And that’s when Ella was born. She was so small, so weak...”

  Sam took her hand, and she gripped it, grateful for the anchor he offered. She could feel his strength, his support, his caring, everything she’d needed all those years ago.

  Everything she still needed now, Kara realized. After Ella, she’d stopped counting on other people, thinking her independence and self-reliance meant she was strong. But all it meant was that she was a coward, too afraid to open her heart and let anyone inside.

  “After Ella was gone, my friends tried to help, but they seemed to think I should have been relieved. Not that they used those words, saying things like ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ instead. My parents said the best thing to do would be to put it all behind me, so I went back to school, aced my midterms, and picked up where I’d left off, as if nothing had changed. But everything had, and I just didn’t realize it.

  “Later that semester, I was supposed to observe teachers in a school setting, and it took everything I had to set foot inside that elementary school. To see all those children, to look at their beautiful, happy faces and wonder. Is that what Ella would have looked like her first day of kindergarten? Is that how tall she would have been in first grade? Would she have wanted to wear her hair in those braids when she was in second grade? And I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be around children every day, thinking of all the steps in her life that she’d never had the chance to take. So I went back to school and to studying and ended up teaching college.”

  “And what about when Marti got pregnant and Timmy came along? Anyone can see how much you love him, but was that hard on you?”