Howling Shadows

by C. N. Owens

  “That's not silly. Maybe you can pick it up again.”

  She slowly and precisely lowers her leg and turns to face me. “I don’t know.”

  “If it makes you happy—”

  “My mom loved it. But I had to stop when my dad left us. Later, my mom had no money, no skills. That’s when…” She closes her eyes and looks away. “I didn’t know what happened at first, but I eventually discovered that she sold me to them.”

  “They told you that?”

  She nods. “They were all slave owners, but a few were kind.”

  “So, you don’t want to dance anymore because your mom liked it?”

  “No,” she says and sighs. “Do you really want to hear this?”

  I don’t respond. I can’t give her an answer. In truth, I don’t want to hear it, but another part of me wants to know the contents of her soul, everything that defines her.

  “My captors hired a tutor for me, someone they could trust so I could practice. I started out on websites, and that’s what I did.” She takes a breath. “I was the dirty little ballerina. Not only was I thirteen, but I was the pale flower that knew how to dance.”

  “I understand. I hope I never meet your parents.”

  “You don’t have to feel that way.” She reaches over and takes my hands. “It was horrible, but after learning what I am, from you and Cassie, I don’t think that was the reason my mom let me go. She knew what I would eventually be capable of.”

  “Selling you into slavery wasn’t the answer, even if she knew about you.”

  “Ever the protector.” Leila smiles. “I don’t regret what happened. I wish it was different, but it led me to you guys, so it’s not all bad.”

  “I understand, baby girl. I love how you see the good in everything. You make me want to be a better person,” I say and smile. “What do you want to do now that you are all grown up?”

  She takes a deep breath and looks out over the glassy water. “Well, considering everything that has happened these last few years, and now the last few months? I think I’ll just settle for happy. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.”

  “I agree.”

  “One other thing,” she says and comes toward me, nudging me into the chair again. It squishes in the mud under the additional weight as she climbs onto my lap. “I want to meet your daughter.”

  I laugh and tug at the seam of the shirt that swallows her up. “Bring a monster to meet my little girl. I’m afraid—”

  “You’re right. Never mind.” She looks away and moves to stand, but I stop her, feeling like an ass.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I forget how sensitive you are.”

  Her eyes lock onto mine again, and she smiles. “It’s okay. I’d be so excited to meet her.”

  “Why?”

  “Why wouldn’t I? I want to know everything about you.”

  “Leila—”

  “Trent, I’m in love with you, I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

  It’s time. “This is going to sound cold, but what if it’s not actually love you’re feeling?”

  “Yeah, pretty cold,” she says, insulted, but her expression changes. “Wait…” She says and shakes her head, laughing gently. “I’m such an idiot.” She takes my hand and rubs the stump where my finger used to be. “It's real. You never injured your hand. Your finger was taken, like mine, and you’re not a man at all.”

  I nod. “Instinct draws you to me.”

  She stands from the chair and walks away toward the water. I join her on the bank and stop behind her when the silence grows awkward. “So that means—”

  “I’ve been searching for the words, but I haven’t had the heart to tell you,” I say.

  “You smell human, and I’ve never seen you shift. How is this possible?”

  “I know.”

  “You were married… and a soldier in the Army,” she says, still shaking her head, seeming to replay all her memories of me.

  “I know, and if you’ll give me a second, I’ll explain.” I take her by the shoulders and turn her around. “I’m very old, Leila. I’ve spent twenty years trying to be human. This age is dangerous for our kind, so I learned how to control the change—I tried to give it up.”

  She reaches up and touches my face. “But you look so young,” she says.

  “I’m not old physically, but my soul has endured for two hundred years. I’ve always heard stories about female alphas, from Cassie. The last one was Sara, your ancestor. She died a century before I was born.” I reach for her and touch her cheek. Her skin is soft… Like so many rose petals, I think. “You’re everything that I’ve wished for… and then some.”

  “What about Bento?” she asks.

  “He was around before Cassie, and Raoul never told anyone his age. Alpha males are more numerous than females; Cassie and I follow them and keep them in check. None have survived, aside from him and me.” I pull her toward me. “I aim to keep you alive.”

  “That’s how you know so much about me. You must have incredible self-control.” She sighs. “I’m almost scared to see you as the wolf.”

  “I once believed Naamah had abandoned me. I’ve gone three years this time. A few times I’ve tried, but I haven’t been able to summon the will. If I never shift again, I’ll die a mortal death way before you, I can feel it.”

  “There’s nothing you can do?”

  “I’m not sure… Things have changed since you came around, I can feel the old urges; my sense of smell is coming back, and I’m regaining some of my strength.”

  “Some, of your strength?” Her brow furrows and she looks away, deep in thought. “So, this is instinct I’m feeling?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you love me?”

  I shake my head in disbelief. “Leila… don’t you see? I was yours the moment I saw your other half in that barn. I love you more than my next breath.”

  She nods, her eyes glassy, a toothy grin spreading across her face. “I guess I do… now. This can’t be just instinct; I’ve never felt this way before, about anyone. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up… You’re my best friend.” She looks down at my finger again. “Where’s your focus?”

  “Cassie has it. She's been my protector since I started shifting so long ago. We haven’t always lived together, but I always know where to find her. And she knows I don’t go looking for trouble. I tend to avoid people more than anything.”

  “I need to find mine,” she says.

  I smile. “You won’t have to look far for it.” I remove it from behind my shirt and show it to her. “I’ve kept it safe for you. I wanted things to happen organically between us. I didn’t want this to influence you.”

  She reaches for it but hesitates and shyly covers her nose and mouth with her hands. “It’s safe,” she says, whimpering. “If I can read minds, how have I not picked up on this?”

  I remove her focus, now attached to a chain, and place it in her hand. “I’ve been dodging mind readers for decades, and so has Cassie. You’ll learn the tricks, soon enough.”

  She wipes away a tear and sniffles, seeming as if she has been released from bondage. “I would’ve given it to you anyway.” She beams a smile at me. “We’re free now.”

  “Yes, we are. Cassie has a friend who owns thousands of acres of untouched wilderness. We can live there, and never come near people if we choose.”

  “I’ll never kill anyone.”

  “And hopefully we’ll be free from Bento.”

  “We can beat him, together.”

  “Not with a clan behind him. I’m weak, Leila. But it wasn’t always so.”

  Before I can say anything else, she leaps into my arms. “I don’t care about why I feel the way that I do. If this is how I feel, then it must be real. I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Will you teach me how to suppress the monster?”

  �
��I’ll teach you how to control it, but we can’t shun it completely. It was a mistake for me to do what I’ve done. I see that now.”

  “Can I have your focus?”

  “I’m afraid you’ll have to kill Cassie to get mine from her,” I say, chuckling.

  “I just might do that.” She reaches up, and our lips meet in a long, sweet kiss.

  I feel electrified with her arms around me. The beast, now seeming to wake in her presence, recognizes her scent, identifies with it. Whatever has just taken place—this unspoken agreement, this union… there aren’t words strong enough to describe the permanence of what has just taken place. My other half, now swirling around like a maelstrom within me revels in victory, and like the prelude to a climax, I can feel the seductive energy building, unstoppable.

  She takes a step backward. “There must be something I can do to wake the monster,” she says, letting her shirt fall off her shoulder while she fidgets with the buttons on my own.

  “You’re already doing something.”

  Her eyes shoot to my cabin. “Got a bed in that little house?”

  “Who needs a bed?”

  ***

  Leila

  “Can anyone see us out here?”

  He pulls off his shirt. “We’re alone for miles.”

  I reach for his pants, pop his belt loose, and feverishly push his pants off his hips. “What about hunters?”

  “You mean poachers?”

  “Whatever.”

  “If there was anyone out there, we would smell him way before he could see us.” He smiles. “Don’t worry, the only eyes on you are mine.”

  “That’s all I want,” I say, and let my fingers graze the scars I made on his chest.

  His muscles tighten with my touch; he goes rigid, and his skin flushes bright red before my eyes.

  “You’re trembling… everything okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I’m overwhelmed, that’s all.” I smile when he wraps an arm around me and we descend onto the long rough grass.

  I let out a moan when his fingers slide across stomach and stop where my thighs meet. I can almost feel the heat building. Veins rise all over his body, coursing his upper arms, traveling up his neck. He looks up at the early moon rising just above the trees.

  “Leila,” he says, his voice a guttural growl, never taking his eyes off the creamy white disk hanging low in the sky. I know what’s about to happen.

  “Can I join you?” I ask with a winded voice, and he looks back at me with gold eyes—a wolf’s eyes.

  He pulls me toward him with surprising strength. “Are you ready for this?” he asks, and bumps his forehead into mine.

  My entire body clenches. It hasn’t been long since the last time I shifted. “I don’t know if I can. I haven’t tried again this soon after.”

  “It’s all mind control. I don’t have to tell you that. Let it carry you away.”

  I nod. “I’ll try.”

  He pulls away and stands when his hands begin to contort.

  I jump to my feet and try to stop him. I want to share this moment with him… take it all in. I want to witness every second of his metamorphosis. “Hey, we’re the same,” I say, cringing at the pain of my own transformation. He jumps when I touch his arm. “You can't hurt me.” He looks at my hands and the claws sliding through the skin of my fingertips. They are always the first to emerge. “Look at me,” I say, but he snatches his arm away.

  “This is all new for me, as well.” He reaches for his shirt and balls my focus up in it. “I’ll see you soon,” he says, and takes off for the woods.

  I look over at his shirt sitting on the ground, and I know I don’t have long to get this over with. I stand, let my shirt slide off, and pad through the grass toward where he disappeared, trying to summon thoughts that make me emotional, but all I can think about is how stupid I feel, standing naked in the woods, wondering if anyone is watching. I hear a grunt somewhere out among the trees. It must be a wonderful feeling for him—old wounds will be healed; his strength will return. I can’t wait to join him, but all I can think about is how bad it hurts, the flesh tearing, and bones breaking.

  I look up at the moon and think about Vlad, remembering how he always smelled like cigarettes. He had a million keys—to all the kids’ rooms—hanging from his belt. I used to dread hearing that jingling sound outside my door. My skin flushes, I feel dizzy, like that moment right before you throw up, you know you’ll feel better once you do it, but you hate the feeling so much, you’d do anything you can to fight it.

  Bad feelings gone. My skin grows clammy and I begin to shiver. “I can’t do it!” I yell out into the woods. “Did you hear me?”

  I turn back to get dressed again, but freeze. A new scent—his scent—drifts out from the trees. I take in a lungful of it, and goosebumps raise across my body… my nipples harden. This scent; it speaks to me, like an intoxicating airborne fingerprint. There aren’t words or anything else to compare it to. It enters my lungs and is processed in my mind like another language. I turn again and see my mate—a massive, black silhouette stalking into the clearing. The moon is rising behind him; she’s not quite full, but she will be any day now. A fertile moon always intensifies the experience, and being with my other half, my partner, I’m ready for this. He focuses on me and scratches a long gash in the soft soil. It fills me with a combination of terror and exhilaration, but he’s quiet and calm, he recognizes me, and I wonder for a second how he can stay in this form so long with such a cool demeanor. When I’m the monster, all I feel is rage; in that form, I want only one thing: to kill everything in sight. I reach up to touch him but hesitate. Everything within me is screaming danger, we’re playing right into her hands, but I can’t stop… I refuse to stop.

  He shakes and lets out a big steamy breath that fills the air around us, and doesn’t move when I let my new claws graze the translucent skin underneath his coarse black hair. It appears wet, pulsing with veins and taut muscle. He looks down at me with his glittery-gold eyes and lets out a burbling growl. I feel so small in his presence, but otherwise safe, protected. Nothing could challenge us and win. The more I think about it, the more excited I become. Naamah’s words are fresh in my memory; we are terrible creatures from the bowels of hell, but I can't resist the urge to shift with him. The more I try to deny it, the more emboldened I feel. The process, bones breaking, excoriation—tonight, pleasure derives from the pain—it’s almost orgasmic. Naamah was so right. Instinct is undeniable. I want to spend the rest of my life at this hellhound’s side. I will do it, and I’ll destroy anyone who comes between us. Tonight… evil wins.

  The change within me is well underway. I’m probably six feet tall now, sprouting fresh fangs from bloody sockets. This is always the best part—the precious seconds before I change completely. I still feel human, but the animal has taken over. My vision is perfect, and I feel so powerful, as strong as a hundred men. Spending most of my time helpless and half-blind, it’s a nice change.

  “You’re beautiful,” I whisper, gasping for air, amazed by the sharpness of my vision, and in awe of the creature standing before me. “You’re my man.” I touch his muzzle, and like an electric shock, I go rigid. The urge to shift hits me so hard, I let out a loud moan and fall to my knees. I drop to all fours and let out a gurgling whimper as my legs break and twist under my weight. Trent’s giant tongue, nearly the width of my trunk, slides down my back from my shoulder blades to my backside before he trots away.

  The transformation completes in seconds. I take a few steps toward him, and he circles, sniffing the ground anxiously. I don’t move. He draws closer, beginning to pant, and nudges my belly before trotting around behind me.

  I remember why I exist: a child, a pure born alpha… it’s the only reason why I’m here. He paws my flank, takes in a deep breath of my scent, and all I feel is arousal. I want him, even more so as the wolf. My insides tighten and ache in anticipation, eager to feel the fullness, the
sweet pain of him inside me, and the sting of his teeth and claws digging into my skin. He turns, bears his teeth, and takes off into the woods. I have no choice but to follow.

  We run for hours, tearing through the woods, chasing scents, knocking over trees, wrestling over a kill, and loving the seductive taste of blood in this form. We can’t talk; we communicate on a completely different level, feeling what the other wants, many times before it even happens. Trent leads me back to the bank of the stream and collapses. I quickly do the same. I claw my way out of the remnant of the beast and drunkenly stand.

  Trent is waiting for me, feet away. Our bodies steam in the cool, damp air. We stare at each other as if it were the first time. It's obvious how the beast has restored him, his skin is drawn tight against the swell of his muscular chest, and his stomach could be chiseled out of wood. His scars have lightened, looking as if they happened ten years ago. I take a few small steps closer, and he closes the distance. I want to touch him, but I hesitate; the risks we’re taking are incredible.

  “Hey,” he says, seemingly in as much shock as I am. “You know what will happen if we take this further.”

  “Yes”—I wrap my arms around him—“and I don’t care.”

  He smooths my hair back and clutches a handful when he reaches my shoulder. “Say that again.”

  My breath leaves my lungs. “The world can burn around us. I just want you.” He grabs me and lifts me up, attacking me with kisses. Our lips are slippery and taste disgusting, but it doesn’t matter, I take in the whole experience, shuddering at the feel of his tongue grazing my teeth. All this time, I wondered why he didn’t take me as the wolf, but now, I realize that’s not how he wanted it.

  He steps into the water, and I gasp when he kneels, dipping me into the stream with him. “It’s freezing!”

  “Yeah, this is a cold spring,” he says while rinsing the icy water through my hair.

  “It’s beautiful, but it’s so cold.” I smile, shivering uncontrollably. “Trent, I’ve never willingly given myself to anyone,” I stammer with chattering teeth.