The Sanctuary

by Arika Stone

  I turned to him. “Your albums are here?”

  He lit a cigarette.

  “Don’t smoke in the house. It will ruin the resale value,” I chided him.

  “Don’t tell me what to do in our house. And yes, all of our albums have been released here.” He continued to smoke.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Does it matter? I wanted you to like me for who I am, not for my past. When we first started dating, I told you I was living off of my past success. I didn’t want to come back to this life.”

  “Then why are you still doing it?”

  “Don’t give me this shit, Eve. You know I have a contract to fulfill.”

  I glanced at the clock. There wasn’t enough time for this argument. “You could have delayed it until the company was sold so we didn’t have so much pressure on us.”

  “Why do you think I’m trying to rush things? I’m hoping to release the album by May so we can do a summer tour here. This way I will be done by the time you wrap things up. Do you think I want us to fail?”

  “No, but it would have been nice for you to share that part of your life with me. I know nothing of your music career except what you have showed me.” I tossed my bags over my shoulder. I had to leave.

  “You never asked. You never took the initiative to listen to my work. You could have found my music anywhere if you were interested.”

  His words stung. He was right. If I was interested, I could have easily found his music online. “I wanted you to show me. I didn’t want to pry into a life you wanted to leave behind.” I got up to leave. I was running late.

  “Stop the bullshit, Eve. Let the truth be told. You’re so wrapped up in your little world you don’t give a fuck. You may love me to death, but there is something missing. You don’t know how to care for anyone but yourself.”

  “That is completely untrue, and you know it,” I screamed and burst into tears. “If you felt this way, why did you marry me?”

  “I married you because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said calmly.

  Edward cleared his throat, making his presence known. “Eve, it’s past six.”

  “Come take a ride with me. I have to get to the gym.”

  “See, you’re putting the gym, you’re putting you, before us. We’re having a discussion here.”

  I dropped my bags. “Fine. Edward, you’re dismissed for the day.” I sat next to him again. “What have I done wrong? Tell me so I can fix it.” I was in a rush. I hoped he would make this quick.

  He lit another cigarette and inhaled half of it in a single breath. “I’m sorry I spoke in anger. I’ve been up all night, thinking. And the paper set me off.”

  “About what?” I asked him softly, reaching out to touch him. I knew he was upset.

  “I know how involved you are with your company. Your daily routine is booked, not just today, but every day. Where do I fit in? Why did I come here to spend extra time with you when you don’t care that I’m here? How are we supposed to work when you can’t even come home on time for dinner?” He took another drag of his cigarette. “You don’t see us as an us. You see this house as yours, my house as mine. Your life as separate from mine.”

  He walked to the counter, pouring another cup of coffee. “You once said our lives would be too chaotic for a relationship. I’m only beginning to understand what you meant. I’ve been willing to push back my responsibilities if you got pregnant, but I can’t see you doing the same if I needed you there.”

  “That’s not true, Val. If you needed me, I would be there for you in a heartbeat.”

  He placed his hands on the counter across from me. “Well, I do need you, Eve. I know going back to work is hectic, but I’m afraid you may revert to your old self and forget about me. Fuck, Eve, we haven’t been here a day, and our lives are already separate.”

  “You’re pissed because I wasn’t interested in sex last night, aren’t you?”

  “No, sex has nothing to do with this.” He placed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and squeezed it, shutting his eyes tightly. He sighed. “I tried to score more coke last night.”

  “What?” I was shocked. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because I’ve been in rehab twice for it already.”

  I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and dialed Vicki. “I won’t be in today. I’m not feeling well. Call me when you have a moment.” I hung up and walked to him. “Talk to me, Val.” I held his hand and brought him to the couch. “What can I do?”

  He shook his head and lit another cigarette. “This is why I said I didn’t want you to do blow. I was afraid we would both spiral downward. Only problem is, shit hit the fan four days after we partied, and I wanted more to kill the pain.”

  “What pain? What are you talking about?” His riddles concerned me terribly.

  “The pain of realizing how our worlds collide. The fear of losing you. You are my world; you give me something to wake up for. I can’t handle this again.”

  “Handle what?” His words frightened me.

  “The possibility of us drifting apart. Touring puts a strain on any relationship, but combined with your lifestyle, where does that leave us?”

  “It leaves us with faith. Faith our love will survive. We will make it through this. I love you, and I have no doubts about us.”

  “I’ve been here before, Eve.”

  “But I haven’t. Talk to me.” I curled up on the couch next to him.

  With those words, his heart poured out. When success hit, so did the parties, the groupies, and the drugs. He was dating his high school sweetheart, but she couldn’t handle the distance of touring and started dating someone else. The heartache fueled his next album, which solidified them as a successful band but, again, with success in the industry, comes parties. Two albums later, Kateriina brought a whole new dimension to his life, but she was completely psychotic, jealous, insecure, and co-dependent. When he returned home from touring, she accused him of cheating, and she left. He went to sleep, but she returned in a drunken rage and attacked him in the middle of the night.

  “So you see, I’d sworn off women and drugs until I met you.” He smiled, relieved to get it off his chest.

  “I assure you I’m not like them. You promised me last night it would be all right. What happened?”

  “I was alone with my thoughts. And when I think, it’s like a tumbleweed. Things keep rolling over in my mind.”

  “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. Selling the company, learning Finnish, applying for my residency. I hope you realize how much you mean to me. I try to take care of you too. Do I not do a good enough job to reassure you about my feelings?”

  “No, you do.” He lit another cigarette.

  I could tell things were starting to smooth over, but I wanted to make sure. “Do you want me to tour with you? I’m sure I could work something out.”

  “No, you have your own responsibilities.”

  “My responsibility is making sure we’re okay, and if that means taking time off of work, then I will do it. We come first. You come first.”

  He draped his arm over me and kissed me on the temple. “You know, if you'd left this morning, I probably would be using again today.”

  “That’s why I stayed home. I knew something was wrong.” I snuggled into him. “Is there anything I can do to help you not use?”

  “Be there for me when I need you.” He kissed me again. “I love you, darling.”

  “And I love you too.” I looked at him. “So now I’m home. What do you want to do?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Of course.” I laughed.

  “I’d like to sleep and maybe play this afternoon, but I’m afraid I have none of my equipment with me.”

  The thought of him dominating me was an instant turn-on. We hadn’t had a session since Christmas and make-up sex would be fun, even if it involved a little spanking. “I can go while you sleep and gather what you need.�
��

  He shook his head. “You wouldn’t know what I would need.”

  “So collar me and take me with you.”

  “You want to be dominated in public? What about your image?” He appeared concerned.

  “It’s cold out. I’ll wear a scarf.” I winked.

  “I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.” I saw temptation in his eyes. He was considering my request.

  “You’re right. I don’t. But isn’t that the beauty of it?”

  He eyed me before kissing me and rising to his feet. “I love you, Eve. I’m going to take a nap. I’ll consider your request.”

  “Yes, Sir.” I was happy to fulfill his desires.

  Chapter 42

  Five hours later, I sat in my living room finishing my meeting on my laptop. Val might have guilted me into staying home, but he couldn’t stop me from working if he was asleep. The meeting went exceptionally well. The Murdocks gave me cart blanche over their daughter’s wedding.

  As soon as the meeting finished, Vicki quizzed me. “What’s going on?”

  I sipped my coffee. “Nothing. What do you mean?” I glanced at the clock. If Val’s normal sleeping pattern was any indication, he would be up at any moment.

  “You know what I mean. Or did you not see the newspaper this morning?”

  “I saw it.” I knew, if I stalled, I might be able to change the topic.

  “And?”

  “And what?” I took another swig of coffee.

  Vicki snapped, “What has he done to you, Eve? You’re calling out sick from work. You’re acting irrationally. You just met him. You do this every day for a living. You know when relationships are going to work and when they aren’t. And even I can see he’s not for you.”

  “You don’t know him like I do.”

  “You’re not thinking clearly. You worried about Jude cheating on you, yet you marry a man who is offered free sex on a daily basis?”

  I loved when her feathers were ruffled. “I have no worries. He will be faithful to me.”

  “Come on, Eve, he’s a man. What man turns down no-strings-attached sex when there is no chance of getting caught? Or are you that desperate that you don’t care anymore?”

  Her words were fighting words. “Just because you got burned by Greg doesn’t mean all men are like that.” I was referring to her first love, the musician she dated when we were in college.

  “Don’t even go there.”

  “You made me go there,” I swatted back. I glanced up. Val had stepped into the room.

  Vicki’s voice boomed through the speakers. “I don’t get you. Jude offered you a stable relationship. You both live the same lifestyle, and he wants you back. The sex with Val can’t be that good.” The sarcasm dripped from her voice.

  “Why, hello, Vicki.” Val grinned at her as he stood in front of the camera, dripping wet from the shower, with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He loved to push her buttons.

  Vicki’s mouth dropped in disgust. “See, Eve, this is what I mean.”

  The towel “accidentally” slipped off his waist, revealing how endowed he was. “Oops, I seemed to have dropped my towel.” He snickered and leaned into the camera. “And yes, the sex is that fucking good.” He winked at Vicki. “She’ll talk to you later.” He slammed my laptop closed and faced me. “Now, where were we?”

  I cocked my head to the side and smiled. The sex was that fucking good. And I knew exactly where we’d left off.

  “Is Edward gone?” he asked, grabbing and tugging on his already erect cock.

  “Yes.” Although I wasn’t collared, I didn’t know if we had begun.

  “We’re not going out today. I’ll make do with what I have here.” He continued to stroke his cock. “I can picture us in the papers tomorrow headed into a sex shop. It would ruin your credibility.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” I sighed. His cock looked delicious dangling in front of me, and I longed to taste him.

  “Take your hair down.” He pressed his lips together as he watched me untie my hair. It fell across my shoulders in soft waves. “Good. Follow me.” He turned and headed into the bedroom, and I followed. “How do you lock this?” He gestured to the door.

  I punched in the combination, and the doors began to slide closed. Val walked to his luggage and retrieved my collar and a spool of rope. He turned and snickered. “I fibbed when I said I had nothing with me.” He tossed the rope onto the bed. “Come here, darling.”

  I stood before him, staring him in the eyes. This would be our first session as husband and wife. Would this session be more intense, or would he be gentle?

  He opened the collar and drew it around my throat, sliding it smoothly closed. His eyes didn’t leave mine. “You will be bound today, and I do hope you will comply.”

  “I will. But may I ask a question?”

  “When you phrase it right, you may.” His voice was firm but soft.

  “May I ask a question, Sir?”

  “That’s better.” He smiled, pleased at my words. “Go ahead.”

  “I’m not sure this is appropriate right now, but how did you get into this?” I didn’t want to stall our session, but after this morning’s conversation, I wanted to know more about his likes and needs.

  He paused, pondering my quest for knowledge. “Years ago I studied Jujutsu. Ropes were a basic restraining technique we learned, and I loved them. I explored their history and was taught the various positions.”

  He placed his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them lightly. “There is an artistic value to the visual it creates, which is highly erotic.”

  He sat down on the bed and patted it so I would sit next to him. “There is a psychological aspect to both the giver and the receiver. When you’re bound, you need to have complete trust in me and in yourself. If you give up control, you lose all inhibition, and it can be highly pleasurable. Allow me to pleasure you and I promise that you will experience a feeling you will always long for. I’m not here to punish you but to control your pleasure.”

  “If you would have explained this sooner, I may have been more receptive to this.” His words gave me a better understanding of domination.

  “Well…” He looked down at the bed and fingered the rope. “You never asked me. I suppose it was good in a way. You allowed me to do as I wished. But now that you understand it, perhaps you’ll trust me more and maybe you’ll reveal to me what I can do to please you.”

  “I’ve always trusted you.”

  He shook his head. “No you haven’t. You’ve used our safe word in every session we’ve had.”

  I didn’t have a rebuttal for him. If I did trust him, our safe word wouldn’t need to be used. “I submit to you completely now.”

  He chuckled. “You have to.” His voice lightened, teasing me. “You’re my wife, you have to obey.” We both laughed at his comment before he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. He fingered the rope. “Do you know what I had to do to make this ready for you?”

  I shook my head. It looked like ordinary rope.

  “You can’t buy any rope and use it. I made this especially for you.” He held it out for me to hold. “Go ahead. Hold it.”

  Placing it in my hands, he continued, “It begins much rougher. I singed the ends, tied a series of chain knots, and then used the sculptures at home to stretch it out. After a few days, I unraveled it and smoothed it using the canvasses like sandpaper. At that point it was fairly smooth, but I checked it again and burned off any rough edges so it wouldn’t cut you. To finish it, I rubbed it with oils to make sure you wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Do you realize what a labor of love that is?”

  “I had no idea it was such a process.” I ran my fingers over the hemp. It was strong and sturdy but had a certain silkiness I didn’t expect. Creating it was an art form.

  “And I have to do that to every rope I will make for you. This is only one thickness. If you ever tell me it’s okay to suspend you, I will need different ropes.”

>   “You want to suspend me?” I didn’t understand how that would be pleasurable.

  “Why not? I could suspend you into different positions and sculpt you. Make it a series for a show.” He smiled. It was obvious this was something he’d already thought about.

  “Let me get used to this first.” I continued fingering the rope.

  “If you ever feel any numbness, tingling, sharp pins and needles, or any pain, you need to tell me immediately. I doubt you will, but if you do, I need to know. It’s imperative so I can untie you quickly. Do you understand?” He placed his fingers on my chin, drawing my eyes to him.

  I nodded that I understood.

  “Good. Do you have any other questions?”

  “How are we to be equals when we don’t have a room to play here?”

  “When your collar is off, we are equals.” He ran his finger over my collar. “And I think this may be a long session. I am going to keep this on you even after I am finished.” He hooked his finger through the loop on the front of my collar, pulling me to my feet. “Stand up.”

  I stood as he asked, but for some reason, fear flooded my body. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was going to bind me for the first time or because I wouldn’t be able to get out of anything he requested me to do. My hesitation must have shown.

  “What’s wrong?” He looked at me, concerned.

  I shook my head and gazed down. I knew I had to learn to let go. But relinquishing complete control, especially in my own home, was a hard pill to swallow.

  He shifted his head downward and to the side, forcing me to make eye contact with him. “Hey,” he said softly, touching my cheek.

  But I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say.

  He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, and glanced around the room. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll allow you to speak freely. You do not need to ask for permission today.”

  I nodded that I understood but didn’t respond.

  “Now that’s going to get you into loads of trouble. Answer me when I speak to you.”

  “Yes, Sir.” I continued to look downward. He drew his hands around my lower back and placed the rope firmly on it.