Under His Watch: A Brothers Synn Novel

by Light, Victoria

  Bau handed Gustavo to me and found a way down to the next level of rocks. He was a good ten feet below, and I had to get onto my stomach to lower Gustavo to him. Bau reached up, but was a foot too short. "Drop him," he said.

  "You sure you got him?" I said.

  "Yeah. I got him."

  I gritted my teeth, counted to three, and then released Gustavo's carrier. He dropped into Bau's hands, gigging like we were playing a game. I exhaled with relief. "Jesus," I muttered. "Okay, coming down."

  I rotated my body and slowly attempted to shimmy down the boulder, digging my boots into the rock to try and find footing. Suddenly I hit a patch of ice-slick algae. My grip failed and, in an instant, I was falling. I landed on my feet, but the weight of my backpack hauled me down. I fell backwards, the top of the pack hanging right off the edge of the rock. I could feel it—I was about to topple over head first. Fuck! I thrust my hand out in attempt to grab something to save myself. I felt Bau's hand snag mine. He had Gustavo cradled in one arm, and the other was all that was stopping me from falling head-first to my doom.

  "Got you," he said. "Three, two..."

  He flexed his arm, his massive bicep bulging as he pulled me back to my feet. I stumbled forward, steadying myself against his body.

  "Jesus," I breathed. "Thanks."

  "You okay?"

  I couldn't help but grin. My heart was slamming with adrenaline. "Still alive."

  That's when I was struck by an urge to kiss him. I didn't, of course, but the desire was strong. Sparked by danger and fueled by his intoxicating presence, an old fire was renewed inside of me, threatening to burn hot.

  9

  Bautista

  The hut was empty and abandoned, like I'd thought. No one had been to it in a while, and it was starting to be reclaimed by the jungle. Inside was a moldy mattress, a folding table and chair, and some old fishing gear. We set up our camp inside and spread out a map on the table. Keeping up a healthy pace, we could reach our objective by the next day. But I needed a plan to get out of here. I didn't trust the road, not anymore, but there was no way we could leave here on foot. The bandits would likely set up some kind roadblock, knowing that we were out here. And there was the likelihood they were still tracking us now.

  I didn't know if I had enough firepower to take them on alone. And with Gustavo to protect, things were even more complicated. I should’ve ordered the damn explosives.

  I needed help.

  Ryan sat on the floor and watched Gustavo crawl around, gurgling and cooing excitedly as he went after a small gecko that scampered up the table leg. I got the satellite phone from my pack and punched in the number for home base. Three rings, and Sylus picked up the line.

  "Yeah," he answered.

  "Hey, bro," I said. "Listen... I've got a little situation here."

  I quickly briefed him on what we were dealing with. He listened quietly, and I could almost hear the gears spinning in his head, working out a way to get us out of our predicament. Sylus had always been the serious one. He'd been a reaper in the Marines Special Forces—a sniper—and one of the best. His level of focus was unparalleled by anyone I knew, as was his skill as a soldier. But he'd put down his rifle and backed away from death-dealing. Both he and Virgil had. I was the only soldier left. But it was impossible to take the warrior out of the Marine. I trusted him entirely. He would be able to call up the support needed to get us out of here.

  "I hope someone over here owes you a couple more favors," I said.

  "I'll make a few calls," he said. "Don't worry. I've gotta you out of there so that I can meet this man of yours."

  I laughed. "Whoa, whoa. Hold your fuckin' horses, bro. It ain't what you think."

  "I don't believe you," he said. "Alright, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Keep the line free." The call disconnected. Damn Sylus.

  Ryan was playing peek-a-boo with Gustavo, making all sorts of ridiculous baby talk to him. I had to smile to myself, it was too damn adorable.

  My man...

  How nice did that fucking sound? Ryan Everton as my man.

  Ryan picked Gustavo up and hoisted him into the air, sending the little baby into a fit of laughter. For just a moment I was no longer in a dank and humid jungle, sitting inside the musty ruins of some fisherman's old hut. I was somewhere else, seeing the possibility of Ryan Everton and I together. I caught a glimpse of what it would be like to see him as my man, a scene out of the domestic life I'd fantasized about so many times before. Our living room at the Synn ranch, together, with a baby... Our kid.

  Everything about it was completely insane. Especially the fact that I could still maintain these thoughts after he'd broken my heart.

  He looked over at me, slowly lowering Gustavo into his lap. "What happened?"

  "Sylus has to make some calls," I said, shaking away the fantasy. "For now, I think we can relax."

  "I could use some rest," he said. "It's all starting to catch up with me now."

  "I'm gonna go out and take a look around. I think we'll be pretty safe here. We're far enough off the road. I don't know about you, but I could sure as fuck use a bath."

  "God, yes."

  The huge pool at the base of the waterfall was startlingly clear and deep, the water a gorgeous sapphire color from the minerals deposited at the bottom. I set my rifle down on a rock and stripped off all my clothing.

  "I'll hold him," I said, walking up to Ryan.

  "Oh, Jesus. Bau, what the hell?"

  "What?"

  "You're fucking naked!"

  "I'm not taking a bath with clothes on. Come on, give him to me."

  It was funny how obvious Ryan was about keeping his eyes level. He handed Gustavo to me, and I removed his diaper and slowly walked into the pool, lowering us both down into the water. Gustavo squealed and kicked his legs.

  "There we go," I said to him. "Doesn't that feel nice, buddy? First bath."

  Holding Gustavo on my chest, I kicked out to the center of the pool where the spray of the waterfall misted my face. I turned back to see Ryan pacing by the shoreline.

  "What are you waiting for?" I shouted.

  Finally, as if after a great amount of debate, Ryan quickly stripped his clothes off and ran into the pool. He swam over, the shimmering water just barely masking his naked form. He dunked his head under and pushed his hands back through his hair.

  "You're not feeling self-conscious, are you?" I asked him.

  "I'm not as eager to be naked all the time like you are," he said. "Oh, this feels so good."

  "Nice driving back there, by the way. You really handled it."

  "Thanks," he said, looking pleased.

  "We've always made a pretty damn good team."

  His smile made my heart skip a beat. "I guess so."

  He sank down to let the water cover his mouth and then blew bubbles, sending Gustavo into a fit of delighted squeals. I passed the kid to him, and he bounced Gustavo in the water and zoomed him around as he made engine noises with his mouth.

  I paddled slowly around the pool, staring up at the towering canopy of jungle trees and the top of the waterfall. Its pounding roar was a blessing and a curse. It would conceal the sounds of our camp, but it would also make it hard to detect any intruders. I had to trust that we were far enough away from the road and any well-used paths that we wouldn't have to worry about being discovered.

  I got out and sat on a rock by the water's edge and used my bandana to clean my body. Ryan emerged carrying Gustavo, and I tossed him his clothes. He snatched them out of the bag and walked naked back to the hut. I glanced over my shoulder, sneaking a glance at him.

  When I returned to the hut, I found he'd set up a sleeping area for Gustavo on the floor and was warming a bottle of formula for him. It warmed my heart to see him taking care of the kid. Even if he said he wasn't interested in adopting, the guy was better with children than he gave himself credit for, and it was fucking adorable.

  Ryan looked up at me, bottle in his hand. "Oh,
you've got your clothes on."

  "You sound disappointed."

  "I remember when you used to walk around the base all naked. No shame at all."

  "Yeah? A nice memory for you?"

  He snorted but said nothing. I sat down next to Ryan and gently picked up Gustavo, cradling him in my arms. Ryan held the bottle out to him, and he took it in his pudgy little hands and sucked away. We sat silently, watching Gustavo happily drink down his meal. The little baby looked up at us with wide eyes.

  "Want to hold him?" I asked.

  "Okay."

  I passed him over. "You know... Damn kid's pretty cute," he said.

  I stretched out on the floor, using my pack as a pillow. "I hope his parents were able to get out of there alive. We'll find them. We'll make sure that he gets home to them."

  "Yeah."

  When Gustavo finished with his bottle, Ryan set him into little nest and then lay on the floor next to me. I could feel the heat of his body—or maybe it was just my imagination, so hyper aware of his presence. I closed my eyes, recalling the feeling of him against me, of holding him in my arms.

  "Hey, uh, listen," Ryan said. I turned to look at him. He was staring up at the ceiling, his expression tense. "No apology for what I did to you will ever be sufficient, I don't think. But I am sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

  My heart beat faster. "I know you're sorry. You've told me."

  "I owe you an explanation."

  "Yeah, you do. You owed me an explanation seven years ago, Ryan. Seven fucking years ago."

  "It's taken me a long-ass time to understand why I did what I did. But I realized that the explanation was simple—I was scared."

  "You were scared?" I repeated incredulously, trying to make sense of it.

  "I was scared. I guess the best way I can describe it is that I got cold feet. Like a... like a bride running out on her wedding. It was this crazy amount of pressure I suddenly felt, and I just couldn't handle it. I'd never had to deal with that before, so I guess running was the only thing that made sense to me to do."

  "I don't get it. What pressure?" I laughed. "It's not like we were getting married. We weren't even in an actual relationship. Right?"

  He looked at me and shrugged. "No, but it was the way that I felt."

  "The way you felt? How was that?"

  He sighed. "Goddamn. It's still fucking hard for me to talk about this."

  "Well, there's nowhere for you to run away this time. So you better just talk about it."

  He swallowed, exhaled, took a deep breath and exhaled again. "Oh, God."

  "Out with it."

  "Fuck, Bau. I was in love with you, and I couldn't fucking cope with that reality."

  I lay there, stunned. What? He was in love with me? He'd never said those words to me before. But it still didn't make any sense to me. In fact, it only made things more fucking confusing. Why the hell would he leave if he loved me? I opened my mouth to respond, when the satellite phone started to ring. We stared at each other, the words hanging heavily in the air.

  "Hold on," I said, finally. "You hold that fucking thought, alright?"

  I got up and picked up the phone, doing everything I could to keep my goddamn hands from shaking. "Sylus."

  "Hey, Bau." I could immediately tell from his tone that he didn't have good news for me. "Listen, I made calls to my guys over in Los Llanos. They aren't gonna do shit. It's fucking bullshit, but no one is willing to stick their neck out to do an actual extraction. Too many hoops to jump through is their excuse."

  "Fuck, Sylus," I said in a low tone, not wanting Ryan to overhear me. "Don't they get that we've got a fucking baby here? One of their own people?"

  "Their own government never even sent aid when the disaster happened. It's obvious they don't give a fuck."

  "Shit," I muttered. "Alright. So we're on our own."

  "No. You've still got me. And you've still got the rest of the Synn Services team. We'll keep working on this. You two just hang tight and stay alive. And keep your GPS beacon activated. I'll be tracking your position."

  "Copy that."

  I set the phone onto the map that was spread across the table. Shit.

  "That didn't sound like good news," Ryan said, coming over to the table.

  "No," I said. "It sure wasn't."

  "Nobody's coming?"

  "As of this moment? No."

  To my surprise, Ryan reached out and put his hand on my back. My lungs filled with air as I drew in a quick breath. His touch had that effect on me. It was electric, injecting life into my body. I would do everything in my power to keep him and that baby safe.

  "I'm sorry I got you into this situation," Ryan said.

  "Don't be. I'm just glad I'm here to get you out of this mess."

  We ate an MRE dinner and kept the lights out as the sun went down. With this new situation at hand, Ryan's confession faded into the background. I wasn't able to bring it up again; my thoughts were too caught up in how to keep us safe. If Sylus wasn't able to find some way to arrange an extraction, it would be up to me to fight my way out of here. The problem was that I didn't have any intel. I didn't really know what I was up against. If I were alone it would've been a whole different story, but with the two of them under my protection...

  Ryan and I lay on either side of Gustavo, keeping him safely between us. I closed my eyes and found myself quickly lulled to sleep by the gentle roar of the waterfall. Sleep, however, didn't last long. At least, it felt like I'd only been out for a moment. My eyes snapped open at the sound of Gustavo's wails, and I bolted upright, drawing the pistol I had by my side. I looked around, trying to get hold of my bearings. The moon glinted through the hazy window.

  Ryan sat up. "What's going on?" he asked.

  "I don't know. He's crying."

  We checked his diaper and found it clean. Ryan took him into his arms and tried to soothe him, bouncing him and rocking him. I made up a bottle of formula and tried to feed him, but Gustavo refused. His face was red and his cheeks were soaked with tears. Ryan and I looked at each other, bewildered.

  "What's wrong with him?" he asked me.

  "I don't know! I'm good with kids. It's not like I'm a fucking baby expert or anything."

  "Try singing to him."

  "Who, me?" I asked.

  "Yeah."

  "With my fucking voice? It’ll make things worse. Why do you sing to him?"

  "Shit, I'll give it a shot." He cleared his throat. "Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop..."

  Gustavo wailed louder, definitely not a fan of Ryan's crooning.

  "Okay, maybe not," Ryan said.

  "I've got an idea." I went to my pack and found the photo of Gustavo's parents. "Hey, buddy. Look at this. It's your mommy and daddy, see?"

  His reaction was almost immediate. He stared up at the photo, his cries abating into soft hiccups as tears streaked down his swollen face. I used my bandana to wipe his face, and soon he was only slightly fussing. Ryan gently rocked him and began to sing again, softer this time.

  "Rock-a-bye baby..."

  I found myself compelled to join him. I sang along, holding the photo so that Gustavo could see it. He never took his eyes off the picture until the moment he fell back asleep. Ryan placed him down into his bed, and the two of us sat down on the ground next to him. I placed the photo in a safe place where it would be in Gustavo's view.

  "Poor guy misses his parents," I said.

  Ryan nodded. He gazed down at the sleeping baby in front of us, seeming like he was very far away. Suddenly, at that moment, I understood everything: Ryan's fear, why he'd run away. Of course he'd be scared. The man had been abandoned at every point in his life, every person close to him turning their back to him when he needed them most. He'd loved me. It had to have been terrifying. I could only imagine the kind of fear that would clutch a man who'd only ever been hurt. A beaten dog would either recoil from or bite the hand that tried to caress it.

  I slipped my arm around him and hugged him against me. Ry
an relaxed into it as if it were the most natural thing to do, as if it were the only thing to do.

  "Ryan," I said. He looked up at me. "I think it's only fair that I confess something to you, too. The thing is, it's like, I've spent a lot of time searching. And, well… every man I’ve been with I was hoping could be a replacement for you. But no one ever managed to even come close to making me feel the way I felt about you. And…” I stared down at Gustavo, gathering my courage to say one final thing. Ryan watched me, waiting. "It's the way I still feel."