Now, here I sit on the edge of my bed with the most wonderful man in the world. No, it’s not some hottie I found walking the hallways; this man is going to give me drugs… my anesthesiologist. He’s been ordering me to sit still for a while now, but doesn’t he understand that I have a little monster in me that’s fighting to get out. I’m losing the battle with my son, and slowly coming to the realization that he’s the one that’s in control here; I’m merely along for the ride.
“Just relax, and in a few minutes you should feel some relief.” My savior smiled smugly as he removed his rubber gloves.
“My toes are tingling,” I mumbled. I was so tired I was starting to fall asleep now that the pain was subsiding.
“That’s normal,” the doctor chuckled like it was the funniest thing in the world, and all I wanted to do was throw something at him. If he hadn’t taken the pain away, I probably would have.
“Sleep, honey,” my mom soothed as she wiped my forehead with a damp cloth. “You’re going to need your strength.”
“For what?” I yawned.
“You have to push that baby out,” she laughed lightly. It wasn’t really all that funny, but I think she was amused at my reaction to childbirth. It was as if everything I’d studied and learned about the process was nonexistent. I couldn’t remember what I was doing, or how all this was going to go. All I knew then was the pain had stopped, and I could finally get some sleep.
I don’t know how much time passed while I was resting, but I was awoken to a nurse poking and prodding around between my legs. It didn’t hurt; it was just startling and not the way I wanted to be awakened. I mean, if I was snuggled in bed with mystery guy and he wanted a little morning action, well, I could totally go for that, but this? No, this was not the way to wake up.
“Good morning, Miss Tanner. It looks like you’re ready to push. Let me get the doctor in here, and we’ll get this baby out.” A different nurse from the ones I’d seen when I arrived smiled at me.
“Now?” I swallowed as panic began to set in. I wasn’t in pain, but knowing my time of being childless was rapidly ending was sending me into panic mode. In about five minutes, I was going to have a whole other person to take care of. What the hell was I going to do?
“It’s gonna be ok,” my mom soothed. “Once you see that baby, you’re gonna forget all about this—” she waved her arms around. “All you’re going to want to do it make his life perfect.”
“I’m not ready,” I squeaked.
“Yes, you are. It’s instinct, Ally. Your instincts will take over, and you’ll be fine.”
I was glad someone had some confidence in me because I felt completely overwhelmed and slightly angry that this baby’s father was nowhere to be seen. I wasn’t allowed to stew very long though. Dr. Roberts breezed through the door smiling as she adjusted her gloves and had a nurse help her gown up.
“How are you feeling Ally?” She cheerily grinned as she took her position between my bent knees. I don’t know why doctors think you want to talk to them when they’re staring at your lady bits. Do they think they’re making you feel better?
“Oh, just peachy.” I rolled my eyes and flopped back against the pillows behind me.
“Well, it shouldn’t be too much longer.” She smiled again as she directed the nurses to each hold a leg while my mother stood beside my head.
Once the pushing commenced, it all kinda blurred together, but before long, Dr. Roberts was placing a squirming wet bundle of baby on my stomach. His little arms and legs were angrily jerking around as the nurses wiped him down with towels. I watched as his eyes blinked a few times before he tested out his lungs and began wailing.
Hearing my baby cry set something inside of me in motion. I never thought I’d feel this attached to something so fast, but as he cried, I cried right along with him. It wasn’t for the same reason, but the love I felt for him was fighting to get out, and tears seemed to be the only way to express that.
“It’s ok, buddy,” I whispered as I ran a finger down the side of this face. He quieted, and the nurses lifted him to wrap him up. When they handed him back, his eyes opened, and he stared at me. “Hey, Caleb,” I sniffed as I wiped my own tears away. “It’s Mommy.” He released a yawn, his mouth opening and closing a few times. It was as if he wanted to answer me back, but wasn’t sure how.
When he started to whimper again that instinct my mom talked about kicked in. I lowered him to my breast, and he immediately latched on. I wasn’t so sure about the whole breast-feeding thing when I read up about it, but Caleb was a natural. I’d heard the horror stories, but had decided to try. I wanted to give an honest try with everything. I knew that I owed him that much. If I was going to do this by myself, I needed to try everything. My mom had laughed at first. She’d said it was a good philosophy, but to get back to her when he was learning to walk and into everything. She said I’d be reevaluating my whole ‘no TV’ at that point. I don’t know, maybe I will but for right now I was firm in my ways.
Caleb nursed for only a few minutes before he fell asleep, and the nurses took him to have a bath. I fought my tiredness, but my mother convinced me that I should nap while Caleb was gone. She assured me that he’d be fine, and I needed my rest. I wasn’t going to argue, and as I drifted off to sleep, my head was filled with all the things I pictured in my son’s future. I was going to be a great mom. I could do this. I had to do this. We’d be ok with or without a man in our lives.
Chapter 4
Alison
1 Year Later…
When my phone vibrated with a text from Angie last night I had to do a double take. I haven’t heard from her in over a year, and last I knew she was in California with Alex. Now, she says she’s back and wants to meet for coffee. Luckily, I was able to ask my mom to watch Caleb. I’ve got my own place now, but Mom lives exactly two blocks away. I’ve timed it down to the second. I’m much more confident now, but for a while I had her on speed dial.
ooooooooo
I was running a few minutes behind and slightly frazzled when I stepped through the door of Cool Beans. This place had been our hangout back in the day, and it felt surreal to be coming back. I hadn’t set foot in the place since I was in high school. The chocolate and coffee smells that filled the air hit my senses like a ton of bricks, taking me back to those carefree days. When I spotted Angie sitting at a table in the back, I couldn’t help but squeal in delight.
“Angie!” I called and I watched her jump at being startled.
“Ally.” She grinned as she turned to face me. “You look great!”
“Ha!” I scoffed. “Tell that to the men that blow me off for second dates.” I rolled my eyes and leaned over to hug her. If she only knew how much my life had changed since we’d last talked. Caleb changed everything when he popped into my life.
“How have you been?” She smiled as she shifted on her seat. She was glowing and happy. It was nice to see her smile. She hadn’t done that much growing up.
“Busy. You know, work and stuff.” I shrugged as I moved to take the seat across from her. I’d been working as a freelance designer for a couple of small local businesses. It wasn’t what I’d gone to school for, but I loved it, and I was learning as I went along.
“Got you a mocha.” She pushed a paper cup across the table to me. “That is still your drink, right?” She looked slightly worried when I frowned, but I couldn’t hold it back and began giggling. Angie always could see through my bullshit, even the small stuff.
“Yes, this is heaven’s nectar.” I sighed as I lifted the cup and sniffed. “Too bad you can’t have one.”
“Just another two months and I can.” She caressed her belly.
“So how are things?” I tilted my head to the side and stared at her. I really didn’t know what was going on in her life. We’d lost touch so long ago, and now it was like there was this whole missing piece. We’d fallen into easy conversation, but I wanted to know everything. I wanted what I used to have with her. I crav
ed it. I loved Caleb, but he consumed my life. Between him and work, I really didn’t do anything else. Thoughts of Angie having a baby soon brought the possibility of us being close again and having another common bond.
“Fine,” she murmured as she sipped her tea. Something was bothering her. I didn’t know what, but I knew the signs. She was hiding something. We knew each other so well that even though time had separated us, we could still read one another like we did in high school.
“Spill.” I narrowed my eyes. “Is it Alex? Cole?”
“Worse,” she muttered. “Wes.”
My back straightened as I sat up and stared. This was news. Angie had been pining away for Weston McKay for most of our lives. She’d crushed on him in grade school then fell head over heels in love in high school. By the time Wes noticed her, he’d been a dumbass and screwed it all up. Other than a few kisses, nothing had ever come of it.
My eyes darted from her face to her belly as all the possibilities began to run through my mind. My mouth dropped open, and I blinked a few times. “Wait! What?”
“You heard me,” she muttered. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He walked away months ago. He said he loved me, and then the first time it was challenged he walked away.”
“Whoa,” I shook my head as I tried to process the information. “So you move back here, don’t bother to call—” I narrowed my eyes on her— “and the love of your life finally notices, and what? You let him push you aside?”
She huffed as she squeezed her eyes shut. “I didn’t let him do anything. Ally, it’s a mess. He finally told me how he felt only after he followed me around for days. Then he helped me move back here from California. I pushed him. I pushed him hard. I wanted him to give in to me. He wanted to tell Cole first, but I pushed. I caused this.”
“Last I checked both your brother and Wes were grown men. They may act like kids, but they’re adults. Whatever happened is most certainly not your fault.” I shook my head as I leaned back in my chair. These two had always been a mess, and I seemed to be the only one in all of this that could see past the BS. They were both so blind to one another that it was exhausting at times to be involved, but this was my best friend.
“How do you know that? You haven’t even been here when it’s all been happening,” she grumbled.
“I know you.” I sipped my mocha. “And I know them. Cole may be a jerk sometimes, but he loves you and Wes.” I sighed before leaning forward and placing my elbows on the table. “He’s loved you for years. He’s just stopped fighting it.” I smirked before lowering my voice. “Go after him. Stop giving him the space he says he wants. He’s only hurting both of you and prolonging the inevitable.”
“I don’t even know where he is.” She shrugged. “He hasn’t been at the gym in over two months. When I stopped by the last time, Joey said he was taking time off to get his head together. He wouldn’t tell me anything else.”
“Sounds like we need to get our old investigative team together,” I giggled, and she quickly joined in as memories of our childhood escapades flashed through my head.
“Double A on the job.” She saluted as we laughed together. “Ooh.” She reached down, and rubbed her belly.
“Is it moving?” I perked up at attention.
“Yeah, Wanna feel?” She stood and moved over beside me. “Here.” She grabbed my hand and placed it on the side of her belly just as the baby moved again.
I smiled as the baby moved around doing what felt like flips. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
She shook her head. “No, the last time I went to the doctor they tried to see, but the baby isn’t being cooperative. Cole says it’s stubborn like me.”
“It’s none of my business, but what does Alex think about you moving away with his baby?” My face went from playful to somber.
“He doesn’t know,” she murmured as she sat back down. “I don’t want anything from him. Not money, nothing.”
“Angie, you need to tell him,” I sighed as I shook my head. I couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of jealousy over the fact that she knew who this baby’s father was. She knew where he was and wasn’t even taking advantage of that knowledge. I would have been beating down mystery guy’s door if I knew who he was. “Even if you don’t ask for anything, he has a right to know.”
“He slept with another woman in my bed. He accused me repeatedly of cheating on him. He doesn’t deserve anything. I’m going to raise this baby by myself.” She crossed her arms over her chest defiantly as she scowled at me. “I thought you’d be on my side,” she mumbled. “I thought you’d understand.”
“I do.” I glanced away to stare out the window as I thought about how much she didn’t know. How much I did understand what it was like to be a mom, to have someone rely on you for everything, to have all those pressures every day. “I understand better than you think.” I sighed as I tried to pull my thoughts together to tell her.
“Obviously not,” she grumbled as I bent down and rummaged through my purse. I figured I might as well be blunt and just get it over with. When my fingers brushed over my wallet, I pulled it out and began thumbing through it until I came across his most recent picture.
“This is Caleb.” I pushed the small wallet-sized photo across the table in front of me. “He’ll be one next month.”
“Ally?” She blinked a few times as she stared at the picture of him. It was taken at Easter, and I’d dressed him in a little sweater and pants set. Although taken several weeks ago, it was my newest. “When did this happen?”
I rolled her eyes as my sarcastic wit fought to make an appearance. “About a year ago. You can do math, right?”
She shook her head as she continued to stare at the picture. “You know what I mean.”
“Well,” I looked away as I let the words slip out. “We really haven’t been that close since you’ve been gone. I didn’t think you cared. Things have changed over the years for me. My mom’s been a big help, more help than I thought she’d be. There was no ‘I told you so’ when I got pregnant. She was there for me. We’ve made it work.” I shrugged as I took the photo back, gave it one last glance, and then placed it back in my wallet.
“Are you together with his father?” She folded her hands on the table.
“Um. No. Caleb is the result of a one-night stand.” I cringed as I said the words out loud. This was easy to admit to a stranger, but not my best friend. “At first, I was embarrassed that I didn’t even know his name, but then I realized what he gave me… a beautiful baby boy. I tried for months to find the guy. Went back to the bar where we met, hung around hoping to remember something from that night.” I tossed my hand in the air as I let the words tumble out of my mouth. It felt therapeutic to let go to someone. Other than my mother, no one really knew the whole story. “Nothing ever clicked. The fact that you know this baby belongs to Alex is a blessing. You can tell him or her when they’re older that they were created out of love. That you and Alex wanted them, that they weren’t a mistake.” I cringed again when I uttered the last word. “You have it better than you think. What does Wes think about the baby?”
“He claimed it didn’t bother him that I was pregnant. He said the baby would be loved, but now I’m not so sure I believe him. I can’t be with someone that just runs away like that. What if the baby grows attached to him, and then he just up and leaves one day because he gets upset? What do I tell my child?” Her voice rose in a panic.
“That’s not something I can answer for you,” I sighed. “You need to find him, talk to him, tell him these things, and then tell Alex he’s going to be a father. Trust me. Tell him you don’t want anything, you just wanted him to know. Let him decide where to go from there.”
She nodded in acceptance, but I could tell she wasn’t sold on the idea. “I guess you’re right.”
“I’m always right,” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood as I finished off my coffee and turned to toss the cup. “Let’s go. I haven’t seen that fine brother o
f yours in ages.”
“He’s with somebody now, and trust me, you aren’t getting between them. Cole is completely in love with Maddie. I’m surprised he hasn’t proposed.” She too stood and tossed her cup.
“Huh,” I nodded. “Maybe I can have a little fun with that.” I was not the type of woman to move in on someone else’s man, but I was all for making Cole a little uncomfortable.
She shook her head at me. “I needed this. Thanks for meeting me.”
“Anytime, sister, anytime,” I giggled as I held open the door and we escaped out into the afternoon sun.
ooooooooo
After leaving Cool Beans with Angie, we both decided to stop by McKay’s Gym. Angie was hoping that with my help we could convince Joey, the desk clerk, to spill the beans about where Wes was holed up. Angie knew I always had a way of convincing people to tell me things they didn’t want to share. It was like a few well-placed caresses and some soft-spoken words and guys would just melt for me. It was a gift, what could I say?
“Leave this to me.” I winked as we walked through the door, and she pointed me in the direction of the front desk. I grinned at her over my shoulder and licked my lips. Game time.
“So, I’m interested in getting a membership, and my friend here told me this was a great place to work out.” I leaned against the counter of the front desk. My elbows were on the edge, and the way I was leaning over the desk caused my breasts to squeeze together and almost spill out of the top I was wearing. I hadn’t known when I got dressed this morning that I was making such a good choice in attire.
“Just a min…” Behind the desk, the man’s voice trailed off when his eyes lifted and he saw me. “Um,” he swallowed. “You need to fill this out.” He shoved a clipboard in my direction.
“So…” I squinted my eyes as I stared at the nametag pinned to his shirt. Angie had told me all about Joey before we came in, and about how he kept shutting her down. “Joey is it? Do you teach classes here?”
Broken Pieces (The Broken Series Book 4) Page 3