Broken Pieces (The Broken Series Book 4)

by Heather D'Agostino

  “I don’t know,” I mumbled.

  “Well, you need to decide,” Wes murmured before walking past us and out the door.

  “You guys aren’t fighting about me are you?” I sipped my coffee as I watched Angie.

  “Did it sound like we were fighting last night?” She smiled.

  “You know what I mean,” I grumbled.

  “No, we’re not fighting but… Carsen is a friend of his and Joey works for him. It’s causing some tension at the gym. He’s trying to stay out of it, but he wants to be a good friend to them both.”

  “I’m really sorry.” I let my chin drop as my son decided to wake up.

  “I’ll get him.” Angie grinned. “Finish your coffee.” And just like that she was rushing up the stairs.

  When she reappeared with Caleb on her hip, he was smiling and clapping. It was as if they’d been friends forever. I guess like me, Caleb sensed that Angie was someone special. He didn’t usually go to people he didn’t know, but he surprised me every day. She slipped him into Riley’s high chair before shuffling into the kitchen to fix him some Cheerios and a sippy cup of milk.

  “I hope all the girlie stuff doesn’t give him a complex.” She laughed as she handed him a princess sippy cup.

  I waved her off. “He doesn’t know the difference yet.”

  “You’re probably right.” She giggled again as she moved back to her previous spot. “So, about this decision you need to make… I think maybe pizza is in order and some ice cream. We’re going to have one of our old-fashioned girls nights tonight. Wes is going to keep Caleb upstairs, and you and I are going to figure this out if it kills us.”

  “You sure he’s going to be ok with that?” I tipped my head to the side as I studied her.

  “Yeah,” she grinned. “He knows I’ll thank him later,” she murmured into her cup.

  “Gross.” I made a gaging noise, but inside I was smiling. My best friend was back in my life, and I don’t know how I’d survived all those years without her.

  Chapter 18

  Alison

  So I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve stayed at Wes and Angie’s place for a month. Yeah, you heard that right. The time passed faster than I’d hoped. Each day when I turned on my phone to check my messages, my heart broke a little. My mother did what I asked, she didn’t tell a soul where I was. I thought after the days began to run together that Carsen would be too busy to worry about me, but I was wrong.

  Each morning, I’ve had a message on my voicemail from him asking if I was ok. He’d call after practice each night on his way home. He’d tell me about his day, and what was coming up for the team. He’d beg me to call back, or at least answer the next time the phone rang, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t have an answer yet. I didn’t want to give false hope, and I didn’t want either of us to suffer more than we already were.

  Joey was a different story completely. I got a few random texts and some phone calls, but after the first week they stopped. He’d left one drunken message that first week saying he was going to give me exactly what I asked for… time and space. He wouldn’t bother me unless I contacted him, and he hoped that I would. He went on babbling about how he thought he loved me and he wished I felt the same, but he was going let me go. He said something about if I loved him, I’d come back.

  I know he was talking about the whole ‘if you love them let them go and if they love you they’ll come back’ thing. I did love him, I think, but I had feelings for his brother too. Carsen was making sure that he stayed on my mind. I know I was torturing myself, I didn’t know how to not do what I was doing. Could I walk away from both of them? Angie had suggested that I take time to myself; that I stop trying to choose and just work on me; maybe date them both casually. That suggestion did not go over well with Wes. He told me that leading both of them to believe they had a future with me was cruel, and I kinda agree with him. This is what’s led me to my current situation… Ignoring them both.

  I figure if I don’t talk to them, my heart won’t be so confused. I’m waiting to be all right because right now all I want to do is cry. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I am. I’m hurting all of us. I know I need to make a choice. If I’m going to choose one, I need to do it so the other can move on before much longer. I don’t want to hear the desperation in Carsen’s voice when he calls tomorrow. I don’t want to hope that I hear from Joey only to be let down. I don’t want to see the look of pity I get every morning from Wes when he comes in from his morning run, and I don’t want to hear Angie ask me how long I’m staying. I don’t have an answer for any of them, and all I want right now is to be able to find one.

  “I want you to be happy.” Those were the final words of Carsen’s message this morning. He’d paused for several seconds at the end of his daily voicemail before uttering those words. Happy… I wasn’t sure what that felt like anymore. I felt joy every time I looked at my son, but happiness? I’m not sure I’ve felt truly happy in years.

  “Are you going to be ok tomorrow?” Angie’s lips thinned as she wiped the counter in the kitchen. We’d been in here while she pretended to clean for the last hour.

  “I’m fine.” I stared out the window. Snow was softly falling around the lake, creating the perfect winter wonderland. I’d been watching and waiting for the past few days for the gray clouds to finally bring the winter that had been promised on all the weather stations.

  “You know you can’t back out right?” She tipped her head and studied me.

  “I’m not backing out. You’re my best friend,” I grumbled. “I’m in this whether I like it not.” I was Angie’s maid of honor, and she’d been reminding me every day that I had to be at the wedding.

  “Gee, thanks.” She tossed the rag in her hand down before rounding the counter and dramatically throwing herself across the couch in the living room.

  “Well, aren’t you the drama queen today?” I laughed as I moved to sit across from her.

  “I miss him,” she pouted. “Whose idea was this again?”

  “Yours.” I pointed at her and shook my head. “What was it you were telling me yesterday when I told you that you were going to regret this? Oh yeah, you said, and I quote, ‘I want it to be special and this is the only way to do that.’ Still feel that way?” I snickered.

  Tomorrow is the wedding, and Angie had the bright idea to kick Wes out of the house today. He drove into the city and is staying with his parents until the wedding tomorrow. I spent the morning packing my things because despite Angie insisting that I could stay, I think it’s time for me to go home and face the music. She and Wes are leaving for their honeymoon in two days, and I’m not staying here while they’re gone.

  Riley and Caleb have been napping for the morning, and Angie’s trying to keep busy, but she’s really driving both herself and me crazy. “Talk to me.” I patted her leg. “What’s up?”

  “I miss him,” she whined. “This was a dumb idea. I can sure think of some stupid stuff, huh?”

  “It’s not dumb, and once tomorrow afternoon gets here, you’re going to be happy you did it,” I laughed.

  “Oh laugh it up.” She narrowed her eyes on me. “You’re just happy that you don’t have to listen to us tonight,” she giggled. This was true. Angie and Wes went at it most nights to the point that I now kept earplugs on my night stand.

  “Really though,” I smiled at her. “What are you worried about? You love him. He loves you. He adores you, Angie.”

  “He does love me,” she sighed and smiled wistfully as she leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I just hope that this doesn’t change things.”

  “And why would things change? You’ve been living together for over a year. He takes care of Riley like she’s his. What would be different?” I was lost here. I didn’t see what she was upset about. But I’d been so lost in my own problems that I didn’t see much of anything these days.

  “I don’t know. I’m being stupid,” she mumbled as she rolle
d onto her side and hugged a pillow to her chest. She leaned forward and sniffed it before sighing.

  “What?” I watched her.

  “It smells like him,” she grinned dreamily.

  “Ugh,” I rolled my eyes. “You have got it so bad. I think this is worse than the night he first kissed you. At least back then you didn’t get all gooey.”

  “That’s because I didn’t think it was real, and we hadn’t told my brother.” She threw the pillow at me before sitting up. “Want some ice cream; I’m hungry.” She stood and rushed into the kitchen, causing my head to spin with her mood swings.

  “It’s lunch time, Angie. We can’t have ice cream for lunch,” I called out.

  “Sure we can, Mom,” she shouted back. “Besides, if you’re gonna ever make a decision it needs to be made with chocolate.” She rounded the corner holding a carton in one hand and two spoons in the other. She did have a point, but if I ate ice cream every time I thought about those two, I’d be the size of a bus by now. “Trust me.” She lowered herself back down on the couch. “This is better than the other option.”

  “And what option is that?” I smiled at her.

  “Alcohol.” She laughed as she scooped up a bite and stuffed it in her mouth. “Your turn,” she grinned at me.

  ooooooooo

  Carsen

  “Are you sure that you don’t need extra security?” I huffed as I tugged at the tie around my neck.

  “I’ve got it covered.” Wes’ voice came through the phone. I had him on speaker. I’d called that morning worried that if I showed up at this wedding, I would bring the paparazzi with me. Wes didn’t need it, and I sure as shit didn’t either. “You know, you’re not the only athlete at this wedding today. I’m kinda popular too,” he teased.

  “I know, man. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just don’t want my drama messing with your day. I know you’ve been waiting on this.” I tugged again and finally gave up when I realized the silk wasn’t going to loosen any more.

  “Seriously, don’t worry,” he reassured. After a few seconds of silence, he cleared his throat and asked the one question I’d been waiting for. “So have you talked to her lately?”

  “She won’t take my calls.” I blew out a breath and scratched at my chin. “I talk to her voicemail, if that counts.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business,” he mumbled.

  “No, it’s all right. I know you’re trying to keep your mind off what’s happening in a little while. You’re not getting cold feet, are ya?” I teased. If I knew anything, it was that Wes was completely in love with Angela. He looked at her like my father looks at my mother. I’ve heard bits and pieces of their story when we’ve worked out together, and I know he resisted her for years. She eventually wore him down, and I’m hoping that I can do the same with Ally.

  “She’s coming today. You know that, right?” Wes broke into my thoughts.

  “I figured as much,” I sighed. I knew Ally was Angie’s best friend. According to Wes, they’ve been joined at the hip since childhood. I found out at the bachelor party last night that she’s been staying with them. I don’t think Wes would have said anything if he hadn’t been drunk off his ass, and I’m wondering now if he even remembers.

  “Well, I gotta go. I’ll see ya at the church, and don’t worry about security. I’ve got it covered,” he reassured before clicking off the line.

  The fact that he was prepared made me feel a little better, but I was still twisted up over the mess happening to me. I don’t know how I got here, and I have no idea how to fix it. I want her to pick me, but if she doesn’t, I think I’ll be ok. I love my son, and I know if she gave me a chance, I could love her too.

  If I hadn’t been so lost in my head, I probably would have heard the knock the first time it happened, but I didn’t and now someone was pounding on my door. “I know you’re home. Let me in!” his voice bellowed. “Carsen!”

  “Hold the fuck on!” I growled back as I stomped toward the front door. I did not have time for him today. “What?” I barked as I swung the door open. Snow was blowing around, and he was hunched forward, clutching his coat around his middle. He stomped his feet to bang off the snow before peering up at me through his snow covered lashes. It reminded me of when we were kids, and how I would send him to ask our mother if we could stay out longer.

  “Can I come in?” His voice cracked as the cold wind whipped around. I rolled my eyes as I stepped back and motioned for him to enter. “Thank you.” He rubbed his hands together before reaching up and tugging his hat off. “It’s fucking cold today.”

  “Un huh,” I shook my head. “What are you doing here?” I turned, took a deep breath to calm my temper, and then began striding into the living room. We had about an hour before we had to leave for the church, and I needed space to get some distance from him. Baby items littered the living room from the times that Caleb had spent with me, and it hurt to see the stuff sitting unused.

  “Wow,” he whispered as he scanned the room. It was the first time he’d been over since all of this happened. “You really went all out.”

  “What do you need, Joey?” I turned to face him and crossed my arms over my chest.

  “I don’t know how to do this.” He pinched his nose and closed his eyes. “I think I love her, but you’re my brother, and I don’t want to fight with you over a woman. I can’t think of anything more important in my life than you. That may sound like a pussy, but it’s the truth. Family will always be there, and I can’t do this anymore. I thought I could. I thought I could fight you. I thought I could wait her out and convince her that I was the right choice. I thought if I worked hard enough, pointed out your flaws, and pursued her like you were that she would choose me. That’s not me though. I’m not that guy. I’m not you.”

  “What are you saying?” I dropped my arms as I watched him. He looked tired and worn down.

  “I’m saying you win. I’m not gonna fight you anymore. I gave her what she wanted, and it hasn’t made a difference. She wanted space, and I gave it to her,” he shrugged. “I’ve always looked up to you, big brother. I’ve always known that you’d have my back. If she felt about me even a tiny bit of what I feel for her, well, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now.” He shook his head as he shifted on his feet and watching him like this made me realize what we were really doing to each other.

  “I don’t wanna fight either,” I murmured. “I mean...” I lifted my eyes to meet his. “I think I love her, but she hasn’t given me the chance to really find out. I love my son; I know that. I know that I want him in my life. I know that I can be a good dad, but I don’t know if I can be what she wants. I’d like to think I can, but even I’m not perfect.” I slowly sat down.

  “Did I just hear you right?” Joey chuckled. “Carsen Malloy says he’s not perfect? Can I get that on tape?”

  “Shut up, asshole,” I grumbled as I smirked at him. I watched him fidget before he turned toward the door.

  “Well, I better go. We don’t want to be late to the church.” Joey began walking back to the door, tugging his hat back in place.

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. “See you there.” I watched as he stepped back outside into the blustery day, closing the door behind himself. Could I do what he was doing? Could I just give up on Ally? Could I let her go? Was my relationship with him worth my relationship, or lack thereof, with her? I was so confused by the turn of events that I almost missed the door creaking open. My head slowly lifted as I sighed, “What now?” thinking my brother was back. Only my eyes didn’t connect with his; they were met with hers. “Ally, what are you doing here?”

  “We need to talk.” She twisted her fingers together in front of her as she bit her lower lip.

  Chapter 19

  Joey

  When I arrived at the church, the wind and snow had gotten worse. I was surprised at the number of guests that had actually shown up. When I saw the weather report that morning, I almost thought they might call it off, but I k
now Wes has been waiting forever to marry Angela.

  I’ve seen them at the gym, and I saw what they went through to get together. He’s been waiting years to put a ring on that finger, and I don’t think any snowstorm is going to stop him.

  As I sat in the front seat of my Rover, I rubbed my hands together before reaching for my snow hat. I felt slightly better about seeing her after stopping at my brother’s place. I don’t know what I expected to happen today with Ally, but I know that I have to let her go. I tried to do this once, but Wes insisted that I fight if I loved her. Well, all fighting has done is make things worse for everyone involved. It’s not my style, and by the looks of things, all it’s done is push her away. She’s been gone for a month, and her phone’s been off.

  I called her a few times right after she left, but after a week, I stopped. I’d gone out, gotten shitfaced that night, and then made the mistake of calling and pouring out my heart out. She didn’t answer, and I talked to her voicemail for ten minutes. After that night, I’ve kept my distance. She asked for space, and I’ve tried to give her just that. From the little bit I know about Ally, she’s stubborn, and I’m sure she’s eventually gonna ask herself why she’s letting us do this to her. She doesn’t need us. She did fine on her own for most of her life. Her mom’s been there, but all we’ve brought is trouble and heartache.

  Deciding that I’d been sitting there long enough, I opened my door and climbed out. The wind whipped harder as I tucked my chin down and rushed to the door of the church. As soon as I got inside, I shook the snow off and removed my hat. Ushers were handing out programs, and soft music was coming from inside. I nodded before stepping through the doors and into what looked like a spring garden.

  Wes had gone all out. Pinks, yellows, and whites were everywhere. I’d never seen so many flowers in my life. Candles lit the aisle and covered the altar at the front, and guests dressed in their finest filled the pews. I felt awkward showing up alone, but I didn’t have anyone to bring as my plus one. I didn’t have a sister or a good friend, and Ally well… we all know how that’s going. I looked for a seat near the back and slowly made my way in.