Harlequin Superromance January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: A Ranch for His FamilyCowgirl in High HeelsA Man to Believe In

by Hope Navarre

  He didn’t want to wait another minute. “I want to do more than boost your confidence.”

  “You’ve done too much already.”

  “Well, let’s try this.”

  He stretched out to work his hand into his pocket. A small gasp escaped her lips when he pulled the ring from its pouch.

  He held the diamond glinting in the sun between them as if a beacon of hope. “This was my grandmother’s. She told me to save it for the perfect woman. Cassie, you are my perfect woman. Will you marry me?”

  If possible, she grew even more pale. The look she gave him ripped his insides out. He refused to believe what he read in her gaze.

  “Uh-oh. You have that deer-in-headlights look again.”

  She took the ring he offered, her lips parted as if in wonder at how pretty the diamond was.

  “Peter, this is so very beautiful, but I...”

  He stopped her from speaking with a finger to her lips. Damn it all, tears were rising in her eyes. “Wait. Listen to me.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “Cassie, don’t say that. Yes, you can.”

  “It’s too soon.”

  “I’ll feel the same way about you today, tomorrow, twenty years from now. I have fallen so deeply in love with you that I will never recover.”

  Pain etched her brow. “And what if I never recover?”

  “You will, Cassie.”

  She shook her head. “Maybe from chemo, but there’s more.”

  His gaze fell on the photo albums. “Like what?”

  She released a held breath. “I sent that text for you to come here because I intended to slow it down between us.”

  Heat burned through him. “Why?”

  The hand holding his ring dropped into her lap. “I’m overwhelmed. My cancer has me running scared. I feel your love, and it’s twisting me up inside. I can’t have a relationship with you.”

  “No, no! You’ve got it all wrong.”

  Sadness filled her face. “I can’t give you the love you deserve, Peter.”

  “Do you love me at all?”

  She studied the ring. “More than I have loved anyone since...” She swallowed hard, tears brimming in her eyes.

  He shook his head. “So I’m competing with a dead man?”

  Tears fell down her cheeks. “Today is the anniversary of his death. I heard his voice this morning on the beach. He is still so very alive for me.”

  He wanted to smack his own forehead. No wonder she wouldn’t talk about her tears on the ride home. “Kyle is why you were crying this morning? A man who died ten years ago?”

  She held out the ring for Peter, nodding. “Until I can bury my love for him, I can’t be true to you. I’ve seen my mother and father pretending. I never want to do that to you.”

  “I’m willing to give it a try if you are.”

  She sighed. Deep and soulful. “Right now? I am not willing, Peter. And I don’t want to hurt you any more than I am. I am so sorry. Please. This is too much. Take the ring.”

  He sat back, holding up both hands. “Okay, so we’ll put the idea of marriage on the back burner until you recover. Then we can talk again.”

  She reached for his hand, pressing the ring into his palm. “No, Peter. I want you to stay away. We started this whirlwind love affair way too fast. Who knows how I will end up when this is all over? I’m too drained. I’m too scared. I can’t worry about you and me at the same time. I want you to go.” She gestured to the ring. “Especially after this. We’re in way too deep. Please. You must leave.”

  He felt like someone was pouring acid on his insides. His mind refused to comprehend what she was saying. “Wait. I’m okay, Cassie. You don’t have to worry about me. Let me care for you through this.”

  “You dote on me too much.”

  He laughed. “What do you want me to do, ignore you? You’re fighting cancer.”

  “And I told you months ago. This is my fight.”

  “Oh, God, Cassie. Fight the disease, but don’t fight me.”

  She swiped away tears, confusion and pain twin torments on her face. “I can’t do this, Peter. Please. I asked you to leave.”

  He stood. He couldn’t bear listening to this insanity. Upsetting her was the last thing he wanted to do, and he didn’t believe a word she said.

  “You know what, Cassie? I believe you love me. I believe you love me so much that you don’t trust the feeling—or me. Maybe you really don’t want happiness.” He spread his arms wide. “Maybe it’s so damned safe in your network of friends that you’ll never be courageous enough to trust the love of one man.”

  He walked to the end of the bed and turned again. “I think you’re holding on to the memory of a dead man because it’s easier to love a memory than someone real.”

  He hated the stricken look in her eyes, but he couldn’t stop.

  “You will beat your cancer, Cassie. I simply can’t believe you’ll defeat death only to end up all alone and in love with a ghost rather than me. I love you. I’ve seen the love in your eyes, Cassie. I know it’s there.”

  She held a hand to her throat, tears spilling down her face. “I can’t do this. My heart hurts so much.”

  He laid a hand on his chest. “You won’t trust me, Cassie. That hurts. This is all wrong. You’re running scared and I am pissed off something fierce.”

  He stormed out the door.

  Bobby called to him as he charged down the driveway away from Cassie’s, but all Peter could do was wave a surrendering hand as he pulled away in his truck.

  How the hell had his world crashed down on him in one stupid conversation? He hadn’t even seen the anvil dropping.

  Twenty minutes later he was at Mercy prowling the E.R. until he found Doc checking out X-rays in the lab.

  Doc took one look at him and frowned. “Is Cassie okay?”

  Peter waved a reassuring hand. “Fine.”

  “Okay. Clearly you are not.” Doc turned to face him and leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “What’s going on?”

  “I have to get out of Montauk.”

  “Don’t tell me. Cassie broke up with you.”

  Peter’s stomach knotted. “You know her that well, eh?”

  “The kid’s grown a pretty hard shell over the years. I watched her.”

  “I asked her to marry me.”

  Doc’s brows shot up. “Pushing your intentions a bit fast, are you?”

  He opened his arms. “Life is too damned short not to claim love when you find it, Doc. Cassie is a perfect lesson on how time could run out on you any minute. Right now, I’m the one dying here. I want to go to California.”

  “For good?”

  He shook his head. “I need to breathe. I feel like I’ve been sucker punched.”

  Doc compressed his lips as if digging through his own memories. “God knows, I know what that feels like.”

  “I’d like to leave tonight.”

  “Come on, Peter. Summer is the busiest season around here. How am I supposed to run the E.R. with Cassie out and now you?”

  “You have to let me go.”

  “Well, I’m telling you that I need you. I can’t give you a leave of absence. Why don’t you go home and cool down?”

  “I’m too angry.”

  Doc turned back to his X-rays. “May I offer you some advice?”

  “Okay.”

  “Back off Cassie for a while. Let her catch a breath. You come on like a steamroller, my friend. Even though I consider that one of your better traits.”

  Peter ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do.”

  Doc slid another film into the light box. “I get off in twenty minutes. Stick around and we’ll go for a drink.” />
  For a Tuesday evening, Montauk was hopping with tourists and summer residents. Doc and Peter sat at the bar in Dave’s Grill. Brian poured them beers.

  “I could have warned you about Cassie. She gets skittish in the love department.”

  Doc popped some beer nuts into his mouth. “You’re up against tough nostalgia here. Kyle and Cassie were sweethearts since they were kids. You know how the story goes. The couple everyone was happy to see together. Their future mapped out for them. Cheered on by everyone who knew them. Kyle’s death rattled the entire town. Especially Bobby. He was the son Bobby never had. To this day I don’t think Cassie and Bobby can look at each other and not think of Kyle. He’s just too big in the memory banks.”

  “Why didn’t somebody tell me this?”

  Brian shrugged. “She reacted differently to you from other guys. We were rooting for you, dude.”

  “I offered her my grandmother’s ring. Since she handed it back to me, I can’t look at it any longer.”

  Doc released a breath. “I warned you when you two started dating...”

  Peter lifted a hand. “I know, Doc. I’m sorry. Don’t give up on me yet.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Wait it out for a while. No chance in hell am I letting her get away.”

  “Then we’ll readjust your schedules so you are not constantly running into each other until she finishes treatment. Let’s smooth the playing field a bit here to calm the situation down.”

  “Sounds awful. Not seeing her will be hell for me.”

  “I understand. For now we’ll consider the hell she’s going through. Let’s just give her some space, shall we?”

  Peter briefly closed his eyes. “Okay, but I’m not going to be far away.”

  Brian whistled softly. “Kyle was my buddy, dude. I can tell you he’d be glad you’re the one fighting for her.”

  Peter didn’t feel so confident. “Well, how about asking him to back off so I can have a chance?”

  Brian laughed. “I’ll do that.”

  When Brian stepped away, Doc lowered his voice. “Peter, the chemo Cassie is processing is a pretty aggressive poison. I have no doubt those chemicals are affecting her mood. She’s going to feel depressed. Sad. Frightened.”

  “Would the chemicals make her hear voices?”

  Doc scoffed. “I hope not. However, you should know they could be dangerous. I’ve already warned Beth and Bobby.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It means the oncologist will be monitoring her very closely for the next two treatments. I don’t want to say any more.”

  * * *

  THREE DAYS LATER, Peter was pushing a wheelchair with an older gent accompanied by his wife to the exit as Cassie came through the door. Well-applied makeup could not conceal the dark circles smudged underneath her eyes. She looked as spent as he felt, though she’d made an effort to put herself together. Her pride alone made his pulse beat faster. Her sweet, white cotton beanie covered her head. Her usually snug-fitting aqua scrubs hung loose on her body—a body he ached to touch so badly he had to suppress a groan. She walked toward him with the same incredible sway of her hips that always sent his hands itching to rest on them. Peter’s heart leaped into his throat. Cassie spotted him and she grew guarded.

  “Hi,” he said.

  She nodded. Cautious. “Peter.”

  Without another word, she kept moving. Blood zinging with adrenaline, he fought every urge to chase after her, and instead rolled the man in the wheelchair forward. “You take good care of your heart, Mr. Berman,” he said. “We men have to keep our tickers strong so our women don’t break them.”

  Not quite understanding his tease, Mrs. Berman scoffed. “Bill will be just fine. Checking out his palpitations was a good precaution. Better to be safe than sorry.”

  Peter opened the car door for the man. That sentiment had always seemed to make sense until now. Cassie was being safe instead of sorry in dealing with him, and more than anything Peter needed her to take a risk on him. To the woman’s confusion, Peter said, “Mrs. Berman, I couldn’t disagree with you more.”

  He found Cassie at the nurses’ station. Rachel raised a brow in his direction as he approached, as if to say, time to go, buddy. He glanced at the clock. His shift was almost finished. He’d been so busy all morning that he’d lost track of time. Ready to start her shift, Cassie was reading over the day’s charts to catch up.

  He ignored Rachel. He hadn’t seen Cassie since she had asked him to leave her room three days ago, and he was aching for a chance to bridge the gap they had dug between them.

  “You look good, Cass. Feeling better?”

  If she caught his reference to their argument, she didn’t show it. “I haven’t thrown up in two days. Figured I could come in.” She gave him nothing more than a quick glance and a small, nervous smile before turning her attention to Rachel.

  “Guess I’ll start with the burn patient in room five. Is Doc around?”

  Rachel took the charts Cassie handed her. “He’s here. Check room three.”

  Cassie walked away. Just like that. Peter’s lungs felt like they were ripping from his chest. He forced himself to pull air into his constricted throat. He opened his mouth to speak, but Rachel silenced him with one of her don’t-even-think-about-it looks.

  “Doc warned you to give her space. Now I’m on patrol.” She tapped her watch. “Time’s up, Nurse Chapman. Go home.”

  “Whose side are you on?”

  She shook her head. “No sides here, brother. We all want you two to come out of this mess in one piece.”

  “Everyone wants us to make it except Cassie.”

  “Oh, now you’re feeling maudlin.”

  He shrugged. “You gotta help me here, Rachel.”

  She pointed to the door. “I am. Sign out and go home.”

  * * *

  CASSIE WALKED PAST room three and room five and dove into the ladies’ room, locking the door behind her. The heat in Peter’s dark eyes when he had tried to talk to her had her knees quaking. There he was, smiling and chatting with the discharged patient in that way of his that made everyone he spoke with feel genuinely important. The couple had been smiling back because they had sensed his honest regard. The way Peter’s face had switched from happiness to anguish when she had walked through the doors wrenched her gut. Yet, she had ignored him.

  Why was she being such a bitch?

  Because Peter had pushed her too far. All she could do was push back. She had ended up using all her strength to keep Peter, his proposal and his devastated look from her mind for the past three days, forcing herself not to think about him. She’d cut off any conversations Mom and Dad tried to start about Peter. Instead, she had slept for hours and watched mindless television when she couldn’t sleep. She’d done fine avoiding all thought of him until walking in, seeing him first before anyone else and getting blasted with the desire in his eyes.

  She knew his kindness firsthand. Knew the balm his soft words made on her jangled nerves. Understood when he presented her with that amazing ring that his intentions were honorable. Her insides turned to mush when she let herself think about him. Yet, she had pushed him away.

  She twisted on the hot water and washed her hands, unwilling to look at her reflection in the mirror. A coward would look back at her if she did. Peter’s parting words in her bedroom had done their job burrowing into her conscience. She didn’t want to deal with any of it. Not now. Not when she was fighting for her life.

  So much had happened since first seeing Peter drive past in his truck all those months ago. Instinct had told her back then that if she gave Peter one medicine cup full of her attention, she’d fall for him so deeply there would be no swimming back to the shore of her own good senses.

  She’d been r
ight. The worst had happened.

  Almost.

  She’d had the wisdom to cut off their relationship before it got out of hand. Her choice must have been correct because she felt like throwing up now just from seeing him again. Maybe she felt ill because she’d made a mistake. Or, because of the damned chemo poisoning her body.

  Maybe you really don’t want happiness.

  His words stung. Circled her mind when she let them creep in. She’d already spent years working through the guilt of being the one to remain alive after losing Kyle. She’d learned to live with the pain of his death. The loss. Watched how his absence eroded the relationship between his parents until they’d divorced one year later. Had they broken apart because they’d believed they didn’t deserve happiness after their son had died? Did she believe it was okay to continue living but not to build happiness on the memory of the dead?

  She didn’t want to think about her reasons any longer.

  You’ll never be courageous enough to put all your love into one man.

  Kyle had been her heart, and he had disappeared from her life in the time it took to turn around. His death had blown a black hole wide-open in the middle of her being. She hadn’t become a caregiver for nothing. Her need to help others had begun as a child when her mother had taken her to sit with children recovering from serious illnesses or older folks with no family. Then later on, when Mom had been on death’s door under the influence of painkillers, and had lain in bed crying for Bobby, who’d been out at sea instead of holding her hand and feeding her ice chips like Grandma Mica had. Grandma—not Dad—had spoken the soothing words and tended to Mom’s fevered head with cool compresses. Cassie had stood outside her room, quaking with outrage and feeling helpless because she could do nothing. Dad could have done something and he wasn’t there. That dark gulf inside her had grown wider with the realization that you could love someone with your whole heart, but if they couldn’t be there when you needed them most, what did it matter?

  Cassie had watched. Learned.

  Giving aid filled a need. Felt safer than asking for help. Giving aid gave one control over one’s world. Felt more promising than collecting scars from abandonment. So giving aid became second nature to Cassie. Like breathing. Loved ones hurt you whether they intended to or not. By helping others, she could not be hurt.