Loving the Texas Lawman_A Texas Lawman Romantic Suspense

by Mary Connealy

  “Oh, I wanted it. But I knew better than to take it. That makes it a mistake.”

  “Why did you know better?”

  Ben looked down, his anger eased from his expression. “Because I’ve got a hero complex. Because I think I’m some white knight riding to your rescue. You bring out the worst in me.”

  “This is your worst?” She swallowed hard, charmed. “It seems really great.”

  “It may be great for a cop. Maybe even for a friend. But trust me, you’d get sick of it if we followed where that kiss wanted to lead.”

  “I would?” From Ben’s grim tone, she knew someone else had gotten sick of Ben’s hero complex and had left him scarred.

  “It was a mistake.” Ben cradled her face. “But it wasn’t nothing, I won’t go that far.” He kissed her cheek. “Okay?”

  “I’m not right for you, huh?”

  “Nope.” He sounded so sure, so confident. So sad.

  “Well, you’re not right for me either, and for the same reason. You’d shelter me from the world, and I’ve spent too many years hiding. I’ve failed with the choices I’ve made in life. I need to help people instead of referring them to someone else. Kissing a white knight is exactly the wrong way to do that.”

  “You haven’t failed.”

  “I have. And being with you would make it easy for me to go on failing.”

  Ben shook his head. “We’re not going to agree about that, but we agree about the kiss, right?”

  Trudy nodded, her throat too tight to answer.

  “Good, let’s quit making mistakes and get back to work.”

  18

  They finished loading the car in silence, then backed the car out of the garage, Ben driving. The car was going back to the dealer tomorrow. He passed through the gate and, just when he began to pull out, jammed on the brake so hard Trudy’s seatbelt locked as she jerked against it.

  She looked up and followed his gaze to a dark blue luxury car in a church lot right across the street.

  “Watson.” Ben’s hands strangled the steering wheel.

  Watson sat parked in the middle of an empty lot. Trudy knew the restraining order called for him to not get within 500 feet of her. She’d bet he’d measured the distance out to the inch.

  Trudy reached across the seat to clutch Ben’s arm, so grateful for his presence. “Was he there last night?”

  Ben stared, his eyes narrow. Trudy could almost see his cop’s brain sorting details. “No.”

  The windows of the Mercedes were tinted, but Watson’s hulking shape lurked behind the wheel.

  “If we approach him, the restraining order doesn’t require that he back off. He’s legal sitting there.”

  “All the time?” Trudy thought of her wrought iron gate. “He can see all the way to the house. He might be able to see in some of the windows if he’s got binoculars.”

  Ben added with quiet menace, “Or a telephoto lens.”

  Trudy shuddered. “You think he’d take pictures of us?”

  Ben looked away from Watson for the first time. “Us? No, not us. He’d take pictures of you though. You said your bedroom has is on the lake front, right?”

  Trudy’s lungs quit working. She could feel Watson’s eyes burning her flesh.

  “If he comes on your beach he violates the restraining order. We could convince the judge he’s stalking you and make the charges stick.”

  Trudy thought of the man on her beach that night. She’d never seen him since. But if it hadn’t been for the lightning, she wouldn’t have seen him then. Watson could be coming onto her property every night.

  “I’m going to call Eleanor and warn her he’s out here,” Trudy said through clenched teeth. “Let’s get out of here. I may cash in that chandelier for a Doberman.”

  “You can get two hundred Dobermans for that price of that chandelier.” Ben pulled into an opening in the traffic. “Then you’d really need your sand sifted.”

  Trudy’s nerves were wound to the breaking point by the time the electrician left with the ridiculous chandelier.

  Watson skulked outside and her finances blew up inside. That lacey iron security gate was a pathetic barrier between her and Watson’s clawing hands.

  Trudy nearly staggered when she went into her living room, shaken from what the electrician had said. “I didn’t get any cash for the chandelier. Liz charged so many other things, returning it only cleared the debt.”

  “I’m sorry, Tru.” Ben followed her into the room. “At least you returned enough to settle the charge accounts in all the stores and closed the accounts in case Liz gets any weird ideas about using them.”

  She sank onto her overstuffed, overpriced leather couch. “Yes, and I’m glad of that. But I’m going to be in trouble trying to pay my mortgage.

  “How much is it? Maybe I could help you out until things settle down.”

  “Eleven thousand dollars.” Trudy pulled out of her self-pity when Ben collapsed on the couch.

  “Eleven thousand dollars a month?”

  Trudy nodded, watching Ben try to close his mouth.

  “Can you refinance? Can you sell?”

  She was grateful he didn’t ask if she could grow a brain. “I can’t refinance. I’ve only lived here a few months.”

  “Six, I suppose. You bought it right after you hired Liz on her advice, right?”

  Trudy nodded. “It would sell for a good price, this property goes up steadily, but I doubt I’d make a profit with all the bank charges and real estate fees. I’d be lucky to break even. It was a ridiculous purchase but Liz convinced me it’d be a great tax deduction.”

  “You’d get out from under an eleven thousand dollar a month payment though.”

  “And I’d move in somewhere that would be even more vulnerable to Watson.” She looked over her shoulder. The large picture window had heavy, no doubt expensive drapes, pulled closed. She half expected to see Watson standing behind her.

  “But that’s what I’m going to have to do. I’ve got quarterly taxes due this month, too. Don’t even think about what the utility bill is on this place.” Trudy nodded. “I’ll list it tomorrow. I’ve got to. Even if more money comes in quick, I’ll need every penny of it for taxes.”

  Trudy dropped her face into her hands. “If I can’t pay them it’ll be on all the news shows. Just like when Willy Nelson got in trouble for not paying taxes.”

  “You’re assuming Liz paid your taxes while she’s been here.”

  Trudy’s head snapped up, her eyes got as round as an owl’s.

  Ben surged to his feet. “Where do you keep your tax forms?”

  They raced into Liz’s office.

  “What if she hasn’t been paying them?” Trudy started digging through the desk.

  It was the day that wouldn’t end. By the time they’d gone through everything Trudy realized, even if the house sold quickly, she was going to be in deep financial water for a very long time.”

  “Call your lawyer on Monday. Get them to work on making this right with the government.” Ben rubbed her back and the gentle support he offered was the only thing holding her together.

  “Accept every booking on every show that makes you an offer. Think of it as being ‘On the Road Again’ just like Willie. Get your next book polished up and sent off to the publisher. Royalty checks come in regularly. If the house sells quickly, any profit you make can go toward back taxes and the interest and penalties.”

  “Surely there’s a crime involved in the way she mismanaged my money.”

  “There are several,” Ben said. “And if we can prove she ran you into the red maliciously, we can turn it into some jail time. But the bottom line is, she didn’t take any of it for herself. She was earning a very hefty salary, but you agreed to that and Tru, you’re responsible for the money you spent. You, not your personal manager.”

  “I know.” Trudy closed her eyes. “I deserve this. I spend my life spouting stupid theories about how other people should fix their lives. I’m a f
ool who has no right to…to…” Trudy’s voice broke and with it, her control. She began to sob.

  Ben pulled her into his strong arms.

  She cried for a long time, underneath the humiliation and the betrayal of her trust, was fear. Fear of public ridicule, fear of bill collectors and IRS auditors, fear of Watson.

  After the worst of the storm of tears, Ben said, “You don’t spout stupid theories. You speak the truth.”

  Ben pulled away from her and tilted her chin up. “And Tru-Blu, the only way you fail in any of this is if, now that things are tough, you turn your back on your beliefs. Now is the time that God is really calling you to stand up and deliver all that love and strength you write about so beautifully.”

  Trudy hiccupped as she listened to this cynical man give her the soft answers that were the basis of her faith. “God’s love for me. My love for Him.”

  “Your love for others.”

  Ben pulled a neatly folded handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the tears from her face with gentle patience. His touch was more than care, it was a caress.

  She looked in his eyes and remembered what he’d said.

  Her love for others.

  For the first time she thought about that love in terms of Ben. With his heroic nature, he saw her as fragile and needy. As their eyes locked and the way he held her became a hug, she thought of him that first night. When he’d saved her from Watson. He’d become her knight-in-shining armor. Standing there, her gaze locked with his she couldn’t trust herself because right now, trapped by circumstances with him, this felt enough like love to confuse her.

  For a moment Ben bend closer. His arms tightened. He might be just as confused as she was. Then his head turned away as if he was physically forcing his eyes to look elsewhere.

  Ben gave his head a shake that was tiny, at the same time it was fierce.

  “I’d better get out of here.”

  Ben rested the handkerchief in her hand and stepped away. “Here keep this. If all else fails, you can move into my place, and I’ll bunk with Scott until things straightened out.”

  He took another step back. Trudy took a step forward.

  He held up his hands as if to ward her off. “I’ve got to go now or something might happen we’d both regret.”

  It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, but she forced herself to nod.

  Ben turned and charged out of the room. She heard him shout, “Eleanor. I’m leaving. Double check the security system after I go.”

  The front door slammed and his truck roared to life. He drove away.

  Leaving her alone.

  Not alone, Watson hovered nearby.

  Her insomnia had never been worse.

  The lights extinguished, she compulsively checked on Watson’s car. She hated that he was there. Then, around two, he was gone. That was even worse. Was he creeping closer to her house? Was he on her beach?

  Trudy went back to her room through the darkened upstairs. Every whistle of the wind was a human moan. Every pulse of the waves sounded like the heavy breathing of a madman.

  She tried to write the last chapter of her book. It was always a triumph of the Lord. His scripture, His victory, His love shining out of Trudy’s little self-help books. She knew her success had come from the Lord. And now she couldn’t hear His voice. That was her own failure, not God’s.

  Watson’s presence was a living thing outside her bedroom window. Whether he sat out there or not, it chiseled into her peace of mind. She flipped on the tiny reading lamp, feeling as if she was exposing herself to him, though the window was off to the side.

  Lifting her well worn Bible and resting it against her chest, she read the Proverb God had given her as a life verse.

  A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

  The Bible fell open a second later to Jesus during His precious Sermon on the Mount, saying “If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other, also.”

  The whole section of Luke dealt with loving enemies. How had Watson become her enemy? What had she ever done to make that happen? Trudy cried out to God, to find love for Watson and Liz. Even if Trudy could force herself to love, forgiveness was another matter. She couldn’t find it in her heart, but God didn’t give her a choice.

  Hugging her Bible to her, she wrestled with hate, as surely as Jacob had spent a long night wrestling with an angel. Only this time, it was God Who held on and Trudy who wanted to get away.

  “How can I forgive a man who would hurt me if he had the chance? How can I forgive a woman who would spit on me when I said ‘I forgive you?’ Don’t they have to want forgiveness?”

  Did the centurions want forgiveness from My Son as He hung on that cross dying?

  One did, Trudy remembered.

  But my Son forgave them all.

  “Father, forgive them.” Trudy said the words and hoped her heart would follow.

  When it didn’t, she knew what she really needed to say. “Father, forgive me.”

  Wrecked with exhaustion, she fell asleep as dawn began to light the sky, still as angry as she’d been when she crawled into bed. With no forgiveness in her heart, Trudy failed in her first real spiritual test. She couldn’t, wouldn’t find it in her heart to turn the other cheek.

  19

  Ben picked Tru and Eleanor up the next morning and went to church with them. After the service, Ben felt helpless as Trudy kept an appointment with the woman who had sold her the pink mansion and put it back on the market.

  When they approached Tru’s driveway, Ben saw Watson standing against his car in his usual parking lot spot, his legs crossed as he leaned back and stretched into a friendly wave when Tru’s car passed by.

  Ben gritted his teeth and muttered “Jerk” as they drove past. Instead of going inside Tru’s house, he walked to his truck and followed her to the car dealership to return the Seville.

  When they headed back, Watson sat in his car, his arm stretched across the back of the seat. Ben glared at him just as Watson turned his head and lifted his hand in a friendly gesture.

  After pacing for an hour, Tru flicked the curtains open an inch and announced, “He’s gone.”

  Ben watched Eleanor rest her hands on Tru’s shoulders.

  “Get away from the window, honey.” Eleanor guided Tru away, but when Eleanor left the room, Tru returned to the window and glanced outside again.

  With bills spread out in front of him, Ben tried to make sense of Tru’s finances. Her pacing and window peeking was getting on his nerves. He knew she had a clear view of Watson’s parking spot—just as Watson had a clear shot of her home.

  Earlier, Ben had sent police officers to run him off but Watson hadn’t budged. The two officers walked inside with stone faces.

  Herb Wilson, a sergeant Ben had known for years, rested a hand on his gun. “Says the view inspires his writing. Even showed us some of his work, on his laptop.”

  The other uniform, a rookie, jerked a shoulder at Ben. “He lawyered up, on the phone. Said he had every right to a public parking lot, that he wasn’t breaking any laws.”

  When the officers left, Ben watched Tru pace with her arms crossed, glancing at the draped window every few seconds.

  Where was her peace? Where was that kind heart and those soft answers? Ben hurt for.

  It was the first time God had asked Trudy to give, and she’d abandoned Him. She was a failure. A failure. A failure.

  Ben passed his midterms with flying colors and he hadn’t snorted in class for a month. When he occasionally couldn’t act as her chauffeur, he sent a policeman in a squad car to escort her. She always went all out for Halloween because they had so many trick-or-treaters come to the neighborhood. This year she left her lights off, afraid to leave her gate open.

  And the letters came and the emails and phone calls and Watson sat in that parking lot and watched her until she wanted to scream.

  And Ben very politely didn’t kiss her again.

  The big jerk
.

  And then Trudy found out Eleanor wasn’t going to her daughter’s house for Thanksgiving.

  “You haven’t missed Thanksgiving with Jenny in years, Eleanor. You can’t stay here with me and neglect your family.” Trudy’s stomach wrenched when she thought of being here alone for five days. Eleanor’s daughter lived in Denver and Eleanor and her four children made a huge effort to spend this holiday together every year. Eleanor had told Trudy that many times.

  “You don’t dare be in this house by yourself.” Eleanor paused, and looked thoughtful, “Unless you want to come? Get away from here for a few days. It’d be good for you.”

  Trudy didn’t have a functioning credit card anymore. She’d closed every account. Something she regretted now, but when she’d sworn to get her debts settled it had seemed brilliant. She didn’t even have a bank debit card, and if she had…she still didn’t have the money for a ticket.

  “Let me buy you a ticket to Denver, honey,” Eleanor said, even though Trudy hadn’t said a word about the cost of the ticket.

  “No, absolutely not. Your daughter doesn’t have room for all of you. And I’d throw a wet blanket over your holiday fun with all my troubles.” Trudy would have liked to get away, but she knew Eleanor needed a break as much as she did and taking Trudy along would disrupt the family get together.

  “I’m staying home. I wouldn’t rest easy for one minute knowing you’re here alone.”

  Ben came in on the tail end of their negotiations.

  “If you won’t go with Eleanor, then come out to the ranch with me. My folks always have people in and out. The house is huge, we rattle around even when all six of us are there. You can stay the whole time Eleanor is gone.”

  Trudy turned to look at Ben. “Six kids in the family?”

  He’d talked about his twin brother Brett some. Ben mentioned he was better looking than his brother, taller, smarter and nicer.

  Trudy laughed.

  “I don’t get together much with Brett anymore. We were both in the service then we worked in the war zone with a private security firm for a while. The life just didn’t suit him.”

  “You’re not close with your twin brother anymore?”