Hero Worship (Music City Moguls Book 6)
Page 13
“I’m worried about you, sis. Mama told me the new guy’s a musician who’s on the road a lot. How many times have you told me you didn’t want to end up with a man like daddy?”
Natasha felt a twinge of guilt. Their father had been a hardworking man who’d tried his best to take care of his young family. It wasn’t his fault he was on the road so much and unable to spend as much time with them as Natasha would have liked. “Clint pointed out we live in a different time. There are lots of different ways for us to communicate when he’s on the road. Daddy didn’t have those options. Hell, he didn’t even have a cell phone, let alone Skype.”
“Are you sure this guy isn’t working so hard to sell you on the idea because he’s caught up in the thrill of the chase?”
Natasha took a deep breath, telling herself that her sister wasn’t trying to be annoying. She was just being an overprotective big sister. “Like I said, I’ve known Clint a long time. I know what kind of man he is.”
“If y’all have known each other so long, why are you just hooking up now?”
Setting her teeth at Terri’s choice of terms, Natasha said, “You know what they say—timing is everything, right? He offered to help Austin learn how to play the guitar. It was the first time we’ve really socialized outside of work.”
“Are you sure it’s wise to let him get so close to your son? What happens when he moves on? Not only will you be brokenhearted, but so will your kid.”
Natasha drew the line at her sister calling her skills as a mother into question. Terri knew better than anyone that Natasha always put Austin first. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Are you sure about that? How much do you really know about this guy, sis?”
“I know enough.” She wanted to tell Terri that she knew Clint better than anyone she’d ever dated, but that would have sounded as though she was trying too hard to sell their relationship. “I know that he’s been good to me and my son, and that’s the only thing that should concern you.”
“You know I love you. I just want to make sure you’re not getting in over your head.”
“I’m not.” Natasha wanted to believe that, but her sister’s warnings shone a spotlight on her fears. No matter how many times she tried to silence it, the little voice in her head reminded her that when things seemed too good to be true, they usually were.
“Okay, I’ve got to get back to work. I hope you don’t think I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong.”
Kind of. “When you meet Clint, you’ll realize you have nothing to worry about.”
“I hope you’re right. I’ll call you later this week. Bye.”
“Bye.”
“Somebody worried about you and my little brother?”
Natasha looked up to see Den standing in her open doorway. “Hey, what brings you by?”
He held up a manila envelope. “Clint asked me to drop this off at the front desk since I was coming into town. Autographed glossies, I guess. You got a minute?” He gestured to one of two guest chairs in front of Natasha’s desk.
“Of course, come on in.” She smiled when Den folded his tall frame into the chair and tipped back his dusty cowboy hat. “Can I get you a coffee or a bottle of water, maybe?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” He folded his hands in front of him, leaning forward. “I just wanted to thank you for including Ryland in Austin’s birthday party. It was real nice of you to think of him.”
Natasha had gotten to know Den a little better during a couple of brief phone conversations when she’d called the ranch looking for Clint. He was the kind of man she’d love to have as a friend: loyal, honest, trustworthy, and definitely a straight-shooter—which was why she felt comfortable confiding in him. “It was our pleasure. Ryland’s a great kid, and I don’t have to tell you he means the world to Clint. I’m thrilled the boys have hit it off so well.”
“Yeah, I guess that’ll make it easier if you and Austin decide to move out to the ranch.” He raised a hand. “That’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about. I know things are getting more serious between you and my brother, and well, I don’t want you to worry about me and Ry hanging around and invading your privacy. I’ve been looking for a place, and I think I may have found something not too far from Clint’s ranch so I can keep working there.”
Natasha was sickened to think of them moving on because of her. “Den, your brother loves you. He doesn’t want you to go anywhere, and for the record, neither do I.”
Den smiled. “You’re a sweetheart. Clint’s a lucky man, but I remember how it is at the start of a new relationship. It’s tough to keep your hands off each other, and the last thing you need is an audience. It’s Clint’s house, and he has every right to—”
“Invite anyone he wants to live with him.” She knew she was coming on strong, but she’d never forgive herself if her presence in Clint’s life drove his brother away when Den and Ryland needed him the most. “He’s told me numerous times how much he wants you and his nephew there with him. In fact, I think you’re doing him a favor. I get the feeling he was pretty lonely in that big old house before you got there.”
“Yeah, but he won’t be lonely anymore. He’ll have you and Austin to keep him company.”
Natasha leaned back, sighing. “It’s just been me and Austin for a long time, but I grew up in a pretty big family. I loved the noise and chaos. I’ve kind of missed that.”
“What are you saying?” Den asked, tipping his head as he observed Natasha.
“Clint and I have talked about the future, and one thing is pretty clear to me—family means everything to him, and I feel the same way. You’re Clint’s family, and if we do end up together, you’ll be my family too.” Everything Den had been through made it easy for Natasha to feel compassion for him. “Besides, it’d be nice to have company on that big old ranch when your brother’s on tour for months.”
Den’s eyes softened, and she could see how much he appreciated her kindness and understanding. Then he frowned. “You’re questioning whether you and my brother will end up together? Why? From where I stand, y’all seem perfect for each other, and I know how much he cares about you.”
“I care about him too.” An understatement if ever she’d heard one. Head over heels in love would have been a more apt description.
Den pointed at her phone. “Do your reservations have something to do with the call I walked in on?”
“My sister was just trying to play devil’s advocate.”
“Don’t you hate it when people do that?” Den smirked. “We already terrorize ourselves with the worst-case scenario, then the people who claim to love us come in and start pointing out all the things that could go wrong like we’re too dense to have thought of them ourselves.”
Natasha threw up her hands, grateful to have someone voice her frustration. “I know, right?”
“Believe me, growing up with my father, I’m well-versed in that little game.”
“So I’ve heard.” Natasha may have lost her father too soon, but she was grateful to have good memories of him. “I know my sister has valid reasons to be concerned and she’s coming from a place of love, but the last thing I need is for someone to highlight all my reservations about this relationship.”
“So your reservations center on Clint’s career?”
“That and all the trappings that go with it. The travel, his celebrity status, wealth, the demands on his time…” She stopped herself when she realized she was complaining about all the things Clint had worked so hard to achieve. “I know how important his career is to him. His music is a part of him, one of the best parts.”
“True,” Den said, nodding. “It’s always been the way he expresses himself.” A pained look crossed his face. “You know that song ‘Chanty Girl’? He wrote it about Julie, a few days after her death. Like the rest of us, he was hurt and blindsided by the loss. None of us knew how to cope or express our grief, and Clint did what he always does. He turned to his music.”
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“That’s a beautiful song,” Natasha said, remembering the lyrics. “I didn’t know it was about Julie.”
“Yeah, he sang it at her memorial service, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. It touched everyone, but I think it had the biggest impact on Ryland. His maternal grandfather died before he was born, but that song gave him a glimpse into the kind of relationship Julie had had with her daddy. It was special, just like Julie’s bond with Ry.”
“‘Chanty Girl,’” Natasha said. “Where did that title come from?”
“Julie’s dad was a fisherman. She used to spend a lot of time on the boat with him, and it was kind of a tradition to sing these old fishing songs.” Den smiled. “That was one of Julie’s favorite childhood memories, and Clint captured it so beautifully with that song. Julie would have loved it.”
Natasha knew how lucky she was to have found someone like Clint, who loved deeply and wasn’t afraid to express his emotions for the world to see. “He touches people with his music. There’s no doubt about that. That’s what makes him such a brilliant songwriter.”
“Yeah. I used to be envious of his ‘natural talent,’” Den said, making air quotes around the words. “But that was before I realized how hard he had to work at it. No one works harder than that guy, and I know he doesn’t do it for the money or the accolades—or even for his fans. He does it because the music is inside of him, and he has to express it or he’ll go crazy.”
“You’re right.” Natasha had worked with enough musicians to know that was a common thread connecting them. They spoke a language no one else understood, tapping into a creative process that would seem almost mystical to most onlookers.
“So you can’t ask Clint to find a healthy balance in his life. It’s like asking him to give up food. Music is life-sustaining to him. Without it, he wouldn’t survive.”
“I would never ask him to give up his music.” Natasha was shocked and hurt that Den would even suggest such a thing.
“No, but without understanding, you might ask him to strive for a healthy balance.” Den shook his head. “There’s no such thing with Clint. He’ll lock himself away for days working on his music. He won’t talk to anyone, will barely surface to eat, and will sleep for only a few hours at a stretch.”
“I didn’t know that,” Natasha said. As well as she thought she knew Clint, she clearly still had much to learn.
“I’m not saying it’s always like that. He’ll immerse himself for a while. Then he may take a few weeks off to recharge, spend more time on the ranch, you know, reconnecting with the land.”
“Hmmm.” Natasha could picture Clint on a horse, his mind wandering, song lyrics drifting in and out of his head.
“It works for him.” Den grinned. “I’m not saying he’s old, but my brother is pretty set in his ways.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” Natasha asked, getting the sense there was a point to Den’s story.
“You need to understand who he is. These are the kinds of things he may not tell you about himself up front, but you need to know all the same. Living with a creative person isn’t easy. I should know.”
“Julie was creative?” Natasha asked.
“She loved working with her hands.” Den smiled, obviously recalling some of the things she’d created. “You name it: painting, drawing, sculpting… she wanted to try her hand at everything. She even dabbled in poetry. Sometimes I’d see her and Clint sitting in lawn chairs under this big old tree she loved, and I knew they were writing together. I hate to admit I was kind of jealous. Love of words was something they shared, something I didn’t really understand and couldn’t relate to.”
“Was it difficult being married to an artistic person?”
“Yes and no. Julie knew how to be happy, which is a lot more than I can say for most people. Her artistic pursuits gave her so much pleasure, and I know that made her a better wife and mother. She’d found that deep contentment most people spend a lifetime seeking.”
“But…?”
“Like Clint, Julie used to retreat into her studio a lot. She’d become so engrossed in her work that it would feel like she was gone for days because even when she was there physically, she wasn’t really there. Her mind was back in her studio, thinking about her work.”
“That must have been hard for you.” Natasha thought about how difficult it would be to feel disconnected from the person you loved most. “Still, it was wonderful that she found so many things she was passionate about.”
“It was great,” Den said. “I just didn’t realize how great it was at the time. I’m afraid I gave her a hard time about it sometimes because I didn’t understand how much a part of her art was. It wasn’t until after she died and I read her old journals that I got a glimpse inside of her mind.”
“You read them?” Natasha asked, wondering how she would feel about a loved one reading her journals after she was gone.
“She asked me to.” Den licked his lips before lowering his head. “In the hospital, just before she died, she told me where she kept her journals and asked me to read them. She said it would give me some idea of how much she loved me and our son.”
“What an incredible gift,” Natasha said. Julie must have been brave to give someone a glimpse into her heart.
“It really was. I’ll share them with Ryland someday, when the time’s right.”
“I’m sure he’d like that.” Natasha smiled softly as she thought about how wonderful it would be for Ryland to have such a valuable piece of his mother.
“I know he will.” Den leaned forward, bracing one hand on the edge of Natasha’s desk as he looked her in the eye. “I came here today to be honest with you. I just felt compelled to come talk to you.”
“I’m really glad you did.” He’d shed light on some gray areas in her relationship with Clint that may have remained a mystery had it not been for Den’s insight. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“My brother and wife were kindred spirits,” Den explained. “I can’t tell you how many times I heard them say that over the years. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. They were so much alike. They understood each other in a way that few people do.”
It was irrational, but she felt a stab of envy when she thought of the connection Clint had shared with his sister-in-law.
“I guess that’s why I felt the need to… not warn you.” He shook his head. “That’s not the right word, but to reveal to you the man my brother may not be willing to show you just yet. He’s a good man, the best I’ve ever known. But he’s not perfect. None of us are. If you let him love you, he’ll love you with his whole heart.”
Tears unexpectedly sprang to Natasha’s eyes as she realized how much she wanted to be loved that way for the very first time in her life. “I want that.”
“I know you do.” Den reached for her hand. “And you deserve that. I don’t know you all that well yet, but I can tell you have a kind heart, just like my brother. Can I give you a little piece of advice? One I wished someone had given me before it was too late?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t feel like you’re competing with his passion. You’re not. It’s because he loves his music so much that he can love you as deeply as he does. I know you’re still in the early stages of this relationship. You’re questioning where it will go and whether you have the strength to persevere.”
He was right. As much as she loved Clint, she still had moments of uncertainty when she questioned whether she could give herself completely to building a lasting partnership.
“But I learned one thing when Julie died, and maybe it was the greatest lesson she ever taught me.”
“What’s that?” Natasha asked a little breathlessly.
“To face my fears. When I lost her, I was terrified of being alone. I didn’t know if I could be a single parent. Julie was our rock.”
“But you made it,” Natasha said gently. “You realized you’re stronger than you thought you were.”
“No.”
“Because my brother forced me to remember a promise I’d made to Julie when Ryland was born. I told her I’d always put him first, always try to be the man he deserved. I couldn’t have done that if I let the darkness overshadow the light. Julie was this blinding light in my life for so long, but so is Ryland, and now I’m just focusing on him. He makes me want to get up every day. He makes me want to figure this thing out.”
“I know all about that,” Natasha said, smiling at the photo of her son. “Kids have a way of making us forget about ourselves and focus on them.”
“In the best possible way,” Den said, grinning.
“Amen to that.”
Chapter Thirteen
Clint was warming up the grill as he awaited Austin and Natasha’s arrival.
Den came out of the house with two longnecks and passed Clint one before claiming a lawn chair on the patio. “So tomorrow’s the big day, huh? Austin’s birthday party.”
As far as Clint was concerned, tonight was the big night. He and Natasha would finally share a bed, unless she’d changed her mind. He’d told her he was fine with letting her set the pace for their relationship, but he’d have been lying if he’d claimed he hadn’t said a few prayers.
“Yup.” Clint grinned. “I talked to him on the phone yesterday. He’s pretty stoked. Apparently all his buddies will be able to make it. So, twenty rowdy boys in all. It should be fun.” Clint was really looking forward to the party. It had been a long time since he’d kicked back and been playful since so much of his life revolved around his work.
“You and Austin are getting really close, aren’t you?” Den asked, eyeing him as he brought the bottle to his lips.
“Yeah, he’s a great kid. Natasha’s done a hell of a job with him.”