Keeping 13

by Chloe Walsh

  52

  His Daughter

  Shannon

  We were leaving the cinema in Mahon Point later that night when it happened – when I saw him. Johnny, Gibsie, and Claire were walking alongside me, deep in conversation about the movie we'd just watched, but I couldn't hear a word they were saying over the sound of my pulse hammering violently. My feet faltered, my body stiffened to the point where I couldn't move another step. Blinking rapidly, I tried to rid my mind of the image, pretend I had imagined it, but when I looked again, it was still there. He was still there. Sitting in a car, three spots up from Johnny's Audi. With a woman.

  "Shan?" I felt Johnny squeeze my hand. "You okay?"

  I couldn't answer him.

  My lips weren't working.

  Releasing Johnny's hand, I began to back away, moving like a ghost, praying that he hadn't seen me.

  "Shannon?" Johnny called out, tone laced with concern. "Baby?" He was right in front of me now, hands on my cheeks, blue eyes locked on mine. "What's wrong?"

  Shaking my head, I opened my mouth to answer him, but all that came out was a puff of air.

  "Oh no," Claire whispered, finally seeing what I was seeing. "Shan, it's okay."

  "What's okay?" Johnny demanded, looking around the dimly lit carpark. "What the fuck is going on?"

  Gibsie shrugged. "No clue, lad."

  "It's her dad," Claire choked out. "He's over there in that black car."

  "I need to go," I finally managed to squeeze out as I continued to stumble away. I was in full-on panic mode and my delayed flight instinct had kicked in. "I need to leave–" Spinning around, I made a run for the shopping center entrance. "I need to go now!"

  "No, no, Shannon, don't run –" Johnny's arms came around my waist, pulling me against his chest. "I'm right here with you," he whispered in my ear. "I won't let anything happen to you."

  "Did he see me?" Sagging weakly in his arms, I clenched my eyes shut as tears dripped down my cheeks. "What if he saw me, Johnny?"

  "It doesn't matter," he coaxed, turning me around in his arms. "He can't touch you."

  "Just take me away," I whispered brokenly, as I buried my face in the fabric of his hoodie. "Please get me out of here."

  "I will." I felt Johnny stiffen and then he was pulling me closer if that was even possible, both arms wrapped tightly around my body. "I promise."

  My stomach churned violently and I broke free from Johnny's hold, staggering away, clutching my stomach as the familiar taste of bile assaulted my senses.

  "Are you going to be sick?" Johnny asked, tone thick and gruff. "Shan –"

  Shaking from head to toe, I doubled over on my hands and knees and heaved violently as my stomach emptied itself on the footpath.

  "Shh, it's okay," Johnny coaxed, pulling my ponytail out of the danger zone. "Everything's fine, baby." Crouching down beside me, he continued to hold my hair and rub my back. "Just breathe, Shan. Nice and slow… Good job. That's it…" Digging his car keys out of his pocket, he tossed them towards Gibsie and said, "Bring the car over here, lad."

  "I'm sorry," I strangled out as I sank back on my knees and gasped for air.

  "Don't be sorry," he said softly. "Are you done?"

  I nodded weakly. "Sorry."

  "It's okay, Shan," Johnny replied, helping me to my feet. "You're fine, baby."

  A car pulled up beside us then – Johnny's Audi, I realized, with Gibsie in the driver's seat and Claire sitting in the back. Leaving the engine running, Gibsie jacked the handbrake and climbed over the seats and into the back to join Claire.

  Swinging open the passenger door, Johnny helped me inside and closed the door behind me before stalking off.

  "Oh my god," I cried, turning to see him heading towards my father's car. "Johnny, don't!" Pushing the door open, I scrambled out. "Just leave it alone, Johnny!" I choked out, stumbling weakly after him. "Please don't do anything –"

  Bang.

  I watched in a mixture of shock and horror as my boyfriend slammed his palm down on the windscreen of my father's car, hard enough that I was surprised it didn’t form a crack.

  The impact startled both my father and the woman whose head was in his lap. Both jerked up, wide-eyed and staring.

  "Get out of the car," Johnny ordered, pulling on the locked driver's side handle. When my father didn’t make a move to oblige, Johnny grabbed the door handle with both hands and began to pull on it violently, causing the car to shake. "Get out of the fucking car!" he roared, slamming the side of his fist on the window next to my father's head.

  I watched the scene unfold like a car crash, petrified but unable to look away. The woman in the car looked on in horror. I briefly wondered if she knew he was married. If she knew he was evil…

  My father looked enraged as he unlocked the car and shoved the door open. Johnny looked equally incensed, but he took a step back, giving my father the space required to actually obey his command and get out of the car.

  I shuffled closer, unsure but needing to get closer to this, needing to go to my boyfriend.

  "You," Johnny snarled, chest-heaving, when my father stood up and faced him. "Are the worst piece of shite I've ever had the misfortune of coming across – and that is saying something considering I've travelled the fucking world."

  They were face to face, foreheads pressing against the other like two raging bulls in a heated showdown. Fear choked me. If my father hit him, what would he do? Would he break up with me? I couldn’t control any of this. I felt as weak as my mother – as useless, too.

  "Only god fucking knows how you managed to father her," Johnny was roaring. "Because I sure as shit don’t understand how something so good could come from something so fucking toxic."

  "Who the fuck are you?" my father snarled, red-faced.

  "You should know me," Johnny seethed, shoving my father so hard that his back hit the side of the car with a loud bang. "I'm the rugby prick, remember?" Fisting the front of my father's shirt, Johnny reared his head back and bopped my father in the face. Blood sprayed everywhere and I flinched. "I'm your daughter's boyfriend," he continued, shoving my father against the car once more before swinging his fist and connecting with my father's jaw. "And I've been dying to meet you."

  "Who the hell do you think you are, you little shit?" my father bellowed, spitting out a mouthful of blood. "A spoiled, private school prick, that's who."

  "I'll tell you who I am," Johnny snarled, clearly livid, keeping my father pinned to the side of the car. "I'm the one trying to sort through a life's worth of damage you've caused her. You fucked your kids up and you don’t even care. You're a fucking disease and you deserve to be put down like the dog you are!"

  "Please don't!" Terrified, I hovered near the bonnet of the car, too afraid to move any closer. "Johnny," I continued to sob over and over as tears dripped down my cheeks. "Please just walk away."

  "Go back to the car, Shannon!" Johnny commanded.

  My father turned to look at me. "Shannon –"

  Feeling weak, I staggered backwards, shaking my head as if it could somehow stop him from talking to me.

  "Don't fucking look at her!" Johnny roared, hitting my father again. "You keep your goddamn eyes off her!"

  "Johnny, lad," Gibsie called out as he jogged towards us. "You need to walk away –"

  "Back the fuck up, Gibs!" Johnny roared. "I'm not done."

  Holding his hands up, Gibsie nodded and stepped back.

  "Hit me back, you fucking coward!" Johnny snarled. "You're so quick to put your hands on your girls, fucking try it with me! Come on, big man; hit me. See where it'll get ya!"

  "Get out of here before I call the Gards," my father roared. "You jumped-up prick."

  "And say what to them?" Johnny laughed in his face. "You can't touch me, you serpent." He shoved him again. "And you're little mind games? Whatever it is you do to get inside her head? It won't work on me." He shook his head and sneered. "I'm fucking bulletproof."

  "Johnny," I strangled
out. "Please just take me home…"

  Johnny shuddered and a furious growl tore through him. "Here's how this is going to work," he hissed, releasing his grip on my father's shirt. "You're going to get back in your car and drive far away. You're going to uphold the barring order and you're going to leave her alone. You're going to stay far away from your daughter's house and you're going to continue ignoring her, and I'm going to continue fixing the holes you've put in her. And if you ever touch her again, I'll know about it. One fucking bruise, I'll see it, and I'll know who put it there," he snarled, chest heaving. "And then I'll come for you, and when I do, god himself won't save you." He shoved him again. "Are we clear, you poisonous piece of shit?"

  My father didn't respond and, for a moment, I was terrified Johnny wouldn't walk away, but he did. Turning stiffly, he walked over to where I was cowering and held out his hand.

  Taking a step forward, I braced myself and placed my hand in his, feeling the commitment he was offering me wrap around my body like ivy. His touch calmed something deep down inside of me, soothing the terror enveloping me from being in my father's presence again.

  "I knew I was right about you, girl!" Dad sneered, brown eyes narrowed on me. "You're no daughter of mine."

  "She is your daughter, you sick fuck." Releasing my hand, Johnny spun around and stalked back to where my father was opening the door. "But you're no father to anyone," he snarled, throwing one final, unmerciful punch to his jaw that knocked my father to the ground. "See this piece of shit," Johnny demanded, glaring in the window at the woman screaming in the car. "He abuses women and children, so you should think about running while you still can."

  Having said that, Johnny turned around and closed the space between us. "You hit my dad," I croaked out, feeling numb, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me towards his car.

  "I did," he bit out, tightening his arm around my shoulders.

  "A lot," I whispered, knotting my fingers in the side of his hoodie.

  "He deserved it."

  "He did."

  "Are you okay?"

  "Are you?"

  "I don’t know."

  "Me either."

  Yanking the passenger door open, Johnny bundled me inside before closing the door and rounding the driver's side. Climbing inside, he slammed his door shut and pulled on his seatbelt, jaw clenched, tension emanating from him.

  "Good job, lad," Gibsie said, climbing into the back seat behind Johnny and patting his shoulder. "I'm proud of you for walking away."

  "I should have killed him," Johnny seethed, glaring out the windscreen, gripping the steering wheel with bloodied knuckles. "It's not enough."

  "Are you okay, Shan?" Claire asked, leaning forward to wrap her arms around me.

  Sniffling, I reached up and clutched her forearm. "Can we just go please?"

  Nodding stiffly, Johnny put the car in gear and tore out of the carpark, wheels screeching from the unnecessary speed.

  "Should we call the Gards?" Claire asked. "He's not supposed to go near you."

  "He didn't go near her," Gibsie replied calmly. "Johnny went near him."

  "Okay," Claire mumbled. "No Gards."

  "What if he calls them on you?" I strangled out, panicking. Turning to look at Johnny, I whispered, "What about The Academy?"

  "He won't do anything, Little Shannon," Gibsie interjected. "He couldn't if he wanted to – and even if he tried, Mr. K would have it sorted in an hour, so don't even worry about it."

  "Exactly, and Johnny's still a minor," Claire offered. "He was provoked by emotions. No one would blame him."

  "I'm right here," Johnny bit out. "Stop talking over me."

  "Sorry, lad," Gibsie replied. "We're just trying to figure this out."

  Exhaling heavily, Johnny ran a hand through his hair and glanced sideways at me. "Are you mad at me?"

  My breath hitched. "For w-what?"

  "For making it worse for you," he admitted gruffly. "I just…" Shaking his head, he blew out another frustrated breath. "He was right fucking there, and I saw red. I couldn't walk away. I knew I should, but I just…couldn't." He gripped the wheel tighter. "Not after what he did to you."

  "No one's blaming you, Johnny," Claire chimed in. "You did the right thing."

  "He deserved everything he got and more, lad," Gibsie added.

  "I'm sorry, Shannon," Johnny said in a low tone, ignoring the others. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby."

  My hand shot out of its own accord, gripping his forearm he was resting on the gearstick. "I love you so much," I breathed, feeling so much in this moment that I feared my heart might burst. "Don't say sorry."

  His shoulders visibly sagged as he turned his hand over and entwined our fingers. "Will you come home with me tonight?" He glanced at me, blue eyes blazing with heat. "Will you stay with me? So I know you're safe?"

  "Yeah." I blew out a shaky breath and nodded, knowing there was nowhere else I wanted to be than with him. "I'll stay with you."

  My gaze was riveted to the mobile phone flashing silently on the nightstand next to the bed. I didn’t dare reach over and answer it. In fact, I mentally envisioned myself climbing out of bed and throwing it out of the window instead. When I sent that text to Joey earlier, letting him know that I was staying at Johnny's, I should have turned my phone off. I knew it was Darren trying to call me, or worse, Mam. I couldn't deal with them right now.

  Remaining motionless, I immersed myself in the sensation of my heart thrashing against my ribcage, and the sound of my pulse thrumming wildly, while I desperately tried to remind myself that I was okay.

  For now…

  Only for now, Shannon.

  He saw you, and you saw that look in his eyes.

  Be afraid.

  He's coming back for you.

  Stop it!

  A shaky breath tore from my chest then, an involuntary reaction to my anxiety, as I contemplated what my future held in store for me. A deep groan came from nearby and I quickly swung my gaze to the boy sleeping on the far side of the enormous bed, sprawled out in his jocks, on top of the covers.

  Rolling onto my side, I pressed my cheek into my pillow and just soaked in the sight of him. "Johnny?" I croaked out, feeling anxious and desperate for some sort of comfort I wasn’t even sure he could give me. "Are you awake?"

  Silence.

  Chewing on my lip, I debated my next move.

  Should I get up?

  Go for a walk?

  Try to wake him up?

  My thoughts were scattered when I felt a warm hand cover mine. "Hi, Shannon," he whispered, eyes open now and locked on mine.

  "Hi, Johnny," I breathed, shivering from the physical contact.

  "Can't sleep?"

  I shook my head.

  "Scared?"

  I nodded, unable to speak now.

  His hand tightened around mine. "I'll keep you safe."

  "Come here," I whispered, holding onto his hand with a death grip. "I need you close."

  "You sure?"

  I nodded. "Positive."

  Releasing my hand, Johnny stood up and pulled back the covers before climbing in beside me.

  "Closer," I begged, rolling onto my side. "I need you."

  His arm came around me, pulling my back flush against his bare chest before settling his hand against my lower belly. "I'm right here, baby." His breath was hot on my neck, and then his lips were on my skin, pressing soft, hot kisses to my neck and collarbone. "You are not your father's daughter, and there's no orchard in the world far enough from the tree your apple fell from." His arms tightened around me, the heat from his body cocooning me. "He won't break you, because I won't let that happen. Not ever."

  "I love you, Johnny Kavanagh," I choked out, clenching my eyes shut as I grabbed his arm and held it to my chest. "Most in the world."

  "I love you back, Shannon Lynch," he said quietly in my ear and I felt the connection I had to him in the deepest part of my soul. "Most in the world."

  "For
keeps?" I breathed.

  He kissed my shoulder. "For keeps."

  53

  You Don't Steal Kids, Lad

  Johnny

  Shannon Lynch changed me.

  I knew that sounded like contrite bullshit, but it was the truth.

  That day back in January, when I knocked her out with my ball, I'd been so fucking lost and miserable. I hadn't realized just how much until I looked into those midnight-blue eyes and was met with an almost mirror replica of my own secrets and pain. I was hurt and scared for reasons completely different to hers, but something snapped into place for me that day, and I hadn't been the same since.

  She happened to me when I least expected her. I didn’t want it, wasn’t willing to negotiate with the change I knew she would bring. So, I blocked her out. I kept her at arm's length. Until one day, I couldn’t do it anymore.

  It took me some time to figure out what was happening to me, to understand the feelings thrashing through me, but once I did, once I accepted what I was feeling and set my sights on her, I was all in.

  Five months had passed since the day she burst into my life, throwing everything in a spin, and my feelings for her were deeper than ever. I honest to god felt like I was drowning in everything she was. Her pain, her smiles, her horrible fucking family, her playful personality – the one that peeked out when we were alone together. I was completely caught up in her.

  I was fairly sure that neither of us had a clue of what we were doing – I certainly didn't – but I knew whatever it was, I had no intention of stopping. She wasn't a test I could study for, or a match I could prepare for with practice and countless hours at the gym. For the first time in my life, I was out of my element, and winging my way through a relationship I wasn't entirely sure how to navigate, but the feelings she evoked from me were addictive. Fuck addictive, I was obsessed with my girlfriend. I was in so deep with her that I could hardly breathe and still, I jumped in deeper, pushed down further, wanted more and took it, doing whatever I could to just be with her.