Keeping 13

by Chloe Walsh

  "I know," I mumbled, and I did. I had some clarity now, something I didn't have in the past. I could see my brother in a different light. I knew Darren loved us, and he showed us just how much by doing the right thing and letting us go to the Kavanaghs. He and Alex couldn't raise the boys on their own; they both had careers and were too young to make that kind of commitment, and he admitted that.

  "And your aunty Alice phoned," Mrs. Kavanagh added. "Your Nanny is settling in down in Beara. She wanted us to know that Nanny is fine, and you and Joey aren't to worry about her."

  "Is she really fine?" I croaked out, thinking about how frail my great-grandmother looked the last day I saw her – the day after my parents' funeral, when she climbed into a car filled with all of her possessions, and left for her new home in Beara with her granddaughter. "Are you sure?"

  "She's old, she's tired, and she's grieving, Shannon," Mrs. Kavanagh replied gently. "It's time for her to unwind now. Have a bit of peace and quiet in her life. Your aunt is taking good care of her."

  "My Onny," Sean announced then, holding a picture of two green circles up in his hands. "Sean and my Onny."

  "Wow!" Mrs. Kavanagh gushed as she stood up to inspect Sean's picture. "This one is the best you've done."

  Sean beamed up at her. "My Onny."

  "Yes, love," Mrs. Kavanagh chuckled, taking the picture from Sean's sticky fingers and hanging it up on the fridge. "He's your Johnny."

  Understatement of the century. Sean was obsessed with Johnny. Seriously, he followed him around everywhere, watching his every move. In the beginning, I was worried because I didn't want Johnny to feel uncomfortable. I felt bad enough that we were in his personal space without my baby brother clinging to him like a monkey, but Johnny didn't seem to mind in the slightest. In fact, he always made time for Sean. Every evening when he got home from the gym or training, he would sit on the couch with Sean and listen patiently as he babbled on about his day. Most of what Sean said made zero sense, but Johnny always listened to him anyway, responding with enthusiastic words of encouragement and smiles. Yeah, it was safe to say that my baby brother had attached himself to my boyfriend, and I was terrified of how he would react when Johnny left for France next week.

  "Sean, love, will you go down to the office and get John?" Mrs. Kavanagh said then. "And tell him his dinner's ready?"

  Nodding eagerly, Sean bounded out of the kitchen with Sookie hot on his heels.

  "Good boy," Mrs. Kavanagh called after him before turning her smiling face back to me. "Now that we have a minute alone, I wanted to talk to you about something."

  Instantly, I began to panic. "Uh, okay?" Setting my fork and knife down, I tucked my hair behind my ears and tried not to fidget. "Wh-what about?" Don't send us away. Please god, don't send us away…

  "Relax, pet, there's nothing wrong," Mrs. Kavanagh coaxed, taking the stool opposite mine. I blew out a ragged breath and felt my shoulders sag in relief. "I just wanted to have a little girls' chat."

  "Okay." I gave her my full attention, feeling more gratitude for this woman than I knew what to do with. "Of course."

  "So, the camping trip for Johnny's birthday is next Wednesday," she said, brown eyes warm and focused on mine.

  "Um, yeah," I replied, nodding.

  "And you'll all be sharing tents," she continued. "Boys and girls… You and Johnny."

  I blushed as awareness dawned on me. Suddenly, I knew exactly where she was going with this. "I'll be sleeping in Claire's tent," I lied, feeling heat creep up my neck. "It won't be a problem."

  "I love you for trying to put me at ease," Mrs. Kavanagh replied, smirking. "But I'd be a foolish woman to believe you."

  I reddened.

  "I'm not mad at you, Shannon, love," she hurried to soothe. "I've actually been in a situation very similar to yours." Smiling, she reached over and took my hand. "I lived with John's family for years before we married."

  My mouth fell open. "You did?"

  "I did," she confirmed. "I ran away from home when I was a little younger than you are now. John's mother took me in. She put a roof over my head, fed and clothed me, and she gave me access to an education that sparked a successful career in fashion." She gave my fingers a gentle squeeze before saying, "She gave me the second chance I desperately needed. She saw something in me, something I didn't even see in myself at the time, and she nourished it. She was a wonderful woman, and when she was dying, I never hesitated about moving back to Cork to take care of her," Mrs. Kavanagh continued. "Johnny was furious to leave Dublin and the city life behind him, but I knew I had to come back here. I wanted my son to grow up in the same place his father had. To be around the kind of goodness that just naturally seemed to ooze from his grandmother. I wanted to nourish those roots." Smiling, she added, "That's why we stayed in Cork, and because my son grew into the man he is today, I know I made the right decision."

  "Whoa," I breathed, feeling a swell of emotions surge through my chest. "She sounds like an incredible person." Just like you.

  "She was," Mrs. Kavanagh agreed, smiling fondly. "But what I loved her most for was the day she sat me down in her kitchen and gave me the most uncomfortable talk I'd ever sat through in my life." Mrs. Kavanagh smirked. "Kind of like the talk I'm about to have with you now."

  Oh god.

  "I know you love my son," she continued. "And I know he loves you very deeply in return. Therefore, I'd be a foolish woman to put my head in the sand and pretend that you're not both experiencing urges."

  "Urges?" I croaked out, mortified. Oh my god!

  "Urges," Mrs. Kavanagh confirmed. "Like the kind of urges I found you both giving into last month?"

  Oh no.

  Please god no…

  "Johnny's a good boy, Shannon," she continued. "He truly is, but he loses his head around you."

  Embarrassed, I clasped my hands together and swallowed down a whimper. "I'm sorry?" I finally offered, not knowing what else to say. "For taking his head?"

  "I want you to know that John and I both think you are a wonderful influence on our son," she added, smiling. "I've seen Johnny come out of himself more and more since you came into his life. He's playful again. Behaving like an actual teenage boy. I was worried that was gone for him, but you bring the boy out of him – but you also bring the reckless out of him." Sighing, she added, "I'm not a silly woman, Shannon, love. I understand what's happening here, and living in close quarters like this…well, I need to make sure that you're protecting yourself."

  "Oh my god," I choked out, close to tears from the shame.

  "I've had this very same conversation with Jonathon a dozen times, but I know he's lying to me about your physical relationship."

  I blinked rapidly. "Uh…"

  "And I know that if I ask you the same questions, you'll lie, too," she added. "I love my son, Shannon, more than words can express, but if he gets you into trouble, I will kill him. You're in my care, love. I'm responsible for you, and I love you, and while I can supervise your relationship while you're at home, I need to be prepared for what happens when I'm not around. Like this camping trip, for example."

  "Uh…" I really didn't know what to say other than, "Uh…"

  With another warm smile, she asked, "Did your mother ever talk to you about birth control?"

  "Um, no." Blushing, I re-tucked my hair behind my ear and sighed. "She wasn’t much of a contraception woman." It was a terrible joke, and I hung my head in shame. "No, she didn't," I whispered. "We didn't have that kind of relationship."

  "So, you're not on anything?

  I shook my head, not meeting her gaze.

  "How would you feel about us making an appointment with the GP?"

  I peeked up at her. "What do you think?"

  "I think I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't," she said with a wry smile. "If I take you, it's almost like I'm approving, which I most certainly am not – at least not until you're twenty-five, minimum – and if I don't and something happens, I'll have failed y
ou both. So, I'm thinking I'll go with the first option and to hell what anyone thinks of it."

  "Are you mad at me?"

  She laughed softly. "No, Shannon."

  I blew out a shaky breath. "You won't kick me out?"

  "Never," she vowed, squeezing my hand. "This is your forever home – you and your brothers – and you're going nowhere, okay? I'm just preventing something from happening – like the death of my son if he so much as contemplates putting his private parts near yours and making me a grandmother before I turn fifty."

  I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry, run, or throw my arms around this woman. "Okay." Swallowing deeply, I nodded. "I'd like that – the, uh, appointment," I quickly amended. "With the birth doctor." I shook my head, flustered. "I mean the GP."

  Mrs. Kavanagh smiled. "Good girl."

  I smiled weakly. "Thanks."

  "But this is not a free pass," she added, tone sterner now. "My house rules still stand. No sharing bedrooms. No closed doors when you're hanging out together, and no Jonathan creeping into your bedroom at night, and absolutely no private parts touching –"

  "Bacon and cabbage? Thank you, Jesus!" Johnny's voice filled the kitchen and I spun around to watch him toss a gear bag on the floor and saunter into the room, looking freshly showered and devastatingly beautiful. It was actually painful to look at him in the summer time in those damn loose-fitting vests he wore – the ones that showcased every protruding muscle on his sculpted chest and arms. I could see his brown nipple when he turned sideways and I discreetly clamped my thighs together.

  "I'm bleeding starving, Ma." Grinning, he walked straight for us, smoothing a hand down my back before reaching for my plate. "You done with that, Shan?" I opened my mouth to tell him yes, but he was already inhaling what was left on my plate. "Fucking delicious," he mumbled between bites, giving his mother a wink. "My stomach loves you."

  "Language, Jonathon," his mother scolded, although she had a ghost of a smile on her lips. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

  "Keep feeding me like this, and I'll do anything you want," was his mumbled response. Walking to the stove with my now-empty plate, he started to pile another heaping of bacon and cabbage for himself. "Any spuds going, Ma?"

  "On the counter," Mrs. Kavanagh mused, rolling her eyes at him.

  Nodding in approval, Johnny sauntered back to the island and sank down on the stool next to mine. "Where's my small man?" he asked, pausing to press a kiss to my cheek before reaching across the counter and loading five potatoes onto his plate. "What? I need the carbs," he said with a wink when I arched my brow at him.

  "Sean's down in the office with your father," Mrs. Kavanagh explained, watching her son carefully as he shoveled food into his mouth with a gusto. "Shannon and I were having a chat about sex, weren't we, love?"

  Johnny coughed so loudly that I was sure he'd swallowed his food down the wrong pipe. "Sex," he finally replied, clearing his throat several times.

  "Yes, and the camping trip," his mother replied. "And birth control methods."

  "Sex and the camping trip," I blurted out anxiously, the words pouring out of my mouth like vomit. "And no grandchildren!"

  He coughed louder this time, his face turning slightly purple. "Christ," he finally choked out, eyes trained on his plate. "That's a lot of information to take in on a Friday evening."

  "And we went over the house rules again," Mrs. Kavanagh added, keeping a watchful eye on her son's face. "You remember those, don't you, love?"

  "I remember Da asking me to do something," Johnny announced, shoving back his stool. Grabbing his plate, he bolted for the kitchen door, calling out, "What's that, Da?" before legging out of the kitchen. "Yeah, I'll be right there."

  "She's putting you on the pill?" were the first words that came out of Johnny's mouth when he slipped into my bedroom later that night.

  "Shh," I whispered, hurrying to close my bedroom door behind him. "Ollie's right across the hall and he's still on lookout patrol – and I don't have a lock on my door."

  "That little turncoat," Johnny muttered, rubbing his jaw. He was wearing a pair of red boxers and his hair was sticking up like always. "I offered him a tenner to turn a blind eye."

  "And your mother offered him twenty every time he reported you near my bedroom door," I reminded him. "He's almost up to the price of that new Lego set he wants, so he's out for your blood."

  "That's bleeding lovely, isn't it?" Johnny grumbled, padding over to my bed. "First, Tadhg takes my dog as his bed buddy, and now Ollie's taking my backup."

  "Oh, so I'm your backup now?" I folded my arms across my chest, watching as he dove onto my bed and rested his hands on his stomach. "Wow, Sookie must be a great spooner."

  "You're my queen," he purred, slapping his thighs. "So, come here and let me worship ya."

  Giggling, I flicked off the light and raced over to my bed. Climbing onto his lap, I smothered a squeal when he slipped his hands under the hem of my nightie. "You're so full of it," I snickered, leaning down to brush my lips against his.

  "So, what's all this about birth control?" he asked against my lips.

  "Your Mam asked me if I wanted to go on something," I told him, pulling back to gauge his reaction. "She offered to make me an appointment with the GP."

  "Oh." His hands moved under my nightie to grip my waist. "And what did you say?"

  I trailed my fingers down his abs and smiled. "I said yes."

  His eyes blazed with heat. "Yeah?"

  "But you're still not allowed in here," I whispered, biting down on my lip to stop myself from moaning when Johnny bucked his hips upwards and I felt all of him growing against me.

  "No?" His voice was husky, his tone flirtatious. "Are you going to tell on me, Shan?" He pulled me down hard against his waist as he thrust upwards. "Hmm?" He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my knickers and tugged. "Are you going to rat me out for being in your bed?" Releasing the elastic so that it snapped back against my flesh, he palmed my ass. "Are you going to do me wrong, baby?"

  Breathless, I shook my head. "Never."

  He smirked. "Christ, you're so fucking sexy."

  Oh god. "Johnny…"

  "And your skin is so smooth –" Reaching for the hem of my nightie, he sat up and slowly dragged it over my head. "Tell me if you don't want this," he whispered, his bare chest brushing against mine. "And we'll stop."

  "D-do you remember that night in your room?" I asked, heart racing violently in my chest. "Before your mother came in?"

  Johnny nodded slowly.

  "That's what I want," I whispered when words found me again. "That's what I need from you."

  "Are you sure?" he asked in a raspy tone of voice.

  I nodded. "Hundred percent." We hadn't slept together since that first time, and knowing he was leaving soon made the pressure in my chest too much to take. "I want to be with you before you leave," I told him, surprising myself with my bravery. Pulling back, I looked him in the eyes and said, "I want us to be together before you go away. In every possible way."

  "Shannon, I'm coming back to you," Johnny replied, eyes burning with heat. "There's no rush."

  "I know," I replied.

  "And I don't want to pressure you," he added. "Not after everything you've been through –"

  "I need this connection with you, Johnny," I told him. "I do. I need it."

  "Yeah." He blew out a shaky breath. "I need that with you, too, Shan."

  My heart fluttered. "Really?"

  "Fucking always." He rolled me onto my back and teased my mouth with his. "Are you going to ruin me, Shannon like the river?" He pressed a hot kiss to my lips. "Hmm?" His lips trailed to my neck and then my bare breast. Flicking his tongue over my nipple, he asked. "Are you going to break me?"

  "No." My spine jack-knifed off the mattress when he spread kisses up the inside of my thighs. His lips were soft, his jaw scratchy and ticklish against the apex of my thighs, causing every muscle south of my bellybutton to contract. Exhaling a
ragged breath, I buried my fingers in his hair and moaned. "I would never break you."

  "Then you better plan on keeping me," he warned, settling between my legs. "Because I'm all fucking yours." Hooking his fingers into the waistband of my knickers, he slid them off before settling my legs on his shoulders. "Keep your eyes on that door," he ordered before dipping his head between my legs.

  "Oh my god." Closing my eyes, I rocked into his touch, fingers knotting in his hair. "Johnny…"

  "Shh," he coaxed, teasing me with his fingers and tongue. "Keep your eyes on that door and don't make a sound."

  "Oh, Jesus," I cried out, heart fluttering wildly in my chest. "Okay, okay…" Moaning into my hand, I pulled on his hair, hips bucking frantically against his face. "Oh…I'm…Johnny, I –"

  "You're not watching out," he growled, raising himself up on his elbows, and breaking the contact. "You need to keep your eyes on that bleeding door, Shan. She's like a fucking sniffer hound – and that brother of yours is worse! Keep moaning my name and I'm a dead man."

  "I don’t care," I practically hissed, flopping back on the pillow. "It doesn’t even matter. Just keep going… please!"

  "Believe me, it matters." Pressing a kiss to the curve of my thigh, he grumbled, "And you will care if she kills me."

  "Fine –" Nodding frantically, I forced myself to strangle out the words, "Eyes…door…got it."

  "Thank you," Johnny replied before getting back down to business.

  "Johnny!" I cried out, eyes rolling back in my head. "What are you…oh my god, yes –"

  "Fuck, you're going to get me killed," he groaned. With an impatient growl, he removed my legs from his shoulders and reached forward to hook me under my arms. "If I'm going out tonight –" he paused to lift me up and toss me further up the bed, "Then I'm going out inside you." Lowering himself back down on top of me, he kissed my lips, smothering my moans with skillful thrusts of his tongue.

  Reaching down, I pushed at the waistband of his boxers, desperate to feel skin on skin. "Take them off," I begged against his lips. "Please."