Keeping 13

by Chloe Walsh

  "Alright, lad," Hughie coaxed, holding his hands up, eyeing Gibsie warily. "You won't hear any more complaints from me."

  Gibsie nodded stiffly before turning his glare on Lizzie. "And you?"

  "For Claire's sake, I'll suck it up," Lizzie bit out.

  "Good." Readjusting the slab of beer in his hands, Gibsie said, "Now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to go and find somewhere to take a shit because I've been holding one in since we left Ballylaggin – and I had a curry last night, so you can only imagine the pressure I'm under right now."

  "You go do that, lad," Feely mused, slapping a roll of toilet paper on top of the case of beer in Gibsie's arms before he hurried off into the bushes. "We're all shiny, happy people here."

  "Now listen up," Johnny said, drawing everyone's attention to him. "I personally couldn't give a shite if you're happy to be here or not. I don't care if you're being a pack of spoilt brats because we're still in Cork. I don't care if you don't particularly like one another. I don't care if you're in a fight with each other. I don't even care that it's my eighteenth. I. Don't. Care. Not one iota of fucks do I give about any of that crap," he growled, glaring at Katie, Hughie, and Lizzie. "I care that I have two days left with my girlfriend – two days – and then I'm gone for the summer. We've had a hard year. We've had surgeries and funerals, fires and loss. We've seen more hospitals and tears than you could comprehend in your little pea brains, and suffered some serious fucking upheaval. This is our break – our little time out from all the shite back home, so you are not going to mess this up for me, and you're definitely not going to mess this up for her. Are we clear?"

  "As a whistle," Feely replied.

  "Not you," Johnny shot back. "Them."

  "Jesus, you're right," Hughie said, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry, guys."

  "Yeah," Katie agreed, red-faced. "We were being selfish."

  "Me, too," Lizzie sighed. "Sorry, Shan, I didn't even think about what this trip meant for you and Johnny."

  "A lot," Johnny bit out. "It means a lot for us."

  They all nodded in understanding.

  "Then let's get this show on the road," Feely declared, grabbing an armful of bags. "Onwards and upwards."

  Ignoring the huffing and puffing around me, I focused my attention on ogling my boyfriend, appreciating the way the blue swimming trunks he was wearing hung low on his indented hips. There was this deep V between his hipbones, a clear sign that he took very good care of his body, and a trail of dark hair from his navel that disappeared beneath the waistband of his shorts. His thighs were just so thick with muscle – his calves, too. Everything about Johnny was just so tight, and toned, and huge.

  "Like what you see?" he asked, catching me staring.

  I blushed beetroot red. "Uh, sorry?"

  Chuckling softly to himself, Johnny closed the boot of his car and grabbed our bags off the ground. "Come on, my little peeping-tom," he teased, slinging an arm over my shoulder. "But don't feel bad for staring." He leaned close to my ear before whispering, "I've been doing some peeping of my own."

  "Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "Sure you have."

  "Are you kidding me? You're wearing a white vest and no bra. You're lucky I didn't crash the bleeding car on the way up here, I was staring at you so hard," he shot back with a wolfish grin. "I was winding that car window down and willing the breeze to get you."

  "Oh my god," I laughed, wrapping an arm around him. "You're so weird."

  "Yeah, that's probably true," he agreed with a chuckle. "This is going to be a good trip, Shan."

  "Yeah." I sighed contently. "I think you're right."

  "You're doing it wrong again!" Lizzie hissed, shoving at Gibsie's chest when he attempted to help her and Claire erect their tent. "You're so bloody clueless."

  "Do you see mine and Feely's pitched tent over there?" Gibsie bit out tightly, threading the pole through the fabric. "Looks a lot better than yours, doesn't it? Because I know what I'm doing, so get off my back!"

  "But the instructions say you're supposed to do it this way," Lizzie continued to argue, waving a sheet of paper in his face. "Would you just put that damn pole down and look at this! Come on, don't be thick and just look at the instructions!"

  "Oh, yeah sure. No problem –" Grabbing the instructions out of her hands, Gibsie balled the paper up and threw it in the river. "That's what I think of your instructions."

  "Why did you do that?" Lizzie demanded, slapping his chest again. "I was trying to show you –"

  "Because I can't fucking read them," he roared in her face. "And I don't need you to show me anything."

  "Guys, stop," Claire warned, stepping in between them. "Liz, don't push him."

  "It was a picture," Lizzie screamed right back at him, stepping around Claire to get up in Gibsie's face again. "I wasn't mocking your learning difficulties."

  "No, of course you weren't," he shot back with a sneer. "You were just calling me thick and clueless for the fun of it." Bristling, he shook his head and continued threading the pole through the hoops in the fabric of the tent. "It's all just shits and giggles for you, isn't it, Liz? You can say whatever the hell you want to anyone and we're all supposed to just take it because you have issues."

  "Don't you dare, Gibs," Lizzie hissed, eyes narrowed, as she continued to shove at Gibsie, pushing him backwards. "Don't you fucking dare bring that up!"

  "Guys, come away from the bank," Claire ordered in a worried tone. "You're going to fall into the river."

  "Why not?" Gibsie demanded, backing away from Lizzie, and moving precariously close to the edge of the water bank. "You clearly have a huge one with me, so why don't you just get it off your chest?" he taunted. "Once and for all."

  Panicked, I looked around for Johnny but he was gone back to the carpark to collect the last of our things with Hughie.

  "Just stay back," Katie whispered in my ear, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Those two are like a volcano that's been waiting to erupt for years." Sighing, she added, "And you don't need to be near it when it happens, Shan."

  "Whoa," Feely called out, sprinting out of his and Gibsie's tent and moving towards them. "Let's just take it back a notch, everyone –"

  "You know what he did to her," Lizzie snarled. "You know what he cost me!"

  "I'm not him!" Gibsie roared at the top of his lungs, throwing his hands up in the air. "I had nothing to do with that!"

  "What the hell is going on?" Johnny and Hughie demanded in unison as they jogged through the tree line towards the camp. "Hey – stop it, the pair of ye!"

  "Gibs, get away from the water –" Hughie started to call out, but his voice was drowned out by Lizzie's high-pitched scream.

  "He's your family!" Lizzie screamed and then shoved at Gibsie's chest. "And you're just like him!" Like a scene from a horror movie, I watched as Lizzie shoved Gibsie again, causing him to tumble over the edge of the bank.

  The moment Gibsie fell into the water, all hell broke loose.

  "Oh my god, he's drowning!"

  "Get him out!"

  "Gibs, hold on, lad!"

  Panicked, I moved to jump in after him, but I couldn't because I didn't know how to swim. With my heart in my mouth, I watched as he completely froze up in the water, eyes wide and full of terror, before he started to sink like a stone. He didn't even flail or flap around. He just froze.

  Johnny, Hughie, and Feely all ran past me then, jumping into the river after him.

  "Gerard!" Claire screamed, rushing towards the bank. "Gerard!"

  "I'm sorry," Lizzie choked out, looking like she was in shock. "I didn't mean –"

  "Why would you do that to him, Lizzie?" Claire began to scream. And then she did something I never expected her to do. She slapped Lizzie across the face. "He's afraid of water, you heartless bitch," Claire continued to scream. "And you know he is."

  Lizzie shook her head, looking like she was in the first stage of shock. "I didn't mean – I didn't – I swear –"

  "You're okay, buddy,
" Hughie coaxed, holding Gibsie's pale face in between his hands and out of the water, as Johnny swam back towards the bank with his trembling frame slung over his shoulder. "We've got you," Hughie continued to say in a soothing tone, treading the water, as Feely hauled himself back onto the riverbank. "We're right here. You're with us, okay? You're not back there. That's it – good job, lad. Just keep nice and calm…"

  "Have you got him?" Johnny demanded, breathing hard, as he thrust Gibsie's limp body towards Feely who was lying on his stomach, leaning over the edge of the bank, with his arms stretched out to take their friend. "Don't let him go, Pa –"

  "I have him, Cap," Feely replied, grabbing Gibsie under the arms. "I won't let you go, buddy."

  Gibsie looked like a frightened little boy, frozen in shock, as Feely hauled him out of the water and onto the muddy bank.

  He collapsed on his hands and knees at the edge, and the sounds that were coming from his throat were gut-wrenching. It was almost like the keening noise of a wounded animal.

  "Good, man," Feely panted, dropping down beside Gibsie and placing a hand on his back. "Shh, you're safe."

  Johnny hauled himself out of the water next, followed swiftly by Hugh, and then all three of the boys were kneeling beside Gibsie, whispering words I couldn’t make out in his ear.

  Frozen to the spot, I watched as Gibsie scrambled away from the river bank on his hands and knees, not stopping until his back was pressed to the trunk of a nearby tree. He was shaking violently, with his head bowed, and his hands clasped loosely around his knees, clearly wrestling to get his breathing under control.

  "It's okay, Gerard," Claire soothed as she knelt in front of him with a towel in her hand. "Shh…" With aching tenderness, she gently dabbed at his face and hair. "I'm right here with you." Moving onto his shoulders, she gently dried him off with the towel before wrapping it around his shoulders and cupping his pale face in her hands. "Deep breaths." Pressing her forehead to his, she stroked his cheeks and whispered, "I'll keep you safe."

  "Is he okay?" Katie asked, sounding concerned. "Gibs?"

  "He'd be a lot better if all of you stopped staring at him," Claire hissed, shifting her body so that Gibsie's face was hidden from view from the rest of us. "He's not a fucking circus!"

  Whoa…

  "Gibsie, I'm sorry," Lizzie blurted out, tears streaming down her cheeks, as she rushed towards him. "I swear, I didn't mean to –"

  "Get away from him!" Claire snarled, taking a defensive stance in front of a boy who was more than twice her size. "Get back. All of you!"

  "I didn't mean it," Lizzie choked out. "I swear –"

  "Just give it a bleeding rest," Johnny growled, climbing to his feet. "You could have killed him."

  "I know, and I'm so sorry!" Lizzie sobbed, shaking her head. "I didn't mean it –"

  "You never mean it," Hughie muttered, stalking over to Katie, who was holding a towel out for him. "But we're all getting really tired of hearing that excuse, Liz."

  "I said I'm sorry –"

  "Well, sorry doesn't bleeding cut it this time."

  "You can chalk that down, Cap."

  "You could have killed him! What part of that don't you get?"

  "Guys, stop," I choked out, feeling a huge swell of sympathy for Lizzie, who looked genuinely remorseful – and seconds away from a nervous breakdown. "She didn't mean it."

  "She meant it, Shannon!" Hughie snapped.

  "Hey – don't snap at her," Johnny warned, coming to stand in front of me.

  "I wasn't."

  "You fucking were!"

  "Alright, lads, just simmer on down," Feely interjected. "Lizzie knows she was wrong, she's clearly sorry, so there's no need to start throwing shit at her – or each other."

  "But she –" Hughie started to object, but Feely cut him off.

  "You're perfect now, Hugh?" he asked, arching a brow. "And you, Kav?" He turned to Johnny. "You've never lost your head in a fight?"

  "We've never tried to drown anyone," Hughie shot back, glowering at Lizzie.

  "She didn't try to drown him," Feely stated calmly. "Don't be so fucking dramatic. She lost her temper and pushed him. He fell in and panicked. We know why. It's shit, it's sucks, it happened, now let's get on with it."

  "And I'm so sorry," Lizzie sobbed.

  "They know," Feely replied. Turning to Lizzie, he crooked a finger and said, "Come here."

  "Wh-what?"

  "I said come here," he repeated in a no-nonsense tone of voice. "Now." Stunned, I watched as Lizzie complied without a word and walked over to him. "Now, you and I are going to go for a walk and let them all cool off," Feely said, taking ahold of her hand. "And we're going to come back when everyone here remembers that they're not perfect angels."

  "O-okay." Sniffling, Lizzie nodded and let Feely lead her away from the campsite.

  "Are you okay?" I asked, following Johnny as he walked over to our tent and crawled inside. "Johnny?"

  "I'm grand, Shan," he replied, digging a towel out of his bag. "I'm just a bit rattled." Sinking down on his knees, he toweled off his chest and back before sighing heavily. "This day is a bleeding disaster."

  "Not necessarily," I offered, scooting onto my knees to watch him clean up.

  "They're all fighting," he grumbled, dragging the towel through his hair.

  "We're not," I whispered.

  He paused and lowered the towel. "True."

  "And we're together," I added, smiling.

  He smiled back at me. "Another truth."

  "What happened back there, Johnny?" I asked then, desperately trying to keep my eyes off his lower half when he slipped his wet swimming trunks off and tossed them out of the opening of our tent. "Can Gibsie not swim?"

  "He can swim," Johnny corrected, rummaging around for a clean pair of boxers. "He just panicked."

  "Why?"

  "His father and sister drowned when he was small," Johnny muttered, brows furrowed, as he concentrated on pulling on his jocks. "They got into trouble out at sea or something like that." Shrugging, he added, "He's had an issue with water ever since."

  "Oh my god," I strangled out, heart cracking clean open in my chest. "When did this happen?"

  "His Holy Communion day, I think? So that would have made him seven?" Johnny replied, tone hoarse. Giving up on pulling his jocks up his wet legs, he kicked them back off and covered himself with a towel instead. "It was a long time before I moved down to Cork. He's only ever spoken about it once to me, and that was when I was eleven, so it's all a bit hazy, but I remember him telling me that his parents were going through a shitbomb of a separation at the time. I'm not sure of the ins and outs of it, but it was really bleeding messy, babe – affairs galore. Anyway, they all rallied together for the day that was in it and threw a massive joint party for both Gibs and Hughie."

  "Hughie?"

  "Well yeah, it was his communion, too, Shan," Johnny explained. "And their two families have always been close. They were practically raised together."

  "Oh." I nodded. "Okay."

  "Anyway, his stepdad Keith had spent a fortune to have the party at this flashy hotel by the coast for Gibs," Johnny continued, "and his father wanted to outdo him, so he rented a boat and took a bunch of them out on the water."

  "Oh no," I croaked out, covering my mouth with my hands, not sure if I wanted to hear the rest of this story.

  "They got into some sort of trouble," Johnny said. "I don't know all of the details, but Gibsie and his sister Bethany got knocked overboard."

  A sob tore through me. "No."

  Johnny sighed sadly. "Their Da went in for them, but he didn't come back out." Releasing a heavy sigh, he added, "His sister didn't either."

  Oh my god. "What about Gibsie?" I strangled out, dabbing at the tears trickling down my cheeks. "How did he get out?"

  "That's the part he won't tell me," Johnny muttered. "I know it has something to do with the Biggs family – and maybe even Claire? But I presume one of them swam out and saved him."
He shrugged again, looking a little helpless. "He doesn't talk about it, and I don't push."

  "How old was she?"

  Johnny paused and thought about it for a moment before responding. "Gibs was seven, so she would have been two or three?"

  My heart broke. "She was only a baby?"

  "Yeah." Johnny exhaled a heavy sigh. "She would have been about Sean's age."

  "Oh my god." I shook my head, struggling to comprehend what I'd just heard. "I can't believe this."

  "We all have our secrets," Johnny replied quietly. "We're all a little fractured, Shan."

  "Can Gerard and I have your keys?" Claire's voice filled my ears seconds before her head popped through the opening of our tent. Without a word, Johnny grabbed his keys off the tent floor and handed them to her. "Thanks," she replied before disappearing once more.

  "Do you think he should be driving after what happened?" I asked, worried.

  Johnny shrugged. "Probably not, but he needs space," he told me, brows set in a deep frown as he focused on plucking wet strands of grass off his shin and then tossing them away. "He'll go for a drive with her, she'll do whatever she does that brings him back down, and then he'll bounce back again."

  "Claire?"

  "Claire," he confirmed with a nod.

  "I think they have secrets," I admitted, shifting closer to him.

  "I think you're right," Johnny agreed. "But whatever he needs right now, he'll get that from her." Shaking his head, he added, "I can't give it to him."

  "What about you?" I asked in a gentle tone. He was trying to put on a brave face, but I saw the concern in his eyes earlier – the sheer helplessness. "What do you need right now?"

  Johnny reached over and pulled me onto his lap. "I have everything I need right here."