Rites of Passage

by Catherine Gayle

I shook my head. “Don’t think that’s a good plan right now. She doesn’t really know many of them, and the ones she’s met before have kids.”

  He nodded, with a thoughtful, serious expression. “No kids right now, huh? What about overactive, overly friendly puppies that might have a problem with peeing from too much excitement?”

  I was about to try to brush him off again, but then I thought better of it. Maybe I didn’t know Bear all that well, but he did owe me after dropping off his kid and puppy at my place that day with no warning. And if Ravyn went over to hang out with Snoopy when she left work, she wouldn’t be alone. In a situation like this, puppy love might be better for her than anything. That dog would love her unconditionally, probably wagging his tail for days and licking her into submission.

  I’d never thought about hurting myself, but I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to do something like that with a puppy showering them with affection.

  “You sure you wouldn’t mind?” I asked.

  “Nah. Besides, Snoopy needs some company. And he’ll let me get to sleep a hell of a lot sooner if he’s had someone to jump and drool on for a while before I get home.” He stood up. “Key’s under the potted plant by the back door. The gate’s not locked. Tell her to be careful where she steps and I’ll clean up any pee I find when I get home, so she should just go get some love from him. Guest bed’s made up if she wants to sleep, but that little fucker is going to insist on being under the blankets with her, so she’d better be prepared for that. He’ll rip the shit out of my carpet and howl so loud she’ll never be able to sleep if she tries to shut him out.”

  “Got it. Thanks,” I said, but he was already stalking off.

  “Is he serious?” Ravyn said into the phone.

  “So you heard all of that?”

  “Every word.”

  “Well, he’s serious,” I said. “And I think it’s a good idea.”

  She was quiet for longer than I would have liked, but then she made a humming sound. “I think so, too.”

  “So you’ll go over there when you leave work?”

  “I will.”

  I rattled off his address and promised I’d meet her there as soon as physically possible.

  We talked for a few more minutes, but not too long because she had to get back to work and I had to get ready for the game. But by the time I hung up with her, I was breathing a bit easier.

  She might have thought about cutting herself, but she hadn’t done it yet. And she had actively reached out to me and to Rick. She was looking for alternatives. She’d been up front with me when she’d thought about hurting herself.

  Maybe she was finally starting to come out of her depression. She might not be in the clear yet, but she was trying to get there. And there wasn’t any good reason for me to doubt her. She was proving the opposite, actually.

  No more needless worrying about her when I needed to focus on my job. It wouldn’t do either of us any good, and she deserved better than to have me constantly hovering and assuming the worst.

  The two-touch game was in full swing by the time I made it out to join the rest of the guys. Prince headed the soccer ball in my direction as soon as I arrived, and I had to back up a few steps to catch a piece of it with my toe, sending it straight back in his direction.

  “You’re late,” Prince said, but he took his eye off the ball for a half a second to do so. That was half a second too long. It hit the ground, and he closed his eyes and dropped his head back in defeat. “Well, fuck.”

  “At least my head’s in the game,” I said.

  And I meant it.

  Finally.

  Now I needed to figure out who numbers forty-seven and sixty-four, my line mates for the night, would be. Might help if I knew their names.

  I FINALLY FELL asleep last night on Ethan Higgins’s couch with a warm puppy snuggled on my chest, and now I was waking up with a warm man lifting me into his arms. “Hi,” I murmured, curling up against Drew in a pose that mimicked how Snoopy had been sleeping on me.

  He’d apparently removed his tie after leaving the airport, but he still had on the shirt and jacket he’d worn when they left Phoenix after the game. The silky feeling of his shirt against my cheek was like a drug to my soul. The powerful muscles underneath it even more so. All he’d done was lift me from the sofa, but I felt more thoroughly cared for than I could ever remember feeling in my life.

  I was too out of it—and too content, now that Drew was here—to complain about anything, including about being woken up. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I’d been asleep for very long. My thoughts had been running away with me the whole time I’d been at Huggy Bear’s house.

  Only Snoopy’s insistence on incessantly licking all the tears from my face until I finally stopped crying, and then sleeping on top of me (which, in turn, kept me down where he wanted me, so he could lick more if necessary), could account for the fact that I had, eventually, nodded off.

  In the few weeks since the last time I had seen this puppy, he’d nearly doubled in size. Which only meant that he had twice the strength to make me do what he wanted. Not that I’d had it in me to fight him, but the licking had been a bit more than I’d bargained for. He hadn’t stopped until my tears had turned to laughter, and even then his excitement knew no bounds.

  “Sorry it took me so long to get here,” Drew said. He had at least two full days’ worth of scruff covering his jaw, and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching up to touch it. Hell, I didn’t want to stop. I’d meant it when I told him that he should think about keeping the scruff. It was delicious. He was delicious. The scratch against my palm was both abrasive and comforting—because it meant he was really here, and this wasn’t only happening in my dreams.

  I shook my head. “Don’t be sorry. You have a job to do. A life to live.”

  I was still shocked by how much I’d missed him. The team had only been gone for four days, but it felt like a month had gone by. A month of being alone. A month of having no one here to prevent me from cutting, other than myself.

  But it hadn’t been a month. Only four days. I’d reminded myself of that so many times it ought to be tattooed on my skin.

  “Thanks again, man,” Drew said, carrying me toward the front door.

  “Any time,” Huggy Bear replied.

  I was still half asleep as Drew opened the passenger door of his car and set me inside. Good thing we didn’t have to go far to reach his house. The two minutes or so it took to get there was enough to vaguely wake me up. I climbed out on my own and met him at the door.

  One strong hand landed on my hip as he guided me inside, carrying his suitcase in the other. I shivered at the contact, desperate for more of his touch, almost as desperate as I was for more sleep.

  “Come on,” he said, leaving his bag on the floor in the kitchen. He guided me back toward his bedroom. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up? I’ll bring you something to change into.”

  I nodded, too physically and emotionally drained to do anything more than that.

  Drew nudged me toward the bathroom, and I took a few minutes to wash all the puppy slobber off my face and brush my teeth. He joined me by the time I was finishing up, having already removed his jacket and belt. The buttons of his dress shirt were undone, giving me a glorious view of his undershirt hugging his broad chest.

  I had to kiss him. It’d been too long, and I needed his lips on mine as much as I needed my next breath. Taking his shirt in my hands, I hoisted myself up to my toes and dragged him down to meet me halfway.

  His lips crushed against mine with the same sort of desperate hunger I felt, and he hauled my body against him. Being in his arms this way again was like coming home. At the same time as he angled his head to take the kiss deeper, I opened my lips on a whimper. He took the opportunity I’d provided and thrust his tongue inside my mouth. It was almost like he was trying to claim me, to mark me as his. At the moment I was more than all right with the idea.

  I felt his kiss all the way to
my core. In no time, I was not only wide awake but frantic with the sort of need that had been building for the last several days. Drew was my new addiction, and I needed to feed it.

  But all too soon, he broke away and set me back from him. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to maul you like that.”

  His lips were as kiss-swollen as mine felt, and his eyes were dark with lust.

  “What if I want to be mauled?” I demanded, my lungs trying to remember how they were supposed to work.

  “Sleep first,” he said.

  There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d be able to sleep now. Especially not once we were lying in bed. His skin on mine. The familiar, comforting weight of his arm draped across my waist. I’d never be able to get my mind off of him.

  I pouted my displeasure, but he ignored me, his face taking on a business-like expression. He tugged at the hem of my shirt. Like an obedient child, I lifted my arms and allowed him to strip me. But when he innocently brushed the side of my breast with his hand in the process, my body’s response was anything but obedient or childlike, particularly after that kiss.

  I needed more.

  I needed Drew.

  I let out a groan and nuzzled into his arms, splaying my palms over his abs before he could replace one shirt with another. The telltale sign of his erection pulsed against my belly. His need for me was just as strong, even if he was trying to hide it.

  There was no hiding that kind of heat, though. His scent wrapped around me, settling into my senses and soothing my nerves.

  It would be entirely too easy to get lost in him. And for some reason, I didn’t think that would be a bad thing.

  “I need you,” I said, inching my hands up his chest to lock on to the back of his neck. My fingers delved into the hair hanging over his collar, and I rocked my hips toward him in invitation.

  But he just stood there, holding me, his strong hands stroking my back and sliding down to cup my ass in a move meant to comfort, not to arouse, even if it did exactly the opposite of what he intended.

  In an effort to get him to loosen up, I let my hands roam all over his torso. My fingertips found the deep vee heading down south. I teased the lines and the soft, taut skin surrounding them until his abs jerked against me.

  “You need sleep,” he murmured, his chin resting on the top of my head, but his breathing was turning ragged and harsh—just the way I liked it.

  “I need you more than I need sleep.” And to further emphasize my point, I dropped one of my hands down to rub him over his pants.

  An involuntary moan bubbled up in his throat. “I’m trying to take care of you right now, Ravyn.”

  “This is another way you can take care of me.” And a way that I could take care of him, whether he wanted to see it that way or not. Plus, it was the way that made the most sense. For both of us. At least to me, it did.

  I released his fly and, in a single move, tugged down both his pants and boxer briefs. Removing it all at once would give him less opportunity to block me, in case he tried again. I had no doubt that once we got going, he’d be more than happy to continue.

  His dick bobbed in greeting, hard and hot and fully on board with my plans even if Drew hadn’t caught up yet. I dropped to my knees and took him into my mouth, drawing a groan from his lips when I traced the underside of his cock with the tip of my tongue.

  He backed up against the counter, bracing himself against it with his hips and one hand, the other cupping the back of my head with gentle pressure. “Fuck, that’s so good,” he said when I swirled my tongue around his head, then took him all the way to the back of my throat. I followed that up with a strong pull of suction, and was rewarded with his balls tightening in response.

  Resting one hand on his powerful thigh, I added the other to my efforts and worked him over. He started pumping his hips toward me, tender but insistent movements as his head fell back.

  “I love your mouth,” he rasped, but I already knew that because of the way he was responding, the grunts and groans, the hardness and heat.

  Changing things up a bit, I stroked his length with my hand and gently lapped at his balls. Might have been too soon for that move. Drew sucked in a breath while his sac tightened, preparing for his climax.

  But apparently it was exactly what he needed in order to get him fully invested in my plan. The next thing I knew, he was dragging me to my feet, cupping my face with both hands, and kissing me so hard it felt like he was trying to crawl up inside me.

  And I wanted him to do exactly that. I needed to feel him inside me. I fumbled with my skirt and panties, trying to get them out of the way because I couldn’t wait much longer.

  He released my face and broke the kiss long enough to rip the material down my legs, kneeling before me. My ankles got tangled in the fabric, and I couldn’t kick it free, so I grabbed hold of his shoulders and held on for dear life. He tried to tear them away from me, but it was no use. Laughing, he gave up. But on his way back up my body, he settled a hand over my pussy, one finger easily slipping into my wetness while his thumb stroked tight circles around my clit. “Hell, baby, you’re so wet.” His forehead dropped down against mine. It was enough to steady me while he drove me toward climax.

  I was this close to coming all over his hand, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted the connection of our two bodies. The closeness I could only feel when he was truly inside me. “Fuck me, Drew. I need you to fuck me.”

  In response, he flung open one of the bathroom drawers, fumbled around until he came up with a condom, ripped the wrapper open, and unrolled it over his length. And then he spun me around and bent me over the counter. With a solid thrust, he was fully inside me.

  My sweat-damp arms on the cool marble countertop, I met his gaze in the mirror. I’d never seen anything hotter than the look on his face as he watched us. Mouth parted. Eyes dark and glinting with need. Sweat on his brow. Muscular arms flexing as he brought my hips back to meet his thrusts.

  He slid one arm around my waist, easing his hand up my abdomen to my breasts and bringing my back into a fuller arch. He angled his forearm across my chest, that hand latching on to my opposite shoulder while he lowered the other to circle my clit. “Touch your tits for me, baby. I want to watch you touch yourself.”

  I was too far gone to do anything other than exactly what he told me. Secure in his grip, I reached up and lightly pinched my nipples, getting a corresponding pinch to my clit almost as soon as I did it. My whole body clenched from the sensation, especially my pussy, and Drew groaned in pleasure. I rolled my nipples between my thumbs and forefingers, and Drew matched that motion with my clit. His eyes stayed focused on my hands and breasts, so he could repeat the ministrations down below, all the while driving up and filling me like I’d never felt before.

  Drew dipped his head and placed openmouthed kisses all along my neck and jaw, working his way toward my mouth. I let my head fall back, and his tongue met mine. He sucked my lower lip between both of his, ending it with a slight nip of his teeth.

  I cried out. Not in pain, exactly. It was a good sort of pain, a sudden jolt that was gone before it could seep into me and take root. The sort that made every muscle in my body clamp down, sending me to the very edge of a powerful climax.

  Drew must have sensed how close I was, because he nibbled on my lower lip again at the same time as he pressed down with his thumb over my clit hood piercing.

  And I came apart. It was too much. Too much sensation. Too many pleasure points. Too much emotion coming at me from too many sources, all at the same time.

  I went completely boneless in his arms as he thrust into me a few more times and came with a harsh grunt, his mouth pressed to my cheek while he held me up.

  Somehow he still had the strength to pick me up and carry me to his bed. In the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t lie there with him right now. I should stay in the bathroom and clean myself up. I should take a few minutes to calm down, because getting too close to him right now could open up a can of
worms I wasn’t ready to open.

  But he settled me in his bed, and after dealing with the condom, he climbed in beside me. He wrapped one arm around me, tugging me to his side. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I rested my head on his shoulder.

  And he held me.

  He held me like it was the only natural thing we could possibly do.

  He held me like you see in the movies, with perfect couples and perfect lives.

  He held me like a man who might even love me.

  He rested a hand on my hip and stroked my cheek, planting soft kisses on the top of my head and saying things that didn’t make sense in my current state.

  “I hated not being here for you,” he said after a minute, once my mind was working again. “I hated that you were alone. I don’t want you to have to face these things alone.”

  But I’d been alone for so long I didn’t know any other way to be. My parents had too many children and not enough time for me. Together with my five siblings, we’d shared a run-down house with two other families. Lots of kids. No supervision, because all of the adults were always at work. I’d grown up in a house where I’d been surrounded by people but felt completely alone. They hadn’t even made an effort to stop me when I’d run off with Jax. They hadn’t tried to get me to come back. It might have been a relief, actually. One less mouth to feed.

  And when I’d been with Jax for all of those years, he’d needed his drugs more than he’d needed me. I’d been gone for more than a year, but I doubted he even realized I’d left him, beyond not having my wallet to raid whenever he needed another fix.

  I knew how to be alone.

  What I didn’t know was how to let someone else in, even though Drew was somehow managing to make it happen, anyway.

  He tipped my face up toward his and kissed me.

  This kiss was unlike any kiss we’d ever shared before. It was soft and sweet. It was tender. His lips gently brushed mine, over and over again, while he caressed my cheek.

  This kiss broke me.

  ONE MINUTE I was holding Ravyn, kissing her, and trying to figure out how to tell her I loved her—something I’d only come to terms with on the flight back to Tulsa, while talking to Zee and Bear—and the next minute, she was sobbing uncontrollably and ripping herself away from me.