“If you start singing I’ll Be There, I’m gonna have your head checked.”
She shoved me, knocking me off balance. The woman still had the ability to kick anyone’s ass.
“So, what does Ryan think about all this?”
“Well, he’s not exactly thrilled that he was basically kidnapped with Piper and Ryder.”
Piper had to be a little over three now and Ryder was probably six months or so. I didn’t really keep track of that shit. For all I knew, they were twice as old.
“How does that work with his business?”
“Well, Logan, his business partner, takes over most everything, but there are other people that can fill in. When Ryan’s first wife died, he took off like six months and someone filled in then. I think they still have whoever it was working there.”
“He must feel a little odd being the only man here.”
“He’s not,” she laughed.
“Well, he’s the only man that doesn’t…”
“Kill people? Yeah, I think he’s okay with that. Ryan’s definitely not the type to want to get involved in this stuff.”
“Isn’t his group of friends a little wild?”
“I guess. Not really like us. I mean, they play paintball, but that’s about the extent of how crazy they are now. Plus, they’re all getting older and settling down. The last time they played paintball was a little pathetic. Ryan’s kind of the gentle one of the group.”
“Don’t let him hear you say that. No guy wants to be referred to as gentle.”
“He doesn’t care. It’s true. He’s just not like his friends. I mean, in some ways he’s just like them, but he was always the one that wanted the family and the house. And since his first wife died, he’s definitely more emotional, from what his friends tell me. I think everything just hits him harder.”
“Who would have thought you would end up with a guy like that?” I grinned. “I always pictured you running off with Hunter.”
“There was a time I might have, but it would have never worked. We were together for the wrong reasons. And by together, I mean fucking. It was never more than that. I guess maybe that’s why I feel so guilty about what happened. He tried for years to help me in any way he could, and when he needed me, I let him down.”
“You don’t seem like you feel guilty.” And I didn’t mean that as an insult. She looked at peace with herself.
“Remember what I said about having someone like Ryan? It really does help to lean on someone. He knows all about guilt and I’m sure Raegan does too, but you have to give her the chance to help.”
“What does Raegan have to feel guilty about?”
She laughed lightly, rolling her eyes at me. “I swear, some guys are so stupid.”
“Hey!”
“It’s true. Think about it. She was living with Xavier for years and had no contact with her parents. They must have been so worried about her. Then she had to go into hiding and her parents had to do the same. They had to give up everything. They don’t work and they don’t really have a purpose right now. Imagine if you were her father, sitting around someone else’s house and just doing what you could to help out. Wouldn’t that make you feel pretty useless?”
“I guess.”
“And when do they get their lives back? Right now, they’re hanging out here, just following Raegan wherever she has to go. And if they do get their lives back, where do they go from there? They’ll be starting over. And Raegan knows that it’s all because of her choices.”
I stopped walking, taking in everything Lola was saying. She was right. Even though Raegan didn’t talk about it, it had to be eating her up inside.
“So, what you’re saying is that I kind of fucked things up with Raegan.”
She grinned at me. “I’m not one to point fingers. But if you want to hang onto her, you need to let her in.”
“She doesn’t let me in,” I grumbled.
“Yeah, and if both of you are so damn stubborn all the time, you’re both going to end up alone.”
“I’m not alone,” I pouted. “I have all of you. You’re my family and I know you’re always there, no matter how badly I fuck up.”
“Yeah, but we won’t fuck you,” she laughed as she walked away. Okay, well, she had a point.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Raegan
I was bored. Again. There was nothing to do around here and it was driving me insane. There were only so many walks I could take and watching tv was not my thing right now. What I wanted was to talk to Jackson, but he didn’t want to talk to me.
Walking into the kitchen, I smiled when I saw my mom cooking. Over the past year I had come to appreciate my mom so much more because I hadn’t had her in my life for years. Now, I spent as much time with her as I could, learning to cook and just laughing about old times.
“What are you making?”
She smiled at me and went back to peeling apples. “I wanted to make apple pie. I wanted to make some comfort food for everyone, and what’s more comforting than apple pie?”
I picked up an apple and pulled out a knife to help her peel them. “I’d have to agree, but how many pies are you making?”
“Well, I figure that I’ll have to make at least ten pies.”
“Ten? That seems like an awful lot. Aren’t there eight slices to a pie?”
“Yes, but remember, men eat a lot more than women, and then there are all the kids. I would rather have too much than too little.”
“But how did you even get this many apples?”
“I made a list,” she grinned, “and sent the boys into town. At first they didn’t want any part of it, but when I told them what I was making, they ran out of here to get me everything I needed.”
“What else were you planning to make?”
“Beef tenderloin, mashed potatoes, chicken pot pie, rice…Hmm, I know there was more, but I’ve already forgotten. I’ll have to check my list again.”
“Well, I’m here to help, so put me to work.”
Together, we put together all the apple pies and she showed me how to make the sauce on the stove. I may have burnt it to the bottom of the pan, but she was used to me burning things. When that was done, she put me to work on chopping potatoes for her.
“I haven’t seen Jackson around lately,” she said knowingly.
“He’s not dealing well with his friend dying and he won’t let me help him.”
“Typical men. They always want to fix our problems, but they never want us to be there for them.”
“So, what do I do?”
“Ignore him. I mean, don’t intentionally ignore him, but you have to give him space to work things through. A person will only accept help if they want it.”
“But, he’s hurting and I don’t like knowing that he’s dealing with that alone.”
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “And just what do you think he’s been dealing with when it comes to you? That man has been head over heels in love with you since the beginning. He might not have known it, but I could see it clear as day.”
“He had a funny way of showing it,” I grumbled.
“One thing I could never accuse your father of was showing love. That didn’t really happen until you were born. You had your father wrapped around your little pinky. He was so in love with you and it was only then that he started showing me that same love.”
“So, why did you marry him if he couldn’t show you how he felt? Wasn’t that hard?”
“I knew how he felt. I figured that I could be with the man I wanted, knowing his limitations, or I could leave and hope for something just as good to come along. And you know what they say, there are no guarantees in life.”
“So I need to be patient and wait for him to come back to me.”
“Honey, he will come back to you. Don’t you worry about it. A mother knows these things.”
I smiled uncertainly. She may be confident, but I wasn’t and I worried that the more time I spent away from Jackson, the
more he would push me away.
✯✯✯✯✯
I walked around trying to find Jackson. He hadn’t come to bed last night or any of the other nights for the past week and I was beginning to wonder if he needed more than just space from me. Deep down I knew that losing his best friend was really hard on him, but my girly brain couldn’t help but tell myself that this was all over. That he blamed me. To make matters worse, everywhere I went, people were sad and caught up in their grief. I didn’t know any of them and didn’t feel comfortable just striking up conversation with them. So, again, I was alone.
I walked outside, needing some fresh air and to get away from everyone for a while. I was on a trail that meandered through the trees when I saw a gazebo in the distance. I made my way over there, but stopped when I heard voices. I was just about to turn and head back when I heard my name called.
“Raegan! Don’t be shy. Get your ass over here!”
I sighed and headed in that direction, wondering what I was getting myself into. When I got to the gazebo, I wanted to turn and run. Isa, Lindsey, Lucy, and Claire were all drinking what looked like shots. This was very bad. When people drank, what they really felt came out. Isa was probably pissed at me for my role in her husband’s death.
“We don’t bite,” Lucy said, downing a shot and then laughing when it spilled down her chin instead of going into her mouth.
“It looks like the party has already started.” I cringed at my idiotic words as I sat down, but then Isa raised a shot glass as Claire handed me one of my own.
“This is a party, to celebrate the idiocy of our husbands. A bunch of hot security men,” she said with a snorted laugh, “that are so lethal, they allowed themselves to get a lethal injection!”
The girls all burst out into laughter, and I found myself joining in. Sometimes when everything was going to shit, you just had to laugh or you would break down and cry.
“Seriously,” Lucy laughed, “how can they all be so stupid? I’ve seen almost every one of them kill with their bare hands and yet they get severely injured by a few men with guns.”
“I thought it was more than a few?” I said in confusion.
Claire waved her hand, but ended up falling toward the side of her chair. “Derek killed fifty men with his bare hands when I was with him,” she slurred. “Any one of those guys could have taken them out with only their pinky fingers. I’ve seen it. They’re all superhuman!”
“How would you kill someone with your pinky?”
“There’s a pointy thing under your neck that you press.” Claire nodded vigorously as she pointed her pinky toward her neck. “Yup, it’s somewhere over here,” she said, waving at her whole neck. “And you press it and the person just falls over and drops dead.”
“If you could kill someone with your pinky, couldn’t you save them too?” Lucy asked. “Like, why didn’t Hunter just shove his pinky in the hole in his neck? Problem solved.”
“Hunter’s a medic. Shouldn’t he have known that?” Lindsey pondered.
“Maybe they don’t use the pinky technique in the military,” Claire suggested. “Maybe it’s new technology.”
“Right,” Lindsey announced excitedly. “We just invented a new technology! We should definitely let someone know.”
“Yeah, but, who do we know that’s a doctor?” Isa asked.
We all sat around trying to think of someone, but came up with nothing. “Maybe there’s a hotline we could call,” Lucy suggested. “A doctoring hotline.”
“Or, we could just write our own medical journal,” Lindsey suggested. “We could call it How to kill someone using your pinky or save someone by shoving your pinky in their neck.”
“I don’t like it,” Isa shook her head. “It’s too….”
“Long?” I added.
“No, that’s not it.” Isa frowned as she tried to think about what was wrong with it. “We need something catchy that men will want to read.”
“Just put the word sex in and every man will read it,” Lindsey shrugged.
“Yes,” Claire fist pumped. “We could call it Pinky Sex.”
“Maybe if the guys had read our manuscript, they’d still be alive,” Lucy grumbled.
“Come on, even Knight isn’t indestructible,” Isa said, stumbling as she stood to grab another bottle of alcohol. “Remember when he took a bullet to the chest-”
“No, it was a saber,” Lucy interjected.
“It was not,” Claire cut in. “It was a grenade!”
“Anyway, he was dead! Dead, I tell you. He was burned alive in a building and a year later,” Isa snapped her fingers once, “he came back. Just like that.”
“So, Knight is indestructible,” I surmised, trying to make sense of their ramblings.
“No,” Claire said, leaning toward me conspiratorially. “That’s just it. Nobody knows for sure who Knight is. He’s some kind of big secret among the guys. I think he’s really a Greek warrior that’s come back from the dead to lead our men into battle.”
“Like Achilles!” Lindsey shouted. “He’s Achilles and Kate is his heel.”
“No, she’s the arrow,” Isa shook her head.
“No, no, no,” Claire shook her head wildly. “Achilles loved his foot so much that he took Kate to protect his arrow.”
The other women nodded sagely. I shook my head in confusion, wondering how many shots these women had already. I discreetly got up and walked over to the makeshift bar and found two empty bottles of vodka on the floor. How were they still standing?
“Do you know what the saddest part about all this is?” Lucy sniffed. “I never hunted Stalker or Knight.” The other girls nodded in agreement. “I mean, what’s with that? They’re always around us following and protecting.” Her shot sloshed over the side as she waved her arms in the air. “And just once, I wanted to be the creepy psychopath.”
Isa leaned forward, waving us all in toward her. “You know, frankly, it’s probably for the best.” Yep, been there, felt that way. “Do you know how many times Enzo has pissed on my walls? Like, a bajillion. And it’s all his fault. He just had to be that guy. You know, the guy that teaches kids to pee through their peniseses.”
Lindsey pointed at her, like a revelation had just washed over her. “You know, John is the same way! Do you know, he taught…” She looked off into space for a moment, her eyes glassing over. “What’s my kid’s name?”
“Katie,” Lucy piped up.
“No, it’s…it’s Matilda!” Claire said.
“It is not,” Lindsey waved her off. “I would never name my kid Matilda. It doesn’t go with Ice. Could you imagine John walking up to someone, all big badassed and saying, this is my kid, Matilda?”
“Not that he would now,” Isa said offhand. “Cuz he’s dead. Just like Gabe and Hunter. Dead, dead, dead. All because they were stupid and just laid there while someone killed them. Did they think they were getting an alcoholic injection?”
“Seriously,” Lindsey slurred. “What’s my kid’s name?”
“Isn’t it Zoe?” I asked.
Lindsey thought hard on that and then her face lit up. “Cade! That’s it. My son’s name is Cade.”
“And Zoe,” I clarified.
“Nah, that doesn’t sound right. Zo-eee. Zzzo-eeee.”
Everyone else chimed in, sounding out the name Zoe. They all sounded like they were chanting or something. “Zzzzz-oooo-eeeeee.”
I took another shot. These ladies were so much fun to hang out with and it made me realize that I had really missed out on a lot when I was with Xavier. By the end of my first hour out there, I was feeling just as good as everyone else.
“If you were to come back,” Claire said, whispering to me, “what would you be?”
“A porcupine. That way I’d have all the pricks.” I burst into laughter, but no one else did. “Because they have pokey things on them,” I explained. “You know, those pokey things that stick out of them and they poke you.”
“Oh!” Isa jumped up,
pointing at me like she’d figured out the answer. “They have the pokey things!”
“Right,” I shouted. “And they poke you.”
“What do you think the guys are doing right this very minute?” Lindsey asked.
“Probably planning and stragertizing,” Isa said. “You would think they would have planned on this. Like, what to do when I get myself killed. I bet they all had plans, but it was just what to do with their weapons.”
“Yeah,” Lucy sighed. “Unfortunately, I think Stalker is going to come back and hunt me with Knight. Do you think he’ll like, hang out like a cloud in the house?”
“Or maybe he’ll be like Patrick Swayze in Ghost,” Claire sputtered. “He’ll come back to save you and then you’ll kiss one of us when he jumps into our body to be with you one last time.”
“Do we have a choice who does this?” Lucy asked. “Cuz, I think I want to test you out first. I mean, if he’s gonna come back and plant one last smacker on me, it better be with someone who knows how to use tongue.”
“Come on,” Claire laughed. “It’s Hunter. He’ll probably want sex. And how are we gonna make that happen? I mean, Derek and I are adventurous, but we don’t use strap-ons.”
We all looked to Isa, having heard about Gabe before.
“What?”
“Oh, come on. We all know that Gabe was just a tad too into men. I mean, Hunter practically ran in the other direction when he was around,” Lucy laughed.
“He wasn’t gay! He liked watching people have sex.”
Lindsey started laughing hysterically, tears running down her face as she bent over holding her stomach. “Hunter’s going to come back to fuck Lucy one last time and Gabe’s going to jump into another one of us to watch with Isa!”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cap
A whole fucking week of hearing the women crying and watching my men spiral out of control. There was nothing I could do about it, but that was coming to an end now. We had to stay together and fight together. If we turned on each other, we would break apart before we even had a chance to heal. The problem was, some of the girls were drunk out of their minds. But I had already taken the steps I needed to and I couldn’t put it off.
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