Straight Up Love - Lexi Ryan

by Ryan, Lexi

  I stop and turn, hope wobbling around in my chest like a newborn foal. “Yeah?”

  “Would you put some cheese in my eggs?”

  I take a deep breath, as if that might help me steady myself after this emotional rollercoaster of a morning. “Anything for you, Av.”

  Ava

  “Feel better?” Jake asks as I push away my plate.

  “I do.” Jake was right. My hangover was nothing a little salty breakfast couldn’t fix, and by the time I was halfway through my food, I felt like a new woman. It helps that he’s the best chef I’ve ever met. I lean back in my chair and put my hand on my full belly. “Thank you. That was so good.”

  He turns his wrist to look at his watch, and I realize in a sudden panic that it’s Saturday. “Jake! Your mom and Shay are coming home from Grand Rapids today! You wanted to be there, didn’t you?”

  He shrugs. “It’s no big deal. I texted Shay and told her I’d be late.”

  My shoulders sag. I’m the worst friend ever. “You stayed here and cooked the hungover girl breakfast while your family is rallying together around your sick mother.”

  “It’s not like we’re having a party,” he says, amusement quirking his lips. “If I don’t make it over today, I’ll see them all at brunch tomorrow.” His nonchalance doesn’t fool me. Family is everything to Jake, and I know he’d have been at his childhood home already if he hadn’t been tending to me.

  “How’s your mom doing?” I ask.

  He stiffens. “She’s tired, but that’s to be expected. Yesterday was her last treatment in this round of chemo, so she’ll get a break. The nausea was intense there at the end, and I’ve never seen her so exhausted . . .” He trails off, and I know he’s not just thinking of his mom. He’s thinking of his dad, who died of cancer five years ago.

  The news of Kathleen’s cancer was a blow to the whole family. She even tried keeping her diagnosis a secret and getting her treatments in Germany so her children wouldn’t have to watch another parent die.

  “When will you know if it worked?”

  “Shay said they scheduled the PET scan for June. That’ll show them the cell activity to see if the cancer is active or in remission. We’re all optimistic.”

  Optimistic. But his smile is unsteady, and he avoids my gaze as he says it. That isn’t the face of optimistic Jake. That’s the face of a man who’s bracing himself for the worst because he’s been there before, and I ache for him. It’s going to be a long couple of months while they wait for that test.

  When he lost his father five years ago, I was caught up in planning a wedding and starting my life with Harrison, but I still saw enough to know they were the worst days of his life. The idea of losing Kathleen guts me—she’s a second mother to me—but even worse is the idea of seeing Jake leveled by grief for a second time.

  “I’ll get out of your way,” I say, clearing my plate. “You can still go visit.”

  “No, don’t rush.”

  “You can see me anytime,” I say, and when he flinches, I want to pull the words back. They imply that though I’ll be around, his mom might not be. While that might be true, I don’t want to be the one to remind Jake of it.

  I step forward and wrap my arms around him, nestling my head into his chest and hugging him tightly.

  “Whoa, what’s this for?” he says.

  I’m not the most physically affectionate of friends, but we all need a hug sometimes. “It’ll be okay, Jake.”

  He strokes my hair and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I know,” he whispers.

  He’s so warm and solid. This week has been an emotional rollercoaster—first with my ex sending me an invitation for his new wife’s baby shower and then a nasty week at work, all topped off with my thirtieth birthday, a date I wouldn’t mind if it weren’t a reminder of my ticking biological clock.

  I close my eyes for a moment and realize that in my attempts to offer comfort to Jake, I’ve been comforted by him. That’s probably the perfect metaphor for our relationship. He’s always giving. I’m always taking. I hate that.

  I release him, and when I step back, he searches my face. “Are you okay?” he asks.

  “My problems aren’t problems in the scheme of things.”

  He shakes his head. “Everyone’s problems are problems. They might not be the same as mine, but they still matter. Seriously, are you okay?”

  I shrug. “Considering our morning started with a conversation about your sperm and my childless womb, I’ve been better.”

  He grimaces. “Well, for what it’s worth, at least you can still surprise me.”

  I don’t want to think about that too much. What seemed like a good idea after too many drinks is so obviously ridiculous and reckless now that I’m sober. Thank the sweet Lord he didn’t hand over the goods last night.

  “Do you want your birthday present now?”

  I frown at him. “You already gave me my present. Remember when I was stranded on 96 and you paid to have my car towed?”

  “That’s a shitty gift,” he says, reaching into his back pocket.

  I fold my arms. “Jake, we agreed.”

  “This one’s for me too, okay? So it hardly counts.” He hands me an envelope.

  I take it reluctantly—because I may be on the winning side of this friendship, but at least I have the courtesy to feel guilty about it—and open it. The card has a man in a speedo on the front dancing with a margarita. I unfold the paper tucked in the card and gasp. “Jacob Jackson, you did not!”

  He grins at me and arches a brow. “I can give them to someone else if you really don’t want them.”

  I clutch the tickets to my chest. “Don’t you dare! It’s Hamilton! I wanted to go so badly!” I really didn’t need to spend the money to go to the musical in Chicago, but I’ve been dying to see it, so I’ve practically had to sit on my hands to resist the splurge. I screech and do a little dance before throwing my arms around him in our second hug of the morning. “You are the best friend ever.”

  “I know,” he says as I release him. “But those tickets aren’t free. You have to take me as your plus one.”

  “Ellie won’t like it, but she knows she has to share me.”

  He chuckles. “I hope the date works. I peeked at the calendar on your phone to make sure you didn’t have anything scheduled.”

  “I’d cancel anything else for this anyway.” I scan the print-off for the date and my breath leaves me in a rush when I see the venue. “Jake, these are for the Hamilton on Broadway.”

  “Is that a problem?”

  “In New York City.” I tear my eyes off the tickets to look at him.

  “That’s where Broadway is, last I checked.”

  I blink, mentally calculating how much I’ll need for the plane ticket and hotel. Maybe I could save some money if I drive, and I don’t need to stay anywhere fancy. I nod. “I’ll make it work,” I whisper, because come on. This is bucket-list stuff. “I work two jobs. I deserve this, right?”

  “You absolutely do,” Jake says. “But if you’re worried about money, don’t. Everything’s covered.”

  “No.” I shake my head furiously, as if the movement might knock some sense into him. “Jake, that’s too much.”

  “It’s nothing more than the tickets.” He ticks off his reasons on his fingers. “We’re using my free credit card miles for the flights, and Jackson Brews is going to pay for our hotel, since I’ll need to do a little business while we’re there.”

  “For real?”

  “It’s your birthday present. Just be happy and stop stressing about it.”

  I smack his chest even as my eyes fill with tears. There might be areas of my life that leave me wanting, but I scored big in the friendship category. “You can’t spoil me like this every year.”

  “Can and will,” he says. He turns to the sink, running the water hot.

  “Hold up! You cooked breakfast. Let me get the dishes.”

  “Not a chance, birthday girl.”
<
br />   I swallow hard, but my throat is still thick with gratitude, my skin tingling with excitement. I don’t know what I can do to return the favor for Jake, but I’m going to have to figure out something. “Call me later, okay? Let me know how Mom’s doing.”

  “Sure thing.” He loads dishes into the soapy water and winks at me.

  I clutch the tickets to my chest again. Leave it to Jake to turn one of my toughest birthdays around by giving me the best gift I’ve ever received.

  Jake

  The gym is a ghost town Saturday afternoon, and I couldn’t be happier. After the morning I had, the last thing I want is social hour while I’m trying to work off my frustration.

  When Ava left, Shay texted to tell me not to come over. Mom was sleeping and said she’d see everyone at brunch tomorrow. I finished cleaning up breakfast, trying my damnedest not to think about Ava. Not the way she hugged me after I gave her the tickets. Not the way she looked lying in my bed. And definitely not the fact that she’d rather have me jack off into a cup than touch her.

  I tried really damn hard not to think about any of that.

  I failed.

  Ava was all I could think about, and since that clusterfuck of emotions was making me more than a little stir crazy, I headed to the gym like I always do when I want to escape my feelings.

  Despite thirty minutes of intervals on the treadmill and a grueling leg session, I’m still screwed up. Maybe you can’t just sweat out a conversation like this morning’s.

  I’m setting up my bar for bench press when someone taps me on the shoulder. Pulling out my earbuds, I turn to see Ellie, Ava’s other best friend.

  “Ava has lost her mind.”

  “Hey, El. Good to see you today.”

  She rolls her eyes. “I need your help.”

  My mind flashes back to last night, to Ava in that sexy-as-fuck wrap dress and red heels, and her hand gripping my arm as she asked if I’d help her.

  Ellie stares at me expectantly. “Please?”

  I look around for Colton, since he and Ellie always come to the gym together, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Judging by his condition when I kicked his drunk ass out of my bar last night, I’d guess he’s still sleeping it off.

  “Are you listening to me?” she says. “Ava wants to have a baby.”

  “She told me.” I shrug, as if I don’t care. As if this news and the way it was delivered to me didn’t rock my world in the most fucked-up way this morning. “What do you want me to do about it?”

  If she suggests I hand over my sperm, I might lose my shit.

  Ellie’s eyes go wide, and she throws up her hands. “I want you to stop her! She has no idea how hard this is going to be. Raising a baby on her own? I watched my mom struggle for years. I want better than that for my best friend.”

  I slide a forty-five-pound plate onto one end of the barbell and grab another. “So tell her that.”

  “I have, but she won’t listen to me. She’s gone crazy since she got that invitation.”

  I slide the second plate on and look at Ellie. “What invitation?”

  “The invitation to Harrison’s wife’s baby shower. What do you think started all this?”

  Honestly, Ava’s wanted to be a mom so long that I hadn’t thought about what made her decide to act on it now. I’ve been too fixated on my bruised ego. But if she just found out that her ex-husband is going to have a baby, that would explain a lot. “Harrison’s wife is expecting?”

  “Yes, and now Ava’s got it in her head that the only way she can have a baby is to do it alone. You know there’s a good man out there who’d kill to be with her.”

  I can’t argue with her there.

  “She just needs to be patient,” Ellie says, and there’s so much intensity in her words that I think she’s almost as screwed up about all this as I am. “Ava’s amazing and fucking hot. Who wouldn’t want to be with her?”

  “I have no idea,” I mutter.

  “I don’t want her to make a mistake.”

  I swallow hard. Ava was crushed when her husband left her, but it wasn’t just losing Harrison that broke her heart. She thought she was losing her chance at having a family. It makes sense that him having a baby would fuck with her a little.

  I drag a hand through my hair. “I can say something to her, Ellie, but it’s not really my place.”

  “Come on,” she says. “You and I both know she listens to you more than she listens to me. And anyway, at least you’re single. Everyone knows Colton and I are going to get engaged any day now, so it’s hypocritical for me to say she shouldn’t mind waiting when I don’t have to.”

  What she’s saying makes sense, but what does she expect me to say? “Hey, Ava, you’re being impulsive because your ex is having the baby you wanted. It’s okay to be upset, but don’t be in a rush to get knocked up. Wait until you’re ready for me to do it.”

  “You look tired,” Ellie says.

  “I slept on the couch last night. Ava was drunk and needed a place to crash,” I say, leaving out the part about how I was up worrying because I thought Ava was pregnant. I cut my gaze to Ellie. “Which you would have known if you hadn’t bailed on her birthday party.”

  She grimaces. “I didn’t want to. Colton and I got in a fight, and I wasn’t in the mood to party.”

  A fight with Ellie would explain why Colton was at the bar trashed and looking for trouble at last call. I went back down to retrieve Ava’s purse after tucking her in, and there was Colton, swaying all over the place and eager for an excuse to take a swing at anyone. I was relieved he showed after I got Ava upstairs and not before. Ava seems to think the job of keeping her little brother out of trouble falls on her. “What were you two fighting about this time?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Levi emerges from the locker room. “Hey, Jake.” He lifts his chin in greeting, then his gaze shifts to Ellie and his eyes skim over her the way they always do. My little brother has it bad for his best friend’s girl. My heart goes out to him. I know a little something about wanting a woman you can’t have.

  “Hey, Levi,” Ellie says. “Thanks for bringing Colton home last night.” She shakes her head and lowers her voice. “It won’t happen again, okay?”

  Levi nods, his posture stiffening. “What about you? You okay?” He scans her face, and I wonder what I’m missing.

  “I’m fine. Just trying to convince Jake he needs to talk Ava out of having a baby.”

  Levi’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. “I didn’t know she was even seeing anyone.”

  “That’s just it,” Ellie says. “She’s not. She has this idea she’s going to go to a sperm bank and get herself pregnant.”

  Levi turns to me and locks his gaze on mine. “Really now?”

  “I don’t think she’ll go through with it,” Ellie says. “I’m hoping she’s all talk. She doesn’t realize what a tough road it’s gonna be if she does this alone.”

  Sighing, I look away from Levi. I can’t answer the question in his eyes—not here. Hell, not even in private. I shake my head and turn to Ellie. “You keep saying that, but she was raised by a single mom, so surely she has some idea.”

  Not that I love the sperm-bank plan. Honestly, I hate it even more than I hate the idea of personally providing her with unlimited semen for her turkey baster. I can’t shake this feeling that if she goes through with her plan to impregnate herself, I might lose her again. And maybe for good this time.

  “But it was different with her mom,” Ellie says. “Her dad didn’t leave until she was ten, so he was around all that time before. Then, even when he did leave, he saw them on the weekends and paid child support and alimony. Child support and alimony from a lawyer?” She shakes her head. “That’s not the typical single-mom income. I stand by what I said. She has no idea how hard this will be.”

  Levi smirks at me. “Why don’t you just offer to give her a baby?”

  My breath leaves me in a rush, and I blink at my brothe
r. I have no desire to embarrass myself by admitting to these two that Ava drunkenly asked for my sperm last night. First of all, it’s none of their business. Second of all, I’m clinging to the shreds of my pride already.

  “Ew,” Ellie says, frowning at Levi. “Why would he do that? You’re not helping.”

  Levi shrugs. “Seems like a simple solution to me.”

  “Ew?” I ask. “Seriously, Ell?”

  “You’re friends. Like Levi and me. It’d be weird.” Behind her, Levi blanches, but she misses it because she’s looking me over, a grin slowly tugging on one corner of her mouth. “But I’m sure there’s nothing gross about sleeping with you, Jake.”

  “Moving on,” Levi says.

  “Will you please talk to her?” Ellie asks me again.

  “I’ll try.”

  She exhales heavily. “I’ll take it. I need to get on the treadmill. I’m afraid I’m losing my appeal for Colton.”

  Levi grunts. “Then Colton’s an idiot.”

  Ellie shrugs. “He’d never say that. He doesn’t have a death wish. Anyway, I’ll see you all later.” She walks away, and Levi watches her go like the lovesick puppy he is.

  “Don’t do that to yourself,” I say.

  “Do what?” Levi asks, as if he has no idea what I mean. Look at us, both pros at pretending we aren’t in love with the women we’re not allowed to have.

  I lie back on the bench and wrap my hands around the barbell. “Ellie thinks she and Colton are going to get engaged soon, so if you’re going to tell her how you feel, do it now.”

  Don’t be like me and wait until it’s too late.

  Levi tears his gaze off Ellie and looks at me. “Tell her what?”

  I grunt and un-rack the barbell for my first set.

  “What are you going to do about Ava?” he asks, coming to stand behind my head to give me a spot I don’t need. “Does that fuck with you a little? Knowing she’s going to start a family on her own?”

  “Nope.”

  “Do you know you’re a terrible liar?”

  I focus on my breathing as I finish my set, exhaling as I push the bar up, inhaling as I bring it down. When I hit my tenth rep, I rack the bar, sit up, and look at my brother. “It fucks with me,” I admit. “But it doesn’t change a damn thing.”