Straight Up Love - Lexi Ryan

by Ryan, Lexi

  He winces. “They set you up with Mr. Mooney?”

  “Yeah. Not the best night of my life, let me tell you.”

  “Shit.” Grimacing, he scratches his head. Like the rest of the Jackson boys, Carter is incredibly hot. He has dark hair and eyes, full lips and scruffy cheeks, and a thick, muscular build that’s a testament to his hours at the gym and his firefighter training. “Well, this is awkward.”

  “Little bit,” I agree.

  “I thought . . .” He clears his throat and looks around again. “I thought you and Jake were . . . I heard something about a baby?” His voice squeaks on baby, and my cheeks heat in embarrassment.

  “I called that off.” I sigh. “It was a crazy idea, and I came to my senses.”

  “Right. It was . . . well, unconventional, I guess.” When he brings his eyes back to meet mine, his expression softens. “You can’t be my date, Ava,” he whispers. “No offense, but I just can’t do that.”

  Thank God. “Because I’m like a sister to you, or because I took all your money last time we played poker?”

  When he grins, little lines pop up by his eyes. “I forgot about that. Damn, I still think you cheated.”

  “I don’t have to cheat. I’m just good.” I wave to the waitress with a grin. “But how about I buy you a drink to make up for it?”

  Jake

  Sunday brunch with my family is supposed to be the part of my week I can always look forward to. At least, that’s the idea. But sometimes—like this morning—I’m in a shit mood, and would rather sit at home and zone out with some video games than have to look my siblings in the eye and deal with their well-intentioned judgments of my life.

  This morning is like every other. Brayden’s kitchen is crowded with people, and eight conversations seem to be going on around me at all times. Though I adore Ethan’s girlfriend, Nic, seeing him and her wrapped around each other makes me want to punch something. Because I want that. It’s what my parents had. It’s what I grew up believing I could find so easily, and then I found myself wanting it with a woman who doesn’t want it with me.

  I’ve had lots of girlfriends and made plenty of attempts to get the fuck over her, but I have nothing to show for it but a best friend who went on a drunken blind date last night, a fucking week after I had her naked under me in a hotel room.

  I ran into Ava’s nosy neighbor at the coffee shop this morning and was informed Ava didn’t get in until after two a.m. “I was up—this arthritis doesn’t let me sleep more than a few hours at a time—and I saw her coming in. She was so happy and frazzled! I think she must’ve met someone pretty special. She didn’t say so, but I recognized that look in her eye. I was young once too, you know.”

  It was all I could do to not walk out of Ooh La La! and go straight to Ava’s to remind her how she responds to my hands and mouth.

  “Well, good morning, Jake,” Shay singsongs when she catches me scowling at the coffee pot. “Aren’t you a ray of sunshine this morning!”

  “I’m training a new bartender,” I grumble. It’s the reason I worked later last night than I intended, but it has very little to do with my desire to maul the nearest punching bag. “He’s an idiot who doesn’t know the difference between an imperial stout and a milk stout. Why the fuck do you want to work at a brewery if you don’t know the difference between basic beers?”

  “Language!” Mom says. She’s at the counter putting the finishing touches on finger sandwiches, a cast on one foot, a crutch under her arm.

  “Sorry, Mom,” I mutter.

  “Forgiven. The boy should know his beers if he’s going to work for the Jacksons.”

  “Sure, blame your mood on the bar,” Shay says, passing me a steaming mug of coffee. “That’s cool.”

  I frown at her, but she’s already moved on to helping Lilly with her plate. I roll my shoulders back and grab a plate of my own. I’ll go through the motions this morning and cut out of here as soon as I can.

  I shouldn’t have stayed away this week. Giving Ava space was a mistake. She’s a thinker, and she probably thought herself into knots worrying about what we did last weekend.

  “Uncle Jake, I got a part in Charlotte’s Web!” Lilly says, bouncing on her toes in front of me.

  “I heard that!” Shay says. “Congratulations, Lill! Or should I say Fern?”

  “That’s awesome!” I smile at my niece, and it’s probably my first sincere smile of the day. “Great work.”

  “I told Ava she didn’t need to give her any special treatment,” Ethan says softly at my side.

  I shake my head. “She wouldn’t need to. Lilly is made for the stage.”

  “Mom, let me get that,” Carter says, lunging forward and grabbing Mom’s plate.

  Mom sighs heavily but lets him take it. “Just when I was starting to feel like I could do things for myself again, I had to go and break my ankle.”

  “Pretty clever way to keep your kids waiting on you,” Brayden says, winking at her.

  Some of my tension fizzles away as we all head into the dining room and take our seats. Family. This is what matters.

  But on the heels of that thought is the thought that Ava should be here. She’s already part of this family—has been for twenty years—but she got out of the habit of coming to Sunday brunch when she was with Harrison. I should have pulled her back in the second he walked out her door.

  “Carter had a big date last night,” Levi says.

  Mom beams. “A date!” Mom says, and you can practically see visions of future grandbabies dancing in her head.

  I’m not the only one who thought we’d all so easily find what she and Dad had. Sometimes I wonder if she worries she did something wrong. Here we are, all of her six children grown, and only one of us is in a serious relationship.

  “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” I say to Carter.

  Carter shoots Levi some serious stink-eye, and Levi chuckles.

  “Carter’s doing the Straight Up Casual thing,” Levi says.

  Mom tsks. “I don’t want to hear about you boys having casual sex.”

  “That’s not what that means, Mom,” Carter says, cutting his gaze to me for a beat before returning it to Mom. “It’s a company that sets people up based on their profiles, and then sends them on blind dates together.”

  He leaves out the part about the liquor, but I figure Mom doesn’t need to know about that anyway, so I don’t chime in.

  “You do these blind dates a lot?” Mom asks.

  “Last night was my first time,” Carter says, clearly reluctant to share details.

  “Was the girl nice at least?” Mom asks.

  Levi cracks up, as if he can’t hold in his laughter anymore. “It was Ava,” he blurts.

  “Excuse me?” Mom says.

  “Ava and Carter were matched up last night,” Levi says. He turns to me. “So I guess you give her the baby and Carter gives her the dates? Is that how this works?”

  All the eyes at the table go to me. Except Carter’s. That fucking chicken-shit coward keeps his gaze on his plate.

  What the fuck was Carter doing with Ava until two a.m.?

  “Rumor has it they had a really nice time,” Levi says, stretching out the words. “Laughing together at Howell’s until last call. Really cozy in their booth.”

  I wait for Carter to deny it or say something to lead me to believe I shouldn’t be pissed, but he stays silent, so I push back from the table and leave the dining room.

  “Jacob?” Mom calls after me.

  “Leave him be,” Brayden says.

  “He’s sulking like a teenage girl,” Levi says. “I told him this whole thing was a bad idea from the start.”

  “You’re being a troll,” Shay says.

  “Somebody needs to kick his ass into action,” Levi says.

  I don’t hear anymore because I go into the backyard, narrowly resisting the urge to slam the door behind me on the way out. I feel like I’m stuck in the Twilight Zone. My best friend was naked
in my arms last week, and last night my brother went on a date with her and kept her out till all hours. What in the actual fuck am I supposed to do with this?

  When I hear the swish of the door opening and closing again, I have my hands fisted, my face tilted toward the cloudy midmorning sky.

  “Are you seriously doing this?”

  I can’t look at Carter right now, so I stay in place and drop my gaze to my shoes. “Doing what?”

  “Acting like I’m gonna steal your girl?”

  “She’s not my girl.” My voice is rough, as if every word’s being scraped against the cheese grater that’s rubbed against my heart since Ava’s birthday. Why does this have to be so damn complicated? Why can’t she just love me back?

  “Okay,” Carter says. “Fine. I mean, I like her. Always have. Maybe I’ll give her a goddamn baby.”

  I spin on him. “You think you’re funny?” One step forward and then another. Carter throws his hands out from his sides and rakes his gaze over me, and I realize I have my chest puffed out, my shoulders back, my fists clenched as if I’m going to throw a fucking punch.

  “No, I don’t think I’m funny,” he says. “I think you’re in love with Ava, and it’s past time for you to do something about it.”

  “Oh, gee. Why didn’t I think of that?”

  Carter meets my glare and holds it. “Don’t you get sick of spinning your wheels? Don’t you feel stuck?”

  “I like my life. I don’t mind if I’m stuck.”

  “Well, while you’re happily standing still, Ava’s not.” Carter looks away. “She’s moving.”

  I frown. “What? Why would she move? She loves that stupid little house.”

  “Not moving to another house, Jake. Moving to another city. Maybe another state. Wherever she can find a job.”

  “What? That’s crazy. Why would she . . .”

  The layoffs, I realize, as Carter says, “She was laid off from Windsor Prep.”

  Finding out that Carter went on a date with Ava was a punch to the gut, but this is the opposite. Learning about the date hurt, but now I’m numb. As if there’s no ground beneath my feet, no world around me. No air in my lungs. I feel nothing but this vague sense that any minute now I’m going to crash, and I know in that moment I’ll feel everything.

  Why didn’t she tell me?

  He rubs the back of his neck. “Levi’s being Levi and starting trouble. Ava and I stayed out late talking. Just talking. I know she’s your girl, and I’m not a dick.”

  “She lost her job?” My voice cracks. I’ve been spoiled. I’ve always had Ava close. Even when she married Harrison, I didn’t really have to let her go.

  “She doesn’t want you to take the problem on as your own, but I think you and I both know why she doesn’t want to tell you she might move.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “We do?”

  “Telling you makes it real. She doesn’t want to leave you, Jake. Whether or not she feels the way about you that you do about her, I don’t know. But she does care about you. You need to do something before she walks away.”

  Ava

  I didn’t expect to spend my Saturday night talking until two a.m. with Carter Jackson. But the Jacksons have always been like family to me, and once Carter and I got over the awkwardness of having been set up together, we relaxed and had a good time.

  I didn’t even realize how badly I’d needed someone to talk to until Carter and I started catching up. Then it all spilled out of me. He’s a good listener—always has been. He’s the quietest of the Jackson brothers, next to Brayden, who’s cornered the market on tall, dark, and silent. I talked, and Carter listened, and before we knew it, we were closing down the bar.

  It wasn’t the kind of date Ellie had hoped for me, but it was a good night. I’m glad we found ourselves there together, even if all it meant was catching up with an old friend.

  Nevertheless, it left me really tired, even at noon. I’m nursing another cup of coffee and actively fantasizing about a nap when I hear the scrape of a key in the lock and the sound of heavy footsteps headed toward my kitchen.

  Jake appears at the table, pulls out a chair, spins it around, and straddles the back of it. “Hot date last night, huh?”

  Of course. It’s Sunday. Jackson family brunch. I bet my date with Carter was great fodder for conversation. “Totally hot,” I say. “He’s probably my soul mate.”

  Jake grunts and flicks his gaze down to the stack of papers in front of me before bringing it back up to study my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I frown. “That I was set up with Carter? I haven’t even seen you.”

  He shakes his head, and I realize what he means. My job. My move. I feel a bit betrayed. While I never told Carter that he couldn’t tell Jake, I thought discretion was implied.

  “Carter told you?”

  He sets his jaw and nods. “You lost your job and didn’t say a word to me.”

  “You’d have tried to fix it, Jake. Look at you, sitting there with the wheels turning in your head already trying to come up with a solution. I need to do this on my own.” I swallow hard and drop my gaze to the table. “And I need to do the baby thing on my own, too. I can’t let you fix everything that’s wrong in my life.”

  “You still want a baby. You just don’t want one with me?”

  My heart twists. “Everything’s so confusing right now. I think you’re great and I know you’d be an amazing father. But the truth is, I didn’t really think about the consequences of our plans.”

  “Consequences?”

  “If we have a baby together, there will be consequences for that child. For you. If you found someone and it didn’t work because of me, because of a favor you did for me, I couldn’t live with myself. I’m sorry I never thought it through.”

  “You’re worried about me?”

  His shock makes me shrink in shame. Of course he’s only thinking of me. Because he’s Jake. I swallow back the emotion that’s trying to bubble into my voice. “You give me more than I deserve and I . . . I’m going to try to be better. To take less of you.”

  “I never asked you to take less,” he says under his breath. “Never.”

  “I know. You wouldn’t. That’s why I need to do better and not let you give so much.” Emotion is a ball of cotton in my throat, suffocating me. I feel like I’m breaking up with him, and that’s so ridiculous because we’ve never been together. Not for real. “One day, you’re going to find someone who’s as awesome as you are. Someone you want to spend your life with.”

  He lets out a sardonic laugh and shakes his head. “You think I haven’t already found her?”

  I stare at him, hope building inside me even as I try to push it down.

  “Christ.” He pushes his chair back and stands then tugs me out of mine. “Come here.”

  He draws me against his chest, and in the next moment, his hands are in my hair and his mouth is on mine. I’ve wanted this since the moment he walked out of the hotel room, and feeling his mouth on me now is enough to make all my worries disintegrate.

  When he pulls away, he holds my face in his hands and meets my gaze. “I want you. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to make you see me as more than a friend for the first time in our entire lives.”

  “But you . . . I thought . . .” I can’t seem to put words together, or even thoughts. “I know we’re attracted to each other, but what about our friendship?”

  “Christ, Ava, I’m in love with you. So in love with you that I stood by your side while you married another man. So in love with you that I can’t move the fuck on until I know without a doubt in my mind that you don’t feel this too. I’m pretty sure I was born in love with you, and every moment we’re together, this thing I feel becomes more of who I am.” He shakes his head slowly and scans my face. “I don’t want to scare you away, but I can’t pretend anymore. I want you, and if you think there’s any chance . . .”

  “I want you too.” I nod wildly. “I love you, and I w
ant . . .” A shudder moves through me. “I’m terrified, Jake. You’re the best thing I have, but I want more.”

  He pulls me to his chest and kisses the top of my head. “We’ll take it slow. Okay? As slow as you need.”

  Ava

  “What kind of health food do you have on the menu tonight, Jake?” Teagan asks with a wry grin.

  “I was going to serve a nice kale salad with chicken breast, but then I remembered I don’t serve food that tastes like punishment and self-loathing.”

  “Hardy-har-har,” she says.

  This afternoon was Veronica’s baby shower. Nic arranged for a sweet little party at Ethan’s house where we spoiled the big-bellied woman with all the material things she’ll need for the next several months. It was the first time in years I can remember going to a baby shower without an ache of longing in my chest. Finally, I believe everything is going to work out as it should. Time will get me there. With Jake.

  The mother-to-be was exhausted after her big day, but the rest of us wanted to hang out more, so we came to Jackson Brews and claimed our favorite booth at the back.

  “For you,” Jake says to Teagan, “I’m offering deep-fried Oreos with ice cream and hot fudge. And if you ask really nice, I’ll dig up a Twinkie to put on top.”

  “Is he kidding?” Teagan asks, looking around the table. “I honestly can’t tell if he’s kidding.”

  Shay rolls her eyes. “He’s probably only half kidding.” She turns to her brother. “What’s on the menu, Jake? We’re hungry.”

  “Doing street tacos tonight,” he says, pulling a few folded menus from his back pocket.

  Brayden has given Jake lectures on more than one occasion about how profit margins would go up if he’d keep a fixed menu, but Jake doesn’t like to do things Brayden’s way. Brayden says it’s because Jake hates money, but the truth is Jake takes pride in his rotating menus and would be bored by the monotony of standard pub fare.

  “Oh, these sound so good,” Shay says.

  “Agreed,” Teagan says, then shakes her head. She points to a description while scowling at Jake. “Avocado is perfect just as it is. There is no reason to deep-fry it.”