Freedom to Love [Freedom, Colorado 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Melody Snow Monroe

  * * * *

  When Harper looked at her, it was as if he could see straight down to her soul, causing Holly to squirm in her seat. She loved the repartee, but she stupidly had reacted poorly to the paying comment and then had to be snarky about it. Hiding her past wouldn’t serve anyone. In fact, if she aired her dirty laundry now, they probably wouldn’t ask her out again, but that might be for the best. She should end the relationship now before she really fell for them.

  You already are hooked.

  She clasped onto her wineglass as if the answer was in the liquid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be flip.”

  Harper’s eyes seemed to slant down at the corners. While she was facing Harper, it was Conner who nudged her leg and spoke.

  “You don’t ever have to apologize to us, or explain yourself if you don’t want to. I can’t speak for Harper, but I want to get to know you—the good and the bad. How about you tell us one thing about your past you’d rather not have anyone know, and we’ll share a deep secret, too.”

  The relief poured through her, but they’d probably tell her they’d played hooky one time from school. “Okay, but you go first.”

  Conner’s smile drooped. “Okay.” He leaned back and twirled the beer bottle as if to decide how deep he wanted to go.

  “My father is probably the hardest working man I know. He managed to support his wife and three kids by working eighteen-hour days, six days a week, and he did it on only a high school education. Over the years he managed to save enough money to open a feed store. It was his pride and joy. Every summer both me and Harper worked it.”

  Harper was scraping the paper off his beer bottle and looked lost in thought. Had he heard Conner’s history so many times that he was bored? Or was he trying to decide what he would say next?

  Harper actually looked up at the sound of his name. “It was hard-ass work, too. His dad had us haul the feedbags and stack them inside the store. Each one must have weighed thirty or forty pounds.”

  Conner leaned back. “Those feedbags made you so strong that you turned into a top wide receiver in high school, so I don’t want to hear your whining.”

  Harper actually laughed. The family love was clear.

  “Go on.” She wanted to hear some juicy details. A good search could have dredged up that information.

  “About thirteen years ago, Dad had a heart attack.” His hand gripped the bottle tighter. “I’d just graduated from college.”

  Because she knew the history, she blurted out the rest. “I thought it was commendable that you gave up law school to help keep the business going until he got better.”

  His eyes widened a little. “You did do a thorough search. What did you do? Read every local newspaper in the area?”

  “Something like that.”

  “I said we were to tell something that no one knows, so here’s my secret. I was angry at my dad for getting sick. I was actually pissed that I had to sacrifice my life for him.”

  “Fuck, Conner. I never knew.”

  Harper’s sincerity convinced her that Conner wasn’t just telling her a sad tale to get her to share something super personal.

  “Yeah, well, I’m not proud of my thoughts.”

  Holly placed her hand on his wrist. “Why didn’t you go back to law school after he healed?”

  He shrugged. “While my dad was ready to go back to work after a few months, my mom convinced him to let me take over the store. After all, they expected me to run it in the future. Dad helped, but he told me to make the big decisions. After running the feed store for four years, I figured three more years of law school meant I’d be spending half my life paying back my debt. Besides, I actually liked being in charge. Maybe that’s why when Jack Marr approached us and started talking about how much money there was to be made in casinos, I thought he was the answer to my prayers.” He shook his head. “Hooking up with him was the stupidest thing I ever did.”

  Harper finished taking off the label. “It was my fault.” His voice came out brittle.

  “No, it wasn’t,” Conner said.

  She wanted to hear both stories, but Conner seemed to need to vent. “Does your dad know how you feel about your sacrifice? Or rather felt?”

  “Fuck no. And he never will. I love my dad. He felt bad that I gave up school to take over, but I was the one who insisted on coming home when he got sick. In fact, he was willing to sell the business so I could attend law school, but then how could he have supported my two younger sisters and my mom?”

  “You are a good person, Conner Gillespie.” She meant it, too. From the way he was fixated on the beer bottle, Harper seemed to want to go next, and she certainly wasn’t ready to tell her story. Her heart was still breaking over Conner’s tale. “Harper? You want to share?”

  He set down his bottle with a bit too much force. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

  Holly wasn’t going to let him get away with not telling. “You promised.” He didn’t say those words, but by listening to Conner, it was basically a promise.

  “Fine.” His cheek collapsed on the side. “It’s hard to find something that Conner doesn’t know about.”

  She leaned forward. “It should be something you aren’t proud of.”

  He huffed. “I could go on for days on that topic.” He locked his gaze onto her face and his cheeks lost color. “Okay. Here’s my confession. Every time I look at you, I forget about my wife. And I hate that.”

  Harper tore out of the booth and rushed out of the restaurant and into the casino.

  Her body shook. What the hell just happened?

  Chapter Four

  Conner pressed his lips together trying hard not to say “fuck” over and over again. But, shit. Why the hell did Harper make that confession then run away?

  You know.

  That was the problem. He totally understood.

  “Excuse me.” Holly nudged him. Clearly, she wanted to get out of the booth and go to Harper.

  “No, baby. Harper’s not in a good place right now.”

  She drew in her bottom lip. If he had to guess, she was a caregiver. Right now there was little she could do to help his cousin.

  “Tell me why he ran off. That was plain rude.”

  He wanted to face her. “If I move across from you, will you promise not to run away?” He meant more emotionally that physically. If she climbed out of the booth, he could easily chase her down before she made it to the casino floor.

  She huffed out a loud breath. “Yes.”

  Conner changed seats. Her lips were still firm and her fingers woven together. He placed his hand on top of hers. “You’ve done the impossible.”

  She looked up at him and her green eyes were deeper now. “Me? I did nothing.”

  Holly had no idea the impact she had on his cousin. “You heard Harper. You made him forget about his wife.”

  She looked to the ceiling then out to the middle of the restaurant. Her chin trembled. “But he also said that he hated that I did.” Now she looked him straight in the eye. “I’m not a fighter, Conner. Ghosts are hard to beat.”

  “I don’t think you understand yourself very well. You are a great fighter.” He withdrew his hand and leaned back. Just as he was about to ask her about her secret, the waiter arrived and understandably looked confused.

  “Harper had to leave. How about putting his dinner in a box and I’ll bring it to him?”

  “Of, course, sir.” He picked up Harper’s plate.

  “And another beer. Holly, another glass of wine?”

  “I think I need one.” She gave the waiter a half smile. At least her chin had stopped trembling.

  Conner waited until the waiter brought their drinks before he continued their rather dark discussion, as he didn’t like being interrupted. “Even though Harper has left, I’d like to hear your deep secret.”

  She sipped from her glass and glanced left then right. She finally inhaled. “I always thought that my life had been tough because I’d ha
d to work day in and day out to make a living, but after hearing your story, I think I should be thankful I had it easy.”

  He doubted her life was easy. “I’d still like to hear what you have to say.”

  She clutched her glass like it was a lifeline. “I have a twin brother, Tatum, and a younger sister, Bethany. She’s twenty-five. When I was about six, my dad walked out on us.”

  Conner leaned forward. “I can’t imagine how confused that must have made you feel. What did your mom do?”

  “She got a second job cleaning houses after she got off her day job.”

  “I’ve always wondered how a single mother managed. When she was at work, what did you kids do?”

  “Tatum and I would go with our little sister next door—at least when Mrs. Carlisle wasn’t drunk. If Mom returned home and found us at the house instead of next door, we’d lie and say we’d just come in.”

  “That really sucked. What was the worst part of it?” Did she miss her dad’s love, or didn’t she know any better? Or did she even remember him? The pain had to lie deep.

  “Not having enough food. My mom received food stamps, which helped, but it was never enough, especially with three kids.” She told him about only eating twice a day so that Tatum and Bethany would have enough food.

  His situation growing up had been much better. “We didn’t have much, but at least we had food. Since my dad sold feed, there were a ton of farms around, and the good neighbors always shared their abundance.”

  She shrugged. “I got used to having little on the table. It was the name calling that really hurt.”

  She was probably taller than everyone even back in middle school. He wanted to ask her questions about that time, but from the way she wasn’t meeting his gaze, it had been a painful period in her life.

  She blew out a breath and took a bite of her chicken. “I, too, was angry at my mom for not getting a better education and for getting knocked up at seventeen. I don’t think Dad really wanted to marry her, but he did. That’s why they divorced six years later.”

  A young mother with twins having to marry a man out of obligation couldn’t have been easy for anyone. “Did you decide to become a whiz at computers as a means to escape?”

  A smile finally filled her face. “Yes. I got a free ride to the University of Colorado. It was there that I met Dani my freshman year. She was good and kind and understanding. We really got along real well.” Her gaze shot downward. “Her mother was a single mom like mine, so we could really relate. It was so nice having someone I could talk to.”

  “I bet.” He’d always had his cousin. “When did you meet Nikki?” Though he and Garth were good friends, he’d never asked about his fiancée’s history.

  “Also freshman year, as we all decided to pledge the same sorority. At first, Nikki and I didn’t get along. Looking back, I can’t believe she even joined a sorority, but in hindsight I think she secretly wanted to be included in a group.”

  Now he was enjoying the conversation since the sparkle was back in her eyes. “Keep going.”

  “Nikki was a tough girl, distrustful, and rather abrupt. She reminded me a little of my dad in a way, what little I remembered of him. Nikki was never mean though, just not very open.”

  “How did you end up being best friends?”

  She leaned backed, smiled, and then chuckled. “We’d been civil for about a year, but I kept my distance, as I’d assumed Nikki would be the type to ridicule me. During sophomore year, Dani dropped out of school. Her mom had been killed in a hit-and-run and she needed to go home and pick up the pieces. I was totally lost without her. Maybe because I always had to watch my little sister and make sure Tatum was okay, I became the caregiver in the family.” She sniffled. “After Dani left, I needed to fill a void in my life so I volunteered to help with the math lab. That’s where students who needed help would come.”

  “Let me guess. Nikki probably had to come for help or fail.”

  She nodded. “You guessed it. It almost killed her, too. She was so damned independent, but she wanted an education, so she let me help her. I was able to break things down in a way that she understood. I’m not sure how it happened, but we became friends. I was the softer of the two of us, and she believed she needed to protect me against the bullies.”

  The word bully twisted his gut. “Growing up must have been hard.”

  She held his gaze. “Because I was tall, skinny, and a geek?”

  Way to step in it. “No, I meant that kids—”

  Holly chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m fine with the way I look now.”

  No she wasn’t. His new goal became clear—to make her love herself. The exterior didn’t matter to him, though he did appreciate that she was hot. Until she believed it, however, her insides would never heal.

  “I’m glad. Are you still close with your siblings and your mom?”

  “Tatum and I try to touch base at least once a week.”

  “Where does he live?” Having him near would be nice support for her.

  “He lives in Oregon. Bethany is still in Alabama with my mom.”

  He waited to see if she would expand on her relationship, but when she glanced downward, he figured they weren’t on the best of terms. “I say we eat our food before it gets cold.” She’d only taken one bite.

  While he chowed down his steak, his heart broke at how she picked at her salad. He wondered if she still lived in fear of not having enough money to pay for food. He understood poverty, but he never went without eating his fill.

  As they ate in silence, his mind raced back to Harper and what he should do about his cousin’s reaction. Conner totally sympathized with his situation. One minute he was the happiest man in the world and the next Wendy was killed in the hit-and-run. Harper was convinced it was because he’d crossed Jack Marr that Wendy was run over—not by Marr himself, but by someone sent to harm her. In the end, Harper blamed himself for her death for getting involved with the jerk in the first place.

  In any line of business, if someone was pissed off enough, he might take it out on the owner’s loved one, but that wasn’t a reason not to have a life.

  By the time they finished dinner, it was close to ten. The game plan had been for both of them to take her around to the gaming tables and show her the ins and outs of some of the games, but after Harper’s disappearing move and their intense conversation, ending on a lighter note didn’t seem right.

  Perhaps it had been the wine, but Holly had yawned a few times, and while it had been Harper who’d invited her to hike tomorrow, if his cousin backed out, Conner wanted to honor the date.

  The server came to take away their plates. “Would you like me to box your salad, ma’am?”

  “No. Thank you.”

  Conner was worried. “You didn’t like it?”

  “It was great. I just don’t eat much.”

  He would leave that conversation about how it wasn’t healthy to starve for another time. A clap of thunder sounded and Holly stilled. It had to have been close if they could hear it in the restaurant. He slid out of the booth and helped her stand.

  She looked over at him. “Are you going to talk to Harper?”

  If his cousin didn’t outweigh him by thirty pounds, he’d like to do more than talk. He wanted to take a swing at him. Someone needed to knock some sense into Harper. “Not sure. When he gets in one of his moods, it’s often best to leave him alone for a while.” He pulled out his phone and checked the time. “Well, my shift is over. How about if I follow you home?” He made a quick text to Harper telling him his plans.

  Her brows scrunched. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but not only is it storming outside, I live in Freedom, too.”

  “Really?”

  He laughed. “They let crazies in sometimes, too.”

  She smiled. “I thought that since you worked here, you’d have a place in Black Hawk.”

  “Because this is a tourist town, home prices were a little too steep
for us.”

  She nodded. “Dani’s from Freedom, and when I found out how much cheaper it was to live there than Denver, I rushed on over.”

  “See? Great minds think alike.” Money seemed to play a central role in her life. He got it. Growing up poor had a lasting effect on a person.

  They walked through the casino toward his office, as he needed to grab a few things—like an umbrella—so Holly wouldn’t have to drive home drenched. When they reached his office he unlocked the door and went in. Light leaked in from the adjoining door, implying Harper was trying to drown his thoughts in work. He wanted to give his cousin one last chance.

  He turned to Holly. “Let me tell Harper we’re taking off.” It didn’t matter than he’d just texted him. If he spoke with him, he might be able to judge his mood better.

  Her mouth slightly parted. He didn’t wait for her to ask if she could speak with him. Knowing Harper, a confrontation now wouldn’t end well. He opened the adjoining door and stuck his head in. Harper was wearing his glasses staring at the computer screen, which implied he must have gotten a headache.

  “I’m heading out. See you in the morning.” That meant he’d either be spending the night with Holly or he’d be asleep when Harper rolled in.

  His roommate didn’t even look up. The wave said it all, but at least Harper’s middle finger hadn’t been extended.

  Conner closed the door and faced her. She was leaning forward as if she truly needed to know if Harper was okay. Her caregiving nature struck home with him. He, too, wanted to soothe other people’s hurts, only in a different way than Holly did. It was her desire to please that made his cock hard, and he had to inhale to force his dick to behave.

  Conner twisted to the side so she wouldn’t see the bulge, strode to the closet, and retrieved his jacket and large umbrella.

  With a smile plastered on his face he turned back around, his umbrella in front of his crotch. “Ready?”

  She didn’t move. “What about Harper? Is he okay? Should I talk to him?”