THUGLIT Issue Fourteen
Page 13
Art sets his arm around Maya's shoulders and brings her closer. "They should be able to operate within a week or two."
I'm shaking again and the pressure behind my eyes swells.
Maya seems to notice and asks Art, "Can you give us a moment?"
He says sure and tells me it was nice meeting me. I say nothing and he strolls into the hall with his clean hands back in his pockets.
Maya asks, "What is wrong?"
I wipe at my bottom eyelids with the back of a trembling finger. When I pull my hand away, I notice dried blood under my ring finger's nail. I tell Maya, "Nothing." Looking over at her father, I say, "I'm so happy for you."
She takes a step forward and wraps her arms around me, rests her head at my neck. She smells like paradise. "Thank you," she says.
Feeling empty and slowly shattering, I ask her, "For what?"
"You have been a very supportive friend."
"Friend," I repeat. My voice cracks.
Maya lifts her head, shakes the strands of hair from her face. "Yes," she says, her eyes in mine. "Are we not friends?"
It takes me a moment before I can ask, "Is that all we are?"
Tears bubble in Maya's eyes, but she keeps her arms locked around my neck. "Kay, we have been through this," she says.
The weak beeps of her father's heartbeat make it feel as though we're being timed.
Maya says, "I have put him through enough."
"It's your life, Maya."
She nods. "A life he gave me."
I notice my shoulders are shivering. In my head, I see my hands holding that bloody heart and I want to tell her, to scream at her, what I did for her father. What I did for her. Thinking of the Latino's face as he died, his dwindling eyes staring at my fingers blocking his breath, I want to pull the heart from the cooler and place it at Maya's feet like a cat would a mouse.
But I can't.
"Go home and get some sleep," Maya tells me. "You look so tired."
"I thought we were going to that Colombian place tonight."
Maya takes a deep breath through her perfect nose. "Art asked me to go get burgers," she says with her perfect lips. "Kay, I can not—"
"No," I say, and I step back, out of her grasp. The touch of her skin on mine lingers along the back of my neck. "I understand."
She glances over her shoulder at the empty doorway. Then she turns back and leans in, kisses me one last time.
Like that'll help.
"I love you," I say, hoping her father can hear.
"I—" she says. And in one gulp, she swallows the rest. "I am sorry," she says instead.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
"We can still go to a movie tomorrow," she either asks or says, I'm not sure.
Nodding, I say, "Yeah." I pick up my cooler. She tries to smile, reaches out to touch my shoulder. But I leave before the vomit can climb free from my throat.
Outside, the sun's setting, its reds and oranges glimmering off all the cars of the sick or dying people inside and the ones who love or are trying to save them. I take the last Xanax in my pocket, dry-swallow it, and head toward my car.
In the first row I pass, there's a Lexus. I look around and it's the only one.
I try the handle.
Unlocked.
You don't grow up with a brother like mine without learning how to hotwire a car.
When I pull up, Cigarillo says, "Watch your car for five dollars."
Like he doesn't recognize me.
Leaving the car door open and the engine on behind me, I look down the darkening street. My apartment's miles from here and none of this makes me feel better. None of it will give me back the pieces of myself I've lost, I know. Maybe nothing ever will. Even through the Xanax fog, the thought drops fear in my hollow gut. "It's not mine," I tell him.
Unsure anymore who I am or why I do anything I do, I start the hard walk home.
And I take my cold, dead heart with me.
AUTHOR BIOS
S.A. COSBY lives in the little hamlet of Gloucester Va, with a pug named…Pugsley and a conceited squirrel named Spencer. He is the author of a novel Brotherhood of the Blade that is scheduled to be released by HCS Publishing in August 2014. His story, "The Rat and the Cobra" was published in Thuglit Issue 10.
DAN J. FIORE is a freelance writer from Pittsburgh with work published by Writer's Digest, DarkFuse and Thuglit. His short fiction won grand prize in the 82nd annual Writer's Digest Writing Competition and his screenwriting was awarded the Pittsburgh Filmmakers Institute's First Works Grant in 2009. He's currently pursuing his MFA while finishing up his first novel. You can follow him on Twitter at @danjfiore
BLAIR KROEBER resides in the spiritual hometown of noir fiction, Los Angeles, where he writes for page and screen, and produces for television.
NEIL KROLICKI is a writer, illustrator and expert lover who spits out unintelligible manifestos and short stories from a secret bunker somewhere in Colorado. Most recently he's been featured in Chuck Palahniuk's anthology of transgressive stories, Burnt Tongues. His crime noir comic book, 120 Doses, is available now on Comixology. Find him on the Facebooks, Twitters & all that.
EDDIE MCNAMARA is a Brooklyn native living in Manhattan where he writes healthy recipes and unhealthy fiction. His work has been published in Penthouse, All Due Respect, Shotgun Honey, Stoned Crow Press, Thuglit, etc. Follow his writing at eddiemcnamara.tumblr.com and his cooking at tossyourownsalad.tumblr.com.
CT MCNEELY is Chief Editor of pulp fiction magazine Dark Corners. His fiction has appeared in All Due Respect. He lives way the hell over there with his wife, children, and cat where he writes and reads obsessively.
SCOTT LORING SANDERS lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. A story he published last year is included in the current Best American Mystery Stories 2014. He's published two novels with Houghton Mifflin, was the Writer-in-Residence at the Camargo Foundation in Cassis, France, and has been a two-time fellow at the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. In creative nonfiction, he has memoir pieces currently out or forthcoming in Creative Nonfiction, Sweet, Spittoon, and several other journals. He teaches Creative Writing at Virginia Tech and will offer a Mystery Writing class for the Spring '15 semester, which should be very cool.
ALBERT TUCHER is the creator of prostitute Diana Andrews, who has appeared in more than fifty short stories in such venues as Thuglit, All Due Respect, and Best American Mystery Stories 2010. Her first longer case, the novella The Same Mistake Twice was published in 2013. In July of last year Albert Tucher's standalone story "Hangman's Break" earned him his debut in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine and an ass-kicking from Diana.
TODD ROBINSON (Editor) is the creator and Chief Editor of Thuglit. His writing has appeared in Blood & Tacos, Plots With Guns, Needle Magazine, Shotgun Honey, Strange, Weird, and Wonderful, Out of the Gutter, Pulp Pusher, Grift, Demolition Magazine, CrimeFactory, All Due Respect, and several anthologies. He has been nominated three times for the Derringer Award, short-listed for Best American Mystery Stories, selected for Writers Digest's Year's Best Writing 2003, lost the Anthony Award in 2013, and won the inaugural Bullet Award in June 2011. The first collection of his short stories, Dirty Words is now available and his debut novel The Hard Bounce is available from Tyrus Books.
ALLISON GLASGOW (Editor) Did that to Renee Zellweger's face. Now you know.
JULIE MCCARRON (Editor) is a celebrity ghostwriter with three New York Times bestsellers to her credit. Her books have appeared on every major entertainment and television talk show; they have been featured in Publishers Weekly and excerpted in numerous magazines including People. Prior to collaborating on celebrity bios, Julie was a book editor for many years. Julie started her career writing press releases and worked in the motion picture publicity department of Paramount Pictures and for Chasen & Company in Los Angeles. She also worked at General Publishing Group in Santa Monica and for the Dijkstra Literary Agency in Del Mar before turning to editing/writing full-time. She lives in Southern Cali
fornia.
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