“I’m thinking of having my right arm be a garden, but I don’t want color. I strictly want my entire body covered in black. I have this idea that we have a gate towards the bottom of my forearm and it leads into the beautiful flowers and brush. Maybe I can have some sort of flower at the top with a Hummingbird eating out of it.”
“I think that would be very beautiful.” We pull into the parking lot and I can see someone standing outside of the club. As we get closer, I can see exactly who it is, shocked that the man is here already.
Ivy narrows her eyes on him and looks over to me quickly. “Do we know him?”
“Yes, that’s Machk. He’s an old Reaper, who’s now a chief.”
“A chief?” she asks, obviously confused.
“Yes. Machk is part of the Blackfeet tribe. He lives out in Western Montana on the reservation but has come here to help us with our problem.”
“Oh,” Ivy responds, getting out of the truck after I turn it off and pull out the keys. I follow her, exiting the vehicle and shutting the door behind me. The second that fresh air hits my nose, I smell weed. Looks like the old timer hasn’t changed much to me. I remember him as a child, being around the club every now and again. For a time, I think he was a nomad. He would always whisper to me about how the spirit would guide him and tell him where he needed to be. It didn’t make any sense to me back then and it still doesn’t.
“It’s been a long time,” I say to him as I approach, giving him a manly hug.
Machk has a stern look on his face and nods. “Yes, it has. Your father told me that you were out and should have been home hours ago. I chose to wait and see you before I went to lay down.”
“That is kind of you. I apologize for keeping you waiting. I was out in town with my ol’ lady, Ivy. We were out at Dean’s getting her brand,” I tell him. A small porch light illuminates the area enough to where we can see one another’s facial features. Machk looks at her a bit differently, it’s as if he’s analyzing her, or looking at her like she’s out of place. I’m not a big fan of the way he stares and says nothing. It gives me a vibe that makes me want to throttle him.
Ivy gets a bit uncomfortable because she’s shifting on both of her legs and grabs my arm, “I’m going to go inside and lay down. It’s been a long day.”
“Alright, I’ll be there in a little while.”
“Okay, take your time. It looks like you both have a bit to catch up on,” she says with a smile as she walks away and places her hand on the clubhouse door. Ivy opens it and disappears behind the door as it shuts.
Now that Ivy’s gone, I feel like I can ask him what those stares were for. “Are you doing okay, Machk?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Why are you asking?” His voice is almost monotone, but a small heightened pitch tells me he wasn’t expecting me to ask.
I raise a brow, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “The way you were looking at Ivy alarmed me a bit. You’re not the type of man that stares like that, not unless something’s moving around in that head of yours.”
He’s quiet for a moment before meeting my eyes with his own. The snow continues to come down on top of both of us and he takes another hit of his weed. I shake my head, “I hate that you smoke that. Smells worse than it did when I was a kid.”
“You must still think it is weed. It’s not, it’s kinnikinnick. You know that this is used to help keep peace between many individuals. In the old times, we would smoke this with other tribes we were at war with. Now, the world has changed and we smoke this with allies and in some situations, our enemies to attempt and keep peace. Things are not as simple as they were in the old days. I wish they could be as simple. Would you like some? The great spirit may cast his shadow over you and provide protection, Kade.”
I think about telling him no, but what the hell. It’s not like a little extra protection can hurt me right now. I take the blunt from his hand and breathe in the spicy concoction. It’s earthy, smells like sandalwood but has a kick to it. Without any doubt, I think there is some marijuana in this. “A combination of plants make this up, right?” I ask him, searching his expression for answers. It’s a shame he’s mastered the poker face so well.
“Yes,” he chuckles lowly for a moment before his expression shifts back to what it just was, “Fist told me that Ivy is Cora’s daughter, but she doesn’t look anything like the rest of her family.”
“Personally, I think it’s a good thing she doesn’t look like them. It’s hard enough on her here as it is. If she were to look identical to her father, she and I would’ve left a long time ago. I’m sure my dad hasn’t left anything out when it comes to his attitudes or opinions towards her.” Every day I still struggle to accept how he’s acting. I only want for him to like her, to see the fact this woman makes me happier than I’ve ever been before.
“Everyone in her family has blonde hair and blue eyes, her mother, father, and even her brother,” Machk states, more like he’s talking to himself than to me.
All this does is cause me to question things. Dad said that Machk was close to Ivy’s mother, but how close were they? “You and Cora were friends, weren’t you?”
Machk’s eyes meet mine, staring at me in a way that makes me feel he knows what I’m insinuating. I hope he doesn’t try to change the subject and will just answer me honestly. “Yes, for a time, we were good friends.”
“Were you close?” I shift my stance and bring my arms back down to my sides.
“Yes, we were very close.” He takes in a deep breath, grabbing the blunt from my hand and takes a hit. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not possible. Yes, she has dark features but I’m not her father. Grizzly is.”
He’s so quick to shove my thoughts away, but I’m not buying it. “If you want to think that you two aren’t related, fine, but we both know that’s only possible if you never fucked her mother. I think we both know that’s not likely. Bikers and blondes go together like cheeseburgers and fries. When’s the last time you and Cora were around one another?” If he answers this last question, it’ll be the end of it. Depending on his answer, that’ll tell us if it’s even a possibility.
“I don’t know, Kade. Maybe twenty-four or twenty-five years ago. I know what you’re thinkin’ and it’s not possible. I can’t biologically have my own children. The three that Agnes and I have now were all adopted from the reservation. We tried for years and nothing worked. Fuck, you know why.”
I remember hearing a story about how Machk went on a run and got shot. He didn’t just get shot in any place, it was straight in the kahunas for him. I don’t know the specifics, but I know he was rushed to the hospital. Things just aren’t adding up for me.
Machk starts to speak but stops and looks at me for a moment. “How old is she?”
“She’ll be twenty-four in two weeks,” I say, watching his eyes go wide.
If my thoughts are right, his accident happened after he was with Cora. I wonder if they were in a relationship before Grizzly was in the picture, or if Cora was cheating on him with Machk. Regardless, I think we’ll find out sooner or later. I just have this feeling that Ivy’s entire life has been nothing but an elaborate lie.
Chapter Ten
Your mind is a battlefield, be its commander, not its soldier
~ Unknown
Ivy
The last few days have been quiet around the clubhouse. Raven has been healing and is doing a bit better than she was before. She’s still very sore, but she’s up, finally moving around like she used to. I feel like if she was taken to the hospital, they would have instructed her to take it easy for a bit longer, but she’s not the type to follow orders. I think that’s because of her past, how she would always do as she was told. Now, she doesn’t give two fucks. She’s turned into quite the rebel from what she’s told me.
“Hey, Ivy, can you help me in the kitchen for a bit?” Ashley calls over to me. I’m sitting on the couch next to Frank and Raven. Since they’ve been here, I feel more at home, like I’
m finally not alone. Not that being with Kade makes me feel alone, but it’s different for him. All of these people have loved him since he was a kid, and I’m the hated outsider.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there!” I reply back to her, getting up from my seat. I turn to look at Frank and Raven, “I’ll find you both when I’m done and can we talk about something?” I’ve thought about keeping the fact Kade and I are going to move to Las Vegas to ourselves, but I just can’t go through with that. I’m horrible at keeping secrets and getting this out in the open is important to me. If I hold it back for too long, I may not have a friend at the end of this. I can’t risk that, it’s not like I even have many friends here.
When I was back at the Bears clubhouse, I don’t even think I had friends. I had leeches, people who would stick around me to try and get some sort of attention from my father or brother. They wanted to be higher up on the totem pole, but I still can’t understand why. I don’t think I ever will wrap my head around it. Connor or my father would’ve just done whatever they wanted and cast them aside like a clubwhore. It’s what most of the Bears did, and a few of the full patches even tried to get their grimy hands on me. My father surprised me when he told them I was off limits, but Connor would be sadistic and put me in situations where something could’ve happened.
One day, I think I was sixteen or seventeen, there was a big celebration at the clubhouse. Connor told me to go to the shed out back and get something. If my memory serves me right, it was some sort of tool he needed for one of the bikes. When I got in the shed and turned the lights on, a group of men surrounded me. Even now, I can remember the feeling of betrayal that flooded over my body. It made me feel sick knowing my own brother had put me in a situation where I was going to get gang raped. The guys didn’t know it then, but I had a knife under my jacket and when the first fuck tried to come at me, I cut him. They backed off really quick and left me alone. Connor ended up finding me, walking up to me with a smile on his face. I still think to this day, he believes they got what they wanted. I can imagine why none of them would go back and tell him nothing happened, they’d look like failures. That was the first day that Connor showed me his true colors. He wasn’t just like our father— he was worse.
“Sounds good. If we’re not here, we’ll probably be back in our room,” Raven responds. I don’t say a word and make my way into the kitchen where Ashley is. She has a few aluminum foil trays, the kind where you use them at barbecues or family cookouts. She has four of these containers and based on how big our oven is, we can put two trays on each rack. Next to her are about ten packs of chicken breasts from what I can tell.
She hands me five of them, “Wash your hands and then cut the remaining fat off the breasts. Put them into one of the containers and get the buffalo sauce. We’re going to cook them in that and put some shredded cheddar cheese in the mix. We’ll cook them for about an hour and when we take them out, we’ll shred the chicken to make them sliders.”
“Alright, what are the other two trays for?” I ask, walking over to the sink and washing my hands while I wait for an answer.
“One is going to be for mac and cheese, and the other is a S’mores bake that I’ve just started doing. It’s pretty yummy if you ask me.”
I smile, going over to where the packs of chicken are and grab the knife Ashley must’ve set down for me. I cut open the container and pull out a chicken breast. As I take the fat off, I put the chicken breasts in the aluminum container.
“Are things getting easier here, with my daddy, I mean?” Ashley asks out of nowhere. I can’t help but wonder if it’s some sort of trick question because she is in every way a daddy’s girl. For fuck's sake, she still calls the man daddy. At our age, we only use that term in the bedroom when we’re getting a good fuck.
I shrug, continuing to set the clean-cut chicken breasts down evenly in the container. “I don’t know if easier would be accurate, but I think we’re co-existing.”
Ashley frowns. “I’m really sorry about the way he treats you. I don’t know why he’s so determined to hate you. It’s not like any of this is your fault.”
“You’re telling me.” I shake my head, feeling all the emotions that rise up within me whenever I think about any of this. Part of me gets angry at Fist and then the anger seeps over to my dad. I hate that their feud is what's affecting my relationship with everyone here. I didn’t choose to be his child, and I feel like a modern-day Juliet.
“All I can say is that one day, it might get better. It’ll just take him a bit of time to realize you’re not a threat. We both know how many Prez’s have planted their daughters in rival clubs pretending to be broken and abused just to get the upper hand in their father’s war.”
I nod, understanding what she’s saying, but that doesn’t mean I’m one of those girls. Fist and the members here who feel the same way he does are treating me based on the actions of the few, not the actions of the many.
Ashley picks up a container of buffalo sauce, opens it, and hands it to me. “Pour it evenly over the chicken breasts and then I’ll have you put some cheese in and top it off with more.” I do as she says and we remain silent for a couple of minutes while we go through this process.
When we both finish, Ashley grabs each container and pops it in the oven. She stops abruptly after she sticks her hand out and goes to grab one of the extra pans and gives me a somber look. “Maybe I shouldn’t be the one to say this, but everyone in the club has the idea that you aren’t actually Grizzly’s daughter.”
“Wait, what?” I ask, laughing. If it wasn’t so ridiculous, it would be shocking.
She places her left hand on her hip, “You darn well heard what I said, missy. And, don’t be so quick to laugh. If this idea or rumor if that’s what we should call it is true, do you realize what that could mean?”
I catch on to exactly what she’s saying. “Immediately I’d be loved and adored and would no longer be viewed as a threat,” I reply back in a humorless voice.
“Don’t sound so excited, but yeah, in a sense.”
I close my eyes and try to keep what I’m thinking to myself, but I just can’t. This irks me. “I’m sorry if I turn into a major cunt right now, but I don’t think that would solve my problems. Honestly, it would piss me off more than I can even express. From the get-go, I never should’ve been treated the way I have been, regardless of if my father is the one who causes y’all the most grief. I’m a human, and I deserve compassion the same way that everyone else does. Even if it was true, which it probably isn’t because I’ve never met the man until yesterday, it doesn’t make any of this any better. What even makes you think that he could be my father?” I demand an answer, needing to know why they’re thinking this way.
I believe Ashley understands what I’m saying because she has that ‘oh shit’ look on her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wanted to say something in case it had the potential of being true. I know that my daddy’s . . . behavior weighs heavily on you. Even as a kid, I remember people saying how you looked nothing like anyone in your family. I remember back then how it was being talked about. This didn’t just come up out of the blue. It’s been talked about for years and how much do you wanna bet that my daddy put the pieces together and that’s why Machk is here in the first place.”
“The thing is, his behavior doesn’t just weigh heavily on me, Ashley. It really fucks with Kade too. He and I are both very happy and all your dad is doing is driving Kade to want to leave. And do you really think any of what you’re saying helps? It doesn’t. Yeah, I’ve heard the whispers and rumors my entire life but what I don’t need is to think that everything I know to be true is a lie.” I’m speaking straight from the heart and realize that I’ve said too much. There’s no way she’s going to let me say that with no follow-up questions.
“Leave. What do you mean?” she ignores everything else I’ve just said and focuses primarily on Kade and I leaving.
Fuck it. Everyone is going to find
out sooner or later. “Kade asked me if I wanted to move to the Las Vegas charter and I told him yes. He thinks it’s a good idea for both of us to get out of the shadows we’re living under and finally explore our relationship without any negative energy.”
Ashley looks as if a bomb’s just been dropped on her. In a way, one has been. “Wow. He always said he’d never leave home.”
“I guess you can thank your dad for pushing him away.” I don’t hold back any emotions that are flooding over me right now. I’m coming off as a bitch, but I don’t give a damn. I’m pissed with the way I’ve been treated over the last few weeks and even though Ashley hasn’t treated me a certain way, I’m laying it out on her.
“Kade found out that your mom slept with Machk, so it’s not impossible. His accident didn’t happen until after she was already pregnant, and no one else has the courage to tell you. I’m not going to refrain from telling you because if he is your father, I think your entire life may change.”
Ashley’s words hit me like a ton of bricks. The first thought that comes to my head is why Kade hasn’t said any of this. Why am I finding out from his sister?
“I . . . I have to go,” I say suddenly and walk out of the kitchen. I immediately head back toward Raven and Frank’s room, hoping that by some god, they’re not in the living area right now. I need a closed, safe place to discuss this with them.
I walk down the hall to where their room is and place my hand on the door, forcing it open. “Whoa, how do you know we weren’t screwing around?” Frank hollers.
I roll my eyes but before I can speak, Raven beats me to it. “Because you’re as gay as RuPaul. You’re not comin’ back to this side and neither has he. We just have to get you a little better at accepting yourself, honey.”
“Whoa, what is the matter with you? You look like you’re gonna cry,” Frank says in a soothing voice. He motions his hand for me to come over and I shut the door behind me and walk straight into my friend’s arms. Raven joins in on the hug, and we all stand here for a few minutes before any of us decides to speak.
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 7