“You’re the one who’s hot for my sister, right?” He turns his head to the side, upping the creepy vibe that’s coming from him.
I remain silent, choosing not to answer it. I don’t owe this fucker anything.
“Yeah, it is you. Kade, please tell me how my dear sister is. Does she still cry every night like a little girl? I kinda wonder if she’s doing any growing up while she’s traded sides, but I figure she’s just the same washed up cunt she was when she ran off.”
That does it. No one will ever get the opportunity to talk about my Ivy like that. I march right over and swing my left fist back, slamming it into his jaw. I know I should stop and leave it as a warning, but I can’t. I can’t fuckin’ stop because he disrespected my woman, my fuckin’ walkin’ heart. I alternate between right and left hearing the cracking of his jawbone with every hit I make. The only reason I stop is when I feel my shoulders being yanked back.
“Brother, you need to chill. He’s only saying shit to you so you’ll put him out of his fuckin’ misery. You know that you’re not dumb,” Blackjack says, pressing his hand into my face, pushing me away.
“Guess I must’ve struck a nerve with her lover boy,” Connor mumbles, spitting out blood onto the hay ridden floor. “Don’t know why you’re so interested in her. She’s just like our mother, always lookin’ for something better than what she has. I doubt she’ll even stay around with you too long, Reapers boy.”
Everything that Connor is saying to me is only being said to fuck with my head. Blackjack is right. This dude just wants to get a rise out of me and I can’t let him.
“Why’s that?” Dad asks Connor, narrowing his eyes.
“’ Cause, Ivy loves to run away from things. It’s why she ran into Billings in the first place, to get away from me and my father. Did she ever tell you that she left us a note when she ran off to her new life in your territory old man? Said she wanted to start a life of her own without the shadow of her family cast over her, that she needed to discover who she was without us being around her. What a load of bullshit, am I right? Mentioned some shit ‘bout being disgusted with the way I was actin’ and how I turned into somethin’ worse than our dad.”
I make sure to look right at my father as he says this shit, gauging his reaction to see if he’s gonna believe him and look at Ivy in a different light after all this. He’s assessing, trying to determine if it’s bullshit or not. “Was cutting those words into her all a ploy to get her in my club?”
Connor cackles, rocking his body back and forth. “No, you delusional old man! Do you think she was sent by us,” he continues laughing, stops for a few moments, only to continue on before he regains his composure. “It’s cute that you think Ivy would do something like that. She’s as docile as a deer in headlights. You think that girl is strong enough to be a spy? She’s not. She’s a fuckin’ coward who opens her legs for traitor dick. A disgrace to our entire family. Fuck, I should’ve taken her out when I killed our mother. It would’ve been poetic if they both went together.”
The door to the barn opens and in comes Machk, long black hair blowing in the wind. He shuts the door and approaches the group of us, who are all shocked in disbelief at what Connor just confessed. Not one of us knew what happened to Cora, but now it’s obvious. Her own son killed her.
“What did I miss?” Machk asks, approaching the rest of us.
“Nothing much. Connor just confessed to killing Cora. Where’d you bury her anyway?,” I ask Connor, gauging his reaction. He probably won’t even tell me what he did with her body, but if I can find out it may help Ivy process her mother’s death more. Machk’s eyes go wide before narrowing in on the disgusting man.
“Bury her? Do you think I’d really do that?” Connor laughs manically, reminding me of the Joker from Batman.
“What did you do with her body then?” Connor has to know that there’s only one way he’s getting out of this situation —dead.
He snickers, continuing on with that sadistic bullshit. “I tossed her in the old barn on our property. She was an animal, so I let her rot like one I’d hit on the highway would. Oh, you know what would be even better? If some coyotes got in and started chewin’ on her. I bet her bones would be really mangled up then.”
“You took away the life of the woman who gave you yours?” Machk has always spoken in riddles. I credit that to his culture, choosing not to understand it but to accept it.
“Served her right after cheating on our father with you, don’t you think, Indian? Everyone knows who you are. More importantly, everyone knows who my sister’s father is. Wonder if you even care how badly your little girl was cut up, or the other things we did to her. I wonder how that makes you feel.”
“What are you saying, boy?” Machk’s breathing intensifies as he looks to Connor for answers. I can’t tell if it’s the truth or if he’s simply fucking with us yet again. It’s too hard to tell.
“My father knew she wasn’t his child years ago. Ivy and I got into a car accident with our mother when I was eleven and she was eight. She needed blood and my dad tried to donate but he wasn’t a match. That’s when things were put together. Why do you think we made her suffer so much? If we actually gave a damn, we might put her out of her fuckin’ misery, but it was better to let her suffer.”
“You didn’t elaborate,” Dad sternly tells Connor, “You said other things. What do you mean by that?”
Connor sneers, “Kade here would like to be the one to know that, to know all the things that were done to her when she was unconscious. My father let the boys have a good go at her. Highly doubt she took a morning-after pill and now I’m just wondering if she got her period or is a baby bear growing inside that womb of hers?”
“You motherfucker!” I charge toward Connor, but I’m not the one who reacts. A shot goes off and before I realize what’s happened, another, and yet another after. I stare at him and see the blood covering his shirt, all coming from his stomach area.
Turning back, I have to know who raised their gun and much to my dismay, I see it’s none other than my dad.
Machk is frozen in place as am I.
Not only do I have to tell her that her father knew she wasn’t his child for years and that her brother killed their mother, but now I have to tell her that she was raped. I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to do this.
“You all will let him slowly bleed out. He will suffer tremendously before his body goes into shock and he’s given the mercy of passing out. Burn his body. I don’t care if he’s dead or not when you do it.” My dad goes for the door and exits the barn, making me wonder how things have changed now.
Chapter Fifteen
I truly believe that every single person has to go through something that absolutely destroys them so they can figure out who they really are.
~ Unknown
Kade
I burned Connor alive, smiling throughout the entire thing. If you ask me, he deserved far worse than that. Burning him alive was too kind. That was yesterday, and I’ve been avoiding Ivy as much as I can. I ran into her a couple of times and made up some bullshit excuse that I had some stuff to do for the club. It’s not that I don’t want to be around her, but I don’t know how to tell her what I know.
Today, I’ll do things a bit different. There is a much-needed conversation to be had with my father since all this shit went down, and I can’t help but feel things are so different now. The series of events that took place have changed opinions. I don’t know how I know, but I can tell. It must be some sort of gut feeling or some shit. My gut has never led me in the wrong direction so I just have to trust it now.
I’ve just come back from going into town and checking on shit. We’re still doing shifts, driving around to see if we spot any of the remaining Bears or Grizzly, for that matter. We haven’t heard a peep out of anyone since we took Connor. It’s like the ruckus they were making disappeared into thin air. Just makes me think they went back into their den and are thinking about fucking
some shit up. That doesn’t sit well with me, but these guys have never really been too smart when it comes to us. The Reapers always win. You’d think that would finally click by now.
I stopped in at the store in town and picked up some snacks and other shit the brothers may like. We needed meat too, and I mean something other than deli meat. I don’t mind a ham sandwich every now and again but I don’t want it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Chicken’s been on sale this week, so I picked up quite a few pounds. We really need to get some deals going with some local farmers. If we bought entire cows, we’d save so much money.
“Are you avoiding me?” Her voice is music to my ears and a stab to the heart at the exact same time. I love this woman so damn much and it’s killing me to not tell her what I know, but I have to talk to my dad first.
I grab the plastic bags from the back seat of my truck and turn toward her. “I don’t think avoiding is the word, babe. Just been getting some shit done for the club.”
Ivy pops a hip and glares at me. “I’m calling you out. That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’ve barely said two words to me in the last day when we’re barely able to be separated. So, what the fuck happened? You haven’t even told me, but everyone is acting a bit different and it’s making me feel weird.”
Fuck. I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I set the bags down in the snow, not giving a fuck if the cardboard boxes get wet. The snacks are in bags inside of it anyway. They’ll be fine. “I’m sorry. Shit went down with your brother and he said some shit that none of us were expecting. I’m just trying to process it all before I unleash it on you, babe.”
The confusion spreads across her face. “Alright . . . so something bad happened. That’s what I’m gathering from what you’ve just said to me. If you have to process it, it couldn’t have been good. It must be worse than you expected.”
I nod, “Yeah, you have that right.”
She opens her mouth for a second, acting like she’s going to speak but nothing comes out. Her eyes fill with water as she stares at me, not understanding. “You treating me like this has made me feel disgusting like you finally saw me as this dirty thing your father doesn’t want around you. Kade, for the love of God just tell me what’s going on. You’re making my anxiety flare up and when you don’t tell me what’s going on, I just worry all the time. Every doubt and fear that has ever been inside me wakes up from the shadows and plagues me with awful thoughts. I can’t stand it, so please just tell me what’s going on. Do you want to break up with me?”
The reality of how bad I’ve fucked up hits me hard right now. I wrap my arms around Ivy and pull her into my embrace, planting my lips right next to her ear. “There’s only ever been one thing I’ve wanted in my life— you. The thought of not having you stand beside me would make life a living hell for me, Ivy. I’m sorry I haven’t said much over the past couple days. I really just have been processing. Honestly, I’ve been wanting to speak to my dad before I talk to you . . . ‘cause Connor said some pretty insane shit and . . .”
“And?” Ivy pulls away from me, meeting my eyes with her own.
I don’t know how to tell her this other than to just be blunt as fuck. “Connor is dead, Ivy, but my Dad is the one who shot him, not me.”
Her irises expand. “What? Why would your dad shoot Connor?”
“I think he got heated after hearing everything that Connor said about your family, and what they did to . . .” I grow quiet, simply looking at her. I don’t want to have to say this, but I will. “What they did to you.”
“This doesn’t make any sense. Can you stop speaking in riddles and just tell me what the fuck happened? Don’t you think I deserve to know?”
“Of course I do,” I grumble, taking in a deep breath, trying to find the courage to just tell her exactly what I know. “There’s just no easy way to tell you any of this, babe. It’s not easy. It’s fuckin’ hard. Nothing about this shit is simple. Connor was your fuckin’ family. The man who should’ve been protecting you did the opposite, he hurt you in ways that a brother never should have. He said so much shit, babe, so much fuckin’ shit.”
“Okay, well keep talking. You’re just making me want to throw up.”
The wind blows a strong gust in our direction and it’s fuckin’ cold as balls out here, but I keep talking. “You’re not Grizzly’s daughter. Connor said they’ve known for quite a while. Somethin’ about you being in an accident and needing a blood transfusion. Grizzly wasn’t a match and that was the first indicator that you weren’t his.”
“Whoa . . . an accident?” Ivy mumbles lowly, putting the palm of her hand over her mouth. “Fuck, I was just a small kid. He’s known for this long?” she asks, pulling her hand away.
“It sure looks that way.”
“So . . . did they say anything about who my father might be?”
“Machk came in and Connor knew him instantly. He insinuated he was your father.”
“O-okay. . .” she whispers lowly.
“Ivy . . .” I know I have to tell her this which will be harder than telling her that she was gang raped. “Connor confessed to killing your mother.”
“Wha—?” She chokes out before she drops to the ground. Wrapping her hands around herself, she cries and I kneel down to her, pulling her face against my chest.
“Why? Why would he do that? What did she e-ever do to him?” Ivy’s questions are warranted, however, I sadly can’t answer them. Connor was a vile man, even worse than her father. It just makes me think that growing up with a man like Grizzly as a father will fuck with you in ways that others don’t. The Bears MC has no boundaries and neither did Connor. Killing his own mother wasn’t even off limits, and I doubt anything else ever was.
“I doubt she did anything, sweetheart. Connor was fucked up in the head.”
“He’s a monster,” she corrects me, peering up with tear filled eyes. “What happened, really?”
“The quick rundown is that he confessed to all the shit he did, and I think each bit of it slowly ate at my father. My theory is that with everything Connor said, it made Dad feel even worse for the way he’s been treating you all these weeks. He finally blew and shot Connor in the stomach a few times after his last admission of guilt. I’ve never seen my dad go cold like that, Ivy. He shot him three times in the stomach and told us to let him bleed out, that he deserved to suffer and to burn his body.”
“Your dad always thought I was the enemy. Why would Connor’s words make him feel any different? What could Connor possibly say that would make me look like the victim in this scenario after your dad had his mind made up for so long?”
My heart beats heavy in my chest as I try to find the right words, so I grab her hand and stand up, tugging her with me. “Let’s get in the truck at least so we’re not so frigid.”
Ivy gets in the truck with me, sits on the passenger seat and stares. She must know I have more shit to tell her, but little does she know this will be the hardest for me to say. The mere thought of what happened to her makes me want to throw up. “Connor said that after you became unconscious that night . . . the Bears had their way with you. He asked me if you got your period, or if there was a baby bear growing inside of you.”
I’m quiet as I see her read between the lines. I can’t even say the word rape or be blunt and tell her what happened. It makes me feel too sick.
“I’m going to be sick.” No sooner than she speaks, the door to the truck flies open and the sounds of her hurling fill the air. I grab her hair from behind her and hold it as she empties herself. “I found out a couple of days ago and didn’t say anything to you yet because I didn’t think we were at that point in our relationship and with everything else going on, I didn’t think it was the right time. I had no idea that . . . oh my god. I can’t believe this is happening to me right now. I can’t believe any of this!” Ivy cries, covering her face with her hands.
“We’ll figure this out,” I tell her, placing my hand on the back of her shoulder
. “You and I have this, whatever we’re facing. You never have to do it alone.”
“I can’t have this baby, Kade. I can’t do this. If it was your baby I could, but I can’t. I can’t bring a baby that was created by violating me in this world. No, I . . . I can’t.”
I turn her body around to face mine. “Ivy, I’m not going to make you. This is your choice. I would never command you to do something such as that.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Kade. I’ve never had to do this before.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, together.”
Chapter Sixteen
She didn’t need to be saved. She needed to be found and appreciated for exactly who she was
~ J, Iron Word
Kade
“I thought you’d come to speak to me earlier today,” my dad says as I walk through the front door of my childhood home.
“I had planned on it, but Ivy caught up with me and I went over everything that happened.”
I look at my father who for the first time since he’s known Ivy, looks nothing but concerned. “How did she take all of it?”
“As best she could, I suppose.” I’m not quite sure what to say. Ivy didn’t take any of it well, and honestly, she took the death of her mother better than the reality we’re facing right now. She’s pregnant with a child that can’t be mine and has made the decision to terminate. I want to tell her that I’d raise that child with her, and love it, if she wanted to keep it. But I know her, and I know the disgusting feelings that are washing over her body. She has been very adamant about terminating the pregnancy since she found out it wasn’t mine, and I won’t be the man who tells her she can’t make this decision. It’s her body, her right, and most of all, her choice.
“You look worried. What’s the matter, son?”
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