“It doesn’t sound stupid. Hell, I knew years ago I wanted Ashley. Just couldn’t have her at the time I wanted her.”
“What do you mean by that?” I ask Blackjack. As far as I know those two were only a thing after Ashley came back to the club.
He shrugs his shoulder, “When Ashley was seventeen I felt her and I had this undeniable pull. She was too damn tempting and I made sure to do whatever I could to steer clear of her. She wasn’t eighteen and it wasn’t right. I had told myself I’d wait until she was eighteen but by that point she was runnin’ around with Harry. Before I knew it things had progressed and I couldn’t interfere. Lookin’ back now I should’ve. If I regret anything in my life it’s that I didn’t fight for her back then. I could’ve saved her a lot of grief.”
“Don’t drudge up the past. You two are together now and that’s the only thing that matters. If you ask me, we all go through shit for a reason.”
“Yeah, I agree . . . but I don’t see the reason in her experiences.” Blackjack states.
“There’s always one. Whether it teaches us to be stronger people, shows us that people aren’t worth trusting or people grow apart there’s always a lesson through every life experience. Maybe Ashley’s lesson was that she needed to rely more on her family.”
“Maybe,” Blackjack mutters, turning the conversation back to me. “I have this feelin’ Alexa isn’t going to like knowing what putting your cut over her meant. You’d best fill her in before we get back to the clubhouse. Shit, even more than that. You should figure out where the hell she’s gonna sleep. There aren’t any more beds at Fist’s, Roxy’s or my place.” Fuck. I didn’t even think of that.
“Good point. I’m sure I can rent an apartment in town or something until the club is re-built.” I mutter.
“The club isn’t gonna be up for a few more months. Not with all the snow headed our way. We’ll be lucky if they break ground in March and that’s if the ground isn’t frozen anymore.”
“I’m well aware,” I say, looking over to the bathroom door. I contemplate going inside and talking to her but decide against it for the moment.
“You should take the opportunity to tell her now,” Blackjack urges me. “‘Cause Lord help us both if you try to tell her while I’m drivin’. None of us need to be getting in any sort of accident because you couldn’t use your brain.”
Fuck it. I uncross my arms and head towards the bathroom door, rapping my knuckles against it. “Alexa, it’s me. Can I come in?”
“Sure.” It takes me a moment to understand what she’s said through the thick door, but I go inside the bathroom and see her standing in front of the sink. She has a paper towel pressed against her head. “You alright?”
She nods once, “Yeah, I’m just a bit nauseous is all. Car rides make me motion sick.”
“Looks like we have that in common. You need me to get you some motion sickness meds?” We are at a gas station after all. If any place has it, it’ll be here.
“Nah, I’ll be fine. Just give me a couple minutes.” she replies, rubbing the paper towel over her face.
“Sure. Take your time. While we’re in here there’s something I should tell you.” I start off, taking a few steps closer to her until my chest is pressing up against her back.
She removes the paper towel from her face and tosses it in the trash can next to us. Looking at me in the mirror, “What’s that?”
I place my hands on my cut, hooking my fingers under her sleeves. “Do you know what this is?”
She looks at her reflection, furrowing her brows. “I think it’s some sort of identifying factor for your club.”
I nod, “In a way it is. But it’s not just about our territory, or membership. These cuts demand respect and in a way represent the respect we as men have toward our club. We wear them with pride.”
“Okay, so like the same way a soldier wears their uniform with honor?” She asks.
“Yes, exactly. My cut is to always stay on my shoulders, and the only other individual who can ever wear my cut is . . .”
Alexa taps her fingers on the porcelain sink as she waits for my answer, but no matter how much I want to finish my sentence, I can’t.
“Is this some sort of riddle? Am I supposed to guess or something?”
I shake my head from side to side. There’s only one way I’m going to be able to say the words, and that’s by spitting it out., “No. Sorry. The only other person who can wear my cut is my ol’ lady.”
“Your what?”
“My woman.”
“I’m not following.” She says.
“Ol’ ladies are the girlfriends or wives of club members in the MC.”
“But . . . I’m wearing your cut.”
I nod, “Yes, you are.”
“I’m not your girlfriend though.”
Ah, here’s the tough part. “In the eyes of my club, you’re my ol’ lady which means you’re my property and responsibility.”
“Wait. What?!” She yells out, finally putting it together.
“It’s my job to protect you, Alexa. I knew what I was doing by placing my cut over your shoulders and allowing you to wear it. I don’t regret doing it. I saw you and knew you needed protection in that instant.”
“This is insane. No, it’s crazier than insane. This is fucking bonkers! What the hell, Bull?!” She turns around and shoves my shoulders, slamming her hands down onto my chest. I let her hit me, knowing I caught her off guard by all this information. “I’m not some damsel in distress who needs a knight in leather and combat boots to save my ass. I’m also not a chicken, or donkey, or something that is owned by another person. I’m a human the same as you. You’re basically a stranger to me. I’m not your girlfriend or old lady or whatever. I’m Alexa. I’m single.”
“Ol’ lady,” I correct her, looking down at her remaining chestnut brown eye. “Alexa,” I say her name, running my fingers down the side of her cheek and tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “I’m not the type of man who gives up easily and I think I made that pretty clear. I’m as alpha as they come and I always get what I want because there aren’t any other options. I wanted to put my cut over your shoulders. I knew that would mean you were my girl, my ol’ lady, hell even my fuckin’ problem. I wanted to take that washcloth and wipe away every spec of dirt from your skin. I wanted to run my fingers over your breasts and touch that wet pussy of yours. Fuck, if we’re talking about everything I wanted I’ll keep going. I wanted to shove my cock in your tight cunt and that perky ass of yours too and guess what? I did. So, here I am proving my fucking point. I get whatever I want and I always will. What I’ll make crystal clear right fuckin’ now is that I’m not a jackass. I wanted you and I’ll have you.”
Alexa whips her hand back and before I realize what’s happening heat covers my cheek. “You are such an asshole. Here I thought you couldn’t imagine living your life with someone else. That’s what you said, and you’re standing here telling me I’m your woman. What in the actual fuck, Bull?”
Wow. Never expected her to slap me with her palm and my words at the same time. Something about the way she’s speaking to me strikes a chord within me and I’m not talkin’ about the good kind.
“There’s a lot of shit I’ll take from someone, Alexa, but don’t ever think for a second you can throw the love I had for Arizona in my face.” I turn around and walk away from her, stopping at the door. “I’ll go inside and get you some anti-nausea pills and a ginger ale. Blackjack can help you back to the truck.” I open the door and slam it shut behind me, passing Blackjack.
“What the hell happened?” He asks.
“Don’t. You can help her into the truck, though.”
Chapter Seventeen
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life
~ J.K. Rowling
Alexa/Lola
I’m still trying to wrap my head around what happened in the bathroom of the dingy gas station. Bull came out and told me I’m essentially
his property, making me feel like we’re back in the old times where men would trade goats for their wife’s dowry. Yet he’s the one who stormed out of there acting like I was the asshole. Maybe I was for throwing his words back at him, especially when he told me his ex died . . . but I was pissed. Not to mention totally caught off guard.
The entire car ride has been quiet since we left the gas station. Bull gave me my ginger ale, anti-nausea medicine and a fucking eye patch which I didn’t know whether to take in an offensive manner or as if he was trying to help me. I’m a little self-conscious about my eye but I haven’t had much time to think about how I’m looking on the outside. There’s been far too much bullshit running around in my head.
“Can you guys just drop me off in town and I can head home?” I ask, not wanting to be around Bull at all right now. I could go home if I wanted. I’m sure all my household bills came out automatically and everything is current. I had a good amount of savings built up in the bank so I should be good to go.
Blackjack turns his head in my direction for a split second before focusing back on the road. “I’m afraid we can’t do that. Grizzly is still out on the loose and it wouldn’t be a smart idea for us to let you fend for yourself. Not when we don’t know what Grizzly’s plan is. If we left you, he could track you down to your last known address and put you in a situation worse than what you were in before.”
Motherfucker can try. I’ll keep my guns around me when I get home and anyone who comes too close to me will get a piece of lead flowing through their flesh. I’m not here to play anymore. The last thing that will ever happen to me is being dragged into something similar to what I just went through. Fuck it.
“I can take care of myself.” I state, standing my ground.
“I’ll believe that when I can see it.” Bull mutters from under his breath, getting a glare from Blackjack.
Blackjack speaks up, “I’m sure you can Alexa, but we’d rather not take the risk. Not when you have some healing to do. You’ve gone through some pretty intense trauma and you need to not only rest but build up your strength again.”
“I was fine before this shit happened and I’ll be fine now. I don’t need a broody group of bikers to be my guardian angels. Take me into town and I can head home.”
“The answer is no, so stop trying to push it.” Bull snaps.
“What the hell has gotten into you?” Blackjack asks, obviously showing his frustration at his friend.
“I got bitchy at him and brought up his ex.” I instantly reply, crossing my arms and look out the window. The last thing I want to do is see the expression on Bull’s face.
“Is that true?” Blackjack asks, his tone dropping lower. It’s almost like he knows how sensitive Bull is when it comes to Arizona. I know she died, but I don’t know what happened. Maybe I’m being an insensitive bitch, or maybe I just play dirty. All I want is to go home. What he sprung on me earlier is absolutely insane.
“Yeah,” Bull responds to Blackjack. But it’s his tone that causes me to look over to him and when I do I surprisingly see tears in his eyes. I don’t know what I expected, but I never thought I’d see this. He turns his face to me and I watch as he turns bright red, “I meant what I said. Don’t you ever bring up Arizona to me like that ever again. I’ll put up with a lot of shit, Alexa, but I won’t ever tolerate that. I made a commitment to you when I put my cut over your shoulders. I promise you I will honor the commitment I made and keep you safe, happy and everything else, but may God have mercy on you if you ever bring her up again because I will make your life a living hell. Being down there burning up with Satan himself would be better for you.”
Even with his threat I’m still not afraid of Bull. However, I do now know he has certain boundaries. In this case, I’ll be sure not to cross them anymore.
“So, where do you live?” Blackjack asks, trying to break up the awkwardness in the truck.
“Right on Lux Avenue.”
“In Billings? I didn’t know you lived in Billings!” Blackjack cackles.
“Yeah, well you didn’t ask.” I reply with a smartass tone.
“Wait! I have a great idea,” Blackjack shoots out, making a right. We’re only a couple of minutes away from my house right now and I think I know where he’s heading.
“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this,” Bull sarcastically says.
“Stop being a dick and hear the man out.” I hiss.
“I don’t see how it could be a problem if you stayed at your house as long as you had a couple members of the club with you. Seeing as you’re Bull’s ol’ lady he’d stay with you. You have any guest bedrooms or anything?”
I nod, “Yeah, I have one downstairs and one on the main level . . . why?”
“Great. We’ll get Zorro and Axel to stay with you and Bull.”
I slowly add up the number of people. That’s four, including me. “Where’s Bull going to sleep? I only have three beds.”
“With you, of course.” Blackjack snickers, catching the good side of the joke.
“No he won’t, he can sleep on the fucking floor.” I say.
Bull cackles, “Yeah, right. You’ll be begging me to fuck you again when you get too built up.”
I roll my eye, “Who says you have to fuck me? There will be two other men in my house now from the sounds of it. Looks like I have plenty of dick to choose from.”
“They won’t fuckin’ touch you unless I tell them they can. What don’t you understand about this, Alexa? You’re my woman which means those legs only open for me unless I say otherwise. My brothers aren’t stupid enough to go sinking their dicks in your cunt without my explicit permission. They’re not trying to get capped.”
“I don’t know how in the fuck I’m just now realizing you’re one of the biggest dicks on the planet.” I seethe.
Bull snickers, “Glad you’re finally understanding me. At least I have the tool for the job, darlin’.” He grabs his crotch in front of me, adding a wink for good measure.
Holy hell. What have I gotten myself into?
Chapter Eighteen
“A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has it under voluntary control.”
~ Jordan Peterson
Bull
Alexa gave Blackjack her house address and within the next few minutes we pulled up to a small taupe colored house with red shutters and a decent sized front porch. The landscaping on the yard is next to perfect which must be an indicator she has either an HOA or some sort of contracted landscaper coming by and plowing for her, clearing the walkways, laying salt down and all that. Up here, you can get enough money to live the entire year just from working during the winter months.
We’ve been out of the truck for a couple of minutes and Alexa had input her keycode to unlock the front door to her house. She and Blackjack sat down on her tan cowhide couch while I’ve taken it upon myself to tour her house.
When you walk in through her front door you come into her living room which is open to her kitchen directly behind it. She has cabin style cabinets. By that I mean the dark, rich colored wood. On top is some sort of brown and gray colored stone. If it were anywhere else I’d say it looks like shit but it looks pretty good the way it’s paired together. To the left there are two doors, so I open one and see it’s a basic bedroom with pretty plain shit. The door next to it is another bedroom which is beautifully decorated and I can immediately tell this is the master as my eyes land on the tiles. The floor throughout the house is a smoky gray with brown running through it while her bathroom shower tiles are huge pieces of gray stone. Through the middle there’s some sort of accented tile running through which dips in the middle a couple of times giving her the option to put her shampoo and shit inside.
I go out and around toward the kitchen, surprisingly seeing a stairwell. I forgot she had mentioned there was a downstairs. I head down the stairwell and come into a massive open space. There’s a three-seater small couch with a chaise against the window wit
h a television across from it and three other doors. The door to my right is another bedroom. It’s plain like the other one upstairs and I open the door on the other side of the stairwell which reveals another bathroom. It’s not as well done as the master but is still decent looking. On the other side of that door is the laundry room with a storage area and this makes up her entire house. It’s pretty fucking spacious for a three bedroom.
I go over to the chaise and plant my ass on the couch, take in a deep breath and put my head back. I’d better get used to this place because I’ll be calling it home for a long time to come.
I hear someone coming down the stairs and assume it’s Blackjack, but when Alexa comes into view I’m shocked. I hop up, place my hands around her and bring her over to the couch. “If you keep pushing yourself you’ll only end up getting hurt.” I say, chastising her.
“Wow. It sounds like you actually give a damn. Might want to watch what you say. It’ll fuck up your asshole reputation you’ve done such a good job building up.” Shit. She’s super pissed. I’m pissed too, though.
“I’m not trying to be an asshole, Alexa.” Honestly, I’m not trying to . . . but when she acts in certain ways it sets me off like a damn bomb.
“Gee. I wouldn’t ever know that.” She rolls her eye, staring at me. I watch as she takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “I’m sorry I brought up your ex. I was angry and my emotions got the best of me. How I acted was disrespectful to her memory and I apologize.”
Her apologizing means the world to me. Arizona . . . was my entire life and in one moment she was nothing but a memory. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 37