“Yeah, well don’t think I’m not still pissed at you. I’m apologizing for bringing up Arizona but I won’t apologize for being caught off guard, angry or hurt. I don’t know what any of this means and I don’t like it. I might have a hot little crush on you but now this is—”
I cut her off right here and now, “Wait, you have a crush on me?” I ask, waggling my eyebrows up and down.
“Oh, shut up. You’re missing my point.”
I shake my head, “No, I’m not. My girl is sayin’ she has a fuckin’ crush on me. Well sweetheart, all of this is yours.” I open my legs and wave my hand over my body like I’m a fuckin’ platter of dessert.
“You’re incorrigible.” She might be trying not to laugh, but she can’t help herself. For the first time since meeting Alexa she physically looks like she’s enjoying herself. I have a feeling her and I will fight from time to time but the one thing I want from her is for her to be like she is right now— lighthearted and full of laughter.
Chapter Nineteen
Babygirl, you went to hell and came back with angel wings
~ Lz
Alexa/Lola
In the blink of an eye a week passes. For the most part I’ve been staying in my house, not wanting to venture out into the dark world I’ve come to know so well. I see the way Bull gives me worry filled stares from across the room, however he doesn’t dare speak up. The other day he asked if I wanted to go outside to get the mail but the thought caused my heart to race. I calmly gathered myself and informed him I’d feel better if he’d go get it.
His two friends Zorro and Axel have been with us for almost a week. They showed up the day after we got back. Zorro seems kind but something about him rubs me the wrong way. It could just be his callous humor, but I can’t put my finger on it quite yet. Axel on the other hand. Well, I like him. He’s quiet, doesn’t ask questions and keeps to himself. Come to think about it, I might’ve heard twenty words out of his mouth the entire time he’s been here.
“If you’re open to it, I’d like to take you to the club today. It’s about time you meet everyone.” Bull states as he puts coffee grounds in the pot. I’ve never seen anyone go through more coffee than he does. Part of me wonders how he hasn’t had a damn heart attack. He drinks it as if it’s water.
I shrug my shoulders, continuing to wash the dishes Zorro probably left in the sink from last night. “I don’t know. I’m perfectly fine with staying here.”
Bull chuckles lightly in a way which shows me he’s frustrated. “I know just how fine you are with staying in your house, Alexa. You won’t even walk outside. Ironic considering how you were dead set on having us leave you alone here. Isn’t it?” He turns his head toward me and I can feel his stare but instead of acknowledging him I focus on scrubbing this nasty dried up tomato sauce off the plate. If someone is going to leave dishes in the sink the least they could do was put water over it. At least that way this shit wouldn’t have dried all crusty.
“I’d rather stay here.” I repeat, scrubbing even harder. The suds cause the plate to slip out of my hands and fall against my porcelain farmhouse sink. I grunt out in frustration and feel the pressure of two hands rubbing into my shoulders.
“Breathe,” Bull whispers in a calming manner. “You’ve been through hell, darlin’, but you’re out of it now. You survived it and now you’re a stronger person for your experiences. There isn’t anything to be afraid of. You have not only me behind you, but the entire fucking club. We protect our own and no one will ever get within thirty feet of you ever again without their body dropping to the ground. I can assure you of that.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, please.” I beg of him. I hate how he can see I’m afraid so much. It angers me so much to know this man is practically a mind reader and doesn’t get tricked by my poker face. Instead he sees through it all, calling me out and in doing so he makes me feel weak. I don’t ever want to feel this way ever again.
Bull slides his hands down to my hips and presses his lips to the back of my head, right behind my ear. “Darlin’, I don’t know how many times I’ve gotta say this shit. I got you. It’s about time you start trusting me. Don’t ya think? I promise on my Aunt Char’s life I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”
I don’t know why I’m suddenly struck with emotion, yet for the first time in ages I feel wetness behind my eye. I didn’t really allow myself to cry before, afraid someone would see me letting my despair flooding from my body. I haven’t had a moment of privacy since all these men have moved into my home and it’s killing me.
I wipe my hand under my eye as the tears flow down and speak in a crackled voice, “Do you know h-how long it’s b-been since I’ve been able to t-trust someone?”
Bull sighs, rubbing my hip in a way to comfort me. “I imagine it’s been a very long time.” He speaks in a low manner, almost like he knows about my childhood, parents and everything I’ve endured. I know he doesn’t, though. Bull doesn’t have a fucking clue who I am and part of me wonders if he’ll change his mind when he knows I’m the daughter of serial killers. Or more importantly, when he discovers I have the same genetic link they do —the MAO-A gene. Otherwise known as the serial killer gene.
Being told I had this gene when I was nineteen shook me to my core, but I used it as a way to fuel my career and become a profiler. If I could channel my inner darkness maybe I’d be able to keep it at bay. I’d be able to use it as a way to better this world versus making it even more sadistic.
Although, now I can’t help but wonder what I’ll do. After being held captive by savages I’m not thinking in the usual manner in which I do. I see the negative more than the positive. I think about things I wouldn’t normally. All in all, I feel the darkness inching its way in. I’ve been able to keep it at bay for years; however, I feel like the grip on my control is slipping.
“What do you say? Will you come and meet the others with me?” Bull asks, taking me out of my intense thoughts. He places his hand back on my shoulder and turns me toward him. “Come on, they won’t bite unless you want them to.” He chuckles at the end, trying to bring the humor out of this situation.
Taking in a deep breath, I cave. “Fine. I’ll go meet them.”
Chapter Twenty
A river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but its persistence
~ Your Tango
Bull
Getting Alexa to agree to come meet everyone at the club was like trying to pull teeth. She made it difficult as hell, but I can’t say I blame her. She obviously doesn’t want to leave her home because she feels safe while she’s inside it. I need to have an intense discussion with her about how you can get abducted anywhere you are. About how it has nothing to do with your physical location but self-defense training and the people you’re with. I can guarantee her she’ll never be harmed ever again because I’ll drop bodies if anyone ever attempts to put her through the same type of hell. I’m so not fucking around when I say that.
We’re sitting in my truck and she’s staring up at the Monroe family farmhouse, looking like she’s about to vomit. “Alright. Can we go over everyone again?”
“Yep, but this time you tell me.” On the drive over here I told her a bit about everyone, giving her some background information so she knew who was who and what their deal is.
“Fist is the Prez of the club but he’s on a break and his adoptive son Zane is the interim Prez now. Blackjack is the interim VP so he’s the second in command and he’s married to Ashley who’s Fist’s biological daughter and Zane’s adoptive sister. Zane has a twin brother named Kade who lives at the Las Vegas charter and he’s expecting a baby with his ol’ lady, Ivy. Fist’s half-sister is Roxy and she has three daughters, all by three different men who are her ol’ men. So, she’s in a polyamorous relationship. Her eldest daughter is Kat, and Kat’s husband is Damon who is the Prez of the Las Vegas charter.” Alexa continues to tell me everything there is to know about everyone until she finishes speakin
g. The only person she misses is Shiloh, but I didn’t tell her about Shiloh on purpose. The last thing I need to do is explain what a clubwhore is and have her asking questions about whether or not I fucked her.
“Alright. We’re good to go. C’mon,” I say, opening my door and exiting the truck. Slamming the door behind me I walk around the front of my vehicle and take Alexa’s hand in mine. The ground is slick from the combination of snow and ice. I don’t want her getting hurt or slipping so I’ll keep her hand in mine to ensure if she does waver I’ll be here to stop her from falling.
We both venture forward up the hill and walk onto the front porch of the Monroe house. I hear dubious amounts of laughter from the inside and don’t bother knocking. Instead I place my hand on the door and open it. “You’re not going to knock?” Alexa questions, chastising me.
“No, we don’t have to here, darlin’. We’re all family and Fist’s house always has an open-door policy.”
“Oh,” she mutters lowly, walking alongside me as we enter his home.
A few beers are cracked open and for the first time in ages I see Fist sitting at the head of his kitchen table with a smile on his face. He’s groomed his beard, has obviously taken a shower since there are people around him and seems to be in high spirits. For so long we had wondered if Fist was going to recover from being on the down slope. Now it appears he’s having a good day. He’s been having a lot of good days lately and I’m sure everyone else in the club is happy about it as well.
“Bull!” Shiloh comes running from across the room and jumps into my arms, wrapping hers around my neck and kicks her leg up. The girl must’ve missed me . . . but now this just makes everything look shady as fuck between Alexa and I.
Placing Shiloh back on the ground I softly smile, “Hey Shi’, this is my ol’ lady, Alexa.”
Shiloh raises her brows, looking both like she was slapped across the face and shocked beyond anything else. “I thought that was a joke. Everyone kept saying you were tied down now . . . but I didn’t believe them.”
“Uh, is there something going on between you two?” Alexa grumbles out, obviously sensing something.
“No, of course not.” Shiloh shoots out and I think we’re good until she keeps flapping her jaws. “I mean we did way back when but I couldn’t stand this guy sexually. Bull’s my best friend. What kind of best friend goes and settles down with a new chick and doesn’t tell his bestie, huh?” Shiloh slaps my chest, laughing. Call it intuition but I feel Alexa sinking back into her shell.
“What kind of best friend fucks the other?” She seethes out, walking away from both Shiloh and I. She heads over to the kitchen where beers are out in a cooler and grabs one.
“You just had to tell her we were a thing way back when, didn’t you?” I grumble.
“I didn’t mean to, but maybe it’s the worlds way of giving you karma for being a secretive asshole.”
“Dammit, Shi’. This isn’t something to joke about. Alexa and I have been doing good. I like her a lot and because of everything she’s been through she’s been having a hard time trusting anyone. How much you wanna bet she won’t want to trust me now after finding out you’ve had a taste of me?”
Shiloh shrugs her shoulders, “Not my problem if she’s insecure. She should probably work on that.”
I roll my eyes, scoffing. “And you say I’m the asshole. Take a good look in the mirror.”
“Do you want to fight with me, Bull?” Shiloh asks and I don’t know what to tell her. I wanted to come here and have a good time with Alexa but now it looks like everything is going to shit. I glance over to her and watch as she turns away so she doesn’t have to see me.
Fuck, this isn’t good.
“Bull, come upstairs. We need to have a chat.” Fist says, standing alongside Zane and Blackjack. Well, it looks like I’ll have to deal with this little spat of drama whenever I’m done chatting with my brothers.
Chapter Twenty-One
I may look calm but in my head I’ve killed you three times
~ Quoteistan.com
Alexa/Lola
I’ve never wanted to throttle someone more in my entire life. I’m not dumb. There’s always a reason men don’t tell you something. In my case it’s because Bull wanted to hide the fact he and Shiloh had a thing. Both of them threw salt in the wound when she said she thought it was a joke. He didn’t go to her directly and let her know. God. I clench my jaw and ball up my free hand while I sip on this crappy beer.
The only peace I can find is knowing Bull left a few minutes ago with Fist, Blackjack and some other guy. I wasn’t close enough to read his vest, but I’ll bet it was probably Zane. “You must be Alexa,” A strong, husky voice comes up from behind me, causing me to turn. The man behind me is baldish, looking like he’s one of those types who shaves his head every day. The one thing that sticks out to me more than anything is the scar above his eye. It’s jagged and obviously wasn’t intentional, telling me he’s been through some pretty heavy shit as well.
“Yep, that would be me.” I state, taking another sip of beer.
The man before me chuckles, “Aren’t you going to ask who I am?”
I cock a brow and stare at his vest, “Nope, Grim. I can read. No point in wasting my breath.”
“Shit, I thought Blackjack was joking when he said you were a firecracker. Seems to me like he was right about you. You’re not the type of woman who takes shit.”
I nod, appreciating how Blackjack made me appear to be a bit stronger than I actually am. Shiloh’s laughter causes me to avert my eye in her direction. I can’t help but scowl at her. Not only did Bull knowingly keep something from me, but she looks like a damn supermodel. If I could tear her throat out I would which is why I’m glad we’re both keeping our distance from the other. I’ll stay in the kitchen while she giggles on the couch with one of the other men.
If I wasn’t mad enough, I’m even angrier because she’s so beautiful. She has hazel eyes which compliment her natural auburn hair. It goes to her mid-back and she has the type of face which makes you think she’s from Russia. You wanna know why? Because she’s so fucking beautiful. You almost have to be Russian to be this gorgeous. God, I wanna shove my fist through her perfect face right now.
“You look like you want to murder Shiloh. What did she do to you?” Grim asks, cocking a brow. He crosses his arms in front of him and leans against the countertop ready for me to spill the details.
“It’s more about what Bull did if I’m being honest.”
“And that would be?”
“Hiding the fact there was a woman named Shiloh here that he fucked, oh and that they’re best friends.”
“Yeah, I’ll join the hate-Shiloh train with you.” He gripes.
“What did she do to you?” Now it’s my turn to ask the questions.
“Besides breaking my heart? Not much else. She’s my ex.”
“Oh, ex ol’ lady?” I inquire.
He shakes his head, “No, it never got that far. So, who are you to Bull?”
I open my mouth to tell Grim I’m Bull’s woman, but right now I don’t feel like I am. I feel like I’m just chained to a man who I don’t even know, who loves to keep things from me. “I’m Bull’s friend. He’s staying at my house with Zorro and Axel,” I explain.
Grim furrows his brow, “I see what you’re doing here, sweetie. You just held shit back from me the same way Bull did to you. It’s best to be honest, so why not try again?”
“Bull made me his ol’ lady.” I grumble out, rolling my eye.
Grim clicks his tongue from the top of his mouth. “Still can’t figure this one out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bull. He’s . . . not the settling down type. Fuck, he told me weeks ago he’d rather die than settle down with a woman. It was too much for him.” I imagine he’d say that because of what happened with Arizona. I wonder if he views being with another woman as betraying her.
I suck in a deep breath and bring the
beer to my lips to finish it off. “You need another one? Shit, seems like you and I have a lot of shit in common when it comes to those closest to us.” Grim asks.
“First of all, Bull isn’t one of those people closest to me. He’s essentially a fucking stranger who I can’t get rid of. Secondly, I need something stronger than this.”
Grim holds up his hands in a surrendering manner, “Alright. Pick your poison. Whiskey, vodka or tequila.”
“Whiskey,” I reply.
Grim opens a cabinet and pulls out a bottle of peach whiskey. “C’mon, this shit should warm us right up.” Grim motions for the front door so I walk toward it, open the door and out onto the porch. He closes the door behind us and nods his head in the direction of a porch swing.
Walking over I plant my ass on the aged wood and look out onto the property. It’s a little past seven in the evening and the sun has already gone down. The porch light illuminates ten or so feet out onto the property. Otherwise, you can’t see shit. Only the moon and stars.
Grim takes a good few gulps of the whiskey and hands the bottle over to me and I do the same. Within a few minutes I’m brimming with warmth throughout my entire body. Hell, it looks like whiskey still messes with me a good bit. I’m not quite drunk but I can definitely say I’m tipsy.
“You said she was your ex. What happened with that?” Part of me is wondering if Bull has anything to do with their breakup. If he does, there’s another red flag.
“Shit fell apart, really. We didn’t act soon enough, so she decided to end the relationship.”
“We?” I ask.
“Yeah, Zorro, Axel and I had Shiloh. We shared her in a way.”
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 38