by Jill Prand
We stay this way for what feels like an hour, but in reality it was only minutes. His breathing slows and he starts stroking my back. He lifts his head and looks at me. His eyes...his beautiful blue eyes are filled with unshed tears. My hand releases his shirt and moves to his jaw, covered with stubble, and I stroke it. I don’t know what to say to him so I just let my eyes do my talking. Questioning him and hoping that he understands that I want him, but I want Bobby, too, and I don’t know how to choose one of them. I need them both and it will probably end up killing us all. We will all end up bleeding in the end and I wish I could walk away from both of them, but I’m not strong enough for that.
“When?” He asks and it makes me smile. The fact that we can speak in few words but know exactly what the other is saying is one of the things that makes me think we'll be together forever. Brad knows what the smile means and doesn’t take offence the way Bobby would. Bobby would think that I’m making fun of him, and he’d also need more than one word. Thinking of Bobby now slams me into the truth of the situation.
I move off his lap and stand up offering him my hand. “Let’s move this to my room so Jodi and John can come out of the kitchen,” I say. It will also give us more privacy and we need it for this talk. He takes my hand and follows me into my room, closing the door after him. I sit on my bed as does he. “Right here last night,” I tell him. “It didn’t hit me all of a sudden, but I woke up this morning and everything was different. I needed time away from Bobby, well, that’s been happening for a couple weeks now, but this morning I needed it more. I couldn’t go back with him. We fought about it and I know he’s hurt, but I also knew I needed to think.” He’s still holding my hand, stroking his thumb along the top and I can see him trying to process what I’m saying. “When John said you were coming over today my stomach started fluttering. I’d never felt that before at the thought of seeing you and it scared the shit out of me.” Tears start gathering in my eyes and I turn away from him.
He touches my jaw, turning me back to him. “It’s okay,” he says quietly, “We’ll figure it out, take it slow. I don’t want you to feel like you need to make me any promises. I just want a chance, Lisa, to see where this goes. I want to be able to touch you, kiss you, spend time with you and not feel like I have to hold myself back. I’ve been doing that for as long as I can remember. Please just give me a chance.”
“I love him. I don’t know if I can stop with him right now. But I can’t be only with him, I need you, too. Can you live with that?” “If that’s what I need to do, I will do it, but what about him? Will he be able to live with it? I don’t want to do this if you don’t tell him. I won’t be a secret.”
I shake my head. “I would never ask that of you. I will tell him tomorrow and he will have to decide if he can live with it.” I take his other hand and bring it to my cheek. “I need you to touch me.”
He groans and moves in to kiss me. We lay back on the bed our mouths connected and searching. I realize that my panties are damp and I really do want him. It’s not intense the way it is with Bobby, it’s more like a slow burn building like a bonfire, you start with a small spark, but the heat increases and soon you feel like you’re going to burn up. We are both breathing heavy and I want to do so much more with him, but he pulls back. “We need to stop now,” he says.
I know he’s right. We need to back off a little, I need to talk to Bobby. “Can we just spend the day together?” I don’t know if he needs time to think, but I really just want to spend the day in his arms, even if all we do is talk and hold each other.
“Yeah, I don’t think I could leave you right now.” He kisses me lightly then sits up. “Let’s go watch the Giants kick some Saint ass.” He smiles at me. I really do love him, I just don’t know how much right now. It is changing and it confuses me.
We go back out and he sits down drawing me into his lap and I lean back into him as he wraps me in his arms. John and Jodi both look at us but don’t say anything. Jodi gives me a look that tells me we will be talking later but right now I just want to watch the game and let Brad hold me. I don’t even want to think about later, about what I’m doing, about what a mess my life is.
Brad
I’m trying really hard to hold it together. There are so many emotions running through me that I can’t settle on one. Happy, confused, scared, confused, horny, confused. Okay, confusion is winning. WTF just happened? Did she really just tell me she wants to try and be more than friends? Holy shit! I don’t know what to do!
When she kissed me I was totally blown away. I’ve wanted to do that for so long and it felt so perfect. But she doesn’t want only me. She wants him, too. Can I live with that? I told her I could, but can I really? Now that she’s kissed me all I want is more.
We’re sitting watching the game and she is in my lap with her head leaning back on my shoulder and my arms are around her. She lightly runs her hand up and down my arm. Thank god I’m used to hiding my reactions to her. I have to concentrate on holding back the shudder that wants to run through me. Not that I care if she knows how I feel, but Jodi and John are already watching us and I don’t want to have to explain it to them yet. I know Jodi will corner Lisa later, but right now I just want to hold her, to feel like she’s mine for just a little while. But she is mine now, right? Isn’t that what she decided, that she needs me? But not just mine, she’s his, too.
I’m worried about Bobby’s reaction tomorrow. Hell, I’m worried he’s going to call and know something’s up. I know he would never hurt her; he loves her. But will Bobby be able to handle the fact that Lisa wants me? Will he still want to be in her life? If he walks away from her it would kill her. I know she loves him and, with their past history, Bobby walking away from her is a real possibility.
Bobby walking away would be the best thing for me, right? Or would Lisa pull back if he walked? She already has a relationship with him and she is risking it with starting one with me. If push comes to shove will she choose to let him go?
I’m jolted out of my thoughts when Lisa and John both yell. The Giants just sacked Drew Brees and recovered a fumble on the eighteen yard line. Lisa turns her head to me with a huge smile, she loves her Giants.
She puts her hand up to my face. “You’re not paying attention at all are you?” She asks, her smile drops and concern flows out of her eyes. “No thinking right now, okay? Just enjoy the game and being here with me.”
I don’t think that’s possible but for her I will try. “Okay,” I tell her squeezing her closer. She puts her mouth on my chin and lightly draws her teeth against my stubble. Oh shit! I am suddenly rock hard beneath her. Damn! Now I know I won’t be able to concentrate on the game. She gives an evil chuckle, knowing what she just did to me. How can she not? The evidence is pressing into her cute little ass. There’s fire in her eyes and a blush on her cheeks and all I want to do is grind into her. I can’t control the little moan that leaves my mouth and I see both John and Jodi whip their heads around to look at us. My own cheeks are getting red. Really, am I still in high school? I feel like I was just caught by my parents and the urge to push her out of my lap to hide what we’re doing is fierce.
John raises his eyebrow at me, but Jodi’s reaction is strange. She smiles. Like she’s giving me her blessing in a smile. Now I’m more confused. Does Jodi want something to happen between Lisa and me? Why? I think I am going to have to have a talk with her. She knows almost as much about Lisa as I do. Maybe she sees something I don’t. Lisa buries her head in my neck and I can both hear and feel her inhale me. I have to close my eyes and fight making any more sounds. If she keeps this up, I am going to carry her back to her room and bury myself in her. She doesn’t realize that I am hanging on to my control by the skin of my teeth. I move my hand into her hair with the intention of pulling her back, but once I touch her all I can do is press her face closer into me. My other hand moves to her hip and I have to force myself not to turn her around so she’s straddling me again.
“Wo
o hoo!” John yells. The Giants have just scored. Lisa and I have both missed it this time. I turn to see Victor Cruz doing his salsa in the end zone. Lisa jumps up to do one right in front of me. I didn’t think my cock could get harder, but I was just proven wrong. Watching her ass move provocatively in front of me causes my whole body to shudder. She looks back down at me and smiles. All I can do is lick my lips and move slightly on the couch, trying to relieve some of the pressure in my pants. Her gaze travels down my body and flashes desire when she sees my predicament. Her eyes dart back to mine and now her smile isn’t for the Giants, it’s for me.
Oh, we’re in trouble; it’s only the second quarter. How are we going to last the rest of the game without touching each other? I see the desire flash in her eyes. Is it half-time yet? Actually, she needs to come and sit down again. I don’t want Jodi or John seeing the reason I can’t sit still on this couch. Grabbing her hand I pull her back down to me. This time she settles her ass between me and the armrest with her legs over mine. This is good, if her ass isn’t right on top of me maybe I’ll be able to calm the fuck down. No, not so good. My hand is lying right under her ass and the urge to touch her is just too great. Inches is all my hand has to move to palm her ass and I can’t resist. As soon as my hand makes contact she wiggles a little and my pinky and ring fingers are suddenly touching her heat. I feel the dampness under them and I have to stroke her. Moving them back and forth I watch her mouth, her lips open and her tongue licks her bottom lip followed by her teeth. Her breath catches and her eyes are hooded now, barely slits. She braces her hands on me, one on my knee and one on my abs just above my belt. My cock jerks with her hand being so close. All I want is to feel her touch me. My cock is seeping pre-cum, now both of us have damp underwear.
I glance at the TV, under two minutes to go before halftime. That means at least five minutes, more like ten with time outs. I need to calm us both down. I move my hand from her ass, trailing it up her back and start to just stroke her. Messaging the tension between her shoulder blades I feel her relax against me, her head against my neck. God, I love this girl and want to hold her forever, but can that really happen?
Jodi interrupts us. “Hey Lisa, can you help me in the kitchen? I need to get a few things together for half-time.” “Sure,” Lisa replies. She starts to get up then turns back to me. “Be right back,” she says with a smile that just melts me. I watch her all the way into the kitchen.
John looks at me before saying, “What the fuck man?” Shrugging my shoulders I reply, “I have no fucking clue. I am so out of my league right now.” It’s the truth. The last hour has been confusing as hell. I am happy and scared shitless. My life just took a turn I never expected.
Lisa
Holy shit! What the hell was that? When Brad touched my ass it felt like I would burn down the house. Then he stroked me and I almost came right there! How the fuck did this happen and where did all this heat come from?
Walking into the kitchen I can feel his eyes on me and I resist the urge to turn around. Just keep walking, Lisa. Jodi grabs me as soon as we are out of eyesight and demands, “What the hell are you doing?” “I don’t know,” I reply...and I really don’t. The feelings that started last night when I saw him again have morphed into a desire that is burning me up. “I seriously don’t know.”
Jodi shakes me a little looking into my eyes. “Well, you better figure it out! You can’t play with him, Lisa! Haven’t you hurt him enough?” “Yeah, I have, but I don’t want to hurt him Jodes, I want to love him. I do love him and in the last twenty-four hours I’ve started wanting him, too. I know it’s fucked up. I’m with Bobby and I love Bobby, but I love Brad, too, and now my body is reacting to him in ways it never has before.” I lean into her for a hug. “I’m so confused, Jodes, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Okay, I need a minute to catch up now,” she says as she pulls me over to the kitchen table and pushes me into a chair. “So last night when you saw Brad again what happened that is different than what you normally feel?”
“As soon as I touched him, I had butterflies in my stomach. Then when we were in my room and he gave me the key I felt them again. I had to hold myself back from kissing him. It confused the shit out of me and now I’m even more confused. I really want him, Jodes. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
Her face has thawed a little from the fierce stare, but she’s not going easy on me. “And Bobby? What about him?” “I don’t know! I love him, you know I do, but I still can’t seem to trust him.” I feel like one of those whiny romance characters. You know the ones that make you want to throw the book across the room and say “Grow up!” Yeah that’s me. Why is my life suddenly so screwed up?
“Seriously, Jodes, I could really use some advice on this one,” I catch myself twirling my hair and stop. If Brad walks in now he’ll know I’m totally stressed.
Sighing and giving me a sympathetic look she says, “I’ve thought you and Brad would be good together for years. I had hoped after Bobby left you would gravitate towards him but after that New Year’s Eve you just shut him out totally. I don’t know what to tell you at this point. Maybe you need to date them both and see where it leads, but you have to be honest with them both.”
“I’m trying to, at least I have been with Brad. I will have to talk to Bobby tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to that conversation. I know he’s always seen Brad as a threat and he’s not going to want to share me. I just don’t know how he’s going to react when I tell him. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I need to explore this thing with Brad.”
Just then John walks in giving us both a questioning look as he says, “It’s half-time, where’s the food?”
Jodi pats my hand. “We’ll finish this later.” She gets up and kisses John as she says, “Have I told you how much I love you lately?” I wish my life could be as uncomplicated as theirs. They’ve loved each other for years and are so secure in each other. That is what I really want, a relationship that can stand the test of time. I get up and walk past them giving them time alone in their kitchen. I see Brad coming out of the bathroom and I move towards him tentatively.
He pulls me in his arms and just holds me to him. Instantly, I’m calmer. That’s always the way it’s been with us. Whenever I’m upset all he needed to do was hold me and I felt I could get through anything. I think that is the feeling I’m missing with Bobby. I feel safe with Bobby, but I don’t have the feeling that he will support me with whatever I do, no matter what. That is what Brad gives me. It’s just never manifested itself into lust before.
“You having second thoughts?” He asks softly. He’s scared, I can hear it in his voice. “No,” I reassure him, “I’m just scared of what tomorrow will bring.”
He pulls away and looks into my eyes as he says, “Whatever happens I will always be here for you. I won’t abandon you again.”
Reaching up to run my fingers along his jaw I tell him, “You never abandoned me. You needed time and I understood that. I always knew if I called you, you would come back. I never doubted you at all.” I don’t want him to feel guilty about leaving. He knows that’s an issue for me and one of the reasons I can’t fully trust Bobby. Never did I feel like he was leaving me, which is strange because he did. I always knew he would come back. I just missed him like crazy.
I take his hand and lead him back to my room. We need to talk and I really need his arms around me without anyone else in the room. As he closes the door, I scoot up on my bed, laying my head on the far pillow. He looks at me and doesn’t move until I pat the space next to me. He practically leaps onto the bed and pulls me into him. His body surrounds me and this is just where I want to be at this moment, engulfed in his warmth and love. The passionate feelings from the couch have banked to a slow burn that makes me feel secure, but we need to talk.
Pulling back so I can see his eyes, I caress his cheek with my hand and he nuzzles into it pressing a kiss to my palm. “Why are you so good to me?” I really
don’t know why he is still around. If a guy treated me the way I’ve treated him I would have been gone a long time ago.
“I love you, Lisa. I think I have from the moment you took my hand on that bus. And you not loving me back was not your fault.” His eyes pierce mine as he tells me, “but now I hope that is changing. If you are really giving us a chance, I promise you won’t regret it.”
I want to explore these feelings I have for Brad. They’re confusing the shit out of me but it just seems right somehow. “I’m scared, Brad. If we do this I run the risk of losing not one, but two of the most important people in my life. Bobby could walk away from me for this and I don’t know if I can survive that again, but even more than that, I don’t want to lose our friendship. You are the one person who has never let me down and if I were to lose you, I think I would be broken beyond repair.”
Brad moves to sit against the headboard and then pulls me into his lap, “I don’t know how to reassure you that you will never lose me, Lisa.” Stroking my back he tilts my head up to him. “I know you love Bobby, I know you will be sleeping in his bed tomorrow and yes I wish it were mine. No matter what happens, I will always be your friend, but I would like a shot of trying to be more.” Lowering his head to mine, he lightly brushes our lips together. Then again a little longer, which causes me to grab the back of his neck and pull him closer.
Opening my mouth I ease my tongue out to lick his lips, asking for entrance. When our lips collide my whole body reacts. My nipples are so tight and they need to touch something so I turn to rub our chests together arching into him. It’s not enough and I whimper. I grab his hand from my leg and put it on my breast and it’s all the encouragement he needs, kneading me through my shirt and bra. His other hand moves under my shirt in the back, unhooking me then moving to my other breast. His calloused hand rubs against my sensitive nipple causing me to moan into his mouth.