Walk Into Me

by Jill Prand

  I answer with a question of my own. “Are you and John free for dinner tonight? Well, dinner here? I will even bring it with me.”

  “You’re avoiding the question Brad, but if you want to wait until tonight I guess we could make ourselves available.” “I’m not trying to avoid the question, but it’s too complicated for six o’clock in the morning and before coffee. Let’s just say that we need to be there for her now and it will be easier to explain all at once.” She takes out a couple of mugs and looks at me. Taking it as an offer, I say, “Yes please.” I am going to need the caffeine to make it through the day.

  Lisa

  The last minute details of throwing the company Christmas party kept me busy all day. I confirmed the menu with the restaurant, made sure that the dj was up to speed on the kind of music we wanted and the volume we wanted it played at and even confirmed with the President’s secretary that the company awards were ready to go. There would be almost three hundred people in attendance and a seating chart was the last detail that needed to be completed.

  Most of the staff would be sitting together, but Account Managers like me had to sit with our clients. I have eight clients attending, one of which is Stuart. I was sure that he would have declined the invitation, but his boss will also be present so I am sure that had something to do with his acceptance. We’ve only had to meet twice since we broke up and each time he took great pains to make sure I knew that he was the client and I needed to meet his expectations. I wish that I had a date to take with me. If Bobby were here I wouldn’t have to worry at all since Stuart is scared of him. Brad would have been a good stand in, but I can’t ask him to renege on Kevin especially at a charity event. I will just have to tough it out; it’s not like we will be alone together.

  At four o’clock Allison, my assistant, comes in and tells me everything is set and I can get out of here for the day if I want. My hair appointment for tomorrow is at one and she doesn’t want to see me until the party. You wonder who the assistant is and who is the boss.

  I call Arthur and tell him I’m ready to go and he says he will be waiting for me outside in fifteen minutes. That gives me just enough time to pack up my laptop and run to the ladies room. I haven’t thought about Bobby all day. Actually, I had to force him from my mind this morning.

  I woke up in Brad’s arms around five and just sat there thinking about all that I learned. Obviously Bobby is in danger. He’s not sure he’s coming back and I hate it. I wish he would have told me because now besides worrying about him I’m also pissed at him. How could he put Brad in the middle of all this? And Brad, the man would cut off a piece of himself before he let me hurt. He held me in his lap all night. Just held me while I cried about another man after we had mind blowing sex.

  Sex with Brad. It was wonderful and fast, but not so fast that we both didn’t get off. It reminds me of the night we lost our virginity together. There is a bond between us that I just didn’t want to acknowledge before. It’s more than friendship, but our friendship has created this foundation for us to go further. I didn’t want to hurt him before and I think it would kill me to hurt him now.

  Did Bobby somehow know that Brad and I were different in the span of a few hours? Not Brad, me, I was different the moment Brad walked into my party. When he put his arms around me, I didn’t want to be pulled back by Bobby. I wanted to stay nestled up to Brad’s chest. I had missed him and maybe it’s the fact that he held himself away from me for the first time. What’s that old saying...you never know what you have until it’s gone. I had been taking Brad for granted since we were kids. Now he had left me, even for only a little while and left a big hole in my life. Now I have two men who I love wanting me. And I have no idea which one I will choose.

  Arthur is waiting for me when I exit the building. He holds the door open for me and I thank him while climbing in. I am spoiled. Bobby takes such good care of me, but in doing so I have felt a little claustrophobic at times. He wants me with him all the time and overpowers my life. As Arthur climbs in I ask, “Any word?”

  “No, Lisa, it’s too soon,” he says. I am sure he will get sick of answering that question by the time we do hear.

  “It’s almost Christmas and he told me he would be back by then. Do you think he’s right?”

  I don’t know if Arthur has all the details of the mission. I know that Bobby trusts him, but with the whole team’s lives on the line, I am sure the fewer people who know exactly what’s going, on the better. “I don’t know. I’m sure it will depend on how things go.” His answer is vague and makes me want to shake him to get more information.

  I sit back and watch as the New York streets go by. People are out shopping and getting ready for the holidays. Next week will be short, I have Friday, Christmas Eve off and then I am on vacation until January third. I know that Bobby wants to get away during that time, but now with Brad in the picture I don’t know what’s going to happen. My life is so chaotic now and it’s starting to feel like I’m going to explode from not having solid ground to stand on.

  My phone rings and it’s my mom. She is going to want details of holiday plans and I have no clue. “Hi Mom, what’s up?” “Hi Lisa, I was just wondering when you and Bobby plan on coming up? If you’re going to be here for Christmas Eve then I have to let your Aunt June know to expect you.” My aunts all take turns having the holidays at their houses. My mom has Christmas day, my Aunt June has Christmas Eve and my Aunt Agnes has New Year’s day that way no one is buried under too much work. I usually get to my mom’s sometime on Christmas Eve and go to Aunt June’s, but now that I’m with Bobby I wasn’t sure when I would get there. And I now have to figure Brad into the picture as well.

  She is not going to like this answer. “I don’t know yet, Mom. Bobby is on a job where I can’t contact him and we never really set plans before he left. As soon as he gets back I will figure it out. Why not tell Aunt June to expect us, then if we don’t show she will just have more leftovers,” I tell her. It’s not like my family doesn’t cook enough for an army anyway. We always have extra in case someone stops by but I understand that my aunt will want to have a number set in her head.

  My mom sighs, “Why didn’t you figure this out before he left, Lisa? It is a little inconsiderate of him to just take off and leave everything up in the air. And why can’t you contact him? Even if he were guarding the President he would have an off shift.”

  My mom has never been a real Bobby supporter. When we were younger she thought he was too experienced for me and then when he left she just wanted to kill him. I’ve had to talk her down a couple of times since we were back together. She still thinks he’s going to hurt me again. “Mom, the job came up suddenly and he had to fly out on Sunday. I talked to him yesterday morning, but it was a brief conversation and we didn’t get into holiday plans.” I can’t tell her anything else because really...what do I know? “I promise that the next time he calls I will iron out our schedule, okay?”

  “Fine,” she says then changes the subject. “How’s Brad? Have you seen him since the party?” How is it that my mom zeros in on the things that are happening in my life? It’s like she has a “nanny cam” aimed at me so she knows exactly what to ask about.

  “Yes, I’ve seen him,” I sigh, “In fact he is coming over to the house to have dinner with Jodi, John and me tonight.” “Good, you need to spend more time with him. He was always my favorite, you know.” She always thought that Brad and I would end up together. Maybe that is why I was always pushing him away. Who wants to believe that their mother knows which man is right?

  My phone vibrates to tell me I have another call. I am going to kiss whoever has interrupted this conversation. “I gotta go, Mom, I have another call coming in.”

  “Alright, but I want to hear from you this weekend about Christmas Eve.”

  “I promise, Mom. I love you.” “I love you, too. Goodbye.” Thank God that’s over. I hit the accept button without even looking to see who’s calling me.

&n
bsp; “Hi Lisa, I just wanted to tell you I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Stuart, really? What the fuck is he doing calling me?

  “Hello Stuart, what do you want?” I really have no urge to speak with this man. “I wanted to know if there was room for me to bring a date tomorrow?” Yes, it he brought a date then I really wouldn’t have to worry about him.

  “Sure Stuart, I can make room at the table for your date. See you tomorrow.”

  I try to hang up but he says, “Don’t you want to know who I’m bringing?”

  “I really don’t care Stuart. Whoever she is I’m sure it will be fine.” Why would I care who he’s seeing? “It’s Alice Davenport,” he says sounding pleased with himself. Of course, he would bring Alice. She and I used to work together in Atlanta. She was always trying to steal my clients. Stuart knows this and is bringing her so she can try and sweet talk all my clients who will be sitting at the table. I am not going to let him get the better of me.

  “It will be good to see her again,” I tell him even though he knows it is a lie. “Well, I will see you tomorrow, have a good evening.” “Yes, see you tomorrow,” he says and I hang up. Ugh! Why did I ever agree to go out with that guy? I should have expanded my rules to include former clients and I wouldn’t have ever been with him. He’s just another stress that I don’t need right now.

  We pull up to the house and I see I’m the only one home. Good, I could use some time to get my head on straight before having to talk it all out. I know that Brad meant well when he wanted to do this tonight, but I think I need to deal with this on my own. If he is involved, is it really fair to him? I feel like shit enough for being with him and Bobby at the same time.

  I walk into my room and change out of my business attire into a pair of sweats and a Giants sweatshirt. I think about the game that Bobby and I went to a few weeks ago. The Giants season started out pretty rough, losing their first few games, but they’ve turned things around and hopefully they’ll make the playoffs. Bobby is not as much of a football fan as I am, but he suffered through a game complete with tail-gaiting and me painting a blue NY on his face. I still have the picture on my phone of us smiling with the field in the background. It was a fun day, especially when the wind picked up and I had to huddle close to Bobby to keep warm.

  Will we ever share something like that again or will memories be the only thing I have left of him? This feels almost the same as it did back in high school only now my body knows what it’s missing. I have more things in my life to keep me busy but the thought of losing him is always there now and will be until he is safe and back in my arms. I want to read the letter addressed to me but Brad said that I was only to read it if he didn’t make it back. What secrets does it hold? Will it ease the unrest I’ve felt between us lately? I am going to read that letter either way the question is when.

  I hear a car pull up so I walk into the living room. Jodi comes in and strips off her coat while saying, “I hate winter. Why can’t it be spring or better yet summer all year round?” Jodi hates to be cold, but she would never leave this area; she is a Long Islander through and through.

  “Well, if it were summer all year round we would have to live in San Diego and do you really think you could be a California girl?” I laugh at her.

  She grimaces, “Ah no, I wouldn’t leave New York. I could never be that pert and giggly.” We both know that stereotypical atmosphere doesn’t really exist, but it’s a great excuse to justify why she will stay here. Let’s face it she couldn’t leave John if she tried. The two wouldn’t last a week apart, they are so engrossed in one another.

  “Well, you better just hope that John never wants to leave or you will be packing your bags,” I remind her. A couple of years ago when John graduated college, he was offered a job in Washington DC and the two of them hashed out some ground rules. If one of them is offered a job that was too good to turn down, the other would have to move. I don’t think it will ever happen; they are both rooted here and thinking about either one of them somewhere else just seems unnatural.

  The mood suddenly changes when Jodi says, “So are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to wait for Brad to get here?” “You’re gonna wanna sit down for this one,” I tell her and wait for her to sit on the couch. “Arthur gave Brad two letters yesterday from Bobby. One for him and one for me.”

  “He knows about the two of you?” I wish it were that. “No, as far as I know he has no clue how close Brad and I have gotten.” I run my hand through my hair. “Bobby’s mission is dangerous and he doesn’t know if he’s going to make it back.” I feel the tears start to gather in my eyes, “He asked Brad to give my letter to me if he doesn’t make it and to take care of me.”

  Jodi is in just as much shock as I was when I found the letters. She reaches for my hand. “Are you okay?” My tears fall. “No, I’m so not okay,” I say and she pulls me to her for a hug. “I’m scared and pissed and confused and I want to kill him myself after I fuck his brains out.”

  Snorting Jodi says, “Well, at least you have a little humor left.” I sit back and look at her. “The worst part is how he is dragging Brad into the middle of this. You had to see him last night Jodes. I could tell something was wrong, but he wouldn’t talk to me. Bobby asked him not to say anything until he knew for sure Bobby wasn’t coming home. Why would Bobby do that? And Brad being Brad took on the responsibility and even apologized to me when I found the letters saying he should have hidden them better.”

  I can see Jodi processing all this and getting mad herself. Jodi has that Irish complexion and when she is mad her whole face gets beet red. “Lisa, you know I love you, but Bobby is an asshole. He’s playing both of you so when he comes back you run into his arms and away from Brad. He probably saw the way the two of you were looking at each other the other day and panicked.”

  Could it all be a way to keep me close? I know that Jodi has never really liked Bobby. When Bobby and I went out in high school I never had time for my friends, I was always with Bobby. Jodi resented that and I don’t think she’s ever fully gotten over it. But he’s different now, I don’t spend every waking moment with him and while he does want me with him every night he knows that I have another life besides him. “I don’t think this is a ploy, Jodes. I think it’s real. He just went about it the wrong way.”

  “Where are the letters? I want to see them so we can figure this out,” she says. “Mine is in my purse, I haven’t opened it yet. Brad is bringing his tonight, I only read the first paragraph of his before I broke down. I told him this morning I wanted to read the rest and that’s when he decided to invite you and John to have dinner with us.”

  “Well, I think it’s a great idea. The four of us together will figure this out and we’ll deal with whatever comes,” she hugs me again. “We won’t let you go through this alone.”

  Brad

  I got to Jodi’s house at quarter to six. I sat out in the car not really wanting to go in and face this conversation. I was out there a few minutes when John drove up. He knocked on my window and motioned for me to get out.

  “So, do you want to give me a preview to this pow-wow?” He asked. “It’s fucked up, John. Arthur delivered me two letters from Bobby yesterday, one for me and one for Lisa. The only problem is that I’m not supposed to give Lisa hers unless he doesn’t make it back from whatever godforsaken place he’s at,” now I’m rambling. “Last night I had put them in a kitchen cabinet so Lisa wouldn’t find them, but she went to get a drink of water in the middle of the night and guess what she found?”

  “Oh shit, Brad, did she read them?” “She got a few sentences into my letter and broke down crying. She fell asleep in my lap and that’s how we woke up this morning. Now she wants to read the whole thing, but I told her I wouldn’t give it to her unless the three of us were here with her.” God I hope I did the right thing. “I was still reeling yesterday and hadn’t made a decision to show her either letter. I don’t know what the right thing to do is John.”
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br />   He starts walking me to the door. “It’s a really shitty position to put you in, but we’ll figure this out and support her, Brad.” As we walk in Lisa and Jodi are on the couch, Lisa has obviously been crying again and all I want to do is carry her away in my arms and protect her from further hurt. John goes right in and after shedding his coat he pulls Lisa into his arms. “We’re all here for you, Lisa,” he tells her. I don’t think us being here is going to help with the devastation if Bobby doesn’t come back.

  I take off my coat and hang it on the coatrack before making my way over. Lisa turns to me and walks into my arms. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she says.

  I hold her close and kiss the top of her head. I don’t know what to say to make this better. She hasn’t even read the whole letter yet and God knows what’s in hers. This is not the way I want to win her; I want her to choose me, not be with me by default. When she starts to pull away from me I tilt her face up and say, “No matter what, pretty girl, I love you.”

  She gives me a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, “I love you, too, Brad.” I lower my lips to hers and gently kiss her. It’s not a passionate kiss but I try to let the love I feel flow from me into her. I want her to feel cherished and safe to face the days ahead.

  As I lift my head I spy Jodi and John standing behind Lisa watching us. I turn Lisa around and wrap my arm around her stomach with my chin pressed against her hair. “I didn’t actually bring dinner. I thought we could order in and I wasn’t sure what everyone wanted.”

  John sighs, “Well, I had Chinese for lunch so that’s out.”

  “I had pizza,” says Jodi. “Well, if no one objects,” Lisa starts, “I could really go for an Italian hero from Hero Hut.” Oh yeah! One of my favorite places, Hero Hut makes the best subs. They bake the bread fresh there and they pile them high with meat and toppings. It’s like Blimpie on steroids.

  “I’m game,” I say. John is nodding vigorously like he hasn’t had it in a while.