Walk Into Me

by Jill Prand

  I have about an hour to waste once I get in the apartment so I turn on the TV as I munch on my chicken Caesar wrap. I find a re-run of some criminal show and sit down to let it keep my mind somewhat occupied, I don’t want to think about Bobby right now, but sitting here it’s hard not to.

  I’m so conflicted, I want him back, but I’m also angry with him. He’s been hiding what he is, what he does and if he can’t trust me with something as simple as that, can I trust him to be honest with me about how he feels? But if he doesn’t come back that means he never will and not ever seeing him again will kill me, too. I’ve believed for so long that he is my soul mate, but now with Brad I’m starting to question that. I feel closer to Brad now and I want to explore where it will lead, but will I be able to if Bobby doesn’t come home.

  I have to rein in these thoughts or I won’t be able to handle the party. I have to be in a good mood so I can take care of my clients and impress my bosses. I shut off the TV and make my way into Bobby’s bedroom. He insisted that I start leaving some basic necessities here so I had no excuse not to stay over. He wants me to move in with him and is having a hard time waiting for me to say ‘yes.’ I’ve told him that it’s too soon to move in and I wonder now if my hesitancy was in part because I knew he wasn’t being truthful with me. I move over to the bed and pick up his pillow. It no longer smells like him so I put it down and go to his dresser. I pick up the cologne he usually wears and spray it in front of me. It’s just not the same, Bobby has a smell all his own under the cologne and that’s what I miss.

  The thought of him putting himself in danger somewhere in the world and not being able to hold him again is overwhelming me. Tears are pooling in my eyes and my breath is coming in short gasps. I have to remind myself that as far as we know he’s alright. I’m sure that Arthur will tell me as soon as he knows anything and as of now he knows nothing. My chest is heavy and my heart feels like it is being ripped out of me. Is this how it will feel if he doesn’t come back? I don’t know if I can handle this tonight. Brad has been with me and his strength has held me up, but now I have to rely only on myself and I’m not strong enough to stand on my own.

  I glance over at the clock and see that Arthur will be here shortly to pick me up. I have to get dressed and pull myself together. It is only for a few hours then I can come back here and try to come to terms with what Bobby is and that he may not come back to me. I have the whole weekend to sort out my feelings and hopefully we will hear something soon. Bobby had originally said he would try to be back for this party and a part of me is just waiting for him to walk through that door sweep me up into his arms and tell me to fuck the party, we are staying in. That’s not going to happen, I know it, but it is a fantasy I wish would come true.

  I dress and touch up around my eyes after my pity party. My dress is a gold Vera Wang sheath that I picked up in a second hand shop downtown. I looked it up online and last year it went for nine hundred dollars, I got it for a steal at one fifty. The color is just right for a holiday party and will stand out since most of the other girls from the office will be wearing the traditional little black dresses. I grab my Marc Jacobs heels and then go out to wait for Arthur to buzz me. I make sure I have my phone, lipstick, keys and emergency credit card in my little clutch and my wool cape to keep me warm on the ride back and forth.

  By the time Arthur calls me I feel better about getting through this night. I really like most of my clients and look forward to hearing what is going on in their lives. One of the most important aspects of my job is getting to know my clients on a personal as well as professional level. You have to build trust in a business relationship and remembering facts about a client’s personal life helps do that. I have my laptop ready in the car to go over notes on each of my clients before I walk in just to refresh my memory on the last time we spoke and any major events happening. I’ve gone through my notes twice when we pull up to the restaurant. I take a look in the mirror that flips down from the ceiling and make sure I look good. Arthur opens my door and offers me his hand to help me out and I thank him. I square my shoulders and start walking towards the door saying a little prayer for God to help me get through this night and to keep Bobby safe.

  I’m greeted at the door by my bosses. They are all gushing at me that the place looks fantastic and they are so proud of the job I’ve done. It’s always good to hear that you are appreciated. My direct boss, Eileen, takes me aside, “Lisa, you’ve done a wonderful job with this party and we are so happy with the job you’ve done overall since you’ve come to us. I wanted to give this to you privately, it’s your bonus for the year. Normally, if you are hired mid-year you would not receive one, but with your exemplary work we felt you deserved this.” She hands me an envelope and I fold it quickly and put it in my clutch.

  “Thank you, Eileen,” I tell her, “I really appreciate it.” “I know I don’t have to tell you this, but please do not tell anyone else that you received a bonus. Everyone knows the policy and we don’t want anyone jealous or making waves,” she says. “We look forward to another great year from you in 2014 and I know you are supposed to come in on Monday and Tuesday, but you now have those days off as well. We will see you on January sixth.”

  “Thank you, Eileen, and please thank the rest of the bosses for me. I would do it personally, but unless I get them alone I don’t want to bring it up,” I give her a hug. “You have no idea how much I need this time.”

  She looks at me then, scanning my face, “You have looked a little tired dear is everything okay with your boyfriend?” My whole office knows about me and Bobby; he’s brought me lunch a few times and picked me up often. He never waits in the car, he always walks up to escort me down. He’s become very friendly with my assistant, Allison, and the two of them have had their heads together more than once in the past few of weeks which leads me to believe she is in on my Christmas present. The thought is devastating since I don’t know if he will be home for Christmas.

  “He’s on a business trip that has been extended indefinitely,” I say.

  “Well, he’ll be home for Christmas won’t he?” she asks. “I hope so,” but I feel in my heart he won’t. I think I will be spending this Christmas without him, I only hope that this is the only holiday he misses.

  “Well, don’t let me keep you any longer,” she says as she starts to back away. “We both have clients to see to.” I get two steps before I hear someone call my name in a perky southern accent. “Lisa, there you are!” Alice and Stuart are suddenly right up on me. Alice air kisses my cheeks, “It’s so good to see you, darling.”

  I have to restrain the grimace when I say, “Alice, I’ve missed, you girl, how are you?” I glance around, hoping to catch the eye of someone, anyone to save me, but there is no one. Alice steps back and Stuart puts his arm around her while looking at me like he wants to eat me. Sorry buddy, been there done that and it wasn’t that good. “Stuart, you’re looking well.”

  “And as always you look delicious, Lisa.” God, can he really be hitting on me? How many drinks has he had already that he thinks I would be at all receptive to him?

  I finally spy Stuart’s boss, Simon Daly, and his wife making their way into the room and they are the perfect excuse to detach myself from these two. “I will see you both at the table, but I really need to greet someone right now.” I walk around Alice and my smile is finally real when I make my way over to my largest client. “Simon and Diane, I’m so glad you could both make it tonight.”

  The cocktail hour flies by and before I know it I am sitting down at my table with Simon Daly on my right and Andrew Moore, another client, on my left. Stuart and Alice are across the table from me and as far away from Simon and Andrew as I can get them. The last thing I want to do is give Alice better access to my two largest clients. As dinner is being served Gabriel Harris, one of the managing partners, starts to talk about the year’s accomplishments and then starts to give out awards to top performers. “Before we get to employee of the year
, I just want to give an honorable mention to one of our top performers. Unfortunately, because of company policy she is not eligible for this year’s awards as only employees who have been with us a full year are allowed to win, but if this woman performs in the upcoming year the way she has in the last five months with us she will be taking home a few awards next year. Lisa Plata, please stand so we can show our appreciation for your hard work.”

  I blush and dip my head for a moment, the applause washes over me and I hear Simon next to me, “Stand up, Lisa, and enjoy the recognition.” I stand and look up at the dais where Gabriel is clapping along with the other partners. They really didn’t have to do this since they’ve already broken the rules and given me a bonus. I nod my head and mouth “Thank you” at them and sit again. I am uncomfortable with being called out in front of all my co-workers.

  By the time all the accolades are given out, dinner is almost over. I excuse myself and make my way to the ladies room. As I am leaving I see Stuart leaning against the opposite wall. He grabs my arm and drags me back into a closet. “We need to talk,” he growls. I pull my arm away from him. “Stuart, what are you doing?” I try to get past him but he blocks the door.

  “Your boyfriend’s not here to save you tonight and I have a few things you need to hear.” He is right in my face and I step back until I am pressing against a shelf. How am I going to get around him? I think he’s drunk, I didn’t watch to see how much he was drinking, but his breath smells like a brewery. I close my eyes and gather myself.

  “Stuart, you need to let me out of here. Someone will come looking for me soon, I have clients at the table and my bosses will notice if I’m not there.” Please let him see reason.

  He doesn’t step back as I hoped, “You will listen to me, Lisa. I’m not planning on hurting you, but I want you to myself.” He reaches out and pushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “I miss us. Can you tell me he is really that much better than me?”

  I have to tread lightly with this, Bobby intimidates him. Bobby is not much bigger than Stuart, but the fact that Bobby threatened him last time they saw each other doesn’t help me now. I make myself relax and smile, “Stuart, it isn’t that he’s better than you. It’s just that Bobby and I never really stopped loving each other. Please understand, he’s held my heart since I was sixteen. I’m sorry that I hurt you, I didn’t mean to, but I can’t be with you while I love someone else.” I place my hand on his arm, “Please forgive me, Stuart.”

  “You never really gave us a chance, Lisa,” he pulls me into him and nuzzles my hair, “I waited for you to move here and as soon as you see him, you dump me.” His hands are all over me when they get to my ass he pulls me against his erection, “I deserve another chance and I’m going to get it.” His lips slam down on mine and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I am pushing against his shoulders, trying to put space between us. He holds on tighter, one of his hands moves to my neck and his fingers dig into the bottom of my skull to hold my head in place.

  I’m scared. I never in my wildest dreams thought Stuart could be like this. He was always a good guy, a little on the wimpy side and this aggression surprises me. I have to stop this now, if I don’t I’m not sure how far he will go. His tongue is still assaulting mine so I pull back and bite down hard, at the same time I raise my knee quickly, I don’t get a direct hit with my knee, it glances off his thigh but the intention is clear. He jerks back and I taste blood. “You bitch!” he yells. He is slightly bent, protecting himself from my knee. He brings his hand up to hit me and I stomp down my heel into his instep. This makes him back up off balance so I push his shoulders and he falls against the wall. I lunge at the door and open it before he can grab me. I run back into the party and look around. There is no one here that can keep me safe. No one I trust to keep him away from me.

  What the hell do I do now? I can’t leave yet. I have to be here for at least another hour. I can’t catch my breath. I place my hand on my chest trying to quiet my pounding heart when Allison comes up to me. “What’s wrong?” she whispers, “You’re shaking.”

  Damn, if she’s noticed has anyone else? I grab her hand and lean into her, just not being alone right now is helping. “Stuart cornered me while I was coming back from the bathroom. He dragged me into a back room.” I couldn’t go on. To tell her made it more real and I really need to push it away to get through the next hour.

  “Oh my God, Lisa, are you okay? What do you want me to do?” She squeezes my hand and starts to draw me back into the hallway towards the bathrooms.

  “I can’t go back there,” I tell her. “Stuart is still back there. Can we go outside?” She glances around. “Put a smile on your face and I will get us through here.” I plaster my lips into a smile and keep my eyes straight ahead, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Allison walks at my side. When someone speaks to me she turns. “I need her for one minute and we’ll be right back,” she says. We get out without further interruption.

  The cold December air hits me like a cold shower, but I need it. My body shivers as I draw the air into my lungs and can feel myself centering. I rap my arms around myself to hold off the cold while I reach for my phone. What am I doing? Bobby’s not here, my first instinct is to call him and fall into his arms. Brad is my second thought, but he is on the island at a charity event and it wouldn’t be fair to call him and worry him when he can’t do anything about it. I could call Arthur, but what could he do? Stuart is a client and I have to deal with him. I will need to figure out a way to get through this on my own. I wonder if I speak to his boss if I can get someone else to deal with.

  Allison pushes at me and I turn to her. Alice and Stuart are walking out, he glares at me as Alice walks over. “We’re leaving,” she says then drops down to a whisper, “Lisa, I didn’t know he would do something like this. Please believe me. I am getting him away from here and going to my hotel to lock myself in. I didn’t realize he was crazy.”

  I nod my head to her and look back at Stuart. He still has not stopped killing me with his eyes and I just want to get away from him. “Be careful, Alice,” I say shrinking back into the restaurant. As soon as Allison and I are inside I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s gone and I’m safe. I turn to Allison. “Schedule me a meeting with Simon for right after the new year. I need to make sure I don’t have to work with Stuart again.”

  “Good girl,” Allison says, “That man is seriously bad news. Are you going to mention something to his boss tonight or are you going to wait? I would suggest you mention something so he knows the call is coming to set up the meeting.”

  Can I do that? I will need to get him into a corner so no one overhears us. “I’ll try,” I tell her as we walk back into the party. I spot Simon and his wife, Diane, talking to a few other people. Diane sees me and nudges Simon’s arm. He looks over and they excuse themselves from the group and begin walking towards us. Did Stuart say something before he left? He didn’t say anything outside so I’m not sure if he can talk with his tongue. As they reach us Diane takes my arm and turns me around so we are stepping back into the entryway.

  “Are you okay?” She questions. I’m confused, how does she know something happened?

  “I’m fine,” I say, but I don’t know what else to tell her. My brain is still not fully engaged and I feel like I’m swimming through a bog.

  “I saw Stuart follow you and then when you came out you were noticeably shaken. When he came back right after you he grabbed Alice and left without a word to anyone. Are you sure you’re okay?” She rubs her hand up my arm.

  Simon is listening and watching me. How do you tell your number one client that his employee assaulted you? Is it right to tell him? Wait, I did nothing wrong and if I don’t tell him Stuart could get away with this again. “Stuart cornered me when I was coming out of the bathroom and dragged me back into a storage room. He kissed me and threatened me. I bit his tongue which is probably why he didn’t speak with anyone.” Is that too much info?

  Diane puts
her arm around me as she turns to her husband, “I want him gone, Simon. He is volatile and I won’t have him around the women in our company.”

  Oh shit! I’ve just caused Stuart to lose his job. That’s not what I wanted, but the thought of having to deal with him again causes waves of nausea in my stomach. “Lisa, I am so sorry,” Simon says. “You won’t have to deal with him again. Can I call anyone for you? I don’t think you should be alone right now.” This man is so sweet and I can’t believe he would do this for me. Stuart is his employee, but he is standing by me.

  I shake my head. “I need to stay here for a little while.” “Nonsense,” he says. “You need to take care of you. I will deal with the people in there and let them know that I sent you home after seeing you did not feel well. Don’t worry, no one will question me. Now, I have a car that can take you home if you like.”

  Diane is still hugging me, “Lisa, Simon speaks so highly of you and he just wants to make sure you are alright. Please take him up on it.” “I’ll call my car,” I say. “You don’t have to give me yours. I’m staying in the city tonight so I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, but we’ll stay here with you until he gets here,” he says. “And I want us to talk right after the beginning of the year, we can work out who the new person you need to deal with will be. By then I should have someone to take Stuart’s place.”

  This whole thing about Stuart losing his job scares me a little. I’ll have to talk it over with Bobby and Brad and get their take. Knowing Bobby, he’ll have Arthur stick to me like glue to be sure Stuart doesn’t get to me.

  Wait what am I thinking? Bobby is still away and who knows when or if he is coming home. The ache for him is back with a vengeance. He needs to be here now, I need him. I am starting to shake again and Diane looks at me with a worried look, “Lisa, let’s sit you down so you can make your call and relax. I think your adrenaline is finally leaving and I don’t want you to go into shock.” There is a bench in the entryway which she leads me to and we sit down.