by Jill Prand
John comes in as we sit down. “You two look beautiful,” he says as he hands Jodi a box of roses. “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.”
Jodie beams as she gets up to kiss him. I avert my eyes because no matter how much I hate it, I’m jealous that they get to be together. Yes the green dress was the perfect choice for tonight. I finish my wine, I’m going to need more alcohol to get through this! Jodi and John go into the kitchen cutting off my access to more wine so I take Jodi’s glass and pour it into mine. She doesn’t need it, she has the love of her life, I need to get drunk.
When John goes to their room a few minutes later I take both empty glasses in for a refill. Jodi is still cutting stems which leads me to believe they were making out. I pour more wine into our glasses, filling mine to the top, then place Jodi’s on the counter where she can reach it. “If you’re going to drink all that, you might think about eating something,” she says harshly.
“Nope, I’m good,” I snap back. I know I’m acting like a bitch but it’s keeping the pain at bay for the moment.
“Well, that’s your last glass until we get to the restaurant. That way we won’t have to carry you in.” “Fine,” I snipe and walk back into the living room. Ugh, I should go apologize. I don’t really want to take it out on her. I take another long drink, I just wish this night could be over.
Before I can go back in there’s a knock on the door. I put my glass down and walk over. Brad usually just walks in so I’m surprised when I open the door and he’s standing there. Then I see what he’s holding, the cutest little chocolate lab puppy is licking his face. He holds the puppy out to me, “Happy Valentine’s Day, pretty girl.”
I hug the puppy to me and he starts licking my hands then he pushes himself up to try to get to my chin. I stand looking at Brad who has a huge smile on his face. “Before you say anything,” he starts, “I will pick him up every day while you’re at work. He can stay with me and I will have him back waiting for you when you get home. I have a cage, a bed, dishes and food in the truck and he’s already had all his shots.” He takes a step forward, “I cleared it with Jodi and I asked Arthur to check with the apartment management in the city; you’re allowed to have pets.”
I look down to the squirming ball of fur in my arms and the little shit takes full advantage licking not only my chin, but any part of my face he can reach with that tongue. How can I possibly give him up, I’m already in love with him. I find my first real smile in months when he finds my earlobe. “Thank you, Brad,” I look at him.
We both step into the living room and he puts his hand on my shoulders, “I really missed your smile.” He kisses my forehead, “I’m glad I could help bring it back.”
“So let me see the little rugrat I’ve been hearing about,” Jodi says as she walks toward us. She takes the puppy from me and he kisses her with the same enthusiasm and I find myself laughing at Jodi’s expression of horror. “Well, aren’t you a lover?” She says pulling him away from her face. “So what are you going to name him?” she asks as she hands him back to me.
I hold him like a football so he can’t mess up my makeup anymore. “I think I’ll call him Casanova. What do you think Cas?” His tail is wagging and his paws are pumping so I’d say he likes it.
“It’s perfect, Lisa,” Brad says next to me. “Put him down and let him scope out the place before we leave.” I set Cas down and he runs around the living room smelling everything. When he gets to the hallway he goes straight to my room. Jodi laughed and says, “At least he knows where mommy sleeps.”
I follow him in and he jumps up putting his paws on the side of my bed. I lift him up and he goes straight for my pillow and lays down. Brad comes in with his cage and bed. “I’m going to put his cage in the corner, he’s supposed to sleep in it according to the breeder, but I let him sleep with me last night. He cried when I tried to put him to sleep in the cage.”
“He can sleep with me,” I say as I pet his little body. “Thank you again, Brad. Why is it you always seem to know the perfect gifts for me?”
He sits next to me, “Because I know you, pretty girl, and I love you.” I look at him and see the love in his eyes. He’s not asking for me to love him back right now he’s just showing me his heart. I don’t want to end up crushing it. I hug him so I don’t have to look at him anymore. His arms tighten around me and he drops his head into my neck. “I’ll always love you, Lisa,” he nuzzles against my ear. My body reacts with shivers down my back. It’s been so long since I felt the stirrings of desire, I reach up and run my hand through his hair. He kisses and licks his way down my neck and I don’t want him to stop, it feels so good. His kisses get bolder trailing up to my jaw on his way to my mouth. He licks at the corner and I open for him. Our tongues dance together and I feel my nipples getting hard as he pulls us chest to chest. It’s been so long that my body is ready to explode from just his kiss. He whispers my name as he moves back to my neck. I throw my head back to give him better access and my eyes fall on the picture of Bobby.
Suddenly this is wrong. I push Brad away and see the confusion and hurt in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Brad,” I palm his cheek, “I’m just not ready yet.” It’s both the truth and a lie. I’m not ready to let him into my heart, but my body is so ready to let him in that my panties are damp.
Brad puts his hand over mine and turns his head to kiss my palm, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Lisa. I should apologize for pushing you, but it’s so hard for me to keep my hands away from you. I want you, Lisa, but you set the pace.” He smirks, “I just like knowing I can still affect you.”
I smile a real smile, “You do, Brad, and I just need to let my heart catch up to my body. I don’t want to hurt you, and if we take this further now, I will. My body craves what you can give me, but it would be just sex right now.”
Nodding his understanding, “Alright pretty girl, I’ll wait but you make it so damn hard,” he grins mischievously and I laugh at his double entendre. “Let’s put Casanova in his cage and get out of here,” he looks at his watch, “Our reservation is for six thirty so we need to leave soon.”
I pick Cas up from my pillow and place him in his cage. He whimpers at me when I shut the door. “It’s only for a couple of hours, Cas, then I’ll let you sleep with me for the rest of the night.”
“Lucky guy,” I hear Brad murmur behind me. I throw him a look on my way to the bathroom.
“Just let me freshen up, between you and Cas I probably look a mess,” I re-apply my lip gloss.
“You’re always beautiful,” Brad calls out as he walks back to the living room. I feel lighter, like I’ve taken a huge step forward. I’m not ready to move on yet, but maybe I can stop living in the past. Yes, when I looked at Bobby’s picture I felt guilty, but it wasn’t the same wrenching pain that’s been plaguing me. If I take it one step at a time with Brad maybe we can have a future.
Dinner wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I sat with my back to the rest of the room so I didn’t have to witness the PDA’s of the other couples. The only bad time was when a man got down on one knee and proposed. Both Brad and Jodi grabbed my hands and I only shed a few tears. I didn’t let it throw me back into the darkness though. I just hope I can get through the night without dreaming it was Bobby and me.
We decide to forgo dessert at the restaurant and stop at Carvel instead. I’m still enjoying my double scoop marble crunch cone as we walk back into the house. Cas greets us with a few small yips and I run in to let him out of his cage. Brad follows and scoops him up, “You have to take him outside fast or he’ll pee on the floor,” he says while striding to the back door. I hurry behind him and watch Cas start exploring the yard. “Good thing the yard is fenced, you can just let him out here and not worry about him wandering. He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of the leash yet.”
Once we’re back inside I set up Cas’s bowls with water and dry food in the kitchen. I will have to buy a mat to put under them tomorrow. We all settle in the living room and Cas lays
between Brad and I as we watch a crime scene drama on TV. Jodi and John excuse themselves when the show is done. Looks like I’ll be staying up a while longer so I don’t hear their escapades. It never bothered me before, but now it’s just a reminder that Bobby is gone.
I’m glad Brad stays because I really don’t want to be alone. I’m not ready to face another dream about Bobby. I’ve only had a handful of nights where I slept without a dream. Sometimes I wish I could go into the dreams and ask Bobby to leave me alone because it’s just too painful to wake up to the realization he’s never coming home. There are other nights that the dreams comfort me just being in his arms again makes me feel safe and warm. Those are the nights I sleep the best.
Brad and I take Cas out one more time before he leaves. Cas is really sweet and doesn’t wander too far from the light over the door which is good because he blends into the shadows. I walk Brad out to his truck holding Cas in my arms, “Thank you again, Brad, he’s just what I needed.”
Brad hugs me as Cas wiggles between us, “I love you, Lisa. Just remember that I’ll take this as slow as you want, but I plan on us being together.” I let him kiss me, but when the kiss starts to get passionate I pull away.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I say as I pull away from his arms.
“Sleep well, you two, and don’t forget to let him out as soon as you get up,” he reminds me as he gets into his truck. I watch him back out of the driveway then turn back into the house, “So Cas, are you ready for bed? I warn you now I will not share my pillow so don’t be getting any ideas.” I put him down as I close my door and he follows me into the bathroom. It’s a little strange having him watch me, but I would feel bad shutting him out. After I finish my nightly routine we get into bed. Cas burrows his way under the covers and presses his body next to mine. It takes no time at all for me to fall asleep. The dream this night is Bobby down on his knee, but he’s not asking me to marry him instead he asks me to wait.
Brad
I’m on my way to drop Cas off and pick up Lisa. We’ve been seeing each other almost every day for the last three weeks. I can see her healing each day and I’m confident that we'll be together soon. I asked her to go out with me tonight and I’m hoping we’ll do more than the chaste kisses that have become a habit at the end of the night. I cut off working on her house early tonight to make her dinner at mine. I’m hoping getting her away from anything that could remind her of Bobby will further our intimacy.
I’ve told John of my plans and asked that he and Jodi watch Cas for the night. He’s totally house-trained now and will stand at the backdoor when he needs to go out. To Lisa’s disappointment, Cas still hates being on a leash. She keeps saying she’s going to sign him up for obedience training so she can take him into the city. Cas has limited her time staying at Bobby’s place and I hope he continues to revolt against being walked like a normal dog.
Lisa’s house should be ready in a little over a week. I’m amazed with how fast I’ve been able to remodel it. I’m just waiting for the new kitchen floor to be installed and then all I have left to do is paint. I can’t wait to show it to her, I want more than anything for it to be our place together, but I know that would be pushing it at this stage. Maybe tonight I can make headway into bringing that dream to fulfillment.
Cas starts barking and jumping on the seat as soon as he sees the house. While I know Cas likes to spend time with me, Lisa is the one he always wants to be with. He follows her around when they are together, never letting her out of his sight. I’ve heard her yell at him when she’s in the bathroom and I think it’s hysterical.
I open my door and Cas jumps out before I can catch him. One of these days he’s going to break a leg with that move and I’ll be the one to take the heat. Cas’s barking draws Jodi to the door and she lets him in, yelling at him not to scratch her door. Cas just brushes up against her as he rushes into the house in search of Lisa. Jodi looks accusingly at me, “Can’t you hold him and teach him some manners?”
“Not when he’s looking for Lisa, you know that.” I shrug, “He’ll settle down as soon as he gets next to her.” I hate to see what happens when Lisa goes to her conference next week in Tampa. Four days without her will drive Cas crazy. I hug Jodi as I walk in. “Thanks for watching him tonight,” I grin.
“No problem,” she smacks my arm, “I hope everything goes the way you want it to.” I know she’s not convinced that Lisa is ready for more in our relationship, but I have to try. My hand is rubbing me raw from trying to keep up with my desire for her. I need to be inside my girl.
Lisa is on the floor of the living room letting Cas climb all over her and shower her with kisses. She turns him and holds him like a baby tickling his stomach and she’s laughing. She’s laughing. Not the half laugh that I’ve heard for the last three months, this is a real heartfelt laugh. The sound goes straight to my heart, well...with a stop along the way to get my dick hard. This is the Lisa I’ve been waiting to come back to us. Now if only she could react that way with me, too, I’d be a happy man. I can only stand here, I don’t want to interrupt, but at the same time the urge to take her in my arms is overwhelming. I want to kiss her until she smiles at me with the same abandon. Jodi stands right next to me and places her hand on my arm, “Thank you Brad. Two months ago I didn’t think she’d ever laugh like that again.”
We’ve all been worried about Lisa’s mental state. Her mom was even talking about psychiatric help, but now watching her with Cas I know she’s going to be alright. The light is back in her eyes. She looks up and her light doesn’t dim when she sees me like it has in the past. I cannot control the urge to go to her. I sit down and put both my hands on her face, “I missed you, pretty girl,” I say as my mouth captures hers. This is not one of the soft kisses we’ve been sharing for weeks. No this kiss is meant to stake a claim. I push my tongue into her mouth and explore the taste of her. Lisa releases Cas and grabs my hair tugging it back. I start to pull away thinking I’m being too rough, but then she scrapes her teeth along my tongue and sucks it back into her mouth. The move causes my cock to jerk and I can’t hold back the moan. I give over control of the kiss to her. The small sounds she makes in the back of her throat send shocks vibrating through my whole body straight to my balls. If this keeps up I’m going to be coming in my jeans. I need to get her to my house, I need to lick her breasts and make her come with my fingers and tongue before ramming into her with my swollen dripping cock over and over.
Cas starts to jump on us trying to get our attention. I pull back needing to see her eyes. She opens them and I see the desire before hesitation makes its way in. I’m not going to let it take hold. “Let’s go, pretty girl.” I stand and hold out my hand for her. “We’re leaving.” I pull her up when she takes my hand, making sure to press her against my body so she can feel how much I want her. “We’re going to my house,” I whisper in her ear, “I’m going to feed you, but food is not the only thing on the menu tonight.” Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t protest. Cas is jumping up against our legs and Lisa looks down. “Don’t worry about him, Jodi and John have agreed to look after him tonight. All night.”
I see just a hint of a smile as she reaches down to Cas. “You be a good boy for Aunt Jodi and Uncle John. Mommy will be home tomorrow morning.” Yes! This woman will be mine tonight! I waste no time dragging her to the closet for her coat.
Jodi laughs. “Have a good time,” she teases as she watches me tug Lisa through the door.
Lisa smiles as I yank open the door to my truck. “Anxious much?” I run the back of my fingers along her cheek. “You have no idea, pretty girl.” I help her into the seat and close the door. I breathe in deeply to try and get myself under control so as not to attack her when I sit next to her. I slide into my seat and start the truck. The tension is thick and Lisa is staring out the window not engaging me at all. Am I pushing her too fast? “Hey, you do realize that I love you right?” I grab her hand and bring it to my mouth. “If you want to stop at any time
we will.”
She squeezes my hand. “I want this, Brad, I really do but I’m nervous.” I start to tell her everything will be fine, but she continues, “This is not just sex for us, but I’m not ready for forever either. I need to be totally honest with you. I still dream about Bobby, every night. If he were alive I would choose him. The night before we found out he was gone, when I came home from the Christmas party all I wanted were his arms around me. I had made the decision that night that I would tell you we would have to go back to being friends. Bobby was my soul mate and I don’t know if I’ll ever be totally over him, but right now I’m choosing to be with you. You have to decide if that’s enough for you.”
I know I should say something. I should reassure her that I love her and it doesn’t matter, but it does. To hear her say she was going to choose Bobby is like a knife through my heart. I never really had a chance. It was an illusion thinking she would choose me.
Lisa starts to stare out the window again. I have to be honest with her, just like she was with me. “Lisa, I can’t say that knowing you would have chosen Bobby doesn’t hurt. It’s shredding my heart, but he’s not here. I am. I’ll always be here because I can’t imagine my life without you. I get that he will always have a piece of your heart. I don’t like it, but there’s not much I can do to change it. What I can hope is that in time the piece of your heart reserved for me will grow until it eclipses his.” I reach for her hand again, “It’s okay that you’re not ready to commit to me. I have time, but I’m going to do everything in my power to show you how good we can be together.” I just have to remember he’s not coming back. He’s a ghost that will fade eventually.
“I don’t deserve you, Brad. You need someone who can give you her whole heart, and that will never be me.” Tears are streaming down her face. We are only blocks away from my house, but I pull over and take her face in my hands.