Spinning Forward

by Terri DuLong

  I placed a cup of coffee on Saren’s place mat, while touching his shoulder. “How are you doing, Saren? How’re you doing with Sybile’s illness?”

  “Aw, I’m alright,” he replied, his eyes misting. “I guess I’ve come to terms with the fact that Sybile will be leaving us. I’ll miss her, ya know? It’ll just seem real strange not to have Sybile on this earth anymore. I guess ya could say she’s always been a part of my life—and pretty soon, that part will be gone.”

  “Well, I’m here for you, Saren,” I said, squeezing his shoulder. “If you ever need to talk to somebody—now or after—I’m here for you.”

  A smile crossed the man’s face. “And I sure do appreciate that, Miss Sydney. I surely do.”

  “And now it’s time to try out this family cheesecake,” Monica said, bringing the plates to the table.

  Taking a bite, Saren nodded. “Yup, you’ve got this recipe down to perfection. This is just the way Sybile’s mama used to make it.” Placing his fork on the dish, he leaned across the table to stare at Monica. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but Lord above, you’re a mirror image of Sybile when she was your age.”

  Monica laughed. “I take that as a compliment.”

  “You have her eyes, Miss Sydney, and you sure do resemble her—but your daughter, I do believe she scooped up every last gene that Sybile had.”

  I joined Monica’s laughter. “Yeah, I see it too. Those genes really are amazing. The way they keep getting passed on through all the generations.”

  He continued to stare at Monica a few more moments, then shook his head. “Sybile sure can be proud of you two girls.”

  I glanced at my daughter. Monica smiled, sending me a wink.

  “Gawd, Syd, we’re only spending the night on the beach. Not a week. What the hell have you got there?” Alison pointed to the two tote bags and basket that I’d lugged downstairs and was ready to load onto the golf cart.

  “Well, I thought it might be nice to bring a CD player with some appropriate music. And Monica said to bring a notebook where we wrote our thoughts to read to the group. I have sweaters and stuff in case it gets cool during the night.” Peeking into the larger bag, I said, “And my sleeping bag. I’m not sleeping on the sand—I’m not that earthy.”

  Alison shook her head and laughed. “Okay, let’s get this show on the road. Is Saren taking Sybile down?”

  “Yeah, he wanted to be able to help her and make sure she has everything. Monica’s already at the beach and Dora and Marin are on their way.”

  “Come on, guys,” Alison said, calling to Lilly and Winston to jump in the back of the golf cart. “With all your stuff, I might have to make another trip.”

  “There’s plenty of room,” I told her, sitting on the passenger side, wedged in between tote bags and baskets of food.

  “Oh, damn, I nearly forgot,” Alison said, jumping out of the golf cart. “I’ll be right back.”

  She returned a few moments later carrying a large, beautiful bouquet of flowers. Calla lilies, yellow roses, and baby’s breath tied with a white satin ribbon.

  “Ooooh, gorgeous,” I said. “Nice touch to bring flowers.”

  “Yeah, except they’re yours.” Alison passed them to me.

  “Mine?”

  “Yup.” Alison reached into the pocket of her skirt and passed me a small white envelope.

  I laid the flowers in my lap and removed a gift card, which read:

  Develop your female spirit this evening. I’ll be thinking of you. Allow your soul to soar and discover your inner self. Love, Noah

  With shaking hands, I replaced the card in the envelope and inhaled the fragrance of the flowers.

  “From Noah, right?” Ali questioned.

  “Yes,” was all that I replied.

  Approaching City Park and the beach along First Street, I could see Monica on the sand accompanied by Dora and Marin.

  Marin and Monica came running as Ali pulled the golf cart into a spot. “We’ll help you unload,” Monica said, eyeing the flowers in my hands. “Nice,” she said, with raised eyebrows.

  Ignoring the unasked question, I gathered up some stuff and walked toward the beach. “Come on, Lilly,” I called behind me. “This is our bedroom for tonight.”

  “Isn’t this fun?” Dora said. “I think we’ll be okay here on the sand when the tide comes in later.”

  “Perfect.” I smiled at Dora’s excitement. Removing cookies, bags of chips, and assorted snacks I placed them on the table Dora had set up on the sand while my mind raced with thoughts of Noah. No word from him in two months and then he sends the flowers with that note. So what was that supposed to mean? Did it mean we were at least still friends? Was just being friends all I really wanted? My thoughts were interrupted as I heard Sybile’s raspy voice calling across the beach. Turning, I saw Saren escorting Sybile by the arm, a huge smile on his face.

  “Let the official blue-moon gathering of the females begin,” Sybile said. “I’m here.”

  “I’ll go get Sybile’s things from the car. Now you sit yourself down and I’ll be right back,” Saren instructed her.

  Monica laughed. “I’ll help you.”

  “Well, don’t we all look as eccentric as I always am,” Sybile replied, glancing around at the rest of us.

  Alison’s cotton paisley skirt fell to her ankles. Her loose-fitting sheer blouse covered a bright orange tank top. Barefoot, with her customary braid flowing loose around her shoulders, she was a replica from the sixties.

  My skirt was silk and fell in points skimming my calf area. My blue silk blouse was tied beneath the bust, exposing my midriff.

  Dora and Marin wore brightly colored floral sundresses and each sported a straw picture hat, while Monica’s outfit consisted of a sleeveless, long dress of bleached muslin.

  Sybile looked down at her own multi-colored caftan and adjusted the matching turban covering her head. “Seems to me you gals have finally adopted my flair for fashion,” she said, settling herself in the chaise lounge that Saren had produced. “Okay, now be off with you,” she instructed him, while waving a hand in the air. “This here gathering is strictly for females.”

  Leaning down, Saren kissed her cheek. “You enjoy yourself, Sybile, and you have your cell phone, right? In case you need to call me during the night?”

  “Oh, for goodness sake, stop fussin’ over me. I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  Nodding to us, Saren returned to the car.

  “Okay, so what’re we doing first?” Dora asked.

  “A nice, cold drink for everyone,” Monica said, as she began pouring sweet tea into glasses.

  We’d arranged our chairs and lounges into a circle on the sand. After I had passed out the drinks, I turned on the CD player. The lyrics of Enya’s “Only Time” filled the air as each of us sat gazing at the water with the setting sun beyond.

  When the song finished, Ali said, “Let’s all hold hands and breathe and feel as one. Focus on an image and state what you want to release from your life. What would you like to draw in or have more of?” With eyes closed, she reached for my hand and Sybile’s hand. Taking a deep breath, she said softly, “I want to release doubt and take in joy.”

  After a few moments, Sybile replied, “I want to release my earthly life and take in whatever is to come next.”

  Dora paused for a few moments. “I want to release sorrow and take in acceptance.”

  Marin followed with, “I want to release conflict and take in serenity.”

  Monica said, “I want to release impatience and take in calm.”

  I felt the squeeze of my daughter’s hand, indicating it was my turn. Inhaling deeply and blowing it out, I said, “I want to release fear and take in understanding.”

  We continued to sit for a few minutes, hands clasped, eyes closed, until Alison’s voice broke the silence.

  “This completes our energy exchange. Repeat with me—and so it is.”

  “And so it is,” six voices cho
rused in unison.

  Picking up her flute, Alison said, “Let your minds drift. Allow yourself to go deep within and seek that for which you’re searching. Allow the energy of our group to flow over you with love and acceptance. Allow your female spirit to emerge and guide you.”

  I closed my eyes and allowed the soothing melody from the flute to wash over me. Noah’s face came into my mind. Encircled by the serenity of the group, I was able to admit that I’d been unreasonable to him. Pushing the thought aside, I inhaled deeply and forced myself to concentrate on my senses. Wiggling my toes, I felt the warm sand touch my skin. The scent of salt water filled my nostrils, while the screech of a gull could be heard in the distance.

  “I have a candle for each of you,” I heard Ali say, and opened my eyes to take one from Monica. Looking around at the other women, I saw their faces reflected the same calmness I was feeling.

  “As you light your candle,” Ali instructed, “allow yourself to let go of whatever might be holding you back. Allow your energy to merge with all of us in a ritual of healing and power.”

  Each woman took the matches to light their candle and six flickering flames filled the approaching darkness on the beach.

  After a few minutes, Ali said, “As you blow out your candle, also blow out all that holds you back from being your authentic self. That self that your soul brought forth to earth.”

  When the candles were extinguished, the only light filtering onto the beach came from the lampposts in the park, creating a misty glow.

  “Now would be a good time for you to play your guitar, Marin,” Ali said, as she got up and stretched.

  I heard the strains of the old Bob Seger song “Against the Wind” coming forth from Marin’s guitar. Surprised by the woman’s musical ability, I was even more surprised to hear Marin’s splendid voice singing the lyrics. Glancing toward the water, I saw Ali walking along the shore, her feet creating splashes, her arms dipping and raising. One by one, the rest of us joined her.

  Monica reached down for my hand, pulling me up. I, in turn, reached for Sybile’s hand and the three of us followed behind the group, hands clasped, kicking our bare feet along the incoming tide.

  Walking along the length of the beach, I watched Ali as her arms floated in the air, dipping this way and that like butterfly wings. Squeezing my mother’s and daughter’s hand, a sense of freedom and peace filled me. Was this the energy that Ali had promised? Was this exhilaration caused from the women in my presence? And was this visceral transformation what Ali and Sybile had called the female spirit?

  36

  By 10:00 the full moon was casting a bright glow on the beach. Satiated with food, each woman was sipping a glass of wine. We had danced, had laughed, and had exchanged stories.

  I had especially enjoyed hearing the tales that Sybile and Dora had shared. Funny anecdotes about their years growing up on the island. Then Marin had told of island myths and legends, like the ghost at Shell Mound—a woman in white who could be seen wandering the beach area late at night.

  Silence now descended on the group. I glanced over at Sybile and realized that the woman I was seeing tonight was bearing a strong resemblance to the Sybile that Saren must have known when they were young. She’d laughed a lot and that arrogant edge was missing. Sybile seemed to delight in all that the evening was providing. I recalled what Saren had said the evening before and for the first time, I wondered what it would be like when Sybile was no longer with us.

  “Okay,” I heard Alison say. “Let’s read what we wrote to share with the group. I have a large battery lantern here and I think it’ll give us enough light. Who’s going first?”

  Marin volunteered. “May the moments we’ve created together always linger within us.”

  “For me,” Dora said, “the significance of two full moons symbolize two sisters…separate, yet each shining brightly.” Glancing over at Sybile, she smiled.

  “Me next,” Monica said. “Life should be like a glass of champagne…bubbling with shared moments, lively spirit, and lots of sparkle.”

  “Hear, hear.” Alison raised her wineglass. “I’ve chosen something from Louisa May Alcott. ‘Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead.’” She stared directly at me and smiled. “You’re next, my friend. We’ll save Sybile for last.”

  I reached for the lantern that Alison passed to me. Clearing my throat, I said, “Stitches of a knitting pattern are joined in such a way that they produce a finished product. Much like all of you have crossed my path, enabled me to grow and, most important…allowed me to thrive.”

  I felt the squeeze of my mother’s hand.

  “And thrive you did,” I heard her say.

  “And now, the gauntlet has been passed to me. My choice is a poem by an anonymous author.” Taking a sip of her wine, she then began reading. “When I come to the end of the road. And the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little—but not too long. And not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared, miss me—but let me go. For this is a journey that we all must take. And each must go alone. It’s all part of the Master’s plan, a step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds. Miss me—But let me go.”

  Taking a deep breath, she looked across at Dora. With tears in her eyes, her sister nodded in understanding.

  Monica got up to give Sybile a hug. “That was beautiful, Billie. We’ll all try to remember that.”

  “Okay, enough with this,” Sybile said, getting up from her chair. “Come on, Marin, play us some mountain music that we can dance to.”

  As Marin began the first few chords of a lively song, Sybile reached for my hand. “Come on, girl. Let your mama show ya how us island girls kick up our feet.”

  Laughing, I joined Sybile in a two-step. A few minutes later all six women were dancing on the sand. As the song came to an end, Sybile was having difficulty breathing.

  “Are you alright?” I asked with concern, leading Sybile back to her chair. “Here,” I said, reaching for the inhaler. “Take a few puffs and no more kicking up your feet for you.”

  After inhaling the medicine, Sybile’s breathing slowed down. “Damn, I used to love to dance, didn’t I, Dora?”

  Dora smiled. “Yeah, they called you the best dang dancer in Levy County.”

  Sybile nodded her head emphatically. “Those were the days,” she replied, wistfulness coloring her words.

  “Well, will you look at that moon,” Alison cried, pointing to a large orange orb above the water. “We have our blue moon, girls. It doesn’t get any better than that, so soak in all that energy the moon’s sending down on us.”

  “It sure is gorgeous and I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m getting a mite tired,” Dora said, spreading open her sleeping bag.

  “If it wouldn’t bother the rest of you, I’d like to just sit here and pluck away at some tunes,” Marin told us, settling into her chair.

  Monica joined Dora and arranged her sleeping bag. “I can’t think of anything nicer to fall asleep to. With the moon up there and the water lapping at the shore, you’ll probably hear me snoring within five minutes.”

  Alison laughed. “Not if I beat you first. Now remember, guys,” she said, settling into her sleeping bag, “It’ll be light around six, but if everyone is awake earlier we can pack up then and head home.”

  Sybile shifted on her chaise lounge and pulled a blanket around her. “Well, it’s only midnight and I’m a night owl, so if y’all don’t mind, I’m going to have myself another glass of wine and just soak in all this so-called energy.”

  I jumped up to refill the wine glass. “And I think I’ll join you,” I said. Passing the glass to Sybile, I got one for myself, then settled into my sleeping bag.

  Both of us remained silent sta
ring out at the reflection the moon created on the water. After a few minutes, Sybile said, “Sure is pretty, isn’t it?”

  I nodded. “Almost magical.”

  “Ah, but it is magical. Everything about this night has been magical.”

  “You’ve enjoyed it, haven’t you?”

  Sybile took a slow sip of wine. “More than you can imagine.”

  The soft sounds of Marin’s music floated around us. I stared up at the silver spots that dotted the sky. “Where do you think we go when we leave earth?” I asked, softly.

  “I don’t rightly know, but my guess is—we go back out there. Into the Universe.”

  I glanced sharply at my mother. “I had no idea you thought that.”

  Sybile sighed. “There’s a lot you still don’t know about me, I guess. And we’re running out of time. So what else would you like to know?”

  “Who my father is.”

  “We’ve been through this before.”

  “And you just asked me what I’d like to know. That’s what I’d like to know.”

  “Would it change anything? It wouldn’t change one single thing about your life thus far, now would it?”

  I knew the woman was right and remained silent.

  “Those flowers you have over there,” Sybile said. “They’re from Noah, aren’t they?”

  I still didn’t speak.

  “Sure they are and you’re too damn stubborn to acknowledge them.” Taking a sip of wine, she shook her head. “I’ve told ya this before. Don’t be like me, girl. Don’t go throwing away what might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Noah’s a good man. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up a crotchety old woman like I am. Alone and mean.”

  I nibbled on my lower lip. “I’m scared. I’m scared of being hurt again.”